I’ve hair trigger-rejected every woman around me for years

[Vero Della Rosa]

Growin up, lots of women were interested in me. Guys always asked me for advice for talking to girls and I didn’t get it. I just had a good time and made them laugh. Now I enforce the opposite but I don’t know why.

When I hit college things changed. I got angry when a girl would give me IOI’s.This sounds like every post where a guy is blowin smoke, I know, but there are so many 9’s I was so icy to. We’d be cool, get along great - then they’d ask me what we’re doin and then this instinct would kick in and I’d shut them down hard.

Well now I’m surrounded by girls but I’ve shut all of them down; when we’re in each others vicinity we don’t talk but I notice they watch me and their eyes are like a deer in headlights, like they know there’s distance between us now. Like half “I wanna talk,” half “I feel rejected by you and can’t figure out why/can’t figure you out.” This has caused me to notice there’s been this pattern in my life for years so I wanna figure it out.

Has anybody had this experience and what wisdom/answers do you have? Shoot me straight too, you ain’t gonna hurt my feelins

 

[The Duke]

To get the answers to this, I'd first start with your childhood and your relationship with your parents. You might study attachment theory.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

See a therapist, it's obvious you have some sort of emotional issues or past trauma that is causing this. Not really something anyone here will likely help you with.

 

[FlirtLife]

Growin up, lots of women were interested in me. Guys always asked me for advice for talking to girls and I didn’t get it. I just had a good time and made them laugh. Now I enforce the opposite but I don’t know why.

When I hit college things changed. I got angry when a girl would give me IOI’s.

You might try a google search that combines "reddit" and trauma you experienced growing up, so that you can see there's a group of people sharing your origin story. That's in addition to therapy.

In high school I was a big flirt myself, and I enjoyed flirting for its own sake. Looking back to my younger self in those years, I ignored IOIs from all women - even the girls I put on a pedastal. Maybe this sounds familiar: the hottest girl in class walks up and wants to talk to you. I'm old enough that Rollo Tomassi's "Player's Handbook" wasn't available then, but that would be the book I'd advise my younger self to read.

It's rare a guy gets angry when women show interest in sleeping with him. Could you actually be feeling awkward, and then get angry to avoid feeling awkward? At any rate, your reaction to IOIs could be a focus for therapy, and likely goes back to before high school.

 

[momentomori]

You're assuming girls are interested based what you perceive as IOI's. I guarantee if you were to cold-approach and ask for a number they will reject you. Cold approach has dissolved any notions girls are interested in me based on what I perceive as IOI's. Men have a bias to assume women are more interested in them than they really are. There are evolutionary reasons for this.

 

[Stanley]

There's an underlying insecurity somewhere in there. I agree with @Howiestern in regards to attachment styles, this sounds like avoidant dismissive kind of behavior.

I was the same way and I don't think you are blowing smoke. I had very little attention from girls in adolescence and then right after high school was inundated with them and did not know what to make of it. I grew resentful and shut girls down on a regular basis without even really being aware of it and then later growing indifferent to them. This often has the side effect of making em like you more though.
I did it out of a deep rooted fear of intimacy which stemmed from childhood trauma and poor self esteem.

This sounds like something to be addressed in therapy. Getting insight helped me tremendously at recognizing self destructive behavior and better understand myself. Can't recommend it enough

 

[Vero Della Rosa]

You're assuming girls are interested based what you perceive as IOI's. I guarantee if you were to cold-approach and ask for a number they will reject you. Cold approach has dissolved any notions girls are interested in me based on what I perceive as IOI's. Men have a bias to assume women are more interested in them than they really are. There are evolutionary reasons for this.

100% I know the guys you’re talking about, but you’re mis-reading this. These are girls I’ve had overt conversation with who have asked about what we are, if I’m interested, ask me about relationships, ask if I am/have been a player.

 

[Solomon]

OP I'm not trolling but are you attracted to men?

I ask cause any heterosexual man who has smoke shows hitting on them will at least pursue some sex

 

[RazorRambo24]

I agree with @BackInTheGame78 .. Definitely sounds like you have some internal issues you need to sort out. The title alone was a red flag but after reading this.. yeah.. something aint right

A huge part of this sounds like you're trying to be validated by us / you want the forum to think you get alot of attraction from women.. and that alone is a red flag that you might not feel fulfilled in life or something.. But, the rest borders on a weird line between schizotypal idealogy and straight delusion I think

 

[Vero Della Rosa]

I agree with @BackInTheGame78 .. sounds like you have some internal issues you need to sort out.

Yeah, a lot of people have heard of dudes who avoid relationships so I made the post to see what people have learned who have been there.

A huge part of this sounds like you're trying to be validated by us

I imagine bein in your shoes, readin a guy's post I don't know, and thinkin that. [Just read my OP. Hahaha ya I see it can look like I'm really tryin to flex: "Well now I’m surrounded by girls but I’ve shut all of them down" hahaha. That part especially does seem like that, I will own that.] It's typical for posts/comments to have a slight air of that. I think seekin fulfillment like that ain't effective or helpful to anyone, and would be destructive most for the person seeking it that way. You don't know me so I get it. But I ain't doin that.

any heterosexual man who has smoke shows hitting on them will at least pursue some sex

I'm religious bro. I don't pursue pre-marriage sex. And they ain't all smoke shows. Some have been. But not most.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Yeah, I feel like a lot of people have heard of dudes who avoid relationships so I made the post to see what people have learned who have been there.

I can imagine being in your shoes, reading a guy's post I don't know, and thinking that. It's typical for posts/comments to have a slight air of that. Seeking fulfillment like that isn't effective or helpful. You don't know me so I get it. But I know myself enough to know that isn't what I'm doing haha.

I'm religious so I don't pursue pre-marriage sex. And they aren't all smoke shows. Some have been. But not most.

Yeah ofc i dont know anything about you im just saying thats what it sounds like off face value . Probably the way you worded it out or something.. + the attention grabber title.

 

[FlirtLife]

To get the answers to this, I'd first start with your childhood and your relationship with your parents. You might study attachment theory.

OP has ignored this comment, but I found it valuable. According to attachment theory, adults fit into three categories based on bonding with their parents: secure, anxious, avoidant. And in numerous countries and studies, it has been tested and confirmed. I've personally gained insight into a few past relationships, and will continue digging into it.