Stop analyzing so much. Start on practicality of actually bettering yourself and doing something about your situation. I suggest healthy eating patterns, take some vitamins while going to the gym for an hour as starters for at least 3 days a week. Make sure you include some running around.
You have a lot of energy and if you don't do something with it you'll go crazy. Go to gym, stop jerking off so often, and put your energy where it belongs. Right now it's negative, but after you work out for a week or two it will convert to positive energy.
The main thing is when something good happens anchor it -- or in other words memorise the situation somehow so you can easily retrieve/remember it later on. This will help you boost your outlook when you feel that negative/anxiety feeling start creeping in.
Care about the people, not what they think of you and more importantly be realistic especiallly when it comes to you.
Oh, and stop being a ****ing ***** expecting something to fall in your mouth -- at least try to open it in case something falls.
Get the **** up and do something you idiot!
You're thinking too hard my friend. Start applying that energy to some action instead of some fantasy. Stop being so idealistic.
Nothing went wrong, but obviously nothing went good either. Basically, nothing happened because you've been laying on your ass all this time expecting a "miracle" to happen. Come on, are you a man or what? Don't expect someone to lay **** in your hands, go grab it yourself.
I would guess it's where you left it off at. It's where you starting overanalyzing and losing track of reality.
sins? Is that what mommy and daddy teach you, how to be a good boy and fetch their ****? Grow some balls and get working!
did i made to receive this punishment
Receive punishment? More like, inflict punishment on yourself.
i have lots of anger inside me, anger against myself and the world partially
Hey, we all do all the time but we cover it up with some positive **** too.
but somehow i keep it to myself
You wanna share your anger? No thanks, I'll beat your ass if you tried to share. Be selfish please. Thank you!
it's destroying me inside day by day
I think it's time you got up and started doing something for yourself instead of expecting, Mother and Father, to do wipe your ass. May I suggest you go on vacation for a week, away from your parents and just enjoy yourself. I think that one week will clear your head up quite a bit.
Why do you care? I think you were raised with the mother who believed in "you have to follow the community's rules" which is another way of saying, we're better than you, when in fact it's denial about their insecurities. I was raised in a similar way, THANK GOD! because I got to see both worlds and started thinking on my own long time ago.
Oh, and don't fall for your relatives' manipulative games. You're not responsible for anyone's reactions but your own. If someone tries to take you through a guilt trip, tell them off. Be a ****ing man! (I know this one is overrated, but you'll figure out how to be a ****ing man with practice...change your ways dammit!)
that i'm being anti social
Most people are anti-social, they just cover it well. If they were trully happy by themselves without any attention, they'd stay the **** alone all day long. Don't buy into this bull****.
the truth is i need to be alone or else i'll be losing my grip and go berserk against innocent people
Do the **** you want, just get your head cleared up. Start with the gym and a nice vacation away from your manipulative parents. (trust me, i know they are from the sound of you).
Realize, your parents and grandparents are old. They've done their wild thing so they give you their old, safe advices. The only way to find what's going on with this world is through experience and stop listening to your parents' "supposedly" safe cautions that are basically manipulations undercover. A little ethics goes a long way, but try to experience and experiment.
the only thing that keeps from being an ******* with people is some anti depressive pills i'm taking right now...
Can I suggest you quit this chemicals that make your mouth go dry, your eyes irritate, and a bunch of other unhealthy symptoms, and actually go to the gym to burn off that negative energy and convert it into positive? If your doctor told you you were a psycho would you believe him? Truth be told, everyone is crazy according to society's "rules."
People say things, try to make me feel ok, but they only make me feel even worse. it seems like i'm missing something here inside if me, something that would make the difference. i wonder if there are other guys out there striving with this problems and how they are overcoming them.
People feeling pity towards you doesn't help. You don't need their pity, which as you say, actually makes you feel worthless. You get my drift? Your happyness is in your own hands, go out there, see what makes you happy.
I would really like something to change starting today
Please keep going... what do you want to change and how would you go about changing it?
but i don't believe in miracles
And neither should you... miracles are for suckers! If you want something, you have to walk to it and grab it yourself, unless mother and father are there to hand it to you. Your choice!
not sure if i believe there is a God anyway.
God? Come on, Santa went out of fashion long ago.
So think about what you want to change and how you think is the best way to change it. Stop feeling pity for you, you're not the victim, you don't have to depend on your parents for every single thing (that's what they want you to do... you're being manipulated by needy people...STOP!..start doing your own thing)
Jeez... do I have to come to your house and give you an ass whooping to realize how whiny you sound?
