I broke all the "rules" and now....

[Pac_Man]

This girl I've been seeing for on and off for the past year in which I used to do all the DJ moves like not complimenting her, not giving her as much attention, being ****y and funny, doing some kino moves or whatnot, not always be available for her. Pretty much all of the main principles of being a dj to her and you know what?? I never got anywhere with her doing this. She would always have some wall emotionally towards me where she keeps me guessing but not enough that I know she's not interested in me. She's slightly conceited and she's about an hb8.5 and into her looks. She actually acts like a dj herself with a C&F attitude too. She would talk about other guys (I assume to make me jealous). How all her guys are friends. You know, one of those girls. It's like the level of intimacy with her just stayed on one level for the longest time doing all the dj moves. I didn't even know what our status was 'till she tried to get me drunk one night and all the floodgates opened about our "relationship" because she mentioned some guy and I got mad and I started asking her questions because I was unsure about what the hell her and I were doing, you know the "are we just friends were we ever dating? We never did anything" When I said that, she just acted unaffected, unsure what to say or not listening to me. One day I just said Fvck it and I decided to break all the rules. I was ready to next her and thought what do I have to fvcking lose, right?? Let's do a little experiment. This is what I did. The next time I called her made plans to go out I gave her flowers, I complimented her a lot. I opened doors for her. On our date I told her how beautiful she was, while looking at her intensely with a frown on my face like a puppy, and she says "aww that's so sweet of you" and she just opened up grinning ear to ear. When she least expected it I hugged her from behind and gave her a kiss on the neck and just did it and then she actually liked it and kissed me after that. When we talk to each other, she opens up more and became more submissive towards me. She started holding my hand. When we're walking she's just hugging me like a couple would as we're walking like she doesn't want to let me go. She stopped talking about other guys to make me jealous. If I'm talking to her on the phone and I try to want to see her that night and she says that she can't because her sister is sick so she has to take care of her. I become mushy (I know totally afc but I did it anyway cause fvck it) and told her, "maybe I should get sick too so that you'll spend time with me" (you know in that wussy mushy voice). After that she just melted and made plans the next day giving me the "awww" voice telling me how sweet I was. After that I had this voice be kinda like almost crying voice, "ok.. *sigh* I guess I'll talk to you later when your sister's not sick" sounding like an innocent little boy She then called me the next day to do something and it's not the pity hang out either because the first thing she did was hug me and then kiss me when she saw me. And if I didn't know any better within one week I'd say that she was now my girlfriend. In short, she acted different, she didn't have a huge wall around me as before. She opened up emotionally to the way I wanted her. Basically what I'm asking is this, I have progressed forward with this girl in one week doing what could be perceived as afc behavior than the last 8 months trying to hook up with this girl doing DJ moves. What is going on??!!! Can someone please please explain this. I'm not in anyway promoting afc behavior I just want to know, what the hell??!! Also any girls on the board help answer this question too. Thanks to anyone that can help me understand.

 

[Pac_Man]

Another thing I'd like to add is that basically what I mean with her is that she became almost a completely different person with me acting like an afc around her. She became sweet, more down to earth, less conceited or less like on a pedestal and she was more to the level with me. It's like a different side to her that I've never seen before and it's so fairy tale/romantic sweet that I just go insane. Ok *phew* that's all.. I think.

 

[CvB]

It would really help if you reformatted your post a little bit, this hard to read.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

it doesnt sound like you where being a DJ at all, it seems more liek you over did being a DJ and ended up being a jerk, you have to remember that with the ****y and funny against being well the opposite to that, and the whole bieng needy or not showing intrest well all these things and many others are like a tug of war betwene the two charcteristics, you do not want to be all of 1 and none of the other which is what your where doing, you want to ussualy be 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other, you do nto wnat to be needy you still want to show your intrested, to get the message across that you want her but dont need her.

the same goes with bieng ****ey and funny, if you over do it people will ifnd it anoying, you have to really fine tune all these, tihnk of it as the volume control on your speakers for your computer, you want to listen to some music so you set the volume so you cna hear it well, you would not put it really low or really high as neither of these are good, liek with the DJ charcteristics, you have to get it just the right amount.

hope iv been a help

 

[Pac_Man]

Yeah I guess you're right but it's unbelievable it's like a whole different world the way she acts around me. Although maybe later on in the relationship I might bring back some dj stuff so I don't know.

