Hey guys need some help dealing with a chick and her ex, recently hes trying to get into her life. they broke up 8 months ago and ive been keeping her company for about 2 months now. but every time things start looking up for a ltr, he makes an appearance. shes adamant that its over but i know how easy it is to get back with an ex just for a quickie. should i cut her loose or play along ????
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
How to handle the Ex
- Thread starter kim
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Harry Wilmington
Master Don Juan
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I don't get why girls feel the need to keep exes around. I've purposefully never stayed friends with exes, and the one girl i dated who was friends with her ex I ended up dumping. Personally, I wouldn't play along, but I wouldn't force her to leave him alone either. I'd just wait til she brings up the "what are we" convo, then say "well, that depends- you still hanging out with any exes?" And if she said yes I'd say "oh, ok, cool- let's just keep things the way they are then." And that's it. Since you're not bf/gf officially yet (I'm assuming) this is the best way to play it.
[email protected]
New Member
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You know, im in the game 7 years and in my last relationship something like that happened. Trust me on this one buddy, you must draw a line and show her you dont like it if she hangs out with him and if she cares about you then she will listen. When I was in relationships I was not in contact with my exes, and tell her that she wouldnt feel nice either.
The sooner you draw a line, the better. Ask her "with whom you wanna hang out with... me or him?" I know it sounds maybe needy, but get rid of obstacles sooner then later... trust me
The sooner you draw a line, the better. Ask her "with whom you wanna hang out with... me or him?" I know it sounds maybe needy, but get rid of obstacles sooner then later... trust me
QuadDeuces
Master Don Juan
Keep in mind you might be just only be the rebound or the guy to make the ex jealous.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
I wouldn't be with a girl that has an ex lurking around. That is never any good. That means she isn't over him yet. If she didn't want him around she would make that clear to him. He still has a thing for her and she has him available. If she really wanted an LTR with you she would be in one with you. I would keep her around for the sex while you find another girl and then get rid of this one. She can always go back to the ex anytime and they have history. She doesn't with you.
GotED?
Master Don Juan
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You need to learn the basic principle in establishing your FRAME in the beginning of a relationship.
This is the ONLY thing you need to be seriously in charge of as an Alpha male. If you do not establish your frame (set the rules, boundaries, making her known that you have options and will walk if she misbehaves) in the beginning, you will have a VERY DIFFICULT time doing so later down the line.
You can only establish your FRAME properly in the beginning. If she does not comply, then she is a testosteroned modern man in a female body - move on to another better choice: a feminine woman.
Good luck.
Exodus
This is the ONLY thing you need to be seriously in charge of as an Alpha male. If you do not establish your frame (set the rules, boundaries, making her known that you have options and will walk if she misbehaves) in the beginning, you will have a VERY DIFFICULT time doing so later down the line.
You can only establish your FRAME properly in the beginning. If she does not comply, then she is a testosteroned modern man in a female body - move on to another better choice: a feminine woman.
Good luck.
Exodus
I've never had any problems with gf's still being in contact with their exes.
I've just never been the jealous type, and if they really want to be in contact, they'll do it anyway, with or without your blessing.
I DO have a problem if they want to spend time with the ex instead of me. That is not acceptable and they get put back in their box real fast!
I've just never been the jealous type, and if they really want to be in contact, they'll do it anyway, with or without your blessing.
I DO have a problem if they want to spend time with the ex instead of me. That is not acceptable and they get put back in their box real fast!
Duracell_Bunny
Senior Don Juan
Depends how SHE is handling the ex.
Does she brush him off in a freindly way? Does he innitiate most of the contact?
If she is innitiating and contacting regulary you may have a problem. As Cremasta pointed out, if she is spending time with him or seeing each other in person get out of their now.
Does she brush him off in a freindly way? Does he innitiate most of the contact?
If she is innitiating and contacting regulary you may have a problem. As Cremasta pointed out, if she is spending time with him or seeing each other in person get out of their now.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.