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How to fix this - dated her for 2 months and she kinda backs away

TheGambino

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Met her true a dating app.
We went for dinner and the second date we cooked dinner at my place and we hooked up.
So we went on for about a month, another dinner night and casual good hook ups. She is very cudly, texts all day, comes over when I want and we have loads of long cex sessions. All over me, all good.

I got a small company, my own house, car so I am a stable guy, just to let you guys know that I got my sh*t straight so you can better judge this case.

Some small important information, she asked me a couple of times to do something fun on saturdays which I declined because Im working, she didnt like that. She is a psychologist, so she is very good in communication and weeding out deep feelings which I am good in avoiding. Yet I still told her I went to prison for a week 10 years ago and that I am a fighter and are able to kill someone in combat if someone hurts someone I love. This information shocked her but she got it out of me when we were talking one day. But still if a girl loves you, she doesnt care, when things go bad these things become an issue imo. Also my gut feeling says that she told her parents about me and im not sure if that has an positive affect.

Then one evening she starts complaining that she doesnt see me on fridays and saturdays (I always go out those days and dont give it to new plates until she proves herself) and also she cooked for me that evening, did her best and wanted me to sleep over but I couldnt. I had to work early in the morning. She acted distant and like a child and I left. Next day she texts me long story about how she didnt like how things went and I ignored that. She also texted are things going to be good ? And I said ''ye think so, just come over tonight''. A bit indifferent because she acted childish at her home and told me to leave because I couldnt sleep over.

A day later she calls and I tell her ''im tired cant talk'' next day I invite her over. We talk, she tells me that she felt really really bad those 2 days while i little bit ignored her.
We have cex she goes and then the day where some things change comes up. She went for dinner to her parents and I called her and she didnt pick up she said Im tired cant talk. So she copies me.

I go silent for 2 days and she calls, we talk a bit but she seems very unenthustiac and I tell her to come over and she says ''im busy''. Then I tell her ok no problem and go NC for 6 full days. I text her after 6 days ''have a good christmas'' She leaves me on read for a couple of hours then replies, thanks ! you too.

Then she texts me in the middle of the night ''come over if you want'' I was downtown 20 minutes away so I went and we had cex. All good, all cudly all lovey, all over me. Great.

We text a bit back and forth and 2 days later on christmas eve she says im not going out anymore downtown. So i text her come over to my place which she replies ''sorry im still going out my nephew and neece want me to go''. 1 hour later she texts me come to my place i wanna go home. Which I kinda doubt but agree. I felt in her answer that she didn't like it that I agreed. I just know, I dealt with enough women and gathered so much info that it was a bit weak that she declined me earlier and I agree middle of the night to come and fvck her. but yea i was horney and went to get laid. I would suggest someone else to not pick up or tell her if its not something necessary lets talk tommorow morning. but I went to her place.

We had a great night together, all good and some talking about her feelings, I didnt talk to much...

Then in the morning she tells me come visit my work, I tell them I took my boyfriend with me blablabla.. all good signs which I laugh off.
She also mentions children, how i like to raise them when i want to have kids and when she does blablabla

Now the main issue!!!

We been dating now for 2 months since our first date.

After saterday she initiates 5 times and I texted her once so I keep it at least 80% - 20%. I tell her ''lets have dinner at a nice restaurant when are you free to get together''

She replies; ''Hey good that your out tonight, where you at? ''uhm i am busy this weekend and mather of fact im busy whole month of january!''

Which brings up all alarm bells. I replie ''uhm ok'' she replies ''yea im just busy all upcoming weekends, maybe we can meet on a weekday ?''

I tell her. ''no thanks, I don't like to spend time with somone who's ''to busy''.
She replies: Well a date night is fun again! But I am full the upcoming weekends, and when I told you a couple of weeks ago that I was busy you really took distance from me and then we don't see eachother at all haha''
I replie::
Im getting to know you better and I dont like it when someone is ''too busy''.
She replies well I understand that you dont like that and people that like eachother will make time to see eachother! but you also are very busy and you dont want to plan upfront.

She says lets call

I agree in 15 minutes.

Phone call went like this.
We talk 5 mins about random fun stuff, i dont wanna sound butthurt, just my normal self. She mentions in the beginning ''you can come over for a drink if you want'' But I dont want to fail the availability test AGAIN like last weekend so I tell her no im going to the gym with a friend.

