I don't have the resilience for this anymore

[Oatmeal31]

I've moved to from Gainesville, FL to Chicago, IL January of this year.

I cold approached intermittently throughout last year in Florida and since moving to Chicago, I've been very active and have continued to cold approach, but much moreso. The difference between the reactions I get in both places are night and day. In central FL, 95% of the responses I got from approaches were positive. They felt like win- win interactions, even if I walked away with nothing.

In Chicago, it's flipped.
A lot are negative in that they pretend they didn't hear and ignore you, look digusted, or look at you and walk away. They act this way if you even just try asking for directions. Wtf? Some are positive and gracious, similar responses to girls from FL. This is the most antisocial place I've been to in America. If you strike up conversation here, people look at you weird.

Instead of what feels like a win-win interaction, it felt like a win-lose interaction where the girl gets an ego boost and gets off on being rude in return.


Because of this, I adjusted my approach to be more indirect and only compliment a girl when I sense that she won't be a b!tch.

I also went from closing too quickly, to attempting to have more conversations and building rapport. My success in getting phone numbers went way up, and interactions were more enjoyable, less cookie cutter and boring.

But I still often get blown off. Lately, I often get blown off before I get even get to having conversation.

I feel like woman deterrent out here despite having better game than before. My confidence is waning very quickly because this happens so often, and I hate to say it but it's affecting my mental health. I've had no success since moving here and put in a lot of effort.

I took a break for 10 days, went back into it for a couple days (a bit rusty) and went through the same thing again. It's turning me bitter and forming a negative feedback loop, only making things worse.
I know I can do better, and there's always room for improvement but I was getting much better results in Florida with worse game. What's the deal?

I hate this. I hate that I'm on a seduction forum asking for advice. Why is this so difficult? Before I got into this whole thing, I thought it'd be as easy as going up and asking a girl out, I just didn't have the balls. Well, since then I got the balls and that wasn't enough. Then I went through trial and error, improved, and that wasn't enough. Why?

I'm just frustrated. I could take an even longer break but that'd probably make me even more rusty. And I'm also worried that since I'm 26, I'd age out of this and things would get even harder. If I took breaks more often, time would fly by.

I know some of you have seen me post here before. I assure you I'm not here for pity. I'm just lost at this point. Moving here felt like a mistake. I used to be able to push forward without issue because most of my interactions were positive and it was fuel. But now I'm getting mortal kombat fatalitied every other interaction lol

I just want to see how some of you who have dealt with something similar overcome this.

Not lying, it's the most challenging thing I've done even considering other things I've accomplished in life. I like challenge and this used to feel exciting but perpetual failure..I'm about giving up now.

Breaks. Do you take them? How often and how long? And should I just ditch cold approach for now?

 

[SW15]

And should I just ditch cold approach for now?

Approaching strangers for sexual/romantic relationship purposes in a big city is going to be difficult for most men.

I can tell that your looks are not top tier based on your outcomes and your treatment from women.

Remember, Gen Y/Millennial women and Gen Z women have ultra high standards due to the abundance they've becoming accustomed to.

At your age, it's mostly Gen Z women you're approaching. I'm an early Millennial so the majority of my interactions have been with Millennial women.

You do need to step back for a moment and re-assess.

I'm also worried that since I'm 26, I'd age out of this and things would get even harder. If I took breaks more often, time would fly by.

Age 26 is a great spot. You're slightly older than prime aged 20-25 year olds.

I'm 41. Try dating women near my age without using swipe apps. It can be challenging to find 33-40 year old women out in the wild.

Not to mention that 33-40 year old women have more baggage.

Chicago

Chicago in the middle of the winter doesn't sound like a good idea for pickup.

Gainesville is a decent college town. You were likely part of the Gainesville/University of Florida college scene.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Height?
What would you rate your looks from a woman's perspective?
What are your hobbies and interests?
Where are you approaching women at?

 

[zekko]

Generally speaking, people are friendlier in the south than the north. Chicago has never been a favorite city of mine.

