"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

I cant take it anymore. Feeling worst every day!!

Elf

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Made 26, and my life is still the same ****, no girl, i have no one to open myself with when i'm down. they only say forget your problems and smoke a joint and they go away... bull**** that makes me only worst. I seem to be losing my grip, no friends, no girlfriend ( still a virgin, god knows how much is hard for me to say or think about this ), the ones i had were all nutcases and sunshine girls.... i see myself and i compare with those guys in their 30's, with no real friends,no girl, no job, still living in their old parents house... i don' want this for me..., but i cant seem to have strenght to break the ****in cycle and i'm going nuts, laying in my bed thinking and thinking about what went wrong, where is my life, what ****ing sins did i made to receive this punishment. i have lots of anger inside me, anger against myself and the world partially, but somehow i keep it to myself and it's destroying me inside day by day, people start to notice that i'm being anti social, the truth is i need to be alone or else i'll be losing my grip and go berserk against innocent people, the only thing that keeps from being an ******* with people is some anti depressive pills i'm taking right now...

People say things, try to make me feel ok, but they only make me feel even worse. it seems like i'm missing something here inside if me, something that would make the difference. i wonder if there are other guys out there striving with this problems and how they are overcoming them.

I would really like something to change starting today but i don't believe in miracles, not sure if i believe there is a God anyway.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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TurboLover

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Seems like a lot of problems, have you tryed addressing them other than popping pills?
 

Elf

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i tried but they just want to feel good about themselves and do crazy stuff, they are uncapable to take my problems on a serious point of view.
 

TurboLover

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What?? Huh?? What??

What effort have you put in to solve your issues? Like getting a hobbie, working out, self improvement, stuff like that.
 

Elf

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lots of things, like working out, improving myself by going shopping, etc. but the results are the same: 0
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

Read more...

silverwex

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and my life is still the same ****, no girl
Dont need a girl to be happy man, yes they can help but you gotta sort yourself out first!

i have no one to open myself with when i'm down
Well this site and us DJ's are here to help - hey, its a start! :D

no friends
Well why dont ya read some of the posts on this website on how to be more out going and liked?

but i cant seem to have strenght to break the ****in cycle
Well ya gotta do this! If not the same sh!t will continue on forever...

Do you have a job? Are you happy with it? If not, why are you still there?

Do you work out?

What started all of this?

Come on man, read some posts on this site, then get out there and get your VALUABLE life back in order!

This is just a temporary set back believe me!
 

kairos

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Dude, I can relate to some of things you're talking about, I'm 24, I've had some really long lonely dry spells, it sucks, but they get better. You cannot give up, if not the game is over right there. David D. talks about two things - the inner game and outer game. Make sure you know where you're going wrong.....work on both....everybody goes through this **** man, life can sometimes be absolutely horrible in the most cruel ways, take heart, a lot of people have it much worse. Do some work on yourself and get back out there, it's never too late....best of luck, keep us posted.
 

Viking25

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Well...sometimes you need EGO BOOST!
You can take a trip to Philipines or Cuba or Brasil. Girl will approach you like you were Brad Pitt! You will have good time,you will score. Just try to have a good time..that's all. I am not talking about hookers here...just normal girls,they like to chat up with foreigners and party with you.
Jumpstart so to speak:)
 

The Bad Ass Canadian

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The best advice i can give you is get the fvck off of the pills. They are probably making you worse. seriously. They are worse for you, in the long run.

It's like putting a bandaid over a scar. Once you remove the bandaid, the scar will still be there.

Getting over depressed feelings is all about distraction. You need to find a passion and focus so much on it, that your concious mind isn't thinking about all the B. S. in your life. You will begin to develop healthy habits and break out of the cycle.