Then she starts about the texting.
She says a lot of stuff. You are also busy in the weekends, I told you a weekday is maybe possible for a date night and then she says something. I say Im still getting to know you and thats why I like it to have fun together with some dinner again and im getting to know you, how you think about things how you react, what kind of person you are.

VERY INTERESTING.

*I really like it when we are together doing our thing but that's also possible with someone else. (sounds like a threat)
I say well ok, ye same for me. she says ye we are both very social and likeable so it wouldnt be a problem to find the same thing with another one person.

I say yes I agree, its true....

Then she says so do you see someone else?

I say, no not really. She says what does that mean? I say well ofc other women are interested in me. she says ye also other guys are interested in me.

I say ok so whats the conclusion? she says so you been f*cking other women while dating me? I say well were just dating, we dont have a relationship or were not exclusive. she says well I didnt see a single man while dating you the whole time and you?

I say well in the beginningI was seeing another girl but that stopped when I started seeing you more often. so she replies so you f8vked methen the other day you f8cked another??

I say no. I didnt see another woman for weeks. I quit seeing her after our date.

She says ok how would you like it if i f8vked another man last week? I say obv not nice and bad. she says thats all??? I say yes, bad but we dont have a relationship so you can do what you want. If we are exclusive i would never think about another woman but ye like I said Im getting to know you better thats important for me. She says okk... well For now im done talking, lets chat again on whatsapp goodnight.

Since then radio silence.

Obv I like this girl, shes not my dreamwoman but we are going forward but obv this is not good, and maybe somethings didnt go like they should.
I want to date her more to see if she is right for me or not or keep it as it is. What do you guys think of the whole situaton and more important.

NC and wait for her to replie and talk this out, NC until she talks.
Reach out myself tommorow or in a couple of days and see what happens?

My gut feeling says that she is freeroaming again thinking if were a match or not and maybe she is open to new guys since she is so busy the upcoming weekends.... what do you guys think? help a brother out
 

BillyPilgrim

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The Needy Alpha, by Blackdragon (Caleb Jones)


Needy Alpha - The Needy Alpha is the standard (i.e. old) definition of "Alpha Male". He is confident but very outcome dependent. Like an Alpha, he's masculine, tough, very confident, and cool. However due to his strong outcome dependence he is jealous, controlling, domineering, and usually quick to anger. If things are going great, he's a happy guy just like an Alpha. But if the woman in his life doesn't follow his needy program, he's enraged. "How dare she disrespect me!!!" Immediately he starts barking orders, making rules, and getting into fights (verbal or otherwise). This is the guy who forces his wife/GF to take men off her phone and Facebook and attempts to control her life with an iron fist.

Women are extremely attracted to Needy Alphas just like they are to Alphas. However over time the Needy Alpha's bull**** starts to wear on a woman, inducing her to give him massive amounts of drama. Unless she's extremely submissive she'll soon leave him (forever, not a LSNFTE) and/or cheat on him.


^ Is this you, OP? Regardless of whatever degree this may apply, in a nutshell it appears you need to chill.

Smoke some herb and go climb a mountain or something.
 

CornbreadFed

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Some small important information, she asked me a couple of times to do something fun on saturdays which I declined because Im working, she didnt like that. She is a psychologist, so she is very good in communication and weeding out deep feelings which I am good in avoiding. Yet I still told her I went to prison for a week 10 years ago and that I am a fighter and are able to kill someone in combat if someone hurts someone I love. This information shocked her but she got it out of me when we were talking one day. But still if a girl loves you, she doesnt care, when things go bad these things become an issue imo. Also my gut feeling says that she told her parents about me and im not sure if that has an positive affect.
The prison thing isn't that bad but the killing another human being thing screams crazy and insecurity. The rest of the post, you sound extremely weird and paranoid like your frame was not ready for this girl at all. I get it though; it happens to the best of us. There are certain types of girls that I can't hold strong frame against either. Regardless, I can tell easily tell that this relationship needs to end, and you need to find another girl. Your frame held as strong as WW2 France bro. Maybe do no contact for a few months and come back with a stronger frame and never bring up any of this shvt to her ever again. It might be salvageable if you put the fear of loss in her heart, but a relationship starting out like this is not a good sign at all. A wise hunter would lick his wounds and move on to the next animal.
 