 

[DomoSmoove]

Aye bro I live in chicago suburbs as a beginner practicing my day game approaches. You gotta have tough skin in this area although it could be that you’re seeking proof to confirm your mental bias. Even as a beginner girls allow me to pitch my game before they decide to reject me. Maybe 1 or 2 approaches out of ten attempt may walk by me as if I didn’t just try to get their attention

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I've moved to from Gainesville, FL to Chicago, IL January of this year.

I cold approached intermittently throughout last year in Florida and since moving to Chicago, I've been very active and have continued to cold approach, but much moreso. The difference between the reactions I get in both places are night and day. In central FL, 95% of the responses I got from approaches were positive. They felt like win- win interactions, even if I walked away with nothing.

In Chicago, it's flipped.
A lot are negative in that they pretend they didn't hear and ignore you, look digusted, or look at you and walk away. They act this way if you even just try asking for directions. Wtf? Some are positive and gracious, similar responses to girls from FL. This is the most antisocial place I've been to in America. If you strike up conversation here, people look at you weird.

Instead of what feels like a win-win interaction, it felt like a win-lose interaction where the girl gets an ego boost and gets off on being rude in return.


Because of this, I adjusted my approach to be more indirect and only compliment a girl when I sense that she won't be a b!tch.

I also went from closing too quickly, to attempting to have more conversations and building rapport. My success in getting phone numbers went way up, and interactions were more enjoyable, less cookie cutter and boring.

But I still often get blown off. Lately, I often get blown off before I get even get to having conversation.

I feel like woman deterrent out here despite having better game than before. My confidence is waning very quickly because this happens so often, and I hate to say it but it's affecting my mental health. I've had no success since moving here and put in a lot of effort.

I took a break for 10 days, went back into it for a couple days (a bit rusty) and went through the same thing again. It's turning me bitter and forming a negative feedback loop, only making things worse.
I know I can do better, and there's always room for improvement but I was getting much better results in Florida with worse game. What's the deal?

I hate this. I hate that I'm on a seduction forum asking for advice. Why is this so difficult? Before I got into this whole thing, I thought it'd be as easy as going up and asking a girl out, I just didn't have the balls. Well, since then I got the balls and that wasn't enough. Then I went through trial and error, improved, and that wasn't enough. Why?

I'm just frustrated. I could take an even longer break but that'd probably make me even more rusty. And I'm also worried that since I'm 26, I'd age out of this and things would get even harder. If I took breaks more often, time would fly by.

I know some of you have seen me post here before. I assure you I'm not here for pity. I'm just lost at this point. Moving here felt like a mistake. I used to be able to push forward without issue because most of my interactions were positive and it was fuel. But now I'm getting mortal kombat fatalitied every other interaction lol

I just want to see how some of you who have dealt with something similar overcome this.

Not lying, it's the most challenging thing I've done even considering other things I've accomplished in life. I like challenge and this used to feel exciting but perpetual failure..I'm about giving up now.

Breaks. Do you take them? How often and how long? And should I just ditch cold approach for now?

Welcome to Cold Approach: Where Rejection is Inevitable.

Mannn stop biitching!!

Everyone can/will get rejected...you ain't special.

Rejection is all part of the program, and If you ain't getting rejected, then you're not playing the game.

This shiit is like the stock market...you will have ups and downs...highs and lows.

As of now, you are having some lows...so what?

Keep playing. Don't give up.

No one saying that rejection doesn't sting..of course it does...but it isn't something you should fear...it is something you should accept, and embrace.

By even having the balls to approach women, you've already separated yourself from the cowards on here (and out in the real world).

Again, don't give up...keep on trucking.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I grew up at the opposite end of the state. A family friend's wife had the strong she-KAH-go accent. For a long time as a kid, I thought she talked that way because she had been hit in the head and had brain trauma.

