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How to handle this shy girl

Sdives

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If a girl is visibly nervous/awkard when talking to you, is it a sign of interest? or maybe she is reading that you're interested in her and she is uncomfortable thinking about your incoming attempt to hit on her.


It crossed my mind the the particular chick in my situation was uncomfortable with me because I have to initiate every conversation, but once we are in a conversation she will sometimes keep it going. I am keeping my distance and in no way acting overly-assertive or blatantly hitting on her, so I'm crossing my fingers that it's a sign of interest.

A couple weeks back we talked and it seemed like she didn't want the conversation to end. it went in and on and on and she was an active participant telling me all about herself. That time she wasn't shy at all. How reliable is blushing as a sign that some one might be interested? she seems very shy most of the time. Some days she’s more talkative. Just the other day I talked with her and she got blushing and red twice during our conversation. Sometimes she looks away when we make eye contact and won't look at me directly when I see her from a distance. Or is she not interested?

She seems so shy sometimes and timid. Some days she’s pretty out going it varies. But how reliable is the blushing? I want to make a move on her but it seems too soon to do so. She also doesn’t’ seem too bothered to keep the conversation going. I’m about 99% sure she’s single. My next step is too keep the conversation going longer and not cut it short Thoughts?

she seems to be bipolar with super shy and sometimes more outgoing so Im trying to find the best middle ground first. I think she's pretty inexperienced with guys

Should I talk to her every time I bump into her?as we frequent the same place

if I keep making small talk with her, which is my plan will I get her to open up more? she must know I have some interest in her even though Im not hitting on her
 
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Serenity

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Honestly I think you're projecting yourself onto her. I think you're the shy one considering that massive over-analysis of everything. From your description it sounds like she's not particularly interested in a romantic or sexual sense, but she's not dismissive either as she probably has no clue about your intentions. She doesn't know your true intentions because you're playing the shy game of just talking and not obviously flirting.

A person (not just women) who seems to vary a lot in their interest for conversation is not particularly interested in you. Their talkativeness is determined by their self-interest in having a chat. Basically when they feel like having a casual conversation, as opposed to actively seeking out social contact with you because of an interest in you.

Nobody can know you have sexual or romantic interest in them by just small talking as that is not a clear signal. Continue like this and she'll place you firmly in the friendzone, because just talking is what friends do, lovers do more. So no, she can't know you're interested in her if you're not hitting on her. Hitting on someone is to signal your interest, casual conversation is nothing special and does not send that signal.

So you should absolutely hit on her if you want any chance of this going where you'd want it to go, else you're headed for the friendzone. I'd rather think it's you who are inexperienced with women, but projecting that too onto her as being inexperienced with men.

Stop overanalyzing it and start making some moves, right now it's you who are shying away.
 

RangerMIke

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If a girl is visibly nervous/awkard when talking to you, is it a sign of interest? or maybe she is reading that you're interested in her and she is uncomfortable thinking about your incoming attempt to hit on her.
Yes. The only way to know which is to ask her out on a date. Then see if she actually keeps the date. If she says yes, and keeps the date, then she likes you... As she gets to know you her interest level will rise or fall. If you get to a point where she will NOT go out with you... then you are out, time to next and move on.

I asked a chick out that I've actually known for a while, but she had a LTR so I never tried anything, she is JUST like this girl you mentioned. I met her at a party and asked for a date... she's making things hard... won't lock down a time and date... now I know. Her nervousness was she felt uncomfortable because she did not have shared interest. It's nothing personal, there just is no chemistry.

The reason chicks get nervous about this is because there are just so many clueless fvcks that won't take the hint and will keep pursuing her even after she turns him down. Every chick I have ever known has stories about dudes making complete @sses of themselves, sleeping on their lawns.... slow driving by their houses.... this sh!t scares the fvck out of chicks.
 
A

AJ84

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If a girl is visibly nervous/awkard when talking to you, is it a sign of interest? or maybe she is reading that you're interested in her and she is uncomfortable thinking about your incoming attempt to hit on her.