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TheGambino

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The prison thing isn't that bad but the killing another human being thing screams crazy and insecurity. The rest of the post, you sound extremely weird and paranoid like your frame was not ready for this girl at all. I get it though; it happens to the best of us. There are certain types of girls that I can't hold strong frame against either. Regardless, I can tell easily tell that this relationship needs to end, and you need to find another girl. Your frame held as strong as WW2 France bro. Maybe do no contact for a few months and come back with a stronger frame and never bring up any of this shvt to her ever again. It might be salvageable if you put the fear of loss in her heart, but a relationship starting out like this is not a good sign at all. A wise hunter would lick his wounds and move on to the next animal.
i do admit that the killing and prison thing wasn’t a good move. She probably told her parents which told her to leave me alone. She discuss everything with her mom. And I think that changed some of her longterm possible views. Though I don’t acted to weird or paranoid at all. You assume that wrongly.

@billy nah, I never raised my voice, never gotten angry never acted jealous never asked something about her male friends or if she saw other men or anything like that. I think h assume that because I said I could kill someone. I’m a professional boxer so it’s just in my blood to have that warrior mindset and she knows that
 
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The Duke

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Geezus what a bunch of silly game playing making life more difficult than it needs to be. It's mostly on you @TheGambino . You need to tone it down a few levels. I wouldn't want to date your azz either. I couldn't even read all that crap.

It's like poking a bunch of holes in your boat and wondering why it's taking on water.
 

TheGambino

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Geezus what a bunch of silly game playing making life more difficult than it needs to be. It's mostly on you @TheGambino . You need to tone it down a few levels. I wouldn't want to date your azz either. I couldn't even read all that crap.
@The Duke
well could you please explain just a bit, I’m open for critics so I can learn from it man
 

Divorced w 3

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I hate early stage dating lol. This is so chicken or egg I don’t know where your issues started but I think somewhere your worst selves both came out and you guys both decided that pride was going to run the show. I will tell you that if my now self could tell my March self to bang that 9 that jumped on my fvcking hips in the middle of a trendy club or to just stick to the early 20’s girls that I was starting to get a recurring theme with,(the one at work is so hot I can’t, - you know they like you when they lie about being older - I’m looking at her insta now about to bite an appendage for mental relief) I would scream it at myself with a microphone…. Take that for what you want.
 
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The Duke

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She wants more of a relationship with you. She senses she is a plate and doesn't like it. She senses you are playing games(I don't go out on Friday/Saturdays with plates, I'm tired, I have to work, etc) and you are. She is only going to tolerate so much. Thats why she is giving your schitt back to you. Her next step will be to cut you off.

You aren't properly calibrated to whats going on. Thats why you got in the predicament you are in. Sure some game playing in the early stages keeps them on their toes, but over time you have to reel some of that in.

If you quit seeing the other girls after your first date with her, then why the no Friday/Saturday deal. Are you seeing other girls and that was just a b.s. story you gave her? Still looking for other girls?

She simply wants to be somewhat more of a priority than she has been.

I was talking to 3 girls this summer. One I was fuhking(fuhk toy), one was my exgf, the other was a decent girl I had went out with one time and had an excellent date and make out with. That girl showed very high interest for two weeks afterwards. I hadn't got around to setting up another date with her. I was busy with work, messing around with the one girl that was just a fuhk toy, and going out looking for other girls!

About week 3 I called the girl up that I had been out with once, she didn't answer. I texted a few times after and got these weak replies. I knew exactly what was up. I knew what was going to happen before it even happened, and I don't blame her one bit. My priorities were elsewhere. I didn't have the time nor energy to deal with all these girls.

A guy needs to show adequate interest and make time or be prepare to go without.
 

CornbreadFed

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i do admit that the killing and prison thing wasn’t a good move. She probably told her parents which told her to leave me alone. She discuss everything with her mom. And I think that changed some of her longterm possible views. Though I don’t acted to weird or paranoid at all. You assume that wrongly.
Naturally it is safe to assume that posters are giving out 25%-50% of the energy/story. If you are giving us these vibes online, then I couldn't imagine how bad it is for her. I get it, you do not want to lose this girl, but it is a complete L for you right now even if you get a relationship from this. I will always say leave and lick your wounds, but if you want to save this relationship you will have to go no contact lol.
 

