Cyfer said:
It does. Whilst people may not regard me as a clown, I don't think I generate calm respect. How would you suggest you achieve that balance?
I tend to have sprints of goofing around a lot, and really pushing it. And then I have moments where I am incredibly serious and philosophical. Do you think it is bad to be so extreme at both ends, and rarely in the middle?
Thank you.
The nature of these things is that it is impossible to formularize a workable paradigm for everybody. What I can get away with, you can not, and vice-versa. It all has to do with chemistry and personality.
I'm a pretty funny guy in real life, and in the past I found that if I joked around too much people would lose respect for me. I was able to tell because they became a little dismissive and would interrupt me or not give me their undivided attention. What happens is that you become a characature, a known quantity and they learn to look to you for laughs and not for serious opinions.
It also becomes uncomfortable for them because they feel pressured to have to laugh or respond to everything you say, even if they're not in the mood. It become work, and they slowly start tending to avoid you unless they're in the right mood.
So it boils down to experimentation and calibration. You need to cut back on your joking around if you suspect you are going overboard. People love a man who is funny and yet shifts into seriousness frequently.
Some tips that have worked for me:
Body language is important. Clowns are twitchy and move quickly. Slow yourself down and T A K E | U P | S P A C E.
Think in terms that you are in control of time and space itself. I can't emphasize this enough. Don't be wide-eyed and super-expressive with your face. When someone addresses you, look to them slowly as if you're judging if what they are saying has merit.
Think of your self as grounded. Literally be conscious of your contact with the earth.
I am currently experimenting with voice inflection and I find that I can set myself to a certain spot where I am most effective with my vocal tone and pacing. So far I'm finding it by the seat of my pants, so I can't articulate what I'm doing. Soon I will know and be able to access it more readily.
Do not feel you need to acknowledge and answer every question or comment that comes your way. Ignore some, be slow to answer others.
Once you have conveyed goundedness and mastery of time and space, you are now free to go into bursts of C & F. It's like you have "authorization" to clown it up a bit because you have already established your groundedness. Take a few flights up into fooling around, and then land and ground yourself again. Balance is the key, and is different for everybody.
You will sense when you are being too humorous and you will be able to reel yourself in if you practice enough.
How to ground yourself and acheive credibility
verbally:
Make a positive observation about a person and verbalize it. For example, "That's because you have passion for what you do."
or,
"Yes, I can see that you value and respect [whatever it is they're talking about]"
Statements like this tend to offset the clowning around to yield a good balance of humor vs. seriousness. In the above example, they are delighted about what you said about them and they will internally assign the words "value" and "respect" to
you.
These are just a few things that have helped me balance myself. YMMV, because everyone's different, but I think the body language stuff is pretty universal.
When in doubt, pull in the reins on C & F and deploy it only sporadically.
HTH