The first thing you need to do is stop wallowing in your own misery. You're feeding yourself all this negativity. Distract your mind totally and whatch things start to turn around. The second a bad thought enters your head, ignore it and focus on a hobby. (not playing video games or watching TV. Get out and do something)
 

Sniper2k

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You're gonna make it dude

First, I'd like to thank you for sharing all that. It takes a man to open up about what's eating him on the inside. Secondly, don't think for a second that your life is one big gigantic piece of sh*t for there ARE much much much more people out there that have suffered worse and would kill their mothers to be in your shoes for 5 minutes. Life is like that with EVERYONE. We all want to achieve greatness and be happy, but we fail to realize and accept that we first must go through blood, sweat, and tears to get what we really want.

So you think your life sucks? So did almost everybody else until they changed their ways. My friend true happiness comes from YOURSELF. YOU make yourself happy. Money, b*tches, fame, a car, popularity, etc., ALL that crap NEVER lasts. And what happens when you lose all of it? Are you just gonna allow yourself to die miserable because you lost a couple bucks, you didn't get a kiss from your girlfriend, because you missed the superbowl? HELL NO! You do not need a reason to be happy, you don't need anything or anyone to MAKE you happy. It all comes from YOURSELF because you WANT to be happy.

You're not very social? Get the hell out there in the world and talk to people just like you with similar interests and so on. All it takes is being friendly to people you want to meet! Most, if not all, people will be receptive just because you were interested and had the courage to interact with them, they in turn will be interested in you. Then BAM!, you got yourself some friends. This applies to both men and women.

You lack the confidence in yourself to make your life better, you're definitely not alone in that. The key to making your dreams come true is the BELIEF that they CAN and WILL. Absolutely no one can accomplish what you want, you have to do it for YOURSELF. Fight off the fear, uncertainty, doubt, and insecurity you have in yourself, they are all but ILLUSIONS. The truth is you CAN achieve all that you wish for, its just that you don't believe that you can. I can't make you believe in yourself, that's something YOU have to do. But I CAN say that you DO have the ability.

Stop thinking about the problems in your life and saying that you'll never get better! You know WHAT it is that you must change. All you got to do is take action. OF COURSE it's gonna be tough. YES it's gonna hurt and be a struggle to reach for your goals alot of the time. However you MUST realize that that is part of life and its actually GREAT. All the suffering you go through makes the reward you get at the end SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more sweeter! And I PROMISE you that you WILL get what you want if you put in the time and effort it takes to get it.

Look at all the positive aspects in your life and embrace them regardless of how big or small they seem! EVERYONE has SOMETHING in their life that they are blessed with.

Yikes. I made this too long. But anyway, the point I'm making is that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. All the bullsh*t you go through is just trying to stop you from you achieving the inevitable: happiness. Don't let ANYTHING or ANYONE stand in your way of getting what you want. Know what it is that you want, know how to get it, and be happy bro. Now go and kick some @$$!
 

“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”

Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.

I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.

Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules.  Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.

Read more...

Dirtheart

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The first thing you need to do is stop wallowing in your own misery. You're feeding yourself all this negativity.
I completely and utterly agree with the Canadian. I'm not exaggerating, if you just cut out the negative affirmations you are feeding yourself, you'll feel a lot better and the better you feel the better you'll cope with life.

Depression gets much worse when you keep telling yourself "I'm depressed" or "I can't cope". Your depression is causing a loss of motivation too, right? So you can't bring yourself to do the things that will help you overcome your depression. It's like hitting a broken bone with a hammer - it will never heal and will only get more painful until you stop doing it!

I'm recovering from a state of depression myself at the moment. I'd still be spending the evenings crying myself to sleep if I hadn't realised one thing: depression is not caused by external events, it's your perception of them that creates this feeling.

Think of a time when you felt really good and happy, concentrate on it or even write about it and notice how positively it affects your state of mind, even if it's just for a moment. This is what is going on in your mind right now. You are focusing on this state of depression and it's reflecting in the way you feel.

Anyway, you've come to the right place. This board has helped me a lot in overcoming my depression and there's plenty of good people here willing to listen.
 

Ol'BlueEyes

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What in the hel is a sunshine girl??
A girl who is only around for the good times, she disappears when times get rough/the money runs out/you're depressed/the end of the party.
 

coldcoal

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Elf, probibly the last thing you want to hear, but if you're not getting better, you're getting worse. Nobody stays the same.
The problem here, in part at least, is that you seem to have a hard time with enduring the bad times on an upturn run, which sends you right back down again. Like a relapse. Does it feel like that for you?