It crossed my mind the the particular chick in my situation was uncomfortable with me because I have to initiate every conversation, but once we are in a conversation she will sometimes keep it going. I am keeping my distance and in no way acting overly-assertive or blatantly hitting on her, so I'm crossing my fingers that it's a sign of interest.

A couple weeks back we talked and it seemed like she didn't want the conversation to end. it went in and on and on and she was an active participant telling me all about herself. That time she wasn't shy at all. How reliable is blushing as a sign that some one might be interested? she seems very shy most of the time. Some days she’s more talkative. Just the other day I talked with her and she got blushing and red twice during our conversation. Sometimes she looks away when we make eye contact and won't look at me directly when I see her from a distance. Or is she not interested?

She seems so shy sometimes and timid. Some days she’s pretty out going it varies. But how reliable is the blushing? I want to make a move on her but it seems too soon to do so. She also doesn’t’ seem too bothered to keep the conversation going. I’m about 99% sure she’s single. My next step is too keep the conversation going longer and not cut it short Thoughts?

she seems to be bipolar with super shy and sometimes more outgoing so Im trying to find the best middle ground first. I think she's pretty inexperienced with guys

Should I talk to her every time I bump into her?as we frequent the same place

if I keep making small talk with her, which is my plan will I get her to open up more? she must know I have some interest in her even though Im not hitting on her
Being shy is not a symptom of bi polar. She could just be shy and sometimes women get nervous and awkward when they really like a guy but are a bit intimated by them. Try to not diagnosis her with a mental illness just because you can't read her, just continue what you're doing and if she warms up great if not decide if you want to continue on or move on.
 

Sdives

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Being shy is not a symptom of bi polar. She could just be shy and sometimes women get nervous and awkward when they really like a guy but are a bit intimated by them. Try to not diagnosis her with a mental illness just because you can't read her, just continue what you're doing and if she warms up great if not decide if you want to continue on or move on.
I dont think she's Bi polar, i used it as an analogy like sometimes she's talkative but most time she's shy and in her shell. She likes this with other people not just me.

I intend to keep continuing what I'm doing. Should I talk to her every time time I see her or stagger it a bit?
 

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Sdives

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Yes. The only way to know which is to ask her out on a date. Then see if she actually keeps the date. If she says yes, and keeps the date, then she likes you... As she gets to know you her interest level will rise or fall. If you get to a point where she will NOT go out with you... then you are out, time to next and move on.

I asked a chick out that I've actually known for a while, but she had a LTR so I never tried anything, she is JUST like this girl you mentioned. I met her at a party and asked for a date... she's making things hard... won't lock down a time and date... now I know. Her nervousness was she felt uncomfortable because she did not have shared interest. It's nothing personal, there just is no chemistry.

The reason chicks get nervous about this is because there are just so many clueless fvcks that won't take the hint and will keep pursuing her even after she turns him down. Every chick I have ever known has stories about dudes making complete @sses of themselves, sleeping on their lawns.... slow driving by their houses.... this sh!t scares the fvck out of chicks.
No she's shy, and I know she's single. She's shy with others as well. I havent made a move or anything, its just small talk for time being.

I need to stop hyper analyzing things I know . The minute I think there might be some positivity, if something possibly negative happens like in Body language/ verbal whatever I think the whole thing is done and start to over analyze like now.Its a bad habit
 

Sdives

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Shyness is just a personality trait. It's not a sign of anything.

The small talk isn't killing you. I've known many women like this and it's a good way to soften them up and build some comfort with them. But you can't keep doing that.

You have to escalate the meetings you have with her. Chat her up when you bump into her, then see if she wants to grab a coffe or a simple bite to eat. Chat her up doing that and see if she wants to go out one night for something fun. Chat her up doing that and so on.

Comfort is key with these types. As long as she's giggling and feels safe around you, you're good to escalate things just as you would with any other woman. Just dont drag it out because you think she so radically different. She's not.

