How to initiate dread in the post-cvoid world

[TonyTenner]

I'm in an LTR but want to have options. OLD is a no go - LTR is exclusive and even if I sneaked back on, a friend of hers would see it. I now work from home and that aint gonna change til 2021, at best. I meet friends regularly and we go to restaurants but mixing with others is banned due to social distancing. I go to the gym but have never talked to a woman there, I've never found that easy. In this post-covid world, how do ye keep up dread?

 

[logicallefty]

I haven't been purposely trying to meet women lately as I am seeing someone who is keeping me busy. But during the heart of Covid when most everything was closed I found myself meeting women at gas stations in line or pumping gas. I went on a couple dates with this HB clerk I met at Caseys (a popular gas station in my State). I also exchanged numbers with a HB from Krogers Grocery Store after she commented on my T-shirt. I wear a lot of T-Shirts that have funny stuff on them that people can't help but read and comment on, both women and men like them. Today there are a lot more things open in my area than before. I guess to answer your question I would say "Go out, do your thing, and don't think about it being any different than it was before". Just go do your thing and always be ready when opportunity comes.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'm in an LTR but want to have options. OLD is a no go - LTR is exclusive and even if I sneaked back on, a friend of hers would see it. I now work from home and that aint gonna change til 2021, at best. I meet friends regularly and we go to restaurants but mixing with others is banned due to social distancing. I go to the gym but have never talked to a woman there, I've never found that easy. In this post-covid world, how do ye keep up dread?

You tell them the truth. What a concept. You actually be a normal, mature human being. Men don't need to play stupid games.

"So this LTR Thing really isn't working for me. We can keep in touch and when we are able to be closer together I'd be interested in exploring our current situation again."

Men talk about "how do I keep a woman's respect"? All the time...well, you might never be respected by a woman more than by being honest and telling her something like that.

But, you can't have that conversation if you are scared of communication or are afraid to have tough conversations. Easier to hide behind some veiled curtain. But nobody respects the person who takes the easy way out. They respect the man who has the tough convo, tells the the truth and then follows his path.

 

[Focal core]

You tell them the truth. What a concept. You actually be a normal, mature human being. Men don't need to play stupid games.

"So this LTR Thing really isn't working for me. We can keep in touch and when we are able to be closer together I'd be interested in exploring our current situation again."

Men talk about "how do I keep a woman's respect"? All the time...well, you might never be respected by a woman more than by being honest and telling her something like that.

But, you can't have that conversation if you are scared of communication or are afraid to have tough conversations. Easier to hide behind some veiled curtain. But nobody respects the person who takes the easy way out. They respect the man who has the tough convo, tells the the truth and then follows his path.

Damn right you are.

Nobody's comfortable with confrontation; even the word brings up negative associations connotations. Confrontation is not a bad thing, simply put asking someone to respond to your needs desires.

 

[TonyTenner]

BTW, what is prompting the dread games?

She is in to me, but not enough, not like previous LTRs. On the couple of occasions she got jealous, I noticed a huge increase in IL. Unfortunately though, I think she sees me as the beta provider. I'm going to persist for a few more weeks and see.

 

[TonyTenner]

You tell them the truth. What a concept. You actually be a normal, mature human being. Men don't need to play stupid games.

"So this LTR Thing really isn't working for me. We can keep in touch and when we are able to be closer together I'd be interested in exploring our current situation again."

Men talk about "how do I keep a woman's respect"? All the time...well, you might never be respected by a woman more than by being honest and telling her something like that.

But, you can't have that conversation if you are scared of communication or are afraid to have tough conversations. Easier to hide behind some veiled curtain. But nobody respects the person who takes the easy way out. They respect the man who has the tough convo, tells the the truth and then follows his path.

Good advice. I've actually done this twice - the first time which lead to a breakup - but the issues haven't gone away. The main issue I have is I feel like she has settled for me. I do not believe she would be with me if she was in her mid 20s (she's 32). I can play all these dread games, or face the music. It's not enough to be with someone you feel has settled.

 

[TonyTenner]

Ghosting.
See me reply to @EyeBRollin.
Your final authority is giving the finger to the puzz. Its that simple. It does not matter what comes out of her mouth.
She has no value of the time she has with you.
The money you spent.
The kids
The 401k
The house.
NOTHING.
She has a vagina and that's what she has for leverage. You have your feet.
Any other story is lying to yourself.
Indifference is an attitude.

