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How to initiate dread in the post-cvoid world

TonyTenner

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That say a lot on it, you simply settle with this girl which means its never be a gratifying relationship, you need to be honest with her which means putting your needs first. And see how it goes if the relationship grow into something you want or you will ended up with even better relationships.
When you say talk to her, how would I go about articulating my worries?
 

Focal core

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When you say talk to her, how would I go about articulating my worries?
Tell her what you feel about the relationship, what you need/wants and expect from a LTR, from there work your way through it, work with her if shes willingly to go about it, you got to be willingly leave without regrets and just honor about what its worth.. Honestly putting oppression own your feeling doesnt worth the effort staying with the person you dont really want to.

Your relationship with Yourself is the most important one you'll ever form or maintain. It may be hard for you to be 'alone' if you can't tolerate your owncompany, but the compromises/sacrifices you make just to be with someone else, may not be worth the toll it takes on you. If not you wont even be here asking this if youre happy with that ltr.
 

backseatjuan

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People go out. Out of tbeir way to go the fak away from this biological bull sht. Bull sht cuz it is genetic weapon, some get it a lot some don’t. Like PaF bunny said, go out to places were people go to get away from other people. Maybe parks or beaches.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Good advice. I've actually done this twice - the first time which lead to a breakup - but the issues haven't gone away. The main issue I have is I feel like she has settled for me. I do not believe she would be with me if she was in her mid 20s (she's 32). I can play all these dread games, or face the music. It's not enough to be with someone you feel has settled.
Then why would you ever want to be with someone who feels they can do better than you?
 

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Focal core

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I don't think it's that cut and dry. This is a quality woman with an extremely good temperament. We have good sex. I don't want to end it right away based on my gut instinct that the desire isnt fully there, and the theory that desire is the foundation. In the end it will probably go that way, but I want to give it a chance.
It's far better to need someone because you love him/her, rather than the other way around
 

TonyTenner

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Then why would you ever want to be with someone who feels they can do better than you?
There is little wrong with the LTR apart from this nagging feeling I have. Sex is very good. Im a part business owner and 6'2 - this is the first time in an LTR where i find myself in this situation, and hence why I happened upon the Red Pill. I suppose I have been thinking a version of "if I keep improving, her respect/desire will increase". I'm sure I'll get shot down here for that sentiment:rolleyes:
 

Focal core

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There is little wrong with the LTR apart from this nagging feeling I have. Sex is very good. Im a part business owner and 6'2 - this is the first time in an LTR where i find myself in this situation, and hence why I happened upon the Red Pill. I suppose I have been thinking a version of "if I keep improving, her respect/desire will increase". I'm sure I'll get shot down here for that sentiment:rolleyes:
Fakk that just tell her what you wants then pretending like some azzhole.. Red pills serve the purpose for whole other women.. If youre already in a committed relationship make it grow.. Be intimate, be playfull, build respect and trust with her.
 

Toddz

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The whole appear to have options to instill dread game is unnecessary, energy draining, and below you. If you're already in an exclusive/committed relationship and she's not giving you what you want out of it, then perhaps you should take a step back and or end it all together.

All you have to do is ask yourself whether or not this person you are exclusive with fulfills all the aspects of what you are seeking in a committed relationship. If she doesn't, then I would seek someone that does. If part of that includes her being head over heels into you (which every guy on here wants from a woman) then you already know your answer.
 

metalwater

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I get it. For now, you are the best option she has and you know this because she chased you back. But... maybe she is still open to a better option if one comes for her and you know that there are better options that could find her. You can feel her receiving energy from others in some cases even if she isn't breaking any boundary that you know of. When that happens and you notice it; it does damage. Over time if you do nothing about this it will change you. When you apply the dread game she falls into line; but is that really a way to do it and is it right to need to keep forcing it. Some say yes, but it does damage to her overtime if we keep doing it. Most of the advice here is for you only and not at all considering her.

You desire a more intimate(mentally; spiritually) relationship. You want to feel like she wants you and that she knows there is no better option. If the superman appeared and wanted her; she would quickly say no and tell that she is for you and no other. I am being extreme, but this is a general idea.

After all that... I don't have the right answer for you.

You already tried the Red Pill dread. Worked; but not what you really want probably.

Before breaking with her; try a couple of soft things. Probably going to get some flak from this forum for this but.. try it.

1. conversation game; try to improve it with her unless if it is perfect already. Talk with her and mostly listen about stupid stuff she is interested in. At least an hour each day, not watching tv; talking... her topics...