 

[MetalFortress]

That's why it's more about mindset and less about techniques. It's always said that it's all about finding that balance between nice guy and jerk. With my LTR, I say screw it to the DJ and AFC labels and just do what I want. Once you simply can run off masculine instinct without having to use technique memory as a crutch, you'll be set.

 

[Pac_Man]

Is it possible some girls respond well to afc type behavior?? Opposite of most girls??

 

[DiSt0rTi0n_07]

If they are hunting for AFCs.... This is more commonly known as the

"I wanna get your phone number to add to my collection to show off and boost my ego.. mwahahaha" chicks.

 

[MetalFortress]

Wait, define AFC type behavior for me first...

 

[jakethasnake]

If a guy is manly (either in looks or physique or conduct), a woman is more than happy to accomodate some 'mushy' behavior. In fact, she PREFERS you to err on the side of mushiness, rather than some stone-cold 'Marlboro Cowboy' stereotype. Remember - a woman wants expressiveness and communication - just be sure to RATION it out. Give it to her in doses, but be generous about it. And if you're prone to over-doing things, make sure not to smother her 24-7 with mushy displays and crazy displays of emotion (constant crying, whimpersing, puppy dog voices, etc.).

 

[Pac_Man]

I think jakethesnake maybe on to something because physically I'm very very intimidating, imagine a very big and muscular japanese guy. I've been told I look like a "thug" or whatever you want to call it and people always joke about not wanting to get in a fight with me. Not very many japanese guys are big or asian guys in general so maybe you're right. Maybe it's the fact that I have the mindset of an afc and if I used most of the dj principles it would make me literally be a jerk because I'm already physically intimidating.
But in all honesty I am a very nice guy or an afc at heart. This girl has even accused me of maybe just being nice and putting an act for her that maybe I'm really a bad guy even though I really am a nice guy. And me acting all mushy seems like I'm showing a different side to her that I'm only showing her even though I really am a nice guy. Hmmm I don't know. Does that make sense gents?

 

[aBAzLLnA]

There are no rules to the game. It just is. Next time you're out, don't think about trying to be a DJ, just do it.

~ivan *so vague, but so clear *

 

[jakethasnake]

You're a J-Guy? Wow, interesting... then obviously the nice-guy attitude comes naturally - almost all Asian guys are conditioned to be gentle and caring. Maybe you need to overcome that programming a little bit, and just take the situation into your hands.


I know I said to show some sensitivity, but I didn't know you were fvcking ASIAN! Haha! I'm serious here....


For Asian guys, their regular selves are already sensitive and nice enough! If we were on a scale ranging from 'jerk' to 'nice guy' us Asian guys are so far conditioned to be on the faaaaar 'nice guy' end of the scale that if we get any nicer, we'll fall off the edge into the perilous LJBF Pit of Death and Loneliness. Don't make that mistake.


If you are indeed Asian, I suggest that you MAN UP. Don't be an inconsiderate cacksucker, but don't be buyin' her Hello Kitty shyt like a fag, and don't take those 'sticker-photo' pictures with her. Be gentle, hold her gently and talk to her gently, but be firm and assertive in your bodylanguage. Make her hold your arm when you cross the street or enter a store/bar/restaurant/new venue. Protect her from *******s (it's usually the crackas that try to start shyt with us Asian guys, no offense to the nice white guys...), and STAND YOUR GROUND IN ALL ASPECTS. A woman who is with an Asian man, especially an Asian female, will very highly appreciate that you can be gentle with her, but also manly enough to stand up to the BIG WHITE WORLD. I think a lot of Asian girls are insecure growing up because they don't feel protected by their Asian brothers - so many date out. It's on US to lay down the muthafukken law. We take, we protect, and if need be we break the jaws of a coupla' whiteboys. Thats just how it is for a Yellow Man in a White Man's World. So let me say this again - MAN UP. No need to be all stoic and unexpressive - but just be ready to stand your ground and make her feel safe and protected (you don't have to fight and beat up gangs of men to convey that to her of course... you can easily do it with your bodylanguage). That is a man's job.