From your post i can tell your behind the 8 ball on leverage and are trying to get it back.
Goodluck. Smashing puzz when they give you the greenlight because she has moved on already is ineffective LTR game. Doesn't work and is still HER FRAME
You missed the boat already.

The opposite of dread is taking for granted. That is your spectrum. Figure it out

Not quite. I don't have the greenlight. But i'm uncomfortable being with someone who appears not to be fully into it - and never has been.

 

[metalwater]

Good advice. I've actually done this twice - the first time which lead to a breakup - but the issues haven't gone away. The main issue I have is I feel like she has settled for me. I do not believe she would be with me if she was in her mid 20s (she's 32). I can play all these dread games, or face the music. It's not enough to be with someone you feel has settled.

is it just instinct or gut feel on your part or do you have solid data points that seem off?

 

[TonyTenner]

is it just instinct or gut feel on your part or do you have solid data points that seem off?

Gut instinct and observation. I ended it over it and she chased very hard to get me back. We got back together but I can feel the same thing again. I could just suck it up as she's a HB8/9 and very chilled, but I don't see how it's sustainable in the long run.

 

[metalwater]

Gut instinct and observation. I ended it over it and she chased very hard to get me back. We got back together but I can feel the same thing again. I could just suck it up as she's a HB8/9 and very chilled, but I don't see how it's sustainable in the long run.

the same girl, that you posted about several months ago with a wandering eye?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Not quite. I don't have the greenlight. But i'm uncomfortable being with someone who appears not to be fully into it - and never has been.

It'll take your energy and power. She has to value it highly.

 

[Focal core]

Gut instinct and observation. I ended it over it and she chased very hard to get me back. We got back together but I can feel the same thing again. I could just suck it up as she's a HB8/9 and very chilled, but I don't see how it's sustainable in the long run.

That say a lot on it, you simply settle with this girl which means its never be a gratifying relationship, you need to be honest with her which means putting your needs first. And see how it goes if the relationship grow into something you want or you will ended up with even better relationships.

 

[TonyTenner]

the same girl, that you posted about several months ago with a wandering eye?

correct

 

[TonyTenner]

So why are you sticking around? Again the whole foundation is desire.

I don't think it's that cut and dry. This is a quality woman with an extremely good temperament. We have good sex. I don't want to end it right away based on my gut instinct that the desire isnt fully there, and the theory that desire is the foundation. In the end it will probably go that way, but I want to give it a chance.

 

[TonyTenner]

If you're strategizing, you're doing it wrong. You should have a full life regardless of COVID impositions.

Yeah that has occurred to me but I'm new to this and still working on the internalisation part.

 

[TonyTenner]

That say a lot on it, you simply settle with this girl which means its never be a gratifying relationship, you need to be honest with her which means putting your needs first. And see how it goes if the relationship grow into something you want or you will ended up with even better relationships.

When you say talk to her, how would I go about articulating my worries?

 

[Focal core]

When you say talk to her, how would I go about articulating my worries?

Tell her what you feel about the relationship, what you need/wants and expect from a LTR, from there work your way through it, work with her if shes willingly to go about it, you got to be willingly leave without regrets and just honor about what its worth.. Honestly putting oppression own your feeling doesnt worth the effort staying with the person you dont really want to.

Your relationship with Yourself is the most important one you'll ever form or maintain. It may be hard for you to be 'alone' if you can't tolerate your owncompany, but the compromises/sacrifices you make just to be with someone else, may not be worth the toll it takes on you. If not you wont even be here asking this if youre happy with that ltr.

 

[backseatjuan]

People go out. Out of tbeir way to go the fak away from this biological bull sht. Bull sht cuz it is genetic weapon, some get it a lot some don’t. Like PaF bunny said, go out to places were people go to get away from other people. Maybe parks or beaches.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Good advice. I've actually done this twice - the first time which lead to a breakup - but the issues haven't gone away. The main issue I have is I feel like she has settled for me. I do not believe she would be with me if she was in her mid 20s (she's 32). I can play all these dread games, or face the music. It's not enough to be with someone you feel has settled.

Then why would you ever want to be with someone who feels they can do better than you?

 

[Focal core]

I don't think it's that cut and dry. This is a quality woman with an extremely good temperament. We have good sex. I don't want to end it right away based on my gut instinct that the desire isnt fully there, and the theory that desire is the foundation. In the end it will probably go that way, but I want to give it a chance.

It's far better to need someone because you love him/her, rather than the other way around