Hypothetical: you think a girl is a sure thing on the first/second date, but she wants you to pay for an expensive date

[devilkingx2]

This thread was inspired by the occasional debate about whether buying a girl dinner before sex in the early dates: makes you beta bux, or makes the girl a classy lady.

Scenario: this is one of the first two dates, you're as confident as you reasonably can be that you will get laid. However the girl you're dating wants you to buy dinner/take her shopping/buy several $15 drinks. What do you do?

 

[Masculinity]

Your time and company are sufficient. Personally, I set up dates to scenic places. I challenge them to play a game and "the loser buys the other ice cream, coffee or a burrito." It costs $1 to $2 for a game of table hockey. I usually win the challenge and the girl buys me food

They have told me that not paying for a date made me memorable. In my opinion, paying for a woman communicates you are lower value than her, almost as a form of compensation for the differences in value between the two of you. Be playful and creative. Logic is the enemy.

 

[2Rocky]

There is no if X then Y formula that applies. I just try to put myself in a financial position where buying my companions drinks or dinner is not going to put me in a financially precarious position. Could be taking my buddy to the ball game. He might have just gotten laid off and has a kid on the way. Heck it could be my 20 year old daughter. Just as easily it could be a leggy blonde who thinks I look like Rip from Yellowstone.

Try being generous with people you care about without expecting something in return. You will be amazed at how much more you get in return....

 

[derby1]

Could be taking my buddy to the ball game. He might have just gotten laid off and has a kid on the way.

tbf your buddy hasnt got a game rigged in his favour, where he can do this 5 times a week. with you unaware he is disingenuous

 

[DonJuanjr]

Try being generous with people you care about without expecting something in return. You will be amazed at how much more you get in return....

You said it yourself, you don't invite your mooch friends out on your dime. If you walked what you talked, this wouldn't have crossed your mind. Let alone call them your "mooch friends".

 

[Hamurabimbi]

If I ask a girl out, I always pay.
I'm well off, so I don't mind.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Notice the wording “makes her a classy lady” says it all right there. Pedestalizing. Any man doing that is a beta

 

[2Rocky]

You know why this question isn't in Mature Men? Because those of us who have raised a family realize you don't always get something back when you spend time money and energy on people. Kids are a perfect example....You spend money on them for 18-21 years and they don't ever pay you back in cash. There is a lot of times they don't say thank you , and there is a lot of things you get blamed for that isn't your fault. But people keep having kids and raising families so there has to be some satisfaction beyond financial equivalency.

Here is a clue. If you want to "get what you paid for" go to a prostitute. When it comes to the people you spend time and money on, do it because you enjoy that time together. Not because you are going to get something in return. I mentioned Mooch friends....Haven't had one of those since High school. Now as adults I actually find if someone can't reciprocate they will avoid doing things together.

If you don't want to spend the time and money on a woman to share a meal, with her without requiring some repayment in money or sex, then you need to up your standards in who you sleep with.

I can't believe people who will go risk $5k on crypto currency or a stock IPO are getting bent out of shape over a $25 meal

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There are no sure things no matter how good the dates go. How many chicks have you gone out with that you think the dates went awesome only to never hear from them again?

It happens a lot...the only time it's a sure thing is when your c0ck is in her mouth.

 

[samspade]

This thread was inspired by the occasional debate about whether buying a girl dinner before sex in the early dates: makes you beta bux, or makes the girl a classy lady.

Scenario: this is one of the first two dates, you're as confident as you reasonably can be that you will get laid. However the girl you're dating wants you to buy dinner/take her shopping/buy several $15 drinks. What do you do?

I set my own frame. She can join or walk. No hard feelings.

 

[RickTheToad]

This thread was inspired by the occasional debate about whether buying a girl dinner before sex in the early dates: makes you beta bux, or makes the girl a classy lady.

Scenario: this is one of the first two dates, you're as confident as you reasonably can be that you will get laid. However the girl you're dating wants you to buy dinner/take her shopping/buy several $15 drinks. What do you do?

What do you plan on gaining in buying her an expensive meal?

 

[Dr.Suave]

If sex is a sure thing I will pay most of the time, I dont mind.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Never been in that situation. I'm the one leading dates, I'm not "told" to do expensive ****.

 

[Snag87]

This thread was inspired by the occasional debate about whether buying a girl dinner before sex in the early dates: makes you beta bux, or makes the girl a classy lady.