 

[Oatmeal31]

Aye bro I live in chicago suburbs as a beginner practicing my day game approaches. You gotta have tough skin in this area although it could be that you’re seeking proof to confirm your mental bias. Even as a beginner girls allow me to pitch my game before they decide to reject me. Maybe 1 or 2 approaches out of ten attempt may walk by me as if I didn’t just try to get their attention

Most people in the suburbs are MUCH nicer than those in the city in my experience. I've done game downtown, and a bit in multiple city neighborhoods like River North, Old Town, West Loop and some stores in between. Some neighborhoods aren't as bad as others, but downtown especially is brutal

 

[Clockwerk50]

When was the last time you got laid? What are your hobbies to decompress? How is your social and family life outside of these approaches?


It's probably hard to stay consistent with these approaches if you don't have other fulfilling activities in your life. Since you're in a new city, building a solid social circle and foundation is crucial. Competing with locals for their women will be much harder if you're isolated as a newcomer.

Just a thought and an assumption.

 

[Oatmeal31]

When was the last time you got laid? What are your hobbies to decompress? How is your social and family life outside of these approaches?


It's probably hard to stay consistent with these approaches if you don't have other fulfilling activities in your life. Since you're in a new city, building a solid social circle and foundation is crucial. Competing with locals for their women will be much harder if you're isolated as a newcomer.

Just a thought and an assumption.

I'll give context because **** it. If you care to read

It's been a minute. I used to box, ride my motorcycle, work on my cars a ton, and briefly play games to wind down especially if I was stressed. I don't have family and my social circle right now consists of a dude I met at a bar I frequent from time to time.
Before I moved here, I sold my motorcycle, I haven't the extra time/money for a boxing gym at atm, I no longer have a garage to work on my car, and since I'm staying in an airBNB I haven't got things set up like my power rack, weights, pleasures etc. so haven't been working out like I used to

When I got here, I got hired within the first few days as a server at a restaurant that was soft opening.
Shortly after the official opening, 90% of the staff was rug pulled, laid off from work, including me. So I was left without I job. I spent the next few weeks applying to hundreds of jobs, dropping off resumes in-person, doing anything I could. I was in a bad spot mentally because hiring is pretty cutthroat out here in Jan-Feb, and I was getting rejected by girls in my spare time on top of that. But I just kept going.

Eventually got lucky after someone graciously reached out and now I have another job at a well established restaurant as a server. I should be happy right? By the time I got this job my mind was in the gutter, and it still is.

Before I got here I had a number in mind of how many approaches I wanted to do, so ever since I've gotten here I would often go out and approach in my spare time. So my life for the past couple months has been rugpull, work, and approaching girls to improve.

Yes I'm probably shooting myself in the foot big time by going about things that way. I was much more lighthearted and open before moving here. I know we're all men and we lean on our willpower but when you go out and get brushed off like you don't exist, it gets to you at some point. I signed up for this but, I'm running out of steam

I'm gonna leave it at that, because I think I've touched on this before and I don't want to beat a dead horse

 

[BPH]

I've said it before and I'll say it again - you're being way too hard on yourself.

You're trying to condense something that takes most people several years down to just a few months. You should be having fun with the process and approaching girls you see in your day-to-day or out at the bars on the weekends. Just go to places where socialization is expected rather than to places where it's a surprise.

What you're doing would be like if my goal was to get jacked and ripped in 1 month as opposed to 5 years, and I went to the gym so much trying to accomplish this goal that I was constantly getting hurt and wondering why I wasn't achieving my goal.

You just gotta relax man...

 

[Chow Mein]

You’re 26, a lot of learning about yourself, what you portray to others. It’s the experience, we learn in different avenues.

Take a step back to and understand the ‘vibe’ you are giving off to these women.
Are you honestly congruent?

 

[CornbreadFed]

Generally speaking, people are friendlier in the south than the north. Chicago has never been a favorite city of mine.

This is completely false

 

[CornbreadFed]

I'm gonna leave it at that, because I think I've touched on this before and I don't want to beat a dead horse

It sounds like you aren’t attractive enough looks wise & personality wise to naturally attract women, so you have resorted to cold approaching to find women. The solution to your problem is more complicated than what you are willing to hear, so good luck.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The only certainty in life is that you must adapt or die. In any aspect. This is no different.

