Aurora Demon
Senior Don Juan
What is your education level and are you divorced (at least once or more), or what is your wife's education level? Any advice on what kind of things to sign them up for before high school?
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How to raise children to be successful and happy?
- Thread starter Aurora Demon
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BooBoosHelix
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My parents never listened to me. Never once tried to understand me on the inside. I want to build that comnection to my son. That he feels seen. Also make your Kids laugh, Tell them from time to time that they are your everything. Make them feel loved. Else i think teaching compound effect, nutrition and conflict managment would be a nice start. And reading.
zekko
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This shows the importance of the nuclear family. Family is one of the biggest predictors of success in the world, if not the biggest.
I come from a poor family, and I guess you're right, my expectations weren't that high. But I kept working at it, after failing several times, and eventually found success. I guess I was somewhat driven by the fact that when I was a young man, most of my friends made more money than I did. But I was able to reverse that.
zekko
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I'm retired now. The key to retirement is to prepare for it. Earnings definitely help toward that end, but I know plenty of people who earn a ton but never invested or saved anything. You have to make it a priority, pay yourself first, etc.
As I said, I come from a poor family. As a result, I'm not getting any of these big inheritance windfalls. But I see other people getting them. A lot of people who wouldn't have a pot to p!ss in if they didn't inherit this money. It doesn't bother me though, I don't need it. They do. I look at it as God's way of providing. Those people would be screwed without that money.
BackInTheGame78
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People need to understand that children need direction and need to be parented. Too many want to be their friend. They don't need that.
They need to stop acting like their child can do no wrong and if they get unfavorable reports from teachers or other adults, blame them instead of holding the child accountable.
There are a lot of hard life lessons they need to learn and sometimes be allowed to fail on their own and then learn from those mistakes. Never allowing a child to go thru hard times or trying to shield them from all adversity in life is doing them a great disservice. They will be raising a child that will get chewed up and spit out by the world once they have to go out on their own and be self-reliant.
If your kids always like you, you are doing something wrong. Loving someone means you want the best for them, but what is best for them at that time may not be something they like or want, but it is something they need.
They need to stop acting like their child can do no wrong and if they get unfavorable reports from teachers or other adults, blame them instead of holding the child accountable.
There are a lot of hard life lessons they need to learn and sometimes be allowed to fail on their own and then learn from those mistakes. Never allowing a child to go thru hard times or trying to shield them from all adversity in life is doing them a great disservice. They will be raising a child that will get chewed up and spit out by the world once they have to go out on their own and be self-reliant.
If your kids always like you, you are doing something wrong. Loving someone means you want the best for them, but what is best for them at that time may not be something they like or want, but it is something they need.
BeExcellent
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This is a good thread to see.
@Fruitbat I feel you on the inheritance thing. I too had to make it on my own but surrounded by people whose families never worried about money; had plenty, had help with a car or a house or a trust fund etc.
You cannot dwell on it. However you can help your children a great deal by letting them see the toil sometimes, let them know its too expensive or we can't aftord it. Let them see the bills. Be honest. Be transparent. About everything. Exercise discretion and age appropriate content of course but let them see. Be human, mistakes and flaws and all. Your children will see what authenticity is. If you can show them that they will come to respect your humility. Love them but parent. Listen & coach and prune/monitor/influence the peer group like a hawk, but a covert hawk.
You can be friends after they grow up. As children and young adults you must guide them, and parent them and they will not always like you in the moment but as they mature they will appreciate you steering them properly.
Just today I was explaining to my 15 year old the importance of high grades. Why? Because the higher her GPA the more options she will create for herself. Its about HER and in US it counts beginning in 9th grade. This past weekend I took her to an event attended by prominent people in the field she wants to pursue. She went up to influential people, politely introduced herself, networked and asked questions. Of course people like this kind of spunk & initiative. She received inspiration and observed success. Why not me? She says to herself.
Let them screw up, let them fail, hold them accountable. Teach and require good habits: thrift, tidiness, not to put things off, chores with a good attitude.