Scenario: this is one of the first two dates, you're as confident as you reasonably can be that you will get laid. However the girl you're dating wants you to buy dinner/take her shopping/buy several $15 drinks. What do you do?

I wouldn't do it. Are you that desperate for sex?

 

[B80]

Your time and company are sufficient. Personally, I set up dates to scenic places. I challenge them to play a game and "the loser buys the other ice cream, coffee or a burrito." It costs $1 to $2 for a game of table hockey. I usually win the challenge and the girl buys me food

They have told me that not paying for a date made me memorable. In my opinion, paying for a woman communicates you are lower value than her, almost as a form of compensation for the differences in value between the two of you. Be playful and creative. Logic is the enemy.

Not paying for a date made you memorable, lol. Guess it depends how you go about it compared to guys she's experienced,

Oersonally don;t think paying by itself makes you beta. Obviously you could be 'beta' and pay for stuff. Can see how your game would make things interesting and improve vibe. But if you;re just refusing or start a discussion about who's paying what, that spoils the vibe and won't create a good impression/feeling for them about you.

If they're insinuating going for expensive meals, 'shopping', then alarm bells will go off. I mean, shopping, can;t stand it at best of times, never mind on a date!

TBH I wouldn;t go for a meal either in restaurant until a few dates down line, but I don;t particularly like eating out and general vibe of restaurants for dates, but thats just me, but its not a financial thing.

But Op should be wary about someone hinting at more expensive dates, things, as its unlikely she'll suddenly lower expectations as time goes on. I'd lead her along to try and get lay, but just be aware shes probably materialistic, show offy etc and will be expecting the same and more if things develop.

 

[B80]

This thread was inspired by the occasional debate about whether buying a girl dinner before sex in the early dates: makes you beta bux, or makes the girl a classy lady.

Scenario: this is one of the first two dates, you're as confident as you reasonably can be that you will get laid. However the girl you're dating wants you to buy dinner/take her shopping/buy several $15 drinks. What do you do?

I'd have no problem taking her to a nice bar and buying most the drinks, as I like decent bars, alcohol and good looking women.

I wouldn;t take her to a restaurant or shopping as I don;t particularly like either.

When you say wants, how direct/tone are they asking in. PLayful, jokingly or how? Pretty rude otherwise. Would file away as an idiot, but would still try to get layed if you were close to getting it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

There is no if X then Y formula that applies. I just try to put myself in a financial position where buying my companions drinks or dinner is not going to put me in a financially precarious position. Could be taking my buddy to the ball game. He might have just gotten laid off and has a kid on the way. Heck it could be my 20 year old daughter. Just as easily it could be a leggy blonde who thinks I look like Rip from Yellowstone.

Try being generous with people you care about without expecting something in return. You will be amazed at how much more you get in return....

Generosity is a double-edged sword. There are women out there who are experts at latching on to generous men and bleeding them dry. Being overly generous early in the relationship can send the wrong signal.

 

[SgtSplacker]

If she's really really sexual i'll definitely buy a nice dinner. If it's foot job under the table horny, yeah no problem let's have fun. Any type of "on guard/reserved" attitude and i'll be "on guard/reserved" too lol.

 

[B80]

Generosity is a double-edged sword. There are women out there who are experts at latching on to generous men and bleeding them dry. Being overly generous early in the relationship can send the wrong signal.

Yeah you need to have some nous/wits/intuition about you. There are usually 'tells' to varying degrees if someone is angling mainly for financial gain/reasons or how much they are into you. If they're sat there like a damp squib or not making much effort, then I won't be inclined to pay more than half as we won;t be seeing each other again. All part of the initial vetting process isn;t it, where you're considering their personality, character, attractiveness, chemistry etc whilst having/trying to have fun at same time.

Both extremes are bad of course, but if you're a tight arse about paying for a few drinks or average priced meals every now and then, good luck finding/keeping an attractive woman.

Dynamics are different of course if you're both still in college, compared to once you're working.

You can still hold 'frame' and be attractive, strong, masculine etc if paying for dates. Get the impression some think you're immediately some kind of beta by doing this, which simply isn;t true.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Both extremes are bad of course, but if you're a tight arse about paying for a few drinks or average priced meals every now and then, good luck finding/keeping an attractive woman.

Paying for a few drinks or an "average priced meal" every now and then is not my idea of "generosity". I believe that the poster that I was responding to was talking about something a little different.