She really is a shy and nervous girl People think this girl is like the same experienced clubbing chick you'll find in Miami vegas etc. This isn't that type so being too forward too soon wont work
 

Sdives

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Honestly I think you're projecting yourself onto her. I think you're the shy one considering that massive over-analysis of everything. From your description it sounds like she's not particularly interested in a romantic or sexual sense, but she's not dismissive either as she probably has no clue about your intentions. She doesn't know your true intentions because you're playing the shy game of just talking and not obviously flirting.

A person (not just women) who seems to vary a lot in their interest for conversation is not particularly interested in you. Their talkativeness is determined by their self-interest in having a chat. Basically when they feel like having a casual conversation, as opposed to actively seeking out social contact with you because of an interest in you.

Nobody can know you have sexual or romantic interest in them by just small talking as that is not a clear signal. Continue like this and she'll place you firmly in the friendzone, because just talking is what friends do, lovers do more. So no, she can't know you're interested in her if you're not hitting on her. Hitting on someone is to signal your interest, casual conversation is nothing special and does not send that signal.

So you should absolutely hit on her if you want any chance of this going where you'd want it to go, else you're headed for the friendzone. I'd rather think it's you who are inexperienced with women, but projecting that too onto her as being inexperienced with men.

Stop overanalyzing it and start making some moves, right now it's you who are shying away.

She really is super shy. People think this girl is like the same experienced clubbing chick you'll find in Miami. This isn't that type so being too forward too soon wont work. I think I have the is the yellow light. What do you mean she's not "dismissive either?" it sounds like what i think is that its too early to know either way and she's not totally sure either. I dont know her well enough to know if I like her as a person either.


What I mean is that a couple weeks back she opened up more and kept conversation going, it could have gone on and on but I ended it . This week she was shy and quite as she usually is
 
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AJ84

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I dont think she's Bi polar, i used it as an analogy like sometimes she's talkative but most time she's shy and in her shell. She likes this with other people not just me.

I intend to keep continuing what I'm doing. Should I talk to her every time time I see her or stagger it a bit?

Do you mean talk to her when you meet up with her or when in passing or out with a group? I would say yes to all three. It would be weird if you didn't talk to her, if you see her. That would make her more shy.

It's ok to do most of the talking if you notice that her shyness is keeping her quiet. Letting periods of silence drag on is worse.

Activities like mini golf, pool, etc where you are both doing something, can be less nerve racking for shy people on dates because you are doing an activity rather than sitting across from each other at a cafe where you have to keep talking. An activity also provides a topic and can help a shy person loosen up a bit. Alcohol also helps, let's face it haha. Not saying to get her tanked but a couple of drinks, courage in a bottle and all that..
 

Sdives

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Do you mean talk to her when you meet up with her or when in passing or out with a group? I would say yes to all three. It would be weird if you didn't talk to her, if you see her. That would make her more shy.

It's ok to do most of the talking if you notice that her shyness is keeping her quiet. Letting periods of silence drag on is worse.

Activities like mini golf, pool, etc where you are both doing something, can be less nerve racking for shy people on dates because you are doing an activity rather than sitting across from each other at a cafe where you have to keep talking. An activity also provides a topic and can help a shy person loosen up a bit. Alcohol also helps, let's face it haha. Not saying to get her tanked but a couple of drinks, courage in a bottle and all that..

I run into her once a week to every second week, she contributes and keeps conversation going but its still shy.

But my question is do I converse like small talk every time ? Like I see her in the gym or give it some space.

She looked away as she went to adjust weights on the machine but it was a quick turn after we looked eau other in the eye. I walked and she was focused on what she was doing I came back a bit later made small talk got her blushing again and walked off I saw her around the gym doing her thing she caught me looking but I didnt talk to her again I let her do her own thing.

Who knows maybe its nothing and she was in a grumpy as mood this past week. I've been in the gym a couple times and saw her and didnt feel like approaching her as my mind was elsewhere. So I just did my own thing and somewhat avoided her. When I pass her I saw hi or nod and she gives a smile back so who knows.

