Hey guys need some help dealing with a chick and her ex, recently hes trying to get into her life. they broke up 8 months ago and ive been keeping her company for about 2 months now. but every time things start looking up for a ltr, he makes an appearance. shes adamant that its over but i know how easy it is to get back with an ex just for a quickie. should i cut her loose or play along ????
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
How to handle the Ex
- Thread starter kim
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Harry Wilmington
Master Don Juan
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I don't get why girls feel the need to keep exes around. I've purposefully never stayed friends with exes, and the one girl i dated who was friends with her ex I ended up dumping. Personally, I wouldn't play along, but I wouldn't force her to leave him alone either. I'd just wait til she brings up the "what are we" convo, then say "well, that depends- you still hanging out with any exes?" And if she said yes I'd say "oh, ok, cool- let's just keep things the way they are then." And that's it. Since you're not bf/gf officially yet (I'm assuming) this is the best way to play it.
[email protected]
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You know, im in the game 7 years and in my last relationship something like that happened. Trust me on this one buddy, you must draw a line and show her you dont like it if she hangs out with him and if she cares about you then she will listen. When I was in relationships I was not in contact with my exes, and tell her that she wouldnt feel nice either.
The sooner you draw a line, the better. Ask her "with whom you wanna hang out with... me or him?" I know it sounds maybe needy, but get rid of obstacles sooner then later... trust me
The sooner you draw a line, the better. Ask her "with whom you wanna hang out with... me or him?" I know it sounds maybe needy, but get rid of obstacles sooner then later... trust me
QuadDeuces
Master Don Juan
Keep in mind you might be just only be the rebound or the guy to make the ex jealous.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
I wouldn't be with a girl that has an ex lurking around. That is never any good. That means she isn't over him yet. If she didn't want him around she would make that clear to him. He still has a thing for her and she has him available. If she really wanted an LTR with you she would be in one with you. I would keep her around for the sex while you find another girl and then get rid of this one. She can always go back to the ex anytime and they have history. She doesn't with you.
GotED?
Master Don Juan
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You need to learn the basic principle in establishing your FRAME in the beginning of a relationship.
This is the ONLY thing you need to be seriously in charge of as an Alpha male. If you do not establish your frame (set the rules, boundaries, making her known that you have options and will walk if she misbehaves) in the beginning, you will have a VERY DIFFICULT time doing so later down the line.
You can only establish your FRAME properly in the beginning. If she does not comply, then she is a testosteroned modern man in a female body - move on to another better choice: a feminine woman.
Good luck.
Exodus
This is the ONLY thing you need to be seriously in charge of as an Alpha male. If you do not establish your frame (set the rules, boundaries, making her known that you have options and will walk if she misbehaves) in the beginning, you will have a VERY DIFFICULT time doing so later down the line.
You can only establish your FRAME properly in the beginning. If she does not comply, then she is a testosteroned modern man in a female body - move on to another better choice: a feminine woman.
Good luck.
Exodus
I've never had any problems with gf's still being in contact with their exes.
I've just never been the jealous type, and if they really want to be in contact, they'll do it anyway, with or without your blessing.
I DO have a problem if they want to spend time with the ex instead of me. That is not acceptable and they get put back in their box real fast!
I've just never been the jealous type, and if they really want to be in contact, they'll do it anyway, with or without your blessing.
I DO have a problem if they want to spend time with the ex instead of me. That is not acceptable and they get put back in their box real fast!
Duracell_Bunny
Senior Don Juan
Depends how SHE is handling the ex.
Does she brush him off in a freindly way? Does he innitiate most of the contact?
If she is innitiating and contacting regulary you may have a problem. As Cremasta pointed out, if she is spending time with him or seeing each other in person get out of their now.
Does she brush him off in a freindly way? Does he innitiate most of the contact?
If she is innitiating and contacting regulary you may have a problem. As Cremasta pointed out, if she is spending time with him or seeing each other in person get out of their now.
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.