Look at it this way...you're own perseverance may be a lot like a "sunshine girl". Tough times and it bails on you. If it's ok for you to do it to yourself, why should you expect a woman to treat you any differently?
 
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You should perhaps seek out a councellor. As you said you have nobody to open up to a councellor may be able to advise you in the right direction. You're right though, if you smoke weed when you're feeling down and lonely it just magnifies it all 100x.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

Read more...

showtime17

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Although I am still just 21, I am in the same situation as you. Never had a gf..etc. I had potential to be a star at sports (track, basketball), but injuries and bad breaks just threw that dream away, never realized my potential. Sometimes it just seems that bad luck only follows bad luck and it does. But hey it could always be worse. I thought it couldnt get any worse, but then at the beginning of this year I got a bad ulcer on one of my eyes and almost lost my vision. I still have problems seeing out of that eye, but next year I should get surgery to get better. What keeps me going is hope that things will get better. Once you're down in the dumps, the only thing you have left is hope. Once you lose that, then your life might as well be over. So keep on hoping and trying. Try to find the areas that you're weak at and try to improve on those. North American girls can be real biatches, so as someone suggested a trip abroad might not be such a bad idea.
 
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Originally posted by Elf
Made 26, and my life is still the same ****, no girl, i have no one to open myself with when i'm down. they only say forget your problems and smoke a joint and they go away... bull**** that makes me only worst. I seem to be losing my grip, no friends, no girlfriend ( still a virgin, god knows how much is hard for me to say or think about this ), the ones i had were all nutcases and sunshine girls.... i see myself and i compare with those guys in their 30's, with no real friends,no girl, no job, still living in their old parents house... i don' want this for me..., but i cant seem to have strenght to break the ****in cycle and i'm going nuts, laying in my bed thinking and thinking about what went wrong, where is my life, what ****ing sins did i made to receive this punishment. i have lots of anger inside me, anger against myself and the world partially, but somehow i keep it to myself and it's destroying me inside day by day, people start to notice that i'm being anti social, the truth is i need to be alone or else i'll be losing my grip and go berserk against innocent people, the only thing that keeps from being an ******* with people is some anti depressive pills i'm taking right now...

People say things, try to make me feel ok, but they only make me feel even worse. it seems like i'm missing something here inside if me, something that would make the difference. i wonder if there are other guys out there striving with this problems and how they are overcoming them.

I would really like something to change starting today but i don't believe in miracles, not sure if i believe there is a God anyway.
Dude, society wants you to think that if you're a virgin at 26, you're seriously messed up. WRONGO.

BUT... most will let it go if you don't care about it. If you think you're kick ass, but the Big V, hey... I had a 60 something year old man telling this waitress I was a virgin. I just agreed to him, and said I expect the best from a woman, and so far I haven't seen it. He dropped it immediatly and apologized. I told him to forget the apology; I didn't take it as an insult. And he gives me that much more respect from it.

I know a 35 year old virgin. He owns his own place. He's going to school. He aces all his tests. He's got too much of a life to worry about whether some chick wants sex. And I respect him more for it. Basically what everyone is telling you is that they can't control their hormones. Forget that. I'm no animal. I'm a human being who can control those urges. And I'm so much stronger for that. I can think. I can survive. And I'm so much better for it, in so many ways. I'm in control. I am accountable for what I say and how I act. I'm not going to screw my life up just to "feel good." I got other things that make me feel good.

So let's see... in your post... you're 26 and a virgin. Big deal. At least some chick will know that you're not going to give her some STD. That's a big peace of mind for some people.

You smoke a joint... are you addicted? If you are, get the hell off the drug. Any chick of any value wouldn't want a man who's not in control of his senses. I wouldn't want a woman who smokes... that shows me a weakness... she's being controlled by something. It affects her mood. I want a chick who's in control of her senses.

