Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
konmai said:how do you guys handle it? i'm close to not even having an ego left.
konmai said:how do you guys handle it? i'm close to not even having an ego left.
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
I agree.VladPatton said:You blow it off, reset yourself, and go again. However, make sure you're not setting YOURSELF up for these rejections. You can't complain about losing a paintball tournament if you go there with a slingshot and the other guys have mad fast guns.
Funny you say that as I experience the exact same thing. I've come to believe that it all comes down to their perception of you. Once someone has made up their mind about you, there's little you can do to change it. It becomes their reality whether it's actually true or not. When you're smaller/thinner and quiet, you're insecure and shy, but if you're bigger/taller you're the strong silent confident type. People will always make up their own "truths".konmai said:also, what i find baffling is other dudes can be quiet, and no one really says anything about it. but when i'm quiet, all eyes on me. people make a big deal out of it. not sure what that's about.
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.