2. some activity together where you can mentor her. something you're better at than most guys.

At the same time if not already do check into her environments that she goes to without you; work or whatever... I know your sure she is solid, but one of the top reasons for this exact feeling can be due to a problem...

Probably most of the guys with real success in LTR do some combination of red pill and other stuff.
 

SW15

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@TonyTenner - You really need to look at yourself in the mirror because you're a problem in this whole thing. You're 37, she's 32. That's a solid age difference. You also say that she's elite level in looks. A 32 year old, who is childless and elite level in looks, is a solid option in life. At 35-37, it's very difficult to have a girlfriend in her mid-20s, so 32 is a solid option.

I'm not sure how long this has lasted, but this definitely seems like less than a 5 year long relationship. It probably hasn't even hit 3 years either. If you two were past 3-5 years, there might be some natural decay there, and your thoughts would likely be more understandable.

She's likely the best available option right now, especially given the pandemic and how difficult it is to start something new. I don't think you need to be thinking about dread game.

I'm not excusing her behavior and saying she's perfect. She's not. She likely has some faults, but they seem to be manageable.
 
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Focal core

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So now its about afraid of losing your s.o in the relationship? Man you gotto ask yourself, you already in intimate relationships with her, you got her.. Now grow it and thrive on, not spending your single time with her worrying she would leave.. SMH
 

TonyTenner

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I get it. For now, you are the best option she has and you know this because she chased you back. But... maybe she is still open to a better option if one comes for her and you know that there are better options that could find her. You can feel her receiving energy from others in some cases even if she isn't breaking any boundary that you know of. When that happens and you notice it; it does damage. Over time if you do nothing about this it will change you. When you apply the dread game she falls into line; but is that really a way to do it and is it right to need to keep forcing it. Some say yes, but it does damage to her overtime if we keep doing it. Most of the advice here is for you only and not at all considering her.

You desire a more intimate(mentally; spiritually) relationship. You want to feel like she wants you and that she knows there is no better option. If the superman appeared and wanted her; she would quickly say no and tell that she is for you and no other. I am being extreme, but this is a general idea.

After all that... I don't have the right answer for you.

You already tried the Red Pill dread. Worked; but not what you really want probably.

Before breaking with her; try a couple of soft things. Probably going to get some flak from this forum for this but.. try it.

1. conversation game; try to improve it with her unless if it is perfect already. Talk with her and mostly listen about stupid stuff she is interested in. At least an hour each day, not watching tv; talking... her topics...

2. some activity together where you can mentor her. something you're better at than most guys.

At the same time if not already do check into her environments that she goes to without you; work or whatever... I know your sure she is solid, but one of the top reasons for this exact feeling can be due to a problem...

Probably most of the guys with real success in LTR do some combination of red pill and other stuff.
This is exactly it, she doesn't break boundaries apart from once which I pulled her up on, but I do feel her receiving energy from others and being open to it. It's true, I want to be with someone who doesn't have eyes for anyone else, and I've had this in passed LTRs. Dread game has worked but after a few days it wears off. Environment is fine - cos of the pandemic she's jobless so spends most of her time at home or with me when Im not working.

Why do you suggest mentoring her in something btw?
 

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TonyTenner

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@TonyTenner - You really need to look at yourself in the mirror because you're a problem in this whole thing. You're 37, she's 32. That's a solid age difference. You also say that she's elite level in looks. A 32 year old, who is childless and elite level in looks, is a solid option in life. At 35-37, it's very difficult to have a girlfriend in her mid-20s, so 32 is a solid option.

I'm not sure how long this has lasted, but this definitely seems like less than a 5 year long relationship. It probably hasn't even hit 3 years either. If you two were past 3-5 years, there might be some natural decay there, and your thoughts would likely be more understandable.

She's likely the best available option right now, especially given the pandemic and how difficult it is to start something new. I don't think you need to be thinking about dread game.

I'm not excusing her behavior and saying she's perfect. She's not. She likely has some faults, but they seem to be manageable.
We've only been together 6 months.

The issue that's nagging me is a result of being RPed a few months ago. She's a very calm, smart girl, who never gets angry. But she has told me stuff like "I've been dating the wrong men" and "I had my fun and want to settle down". She thinks this is what I want to hear but since being RPed that sets off alarm bells. You're right - Im the one with the problem but I think it's a case of the problem being there, and if I was still BP I wouldn't notice it, but since being RPed, I am. Course, I may well be exaggerating it. I'm not going to torpedo the LTR until something unacceptable happens, and nothing close to that has happened yet.
 

