Yoko Kurama
Don Juan
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- Sep 28, 2008
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What is the first thing I should do to fix this?
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
I am afraid of rejection
- Thread starter Yoko Kurama
- Start date
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Naughty Ninja
Banned
You're not really afraid of rejection. Rejection is quick and though may be a temporary sting to the ego, it's over quick and you hopefully move on and learn from it. You need to keep going on till rejections don't bother you anymore. Each rejection is a step in the direction to a YES. But you need to really sit down and face what we all are really afraid of. ACCEPTANCE. Because then you get to see the person you've built up as a fantasy "perfect" person in your mind for who they reall are and have to think about future meetings with them, how to act, meeting their friends, them meeting yours, parents down the line, things to say, commonalities, differences, and the fact things may not work out. So rejection is easy...Acceptance is a whole other story. Just keep working on yourself and be honest with your shortcomings and work on them. Good luck!
moneyisking
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2009
- Messages
- 626
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- 11
love yourself
I'm in the Mood
Master Don Juan
In order to help you the best we can, we'll need a little more information than that.Yoko Kurama said:
Describe a specific situation where you felt this fear of rejection, and how you acted because of it. What kind of a person are you when you're not afraid of rejection?
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
The older i get the more i begin to accept that people
are not put on this earth to serve you. I would expect someone
to be nice and cordial but not to fall in love with me or become my
best friend just because I put myself out there for the offer.
I think the better mindset would be to expect rejection in some form,
be nice and not an a-hole, and if a deeper relationship develops with
a girl or just a friend then you can be happy about that.
I think with this attitude the fear gets reduced and in some perverse way you'll develop
more relationships.
Its all about expectations really, your visions are probably too grand when you think about a girl.
Temper your expectations dramatically and things will flow smoother. Not saying don't be into her or whatever but
just don't EXPECT to see fireworks every time and you'll be more natural. I think back to the last girl i hooked up with.
I really did want her and was doing a nice job of being interesting and funny and what not but when we actually
'did it' I was completely not expecting it. Had I gone out that night hoping or expecting to bang her I gaurantee
it wouldn't have happened because my behavior would have been different. I was pleasantly surprised.
are not put on this earth to serve you. I would expect someone
to be nice and cordial but not to fall in love with me or become my
best friend just because I put myself out there for the offer.
I think the better mindset would be to expect rejection in some form,
be nice and not an a-hole, and if a deeper relationship develops with
a girl or just a friend then you can be happy about that.
I think with this attitude the fear gets reduced and in some perverse way you'll develop
more relationships.
Its all about expectations really, your visions are probably too grand when you think about a girl.
Temper your expectations dramatically and things will flow smoother. Not saying don't be into her or whatever but
just don't EXPECT to see fireworks every time and you'll be more natural. I think back to the last girl i hooked up with.
I really did want her and was doing a nice job of being interesting and funny and what not but when we actually
'did it' I was completely not expecting it. Had I gone out that night hoping or expecting to bang her I gaurantee
it wouldn't have happened because my behavior would have been different. I was pleasantly surprised.
Yoko Kurama
Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2008
- Messages
- 51
- Reaction score
- 0
I'll you give more info tonight, I'm on my way to Fort Leonardwood
Yoko Kurama
Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2008
- Messages
- 51
- Reaction score
- 0
Best. Advice. Ever.lakeshore said:
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
Somewhere in the world there are men who are locked up. They are saying to themselves "When I get out I'm gonna do this, gonna do that, gonna talk to her, etc. Somewhere in the world someone is laying up sick in a hospital thinking or saying, "if only I was healthy I'd do this/that". Somewhere in the world an old man is saying "IF I HAD ONLY TAKEN SOME CHANCES IN MY LIFE"
Don't be those guys, be the one that gets rejected.
Don't be those guys, be the one that gets rejected.