I cannot have an LTR with a woman as an older guy if she doesn't make me feel like the prize.

[zekko]

True... it's like you got to be a magician.... always inventing new razzle dazzle tricks to keep her interested, before the next dude jumps in with a novel approach enough to convince her to jump branches. It's exhausting, especially when they have infinite options these days with OLD and social media spamming their inbox.

I refuse to play that game. I've been with my girlfriend for 13 years now, and I don't bash my brains in all the time trying to figure out some new way to keep her interested. You'd run yourself ragged with that kind of mentality, not to mention it's bad for your frame. If she wants to be a part of my life, great, so be it. If not, she knows where the door is. I'm not here to razzle dazzle anybody.

 

[resilient]

Haha, agreed @zekko. It takes age, maturity and wisdom to get there.

Believe me man, I want to get there and I'm practicing hard on being authentic with each relationship I enter. Mirroring is terrible for the DJ. The self needs to develop enough so it sets itself apart from her.

This forum helps too... I wouldn't want to be a razzle dazzle entertainer or chameleon in my next relationship. I notice when I date and attract the dominant independent types, my persona gratta is overlooked and my individuality is minimized if I'm not leading enough as a man.

A man should live in authenticity and welcome a woman into his world. And you're right... if she isn't totally into the man's world she has the freedom to walk at any time.

If my relationships are getting shorter and shorter, I wonder if I'm less tolerant of BS, disrespect or games or vice versa... or just wary of being the lighthouse when the waves of life are smashed against it constantly.

...I think the man has to always be the lighthouse though, it's a part of shouldering the burden of being a man.

 

[bigneil]

My question with being the prize is how are you supposed to maintain that kind of frame over a long period of time?

For starters, remember that she chose you out of hundreds or thousands of options, so don't assume there are better guys around every corner. Second, time with the other men will serve to remind her of what she misses about you. Third, you are constantly working on self improvement, making your home more comfortable, earning more money at work, and working out. Fourth, you are focused on her, what she likes and doesn't like. Thus, every time she sees you she likes you a little better.

 

[zekko]

This forum helps too... I wouldn't want to be a razzle dazzle entertainer or chameleon in my next relationship. I notice when I date and attract the dominant independent types, my persona gratta is overlooked and my individuality is minimized if I'm not leading enough as a man.

A man should live in authenticity and welcome a woman into his world. And you're right... if she isn't totally into the man's world she has the freedom to walk at any time.

That's a good way to put it. Game playing is toxic to relationships. I see a lot of advice here that even in an LTR, you have to always be unpredictable, keep making her jealous, keep her on her toes. I see that as being the "dancing monkey" of relationships. The main thing is to keep a strong frame, and that it is authentic. If you keep trying to self improve (for your own benefit) like they tell you here, you should become legitimately high value enough to pull it off.

 

[marmel75]

He might just prefer not to screw with a female who doesn't hold him in high regard. That mindset keeps your confidence high.

That's exactly my point...confidence shouldn't be related to a female's view of you. It's intrinsic to yourself.

 

[marmel75]

Have you ever had anything but heartache and wasted time from women that didn't treat you so?

Personally I find that sh!t to be annoying. I think there are a lot of people here that are way too impressed with their own talents.

 

[The Duke]

My question with being the prize is how are you supposed to maintain that kind of frame over a long period of time? I've been held up on a pedestal by women only to get knocked off when familiarity sets in. I just feel like with the expectations women have these days that nothing will ever really satisfy them long term. How do you combat that?

Always remain a challenge. Piss her off from time to time. Make her emotions fluctuate a little. Don't always be predictable. Don't ever be afraid to walk away and make sure she knows it. Call her out on her bad behavior, but always be fair and consistent....like training a puppy. The one who cares the least wins every single time. Put yourself in a position to be admired by other men and women for what you offer and make sure she witnesses this as a reminder of how great you are to her.