"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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How to react to failure?

Atom Smasher

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nroug7 said:
I tend to use a lot of dark humor that is although very funny, heavily layered in serious undertones a lot. Even though many of my friends laugh at my jokes/etc they still are aware I can be serious.
The question is, wouldn't I have a bit more freedom with C&F due to my young age? (19)
Yes, but you need to observe others' reactions and adjust or calibrate yourself. Others' reactions tend to be difficult to discern at your age, as I recall.

Just remember that CF is very easy to over-use and a man should be doing it with intent and awareness. For me, to err on the side of seriousness is better than to err on the side of excessive CF.

I can always monitor the effect of what I say and ramp up the outrageousness if necessary, but I can never un-speak my words.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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nroug7

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Atom Smasher said:
Yes, but you need to observe others' reactions and adjust or calibrate yourself. Others' reactions tend to be difficult to discern at your age, as I recall.

Just remember that CF is very easy to over-use and a man should be doing it with intent and awareness. For me, to err on the side of seriousness is better than to err on the side of excessive CF.

I can always monitor the effect of what I say and ramp up the outrageousness if necessary, but I can never un-speak my words.
I still tend to be the go-to guy within my social circle, so I think I must be doing pretty well atm.
 

Sik

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OP,

The fact that you're trying is great. I have a tall, handsome friend with a bachelor's degree and he does not talk to girls. Absolutely will not do so on his own. He admits that he's afraid of the rejection, terrified, even. I've tried to help him, but you cannot help those who won't help themselves.

Also, what Atom Smasher wrote was pure gold and worthy of a published book. We are lucky to have members like him.
 

sambwoy

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Atom Smasher said:
Yes, but you need to observe others' reactions and adjust or calibrate yourself. Others' reactions tend to be difficult to discern at your age, as I recall.
I can remember in the college years the girls would just give you the evils and mock you just for existing, whenever I showed my face, for no apparent reason. Why? Just because I am a bit awkward socially?

Whether this was them putting it on I guess I will never know now, but it did hurt my outlook for many years, wondering if belonged in a woman's world at all, or get pushed out of the circle like I thought I would?

Maybe because they were the best-looking they never acquired the social skills/manners that the *rest of us*, when we are young, are conditioned into thinking are a necessity in society, and that being selfish is wrong, yet I think manners have been lost on a lot of adults/elderly over time, depending how far back they went to school, yet they beat it into the kids in the schools now because they are in a position of authority.

Not that I have so-called Male Entitlement Syndrome or anything (I was looking at the Dr. Nerdlove dating advice site), but does anyone deserve to be this unhappy?
 
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