Plus, you admit it makes you feel worse... which gives me the idea that you're addicted. So why do you do something that you know is going to make you feel worse? I try to keep those instances down, me personally. I don't visit nasty relatives because they're going to make me feel like crap. I don't go back to college and hang out with the nasty bitter professors because it's going to make me feel like crap...

No friends.. get some. And no tokers. Get all kinds of friends, but make sure they're reliable and not in the friendship because of some material thing you have. Make sure they are healthy confident people who will build you up. And understand that there are all kinds of relationships... if you hang out with someone once a month, and get coffee with them, but talk about all kinds of deep personal, profound stuff in your lives, and you're accountable to each other... then that's probably a good sign they're your friend.

Do you have a job? This wasn't clear. Guess what? I... shhhh... don't have much of a job either... but it's temporary. I have to meet people. My jobs are dependant on networking big time. I know what I'm worth. I'm not getting it... yet... but it WILL change. I do things to help get income, and it helps. But you know, my life isn't entirely dependant on a job. I am an awesome videographer, but I'm going to be out of a job a lot. I'm going to have to be used to it. And you know what? I still have a PURPOSE, and it isn't to be getting paid 50,000 a year, though that'd be nice. If you have no job, look for one... figure out your talents... and find something. And be proud of it, but don't base your confidence off it. Don't make it your reason for living.

With the "What sins you did to deserve such a crappy life" attitude... well, I don't know you so I can't say... but you need to improve yourself, and improve your outlook on things, and things WILL improve all over for you. I have a female friend... completely messes up her life (and knows she's doing it... shes pretty destructive.) so of course, when things start to go bad, she get's suicidal and blames god and her lot in life... Like she'll sllep around with any guy who will say the right things to her... then she curses god for having std's and being sterile... well, if she hadn't slept with all those guys, if she had controlled herself, this problem probably wouldn't exist. It's like you have 400 in the bank... so you get a credit card, and charge up 15,000 on cool stuff that you're never going to be able to afford... then you blame god because you're having the credit card companies harassing you to pay up the money you knew you didn't have in the first place... duh. It's common sense. People create most of their own problems by avoiding common sense.

The short advice: Get off the drugs, get a job, get more sleep; start improving yourself... avoid making stupid mistakes... and keep at it.

And as for being alone because you're acting anti social... God (or whatever you want for an argument sake) created us for fellowship. I'm not talking church music and worshippy type songs and big old sanctuarys with little old ladies at the organ...so much as a basic need to be around others... a need for friendship. I need to be with my "brothers." I need to relax and play Halo with da boys as much as I need to have some alone time. Both are important.

And if I HAD a girlfriend, I'd need alone time and relationship time with her as much as I'd need the time to play cards with the boys. Just as I personally need time to be alone with god. I need to take time to keep a relationship with my folks... relationships are important.

Maybe therapy would help.

I knew this was long, but I felt you needed and deserved all of your points to be acknowledged and heard... and some good advice. You are not alone... but you need to improve. We all can stand a little help.

Good luck.
 

backbreaker

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First, do you still live with your parents? What do you do for a living? No matter what you do, if that isn't addressed, your self esteem can only go so high. I couldn't fathom living with my mom (however I could with my dad) as of now, I am out too much and most of the time I don't like to be bothered.

We normally live to be 85. With that said, you still have at least 2 thrids of your life left. Life doesn't end at 35 like most people would lead you to believe. You will be fine.
 

Ebach

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Stop analyzing so much. Start on practicality of actually bettering yourself and doing something about your situation. I suggest healthy eating patterns, take some vitamins while going to the gym for an hour as starters for at least 3 days a week. Make sure you include some running around.

You have a lot of energy and if you don't do something with it you'll go crazy. Go to gym, stop jerking off so often, and put your energy where it belongs. Right now it's negative, but after you work out for a week or two it will convert to positive energy.

The main thing is when something good happens anchor it -- or in other words memorise the situation somehow so you can easily retrieve/remember it later on. This will help you boost your outlook when you feel that negative/anxiety feeling start creeping in.

Care about the people, not what they think of you and more importantly be realistic especiallly when it comes to you.

