"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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How to turn this girl down politely?

S

SteR

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About a year ago my buddy introduced me to a girl he knew that'd just split up with her bf. I made out with her in the club that evening but didn't expect to take things further. My buddy put a little pressure on me to take her out so I reluctantly agreed.

We went out for drinks a week or so later and although it was kinda fun, I didn't really feel like there was any spark.. I got the impression she wasn't that keen.

I left it there, expecting it to be over with, but she texted me back a few days later saying she wanted to meet up again. So I called her up and arranged another date.

The day of the date comes round and I get a text sent to me by mistake from this girl (what an idiot) basically saying that she was supposed to be going out with me that evening but couldn't be bothered. I felt so disrespected that I just texted her back saying right, the date's off. She of course sent a flurry of texts saying it was a mistake blah blah, she didn't mean it, wasn't ready to see new guys blah blah. I just texted her back saying well you should've said something earlier and left it at that.

Fast forward a few months and she starts texting me out the blue again, asking me how I am yada yada. I knew she realised there wasn't anyone out there better than me (no brag ;) ) and was trying to get me to take her out again. I basically ignored her messages or just replied very evasively.

Anyway fast forward another few months and she's doing the same thing. Except this time she's flat out asked me whether she can take me out to dinner and I don't know how I can dodge this one?

Realistically I know I don't want anything to do with this woman. I don't really have any desire to see her.. and I'm not the kinda guy to just have sex with her for the sake of it.. so how do I respond given the circumstances?

Any suggestions?
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Falcon25

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"I'm seeing someone right now". It seems to work for women, why don't you try it for us men.
 
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SteR

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Falcon25 said:
"I'm seeing someone right now". It seems to work for women, why don't you try it for us men.
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Just tried that ^ :). Problem is I really hate lying but I can't think of any other way I can let someone down without making them feel **** :(

Thanks Falc
 
P

perseverance

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I was in your position I would have taken her up on her offer to go out to eat and then after a few days, I'd have informed her of my lacking interest by saying that "I'm just not that into you".
 
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SteR

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perseverance said:
I was in your position I would have taken her up on her offer to go out to eat and then after a few days, I'd have informed her of my lacking interest by saying that "I'm just not that into you".
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I try to treat people as I'd like to be treated :cool:
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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perseverance

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SteR said:
I try to treat people as I'd like to be treated :cool:
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Yeah, so do I, but there are certain circumstances where a change of stance is required.

You aren't doing anything wrong by allowing this girl to take you out for dinner. You owe her nothing, seeing as she is taking you on her own accord and it's just a dinner date.

At least by letting her take you out and you declaring "I'm just not that into you", it appears to her that you have given her a chance.
 
Kailex

Kailex

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Seriously, just LJBF her. I mean, is it so hard to put your foot down here? She disrespected you a year ago by being a moron.

If you REALLY want to go the a-hole route, one that's definitely low-road.

Set up a date with her.
Then the same day "accidentally" send her a text saying:

"Yeah, I'm supposed to have a date with Moron-Girl, but I just can't be bothered..."
 
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jophil28

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Kailex said:
Seriously, just LJBF her. I mean, is it so hard to put your foot down here? She disrespected you a year ago by being a moron.

If you REALLY want to go the a-hole route, one that's definitely low-road.

Set up a date with her.
Then the same day "accidentally" send her a text saying:

"Yeah, I'm supposed to have a date with Moron-Girl, but I just can't be bothered..."
Click to expand...
You have a real mean streak in you, Kailex ....:cheer:
 
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SteR

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Kailex said:
Seriously, just LJBF her. I mean, is it so hard to put your foot down here? She disrespected you a year ago by being a moron.

If you REALLY want to go the a-hole route, one that's definitely low-road.

Set up a date with her.
Then the same day "accidentally" send her a text saying:

"Yeah, I'm supposed to have a date with Moron-Girl, but I just can't be bothered..."
Click to expand...
haha, didn't even think of that
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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