i went to a party last night and had like one positive response (both body language and verbal wise) out of all of the women there. i was pretty drunk (but not too drunk), just having fun, relaxing, teasing some people here and there, dancing a little, etc. and yet it's like i don't exist there. not that i want attention from every person but it's like i can never get positive responses from women even when i am just intoxicated and not giving a damn about anything. i even practiced some kino too on a couple of girls but it's like they continue to either try to brush you off in a subtle way or just be so shy around me. i am a pretty good looking guy too. maybe not all that tall, but muscular. maybe it has to do with social proof? or not being quite sexual enough to women? not really showing the right body language? i don't know.
"The Kiss of Death Mistake"
You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?
Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.
One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.
Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
how to just 'be' more attractive to women at parties.
- Thread starter BlahBBlah
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
DJHoolahoop
Senior Don Juan
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by approaching people man. by being interesting and interested. start introducing yourself to others and get to know them, take a break to get to do the same thing with others there. girls will see you as someone who has a high social status when it looks like you know all those people when in fact you're getting to know them. Both are attractive and possibly more so as she gets to see that you have no problems approaching people.
try not to drink at parties unless your plan is to not get any. then by all means, down the hatch!
try not to drink at parties unless your plan is to not get any. then by all means, down the hatch!
Yea man, you need a personality, engaging stories that don't offend anyone directly, interesting things to talk about and an aura of confidence. People will flock to hear what you have to say. Walking around flexing your muscles might work if you're at a party of body-builders but otherwise, you'll need to use your brain and have fun and interesting things to say.
i do have a personality and i have my own array of academic/other interests to attend to in my own spare time. in fact i talked with one guy about philosophy for a while and i loved it. then talked about one of my classes since a girl and i were both in there. so thank you for making assumptions.
well don't ask us to critique what you're doing wrong at parties. We've never met you. All we can do is offer suggestions on what you could be doing wrong. I apologize if my comment was a little harsh, but its true. If you have a great personality, nothing else matters.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Boschy
Senior Don Juan
At least you're getting out there. Treat it like a learning experience and refine your habits for next time. Women are natural experts at reading body language. Even mildly drunk people stand out a mile, let alone what they say or smell like. (My eyes turn into road maps when I'm into it, so it's impossible to hide from bouncers and chicks alike.) So the women at that party will be thinking, "Uh-huh. You're bold and cracking on to me only because you've been drinking. It's not genuine confidence, so I'm not going to respond."
Thanks for the advice everyone. I guess I need to lay off the alcohol and try to develop some natural confidence. Obviously I don't seem to be giving that off to people anywhere I go. I am confident with my studies, my career, my looks, etc. but I guess there's a whole different kind of confidence people look for.
Distant Light
Master Don Juan
Social proof is one of the best things to seem attractive in parties, like that guy said go an just talk to people as you go around working the groups all the other girls will notice you and you will be getting social proofed as girls here the girls around you laughing. Always great to leave a party with a girl on your arm just so you can be social proofed around the whole venue.
El MonoLoco
Master Don Juan
hhmmmmmm.......
I wonder what you need to be more attractive at the grocery store??
:crackup:
what a silly post...
I wonder what you need to be more attractive at the grocery store??
:crackup:
what a silly post...
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.