Its not at the meet up stage yet. She works a ton I have my hectic life. Im trying to build it up so that I can ask if it seems warranted
 

Sdives

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She could be more shy about being hit on rather than I'm doing anything wrong.
 

devilkingx2

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OP be honest, is all this hesitance really about the girl? Or is it about you being too scared to take action?

Courage isn't the absence of fear, it is acting despite fear. A pink dog taught me that
 

Sdives

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OP be honest, is all this hesitance really about the girl? Or is it about you being too scared to take action?

Courage isn't the absence of fear, it is acting despite fear. A pink dog taught me that

I would prefer more proof if I can get it.

Sorry to over analyze again here as I actually do have OCD. A couple weeks back she was telling me all about herself and just kept the conversation long after I thought it would end I almost felt than after it ended she may reenage it. Now for those of you that think she may not be interested due to her looking away last week. If she has no interest altogether, why would she be so open the? I mean she would have known then if she had any interest at all. The responses and continued conversation made me think that there could be something there but it was early still.So with that knowledge thats when I was thinking it would be soon to escalate. But why would she be open up and keep things going conversation wise then, but somewhat aloof the following week? I'll escalate when I have more prof but this wee seemed like a step back
 

devilkingx2

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I would prefer more proof if I can get it.
Think it through, what sort of more proof do you expect to actually receive?
 

Serenity

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She could be more shy about being hit on rather than I'm doing anything wrong.
You're not doing anything specifically wrong, you're just not doing much at all. You're extremely hesitant and you say you've talked to her for weeks, this is waaaay too slow, even for a shy girl.
She really is super shy. People think this girl is like the same experienced clubbing chick you'll find in Miami. This isn't that type so being too forward too soon wont work.
That is another extreme, I did in no way suggest you approch her like she was that type of chick. I was aiming for some middle ground here. I wasn't talking about going all in and doing everything within the span of a few hours, I was suggesting you at least go in that direction rather than doing nothing to progress things. At the very least act in a way she understands you're interested, do something more than "just friends" do. Doesn't have to be much, it probably should be subtle with this one, but still acts that are hard to misinterpret.
What do you mean she's not "dismissive either?" it sounds like what i think is that its too early to know either way and she's not totally sure either. I dont know her well enough to know if I like her as a person either.
What I meant was that she isn't dismissive because to her you're just some guy she has an occasional casual conversation with, you're nothing special to her because you don't try to do anything special. She appears "not totally sure" to you because the thought of being with you probably hasn't even crossed her mind. That thought will probably not be on her mind either until you make a move which makes her consider it. Also, you won't know if you like her as a person if you do not explore her personality, which you will not do with casual small talk. You got to make some moves and see how she responds before you can know her personality.

You're too passive, possibly too afraid to make mistakes which will become the mistake that leads this into nothing. If you don't make some moves soon you're just wasting your time.
 

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AJ84

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I would prefer more proof if I can get it.

Sorry to over analyze again here as I actually do have OCD. A couple weeks back she was telling me all about herself and just kept the conversation long after I thought it would end I almost felt than after it ended she may reenage it. Now for those of you that think she may not be interested due to her looking away last week. If she has no interest altogether, why would she be so open the? I mean she would have known then if she had any interest at all. The responses and continued conversation made me think that there could be something there but it was early still.So with that knowledge thats when I was thinking it would be soon to escalate. But why would she be open up and keep things going conversation wise then, but somewhat aloof the following week? I'll escalate when I have more prof but this wee seemed like a step back
Asking for her number will provide proof. She says no what do you lose? Nothing, but you will have gained the guts to ask and take that with you for the next girl you are interested in.

I understand hesitation but stepping out of your comfort zone is what it will take, because the time you spend analyzing it here is time for some other guy to approach her and be the one to ask for her number first, while you end up potentially friendzoned. You already had a long conversation with her and small talk and she knows who you are, the next natural step is asking her out.
 

