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How to get out of her frame

RestUnknown

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Have been texting a girl at work for a while now (didn't push because we work together). But since last week we suddenly had more sexual oriented conversations. Last friday we were texting and was a bit drunk, asked her if she was attracted to me (she said yes), bit later said I wanted to fvck her.

She replied: would never happen at first, but with respect and trust ofcourse why not

Bit before that she also said this: we can never be **** buddies, I've just ended a friendship like that because I got hurt, don't want this again. Fine I can read between the lines. If a girl can have a **** buddy relationship before, she can and will have it again, but clearly she's just not interested enough.

Now I feel she's got a hold on me, I feel that I'm in her frame, that she has power over me now. I have to admit it's true, but before that talk, I felt it was more me then her. How do I get out of this again? I hate this feeling, it feels like we broke up, even though we never had anything.
 

deadmasterx

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1) Stop chasing her, if there's gonna be any contact between you two SHE must be the one to start it.
2) Talk with people, find something else to do that might take your mind off her (spinning plates is a way)
3) Take your time thinking about the things you've done and "dissolve your ego". This will help you not only with her, but with any other girl that might pop up on your way. Do not expect anything, be ready for the worst, stay reactionless.
4) There might be a chance of her coming back, writing you all of sudden, probably in a really lovely way. Women likes to keep men around to boost their ego providing the less she possibly can. That's the time where you can either take control on "punishing" her for doing things you don't like with your silence. The less she knows about how you feel about her, the better it is, and silence works perfectly on that.
5) The last step would be starting things again, but obviously different, with her or simply forgetting. It's always better to start something new with someone new than trying new things with people you have a past with.
6 - not recommended) I'm honestly like using some ultimatums to find the truth behind women's mixed behaviours. Most of the gentlemen here aren't fond of such thing, but it works well for me. It's all in, yes or no, and you can't be afraid of losing her to do this, it takes balls and patience. If you're in love it's not the best idea, but if you are between keep investing on her or **** off and find someone new, it can be a good idea. You gotta first know how to do it (I have a post about that). Most people thinks it's desperation, but if you see it with different eyes it's more like "Okay, you either stop doing this and we keep on, or you can keep on your silly game by yourself".

Remember, you can't force things to happen with a woman. If the door is closed, you don't keep trying to open it up. You simply wait (patience is the key) until she open it herself, or even find new ways to get inside.
 

Glassguy

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Very simple- If you do not feel as though you want to "date" her in order to fvck her, move on.

This is what I would do:

Her: would never happen at first blah blah blah
Me: Heck I dont even know if I LIKE you yet ;). Lets grab drinks this Thursday evening and I will find that out

Take her out for a few drinks.....see how it goes. She might get all worked up and let you fvck her. She might not. Be ok with either outcome and then decide.
 

Lookatu

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Have been texting a girl at work for a while now (didn't push because we work together).
First off, keep your texting neutral and to a minimum. She already has evidence on you if she wanted to pull the #metoo movement on you at any time.
As others said, quit chasing her and if you do work with her, maybe try to be more talkative or friendly to her other female coworkers(if you are working from home, this would be hard to do). This may initiate her wanting to get more attention from you. If this happens, just ask her if she wants to get after-work drink sometime. Then only say stuff or initiate if she is buzzed or drunk and you act like you are too. This creates some plausible deniability. Otherwise, I'd be careful considering she's a co-worker. Just don't let her ruin your career over some mediocre pvssy. Not worth it.
 

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stringpuller

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Last friday we were texting and was a bit drunk, asked her if she was attracted to me
This is were you entered into her frame. The only way to regain leverage is to reject her. But to get to that high ground you have to as mentioned above. Don't chase.
It could take some time. Months even.

An alternate outcome ive had happen to me is when i came into her frame by these questions she found it boring and nice and a couple of times was able to spin it by doing some heavy sex talk and "dirty talk" things they haven't heard before.
Way easier in the late 90s 00s but still can work. Gotta walk the fine line these days because of PC bullshyt. Good luck and a good question

Want to add. Never ask a girl these questions. Its not dominate and you should already know you are attractive.
You killed her boner....
 

RestUnknown

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Alright thanks, I was afraid for this though.

It sucks, it's been a while since a girl this attractive showed some kind of interest, but I ruined it on so many ways. But yeah my mental health is fvcked up anyway, I'm even jealous at the guy who was her fvck buddy before, even though I don't know him. The thought I would have been able to fvck her as well and that I ruined it, is eating me up inside.

I honestly don't know where to start getting better, I've read the bible almost 3 times now, I keep staying in the same rut, and even getting worse.

Fine I've got this girl a bit interested in me because of some things I applied that I learned, but my beta behaviour kept winning.
 

Tilex

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Is this all happening through text?

I don't believe you can establish a proper frame through texting or talking on the phone. There's something really artificial about it.
I can't even remember any moments in my life where I thought I had the upper hand in a text conversation.

This is not how you establish a frame in my opinion.
Real frame happens in person.
It's from your body language, your tone of voice, your posture, your vibe, your physical projection, your confidence.... etc.

None of that can be seen through text conversations.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Have been texting a girl at work for a while now (didn't push because we work together). But since last week we suddenly had more sexual oriented conversations. Last friday we were texting and was a bit drunk, asked her if she was attracted to me (she said yes), bit later said I wanted to fvck her.