You will figure it out eventually. Much of it is simply trial and error.

 

[Vanderdonck]

When I was your age I put too much importance on the lays and not enough on just enjoying my life and pursuing my goals. I think it's much easier to attract women when you're in a good headspace and feeling that passion about something. Obviously you still have to know how seduction works, but they have a way of finding men who are dedicated to themselves. Conversely going out just to cold approach can be very counter productive and put a man in the wrong place mentally. Hope that helps.

 

[DomoSmoove]

Most people in the suburbs are MUCH nicer than those in the city in my experience. I've done game downtown, and a bit in multiple city neighborhoods like River North, Old Town, West Loop and some stores in between. Some neighborhoods aren't as bad as others, but downtown especially is brutal

It’s also more family oriented here in the suburbs so me and a wing is looking to move out next month to be a lot closer to the city. You can shoot me a dm if you haven’t decided to leave the state yet lbs

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Yeah OP it's still winter. The high tomorrow is going to be 35. Maybe take a break and wait until summer. From what I hear festival season is huge in Chitown, everyone is outside and loving it after being cooped up all winter.

Also if you're into cars, boxing, motorcycles, etc do your hunting in the burbs as your OP suggested. Chicago is a liberal city and you've had success in Gainesville, which has the University of Florida but is a small town in a red state. The closer you get to back that environment, the better your odds will be.

Hitting up random liberal chicks in a big city in winter is not a recipe for abundant hot sex or good mental health. Also, the sky is blue.

 

[SW15]

Chicago is a liberal city and you've had success in Gainesville, which has the University of Florida but is a small town in a red state. The closer you get to back that environment, the better your odds will be.

Chicago and Gainesville will be very different mating environment experiences. @Oatmeal31 is still young enough to get with college women even though he doesn't appear to be a college student. Chicago is a bigger city that has some college/university presence but it's more geared towards working age people.

I used to box, ride my motorcycle, work on my cars a ton,

Get back to being this guy, it will change who you are. This is the guy women wanna date.

if you're into cars, boxing, motorcycles, etc do your hunting in the burbs as your OP suggested.

I agree with the idea that a guy into boxing/fitness, motorcycles, and auto repair is attractive to women.

I don't think the Chicago suburbs will be that good for a 26 year old childless guy with those interests. The Chicago suburbs will be more of married women (usually with children) who aren't seeking new penis or divorced single moms substantially older than he is.

I could think of some places in Texas/Florida where he would do better than the areas nearer to Central Chicago where there's a good quantity of 20 something singles.

Hitting up random liberal chicks in a big city in winter is not a recipe for abundant hot sex or good mental health.

Almost every big city in the USA is liberal. Chicago is about as liberal as it gets for a bigger city.

Some of the neighborhoods with the most quantity of singles happen to be more liberal neighborhoods. Younger, never married, childless women tend to vote for political candidates with liberal ideologies when they vote. However, it's also possible to date women with a more moderate political ideology or date non-voter women. Political ideology is more of an issue in mating if a man uses the extended relationship framework in his mating interactions vs. a more short term casual sex oriented framework. The men who primarily go for short term sex and set the expectation that they are seeking shorter term sex are rarely discussing political ideologies on 1st/2nd dates or in initial real life approaches.

I also think cold weather dampens horniness. Even in Dallas, winter is a slower season. Dallas doesn't get too cold in the winter. A typical winter's day has a high temperature in the high 50s/low 60s and a night time low range around the high 30s/low 40s.

If it's 10 PM at night on some night in January and it's 45 degrees, women are less horny than when it's 65 degrees in Spring/Fall at that time. However, Dallas slows down even more if the temperatures fall below 32.

Daygame is a better option on those typical high 50s/low 60s days in some outdoor venues. Grocery stores, malls, and bookstores are locations in Dallas where the winter cold has less of an effect on approaching.