Browneyes741
Don Juan
- Joined
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- 39
Thanks for your comments and help. I’ll leave the man alone
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
I’m a woman looking for advice from men. Was I too forward with him?
- Thread starter Browneyes741
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
BackInTheGame78
Moderator
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- Sep 10, 2014
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"Someday"? So do you know this man in person or is this some nonsense online thing?
BillyPilgrim
Master Don Juan
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- Apr 9, 2021
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Cats, two demerits for feeding the attention trolls. Shame, shame, shame.Hey @Browneyes741 I've hesitated to chime in before now but having read many books on interpersonal relationships, human behavior, romance and the like, it's possible your telling him about your sexual fantasy triggered certain emotions in him (i.e. sexually) that he didn't feel comfortable with given he has a girlfriend and well, in general.
It also might have resulted in him feeling somewhat vulnerable and sometimes, for some men (certainly NOT all), feeling vulnerable is an uncomfortable emotion, it can cause anxiety and trigger a "flight or fight" response. In your guy's case, his response was to get angry at you (fight) as you were the one who essentially triggered the emotion.
He may have felt you were being a tease or leading him on, even though that was NOT your intention. So if he was triggered emotionally and sexually by your fantasy comment, his anger at you makes sense.
Below is an article from Psychology Today discussing the correlation between vulnerability and anger you might find interesting and give you a different perspective:
The Relationship Between Anger and Vulnerability
How people in pain can release anger and improve their relationships.www.psychologytoday.com
The Duke
Master Don Juan
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- Feb 4, 2008
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Now Billy, thats like putting cat nip out.
Don't tease the kitty like that, this thing will be 5 pages long
BillyPilgrim
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2021
- Messages
- 6,127
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- 4,952
My bad, what was I thinking?Now Billy, thats like putting cat nip out.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Aristippus
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2012
- Messages
- 578
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- 141
To Browneyes (this also applies to men and is worth reading for the men in here).
First, never try to wreck relationships to satisfy your selfish desires. Sexual desire is good and there are plenty of single men out there for a woman to date. It becomes selfish and destructive when you try to satisfy those desires at the expense of others.
You have to have a code of conduct that you live by. Most women don't have that. A large number of men don't either but more men live by a code of conduct than women. In general though, it's a shame that so many people don't. This code of conduct is a group of self-imposed limitations of behaviors that you choose. Things that are ok to do and things that are off limits.
........When it comes to cheating on your wife or girlfriend, the fantasy is better than the reality. (Same goes for women who cheat.) People fantasize about how great it will be and even if the sex is great, all of the negative consequences that follow make it not worth it. I'm in my 40's and have yet to hear of a story where being dis-loyal to your wife or husband ended good. It always ends bad. Feelings get hurt. Families break up. Trust is destroyed. In the extreme cases someone gets killed and the other person goes to prison.
Now, those things being beside the point (although really, the main point), when you go after someone who is in a relationship, you're at a disadvantage. Those 2 people already have a sexual history together. You don't. They are already comfortable with each other, or if not comfortable, at least familiar. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.
They have a personal history together. You don't. The other person is a sure thing (whether good or bad is another story). You're not a sure thing. You get the picture.
Now, the man you desire (and should stop pursuing for all of the reasons mentioned above)...he doesn't know how to read a woman's intentions very well or does but doesn't know how to act on it. It sounds like part of him likes the relationship he's in and part of him likes being flirted with and possibly even tempted. I think he either wants to be loyal or if he wants to cheat, he's clueless on how to move forward. Maybe he thought about it and got cold feet. Either way, he's better off not cheating and you're better off looking for single men. Have a good day.
First, never try to wreck relationships to satisfy your selfish desires. Sexual desire is good and there are plenty of single men out there for a woman to date. It becomes selfish and destructive when you try to satisfy those desires at the expense of others.
You have to have a code of conduct that you live by. Most women don't have that. A large number of men don't either but more men live by a code of conduct than women. In general though, it's a shame that so many people don't. This code of conduct is a group of self-imposed limitations of behaviors that you choose. Things that are ok to do and things that are off limits.
........When it comes to cheating on your wife or girlfriend, the fantasy is better than the reality. (Same goes for women who cheat.) People fantasize about how great it will be and even if the sex is great, all of the negative consequences that follow make it not worth it. I'm in my 40's and have yet to hear of a story where being dis-loyal to your wife or husband ended good. It always ends bad. Feelings get hurt. Families break up. Trust is destroyed. In the extreme cases someone gets killed and the other person goes to prison.
Now, those things being beside the point (although really, the main point), when you go after someone who is in a relationship, you're at a disadvantage. Those 2 people already have a sexual history together. You don't. They are already comfortable with each other, or if not comfortable, at least familiar. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.
They have a personal history together. You don't. The other person is a sure thing (whether good or bad is another story). You're not a sure thing. You get the picture.
Now, the man you desire (and should stop pursuing for all of the reasons mentioned above)...he doesn't know how to read a woman's intentions very well or does but doesn't know how to act on it. It sounds like part of him likes the relationship he's in and part of him likes being flirted with and possibly even tempted. I think he either wants to be loyal or if he wants to cheat, he's clueless on how to move forward. Maybe he thought about it and got cold feet. Either way, he's better off not cheating and you're better off looking for single men. Have a good day.