Oh, and stop being a ****ing ***** expecting something to fall in your mouth -- at least try to open it in case something falls.

laying in my bed
Get the **** up and do something you idiot!

thinking and thinking
You're thinking too hard my friend. Start applying that energy to some action instead of some fantasy. Stop being so idealistic.

about what went wrong
Nothing went wrong, but obviously nothing went good either. Basically, nothing happened because you've been laying on your ass all this time expecting a "miracle" to happen. Come on, are you a man or what? Don't expect someone to lay **** in your hands, go grab it yourself.

where is my life
I would guess it's where you left it off at. It's where you starting overanalyzing and losing track of reality.

what ****ing sins
sins? Is that what mommy and daddy teach you, how to be a good boy and fetch their ****? Grow some balls and get working!

did i made to receive this punishment
Receive punishment? More like, inflict punishment on yourself.

i have lots of anger inside me, anger against myself and the world partially
Hey, we all do all the time but we cover it up with some positive **** too.

but somehow i keep it to myself
You wanna share your anger? No thanks, I'll beat your ass if you tried to share. Be selfish please. Thank you!

it's destroying me inside day by day
I think it's time you got up and started doing something for yourself instead of expecting, Mother and Father, to do wipe your ass. May I suggest you go on vacation for a week, away from your parents and just enjoy yourself. I think that one week will clear your head up quite a bit.

people start to notice
Why do you care? I think you were raised with the mother who believed in "you have to follow the community's rules" which is another way of saying, we're better than you, when in fact it's denial about their insecurities. I was raised in a similar way, THANK GOD! because I got to see both worlds and started thinking on my own long time ago.

Oh, and don't fall for your relatives' manipulative games. You're not responsible for anyone's reactions but your own. If someone tries to take you through a guilt trip, tell them off. Be a ****ing man! (I know this one is overrated, but you'll figure out how to be a ****ing man with practice...change your ways dammit!)

that i'm being anti social
Most people are anti-social, they just cover it well. If they were trully happy by themselves without any attention, they'd stay the **** alone all day long. Don't buy into this bull****.

the truth is i need to be alone or else i'll be losing my grip and go berserk against innocent people
Do the **** you want, just get your head cleared up. Start with the gym and a nice vacation away from your manipulative parents. (trust me, i know they are from the sound of you).

Realize, your parents and grandparents are old. They've done their wild thing so they give you their old, safe advices. The only way to find what's going on with this world is through experience and stop listening to your parents' "supposedly" safe cautions that are basically manipulations undercover. A little ethics goes a long way, but try to experience and experiment.

the only thing that keeps from being an ******* with people is some anti depressive pills i'm taking right now...
Can I suggest you quit this chemicals that make your mouth go dry, your eyes irritate, and a bunch of other unhealthy symptoms, and actually go to the gym to burn off that negative energy and convert it into positive? If your doctor told you you were a psycho would you believe him? Truth be told, everyone is crazy according to society's "rules."

People say things, try to make me feel ok, but they only make me feel even worse. it seems like i'm missing something here inside if me, something that would make the difference. i wonder if there are other guys out there striving with this problems and how they are overcoming them.
People feeling pity towards you doesn't help. You don't need their pity, which as you say, actually makes you feel worthless. You get my drift? Your happyness is in your own hands, go out there, see what makes you happy.

I would really like something to change starting today
Please keep going... what do you want to change and how would you go about changing it?

but i don't believe in miracles
And neither should you... miracles are for suckers! If you want something, you have to walk to it and grab it yourself, unless mother and father are there to hand it to you. Your choice!

not sure if i believe there is a God anyway.
God? Come on, Santa went out of fashion long ago.

So think about what you want to change and how you think is the best way to change it. Stop feeling pity for you, you're not the victim, you don't have to depend on your parents for every single thing (that's what they want you to do... you're being manipulated by needy people...STOP!..start doing your own thing)

Jeez... do I have to come to your house and give you an ass whooping to realize how whiny you sound?
 

“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”

You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.

I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.

Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.

These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.

Read more...

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