Sdives

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I've read all your replies and you all do make sense. It was brought up elsewhere that she may not even have experience with guys hitting on her. He FB has her hanging out with the same posse of chicks and no guys. They aren't fugly girls but its possible they have a clique of girls and thats it. She seems to spend allot of her time doing personal interests and not being too social.

I get it I should make a move, I get all that, but I honestly worry about spooking her in some sense. Like the trust factor isn't there.


I dont think she will give any clear signals but she might start to open up more and then I escalate as her comfort might be more established. I might have to play it by ear or maybe I posted this thread way too early in my interactions with her to properly make an assessment. So it makes me look like an idiot but I dont have enough to say on it.

I get the impression that some of you think I know her better than I actually do. Like we're part of some social group or something. This is someone I bump into semi-randomly.
 

devilkingx2

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I get it I should make a move, I get all that, but I honestly worry about spooking her in some sense. Like the trust factor isn't there.
If you've already been talking to her and she doesn't trust you, then more talking won't change that and there's nothing you could do.

Imagine a guy on a first date with a girl, and he wonders if he should kiss her or not, "what if she doesn't like me and by trying to kiss her too early i ruin my chance at a second date" the guy worries.

"if she doesn't like you you're not getting a second date no matter what lol, but if she does you'll get a kiss and a second date" says a wise old man at the table next to him

I get the impression that some of you think I know her better than I actually do. Like we're part of some social group or something. This is someone I bump into semi-randomly.
The irony is that not seeing her often or consistently means you have to move faster not slower

One time i was going to get the number of a girl at my workplace (internship) named joanna, she was a real employee and worked in a totally different department than me so i only saw her once or twice a week randomly.

On my last week i saw her exactly 0 times. (out of 3 days) No number and no asking her out for me. If only i had moved just a little bit faster...
 

Sdives

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If you've already been talking to her and she doesn't trust you, then more talking won't change that and there's nothing you could do.




The irony is that not seeing her often or consistently means you have to move faster not slower
..

Well do I chat her up every single time see her and run into her? or pull back a bit ?

What I mean by trust is that I can see her possibly saying no now, but perhaps saying yes after some time has passed and she knows me more, its less spooky for clearly a shy girl.

Does her blushing men anything or is that nothing? she goes beat red in 2 seconds flat. the DJ community must discuss this with the topic of body language and seduction PUA all that stuff
 

devilkingx2

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Well do I chat her up every single time see her and run into her? or pull back a bit ?
http://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-move-faster
Ever have an interaction going really well, with a girl really into you, but then it starts fading, dying away, and eventually she excuses herself and leaves?

You need to move faster.

Ever have a girl chasing you hard, calling you and texting you often, but then after a while the attention dies down, her attraction for you seems to wan, and she even stops responding to your calls and texts?

You need to move faster.

Ever have a girl at your place, into you, maybe even saying sexual stuff or doing sexy things, and you want to make sure the timing’s right so you wait for the right moment, and wait, and when you finally go for it she pushes you away, acts uncomfortable, and eventually leaves?

You need to move FASTER!
---

What I mean by trust is that I can see her possibly saying no now, but perhaps saying yes after some time has passed and she knows me more, its less spooky for clearly a shy girl.
Think it through bro, what specifically do you think she doesn't know about you now that she'll find out in the future?

Does she not know you're charming, smart, funny, good looking, tall, muscular, etc.? Then wtf were you doing the last few weeks?

does she not know that you're not a rapist or a maniac? Then wtf have you been doing so far?

And more importantly, what do you intend to do differently that will show her things she didn't see before?

I know you don't have a good answer to any of those questions, so stop hamstering new excuses lol.

Does her blushing men anything or is that nothing? she goes beat red in 2 seconds flat.
1. It does if she doesn't normally do that.

2. The easiest way to get the answers to the meaning behind a womans actions is to ask yourself 2 things:

A) if i did this to someone else what would it mean?
B) if another guy did this to me, how uncomfortable and weird would that be? (the more uncomfortable, the more likely that the girl is being sexual/flirty/romantic)
 
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