BackInTheGame78

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If you could write a dissertation on how fvck yourself over in every way possible one after the other with a woman you are dating, take OP's post and follow it step by step.

I'm sitting here stunned not knowing what to even say.
 

Black Widow Void

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You refer to her as a "plate" and go further to say that she hasn't 'earned' a slot on your Friday or Saturday time.

Yet... you invest over twenty separate paragraphs about this alleged "plate" ... that hasn't earned worthiness of your Friday or Saturday time.

Either you are not being honest with us... or you are not being honest with yourself.

When you decide to strip away the unnecessary varnish and level with me (and others) you'll likely get others to invest more time to assist.
 

TheGambino

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Aight thanks for all the replies. Ok this is it.

next question. How to safe it
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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It's like poking a bunch of holes in your boat and wondering why it's taking on water.
Or musing about which hole is sinking your boat. :cool:

Yet I still told her I went to prison for a week 10 years ago and that I am a fighter and are able to kill someone in combat if someone hurts someone I love.
She is a psychologist, so she is very good in communication and weeding out deep feelings which I am good in avoiding. Yet I still told her
I really like it when we are together doing our thing but that's also possible with someone else. (sounds like a threat)
I never raised my voice, never gotten angry never acted jealous never asked something about her male friends or if she saw other men or anything like that. I think h assume that because I said I could kill someone. I’m a professional boxer so it’s just in my blood to have that warrior mindset and she knows that
I don't want to burst your 'warrior mindset' bubble, but pretty much every man (and woman) can kill someone if they hurt someone they love. Pretty much every good parent would string you up by your balls if you touch their child inappropriately. Nothing there that makes you more masculine.

You're dating a 'psychologist' and you don't think about how she might interpret your violent fantasies (unless you've actually killed someone, your statement is fantasy), so you're definitely not at her level of communicating.

Her suggestion to see other people sounds like a threat to you. That is an unhealthy mindset.

Of course, I'm responding to some text you put up on a public forum and I could be totally wrong about you and you're actually a really friendly and empathetic guy, but your focus on violence and your pride in being a professional boxer and having the warrior mindset and being able to kill and not mind going to prison would give me enough red flags as a non-psychologist to think you're not ready for mature relationships.
 

TheGambino

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Or musing about which hole is sinking your boat. :cool:






I don't want to burst your 'warrior mindset' bubble, but pretty much every man (and woman) can kill someone if they hurt someone they love. Pretty much every good parent would string you up by your balls if you touch their child inappropriately. Nothing there that makes you more masculine.

You're dating a 'psychologist' and you don't think about how she might interpret your violent fantasies (unless you've actually killed someone, your statement is fantasy), so you're definitely not at her level of communicating.

Her suggestion to see other people sounds like a threat to you. That is an unhealthy mindset.

Of course, I'm responding to some text you put up on a public forum and I could be totally wrong about you and you're actually a really friendly and empathetic guy, but your focus on violence and your pride in being a professional boxer and having the warrior mindset and being able to kill and not mind going to prison would give me enough red flags as a non-psychologist to think you're not ready for mature relationships.
thanks and appreciate your replie. I am friendly and chill and cool she says that all the time. I only made those comments and that’s it. It is how it is.

the question is how to go from here. Contact or nc
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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the question is how to go from here. Contact or nc
I think you were probably too intense for her liking, so in your case you should probably go NC.

If she has emotions for you, she'll come back. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. Meanwhile, keep dating and don't display the dark side of your masculinity too much. If properly calibrated, women will suss that out without you needing the verbally support that side of who you are.
 

Dr.Suave

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She is a psychologist
I think it was @Pierce.Manhammer who once said that psychologists are the craziest girls. Never give exclusivity to a psychologist. You had sex at least once, you won, time to cut your losses.
 

Nitrozv20

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Figure out what you want OP, women like men who go after what they want. Sounds like youre not 100% sure with her. She doesnt feel wanted or emotionally close/safe with you playing these stupid games.
 
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