I feel in my heart I need kids and now I can afford them. But having kids has always been a fear of mine my whole life, scared to mess it up, such a big decision, I’ve seen and lived **** childhoods, just typing this is giving anxiety. I never feel good enough or sane/stable enough to be a father, but I don’t do drugs I drink less and I’m staying home/working all the time. So surely I have nothing to fear? People make having kids look easy, even poor people, I must be able to handle it.So if you want kids then what's the problem? You initially stated you didn't.
Look man...people get this idea that there will be this perfect time in their life for various things to happen. Guess what? There never will be. Life doesn't work like that. There will always be something that comes up that makes the time less than perfect.