She replied: would never happen at first, but with respect and trust ofcourse why not

Bit before that she also said this: we can never be **** buddies, I've just ended a friendship like that because I got hurt, don't want this again. Fine I can read between the lines. If a girl can have a **** buddy relationship before, she can and will have it again, but clearly she's just not interested enough.

Now I feel she's got a hold on me, I feel that I'm in her frame, that she has power over me now. I have to admit it's true, but before that talk, I felt it was more me then her. How do I get out of this again? I hate this feeling, it feels like we broke up, even though we never had anything.
Do you have other babes who you are fvcking? Are they coming thru? Do they desire to please you? Having that "buffer" kind of does it as far as frame, because you won't tolerate anything that's not adding to you.

Guys get in trouble a lot of times because they have nothing else going on.
 

RestUnknown

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Do you have other babes who you are fvcking? Are they coming thru? Do they desire to please you? Having that "buffer" kind of does it as far as frame, because you won't tolerate anything that's not adding to you.

Guys get in trouble a lot of times because they have nothing else going on.
Totally get the last phrase. I have nothing else going on, my life is boring and no other girls. My self esteem is way too low.

I’ve been able to get a girl (who has a boyfriend) text me some semi nude pics and videos two weeks back. She looks quite ok, but I’m actually not turned on by her...
 

mrgoodstuff

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Totally get the last phrase. I have nothing else going on, my life is boring and no other girls. My self esteem is way too low.

I’ve been able to get a girl (who has a boyfriend) text me some semi nude pics and videos two weeks back. She looks quite ok, but I’m actually not turned on by her...
That can't be your foundation. Start off with ANYONE, and work your way up the ladder. Sex will raise your self esteem. And then learning that others like you. Somebody must like you.

Or you must be in a position where you can improve yourself and get more interest.
 

ubercat

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"finally got this girl interested..." Too outcome dependent. When your skills r forming it's a numbers game. Make it your mission to approach 10 chicks. One of them will fvck u. Go from there.
 

RestUnknown

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do not ask a woman if she likes you, ever
Yeah since then it’s different between us.

Strange thing is she still acts normal, but I can’t, I don’t text/talk that much anymore. So it won’t be long before she gives up I guess.
 

dude99

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Have been texting a girl at work for a while now (didn't push because we work together). But since last week we suddenly had more sexual oriented conversations. Last friday we were texting and was a bit drunk, asked her if she was attracted to me (she said yes), bit later said I wanted to fvck her.

She replied: would never happen at first, but with respect and trust ofcourse why not

Bit before that she also said this: we can never be **** buddies, I've just ended a friendship like that because I got hurt, don't want this again. Fine I can read between the lines. If a girl can have a **** buddy relationship before, she can and will have it again, but clearly she's just not interested enough.

Now I feel she's got a hold on me, I feel that I'm in her frame, that she has power over me now. I have to admit it's true, but before that talk, I felt it was more me then her. How do I get out of this again? I hate this feeling, it feels like we broke up, even though we never had anything.
Easy problem to solve. Go date other women.
 

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Visionist

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Stop getting drunk.

If I had a nickel for every "things were progressing but then I got drunk and fücked it all up" threads on SoSuave, I'd have a fückload of nickels.
 

lamath

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Have been texting a girl at work for a while now (didn't push because we work together). But since last week we suddenly had more sexual oriented conversations. Last friday we were texting and was a bit drunk, asked her if she was attracted to me (she said yes), bit later said I wanted to fvck her.

She replied: would never happen at first, but with respect and trust ofcourse why not

Bit before that she also said this: we can never be **** buddies, I've just ended a friendship like that because I got hurt, don't want this again. Fine I can read between the lines. If a girl can have a **** buddy relationship before, she can and will have it again, but clearly she's just not interested enough.

Now I feel she's got a hold on me, I feel that I'm in her frame, that she has power over me now. I have to admit it's true, but before that talk, I felt it was more me then her. How do I get out of this again? I hate this feeling, it feels like we broke up, even though we never had anything.
Dont listen to what women says or text.....
Its all bs....

When she said it would never happened at first only with respect and trust.
This is a **** test

Id say very well then i trust and respect you, when are you available?


Like most ppl said you need to txt her alot less, this is your mistake.
 

RestUnknown

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Like most ppl said you need to txt her alot less, this is your mistake.
But what is too much and too less? I always have this nagging feeling that if I don’t respond ‘in time’, she just goes to someone else and I’m done for
 

rart

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But what is too much and too less? I always have this nagging feeling that if I don’t respond ‘in time’, she just goes to someone else and I’m done for
most of your interaction should be face to face. Use text/phone to set dates and logistics.
 

lamath

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But what is too much and too less? I always have this nagging feeling that if I don’t respond ‘in time’, she just goes to someone else and I’m done for
That mindframe of if i dont anwser in time she will go to someone else is what you want to get rid off.

It give the impression of neediness and lacknof confindence.
A confident man dont care if she does or not go talk to someone else. This is how you can show value.

However im not sure that mindset can be fake
But this is what you should aim for.

Not saying to not txt like most ppl are advocating, but do it only when you have the time dont make exception because its her, and dont try to keep the txt going too long when there is nothing very interesting going on
 
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