SW15

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We've only been together 6 months.

The issue that's nagging me is a result of being RPed a few months ago. She's a very calm, smart girl, who never gets angry. But she has told me stuff like "I've been dating the wrong men" and "I had my fun and want to settle down". She thinks this is what I want to hear but since being RPed that sets off alarm bells. You're right - Im the one with the problem but I think it's a case of the problem being there, and if I was still BP I wouldn't notice it, but since being RPed, I am. Course, I may well be exaggerating it. I'm not going to torpedo the LTR until something unacceptable happens, and nothing close to that has happened yet.
Woman sayings.....

"I've been dating the wrong men" is true of mostly every woman who is above 25-27. If you're 27 and a single woman, you've been dating for 10+ years in most cases. You definitely dated a few of the wrong men. There's really no reason to say that. It's expected.

"I had my fun and want to settle down". That's a legitimately alarming statement. That resembles beta hunting. Even if she felt that, it'd be better if she didn't say that. I think a lot of women 28-35 feel that way, but the wisest ones do not say it. This warrants further exploration.

I would just keep riding it out, especially with the Rona causing havoc on the marketplace and making forming new relationships difficult. Ride it out and hope that the whole Rona thing has blown over by the time it is unsalvageable. Good monogamous relationships often have a shelf life of being good 2-5 years. They should be exited not too far down the decline. You'll often observe people with 10-15 year long relationships who split (usually a divorce) and if you examine how many of those years were actually good years, it is rarely more than 5. It's usually a long slow decline in those cases, with the relationship limping along on inertia and being kept together by social pressures.
 

Roober

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If you are living a full and goal-oriented life, you don't need to artificially manufacture "dread" by employing tactics to manipulate her feelings.

Instead, the thought of losing a man who is successful, spontaneous, and highly desirable will be an effect of your lifestyle. Consequently, some amount of dread will always exist because a large proportion of good women will naturally fall into your path.

Live life, don't live for their emotions.
 

TonyTenner

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If you are living a full and goal-oriented life, you don't need to artificially manufacture "dread" by employing tactics to manipulate her feelings.

Instead, the thought of losing a man who is successful, spontaneous, and highly desirable will be an effect of your lifestyle. Consequently, some amount of dread will always exist because a large proportion of good women will naturally fall into your path.

Live life, don't live for their emotions.
I agree but like so many others my life has gone has been massively curtailed by this covid media panic pandemic. It has become a lot harder to live a richer life. I'll have to be creative.
 

metalwater

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This is exactly it, she doesn't break boundaries apart from once which I pulled her up on, but I do feel her receiving energy from others and being open to it. It's true, I want to be with someone who doesn't have eyes for anyone else, and I've had this in passed LTRs. Dread game has worked but after a few days it wears off. Environment is fine - cos of the pandemic she's jobless so spends most of her time at home or with me when Im not working.

Why do you suggest mentoring her in something btw?
Looks like most of the advice on this thread is pretty solid; comeing from a variety ages, countries, and experience.

Mentoring about something sets up a viewpoint of you. Usually when someone mentors another the admiration and maybe respect increased dramatically. They go from being someone you know to being somene that is amazing. Partially why some guys look for a virgin wife. The concept works for any topic; but has to be real. Don't try it if your not adept at the thing.

Other to think about.

- better sex; does it cost in self esteem. why is it better.
- what if my SMV fell flat because of (sick, lost income, other).
- kids... durring and after...
- you can not unlearn what you have learned.
- many men will take your woman if they can; women don't pay for sex...

If you two are not in a weekly church meeting; initiate it from your side. I know guys that did this that don't believe any of the teaching but knew it was needed to help manage the home. You go first for a couple weeks to check the place out... if it seems ok bring her along. That way you can introduce her to the new ppl in proper frame. If you are in one already; maybe check out a different one. Usualy these have girls only groups and men only groups. Clubs; parties; etc.. anything with mixed company(not just singles) even church is going to be an issue for you; for now... I am aware of a couple of couples that live off grid, they really like each other, they are not continually presented with options.

I am leaning towards the idea of moveing on because it is a really bad experience to live in the land of doubt when it is so easy for the girl to remove the doubt.

When we do dread because of her or any of the idea I or others have suggested we are ADJUSTING to her. DJ says to live our life; if the girl does good she can come along. If she does not; tell her (you did that already); if she still does not then move on after trying any of the idea you like.

Don't just accept that it is just how it is.
 
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