I tell my kids straight: The world couldn't care less about you. The world cares about your results and will make judgements about you based on those results. Your family loves you but youth is a time of innocence/love/fun and as you are a teen, its training wheels for real life.
My kids (2 are launched from the nest) are hardworking, responsible and caring people. They know a deep sense that mom & dad aren't perfect, but mom & dad love them and will advise them & help where we can.
My kids have groundedness and gratitude but are all in active pursuit of their dreams. They are good human beings. Its humbling to see your children that way. It makes all the hard bits meaningful.
@Fruitbat I feel you on the inheritance thing. I too had to make it on my own but surrounded by people whose families never worried about money; had plenty, had help with a car or a house or a trust fund etc.
You cannot dwell on it. However you can help your children a great deal by letting them see the toil sometimes, let them know its too expensive or we can't aftord it. Let them see the bills. Be honest. Be transparent. About everything. Exercise discretion and age appropriate content of course but let them see. Be human, mistakes and flaws and all. Your children will see what authenticity is. If you can show them that they will come to respect your humility. Love them but parent. Listen & coach and prune/monitor/influence the peer group like a hawk, but a covert hawk.
You can be friends after they grow up. As children and young adults you must guide them, and parent them and they will not always like you in the moment but as they mature they will appreciate you steering them properly.
Just today I was explaining to my 15 year old the importance of high grades. Why? Because the higher her GPA the more options she will create for herself. Its about HER and in US it counts beginning in 9th grade. This past weekend I took her to an event attended by prominent people in the field she wants to pursue. She went up to influential people, politely introduced herself, networked and asked questions. Of course people like this kind of spunk & initiative. She received inspiration and observed success. Why not me? She says to herself.
Let them screw up, let them fail, hold them accountable. Teach and require good habits: thrift, tidiness, not to put things off, chores with a good attitude.
I tell my kids straight: The world couldn't care less about you. The world cares about your results and will make judgements about you based on those results. Your family loves you but youth is a time of innocence/love/fun and as you are a teen, its training wheels for real life.
My kids (2 are launched from the nest) are hardworking, responsible and caring people. They know a deep sense that mom & dad aren't perfect, but mom & dad love them and will advise them & help where we can.
My kids have groundedness and gratitude but are all in active pursuit of their dreams. They are good human beings. Its humbling to see your children that way. It makes all the hard bits meaningful.
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Giovanni SouthSide
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manfrombelow
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Make sure you as the parents are ready in terms of mental healthy, self-awareness, and finance way before you bring a child into this world.
Too many parents giving birth to children when their own lives are in deep sh!t, and we wonder why the world is a fvcked-up, dark, and hate-filled place.
I was born to parents who were not ready financially and mentally. They have been clowns for almost their whole lives, and they gave me a sh!tty upbringing at that. Their way of "educating" me gave me trauma that still negatively affected my mental health even to this day. I had to relearn and unlearn everything about life, myself, and relationships (still doing it now) just because my parents were sh!tty at raising me.
Too many parents giving birth to children when their own lives are in deep sh!t, and we wonder why the world is a fvcked-up, dark, and hate-filled place.
I was born to parents who were not ready financially and mentally. They have been clowns for almost their whole lives, and they gave me a sh!tty upbringing at that. Their way of "educating" me gave me trauma that still negatively affected my mental health even to this day. I had to relearn and unlearn everything about life, myself, and relationships (still doing it now) just because my parents were sh!tty at raising me.
BeExcellent
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Bad parenting has lasting effects on children well into adulthood. So true.
A stable nuclear family is best, an environment where financial matters are handled & stable is best. You ideally create a safe bubble for family and child rearing that is safe from the world so you can nuture children & prepare them for the world.
Toward that end choosing the right woman to be the mother of your children becomes very important. Its not just about hotness & sex. You have to screen for the appropriate character traits.
A stable nuclear family is best, an environment where financial matters are handled & stable is best. You ideally create a safe bubble for family and child rearing that is safe from the world so you can nuture children & prepare them for the world.
Toward that end choosing the right woman to be the mother of your children becomes very important. Its not just about hotness & sex. You have to screen for the appropriate character traits.