.... and if you're not an Asian guy, FOCK YOU for making me type all this shyt! LOL.

 

[aBAzLLnA]

Jake:

HAHAHAHHAHA represent brotha! That post made me laugh my ass off...

As for being asian, I say we have the best game there is to offer. We got the nice **** down; we can be gentle etc., but all we need is assertiveness and confidence and we're well off.

Asians underestimate their game...I think...

~ivan

 

[MetalFortress]

lol, jake's post made me feel like I was in some kind of audience called by the emperor of China once the explorers started coming over...or in some gang meeting.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

aye bro..i was in a very similar situation.

I was in a shorter term relationship (4 mo) with this persian girl that I DJ'd a lot to get with.

Unfortunately, I began to be a ****y funny guy with hints of jerk during our relationship. As most who know the DJB, we as DJs must let women know that we are not always available and also have my women to chose from. DJs are supposed to be unpredictable and therefore, women will aspire to want us more because our time isnt completely given to them like most AFCs.

This was a huge mistake I made with this girl. I became such an unpredictable bf, she didnt know where I stood in the relationship. We inevitably broke up. In that four months time, we did everything physically except for actual penetration. A few weeks after the break up, I asked her why she never wanted to go all the way.

Her reasoning was that she didn't feel comfortable giving that part of herself to me because she honestly didnt know if i were going to stay. I was such a ****y DJ that it scared her from becoming intamate with me.

This looks like what is happening to your girl. She is starting to see signs of a guy who may actually stay with her rather than play the games other guys play. So now it is easier for her to open up to you. She now sees stability.

Yea, like another poster said, there is a balance between DJn and AFC when it comes to LTRs and GFs.

There are no set rules, just do what your gut tells you.

 

[Pac_Man]

LoL what's funny about this girl (who is a white blond girl btw) is that she always tells me that out of all the guys that she's been she feels safest with me but you know what you're right being a nice guy, it's programmed in my brain I cannot in the life of me help it.

I have no brothers, I have 4 sisters, I'm the only boy and youngest at that. My sisters pretty much raised me, my dad doesn't really say much or we don't get along so much but I get along better with my mom.

I had to honestly compensate by joining football in high school and becoming a powerlifter and eventually a bodybuilder. I'm not huge but I'm about 5'10 190 pounds but because my waist is so small (29 inches) I look like a huge dude. My size is just a front for me and at first impression when people see me they think I'm an arrogant a$$hole but when they talk to me they are surprised at how nice I am.

What do you think about a white blond girl with an asian man??Honestly I'm also insecure about something like this. Like I always sometimes think I'm not good enough for her and I don't understand why she even calls me considering her past b/f have been white guys, blond hair, blue eyes type and here's me, an asian guy.

But seriously I'm afraid to MAN UP because I feel I already exude that aura and I might scare people even more but it's just when people interact with me they change their attitudes.

 

[MetalFortress]

Seriously dude, your best bet is to go with instincts... do what you wanna do.

 

[aBAzLLnA]

Like I said, Asians underestimate their prowess. Asians were brought up to think, "What I am now, is not good enough". I think the same thing sometimes, I underestimate myself and my powers. But guess what? The underestimations sometimes increases my prowess, because I don't eminate the "player" aura.

Try overestimating your prowess, see what happens.

~ivan

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

to pac_man

bump my response above..you might have missed it and just wanted to see what you think about my observation