RickTheToad
Moderator
Interesting.. She offered to come by tonight.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
How often to keep in contact while on vacation
- Thread starter RickTheToad
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
RickTheToad
Moderator
I didn't. As quirky as some of my threads here are, I do not run after a lady. I'm too old and not enough patience for that stuff anymore. Anyways, to my surprise, she just texted me, are you free today or tomorrow after work?
I've not responded yet, but either works for me. I guess the hive mind is at work.
I do like this style of communication but only when you know her and her normal schedule well enough.
He's simply asking what her availability is and is often a better way to go than give her the specific day and time. The reason for this is more often than not you'll ping pong between suggesting days and time e.g.
you: mon, at 7p
her: sorry i have plans
you: tue, at 7p?
her: not sure, may be Fri
you: ok, fri at 7p
See what just happened, you now showed her you will either keep bending or you have noting else going on. So best to ask her for her availability and then make a date. AMS covers this in his videos often.
Having said that i would've phrased it as 'I'd love to hear about your trip, what's your availability [this/next] week'.
RickTheToad
Moderator
Since we already discussed last week in getting together so I can hear about her trip, I thought it was redundant to bring it up again. When she said weekend, I assumed Friday night or Saturday, so I shot for Saturday since I have plans already set for Friday night. If I just kept on saying, how's Friday, Saturday, Monday, etc. looks like I have no other options; which is not the case. She's the most attractive out of all the ladies I am talking too, so she has that going for her. However, if I am to be looked upon as a high valued male, why would I just ask, are you free so and so. I probably could had worded it better, but it's better from AMS's standpoint for her to give up her availability rather than you give up yours. He also says if she denies your offer, wait until she comes back around. If she doesn't come back around, then low interest.
I think I played my hand well. We'll see if she actually shows up.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Roober
Master Don Juan
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Agreed!
There wouldnt be any ping pong as @HankHill suggested.
Me: live jazz? I'll grab you on Friday at 7
Her: sorry, I have plans
Me: your Brazilian can wait (or some other stupid joke)
Her: *rambling about what she is doing*
Me: that sounds dope, enjoy yourself
If there is no counter offer in there, she won't here from me again till I try to setup another date 1 or more weeks later.
I recommend all men to plant the seed early that they are busy and their free time is valuable. If you are pursuing your goals and enjoying life, this should mostly be true. You can do this in the beginning by scheduling 2-3 days you are available for dates at the beginning of the week. For example, I would note that I am free Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. Seeing new women is secondary to my life. If she cant fit those days, it will have to wait a week or two. The mistake men make is when they start adjusting their own schedules for women they barely know.
There are exceptions obviously, but I figured that is implied. It's good to have rules, but you need to understand when the rules can have some flexibility. If the womans interest is a heat source, your rules are like a candle. The more heat she applies, the more flexible your rules may become. At this point, she is investing in you, so it's safe to give some back.
marmel75
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2012
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- 7,175
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Bang city
RickTheToad
Moderator
Not too sure. She texted me last night saying she really wants to come over and spend time with me, but she has to finish her intern report. She offered Monday after 5 instead, I said sure. Then she started voice chatting other things like what I was doing and what I made for dinner and such. We should cook dinner together.. someday if we ever get together lol and a smirk. She said, someday is only a few days a way.. Stay positive. I said I'm very positive. I'm watching the game on my tv enjoying a nice bottle of wine, seared steak and some veggies. Life's fantastic. Then she said, well, if you told me you'd be cooking that I'd would had came anyway. I then replied, lol, you should want to come over to spend time with me, not for a free meal. lol. Ironically, before I finished the text, she sent you're now going to tell me that I should want to spend time with me regardless.
So, we're on for Monday after 5. I said it's Columbus day, aren't you off (she's a teacher)? She said yes, but has something to do during the day. I just said, thumbs up and good night. She blew me a kiss.
I've not heard from her today (surprise). I honestly doubt I'll be seeing her Monday. Keep in mind, she's been away for two weeks on vacation. Who knows. I'm just going to push her to the back of the line and focus on other ones. If she reaches out, great, if not. No problem. I do not see the sense in reaching out again.
RickTheToad
Moderator
Just an update. She came over last night. Was a bit resistant at first, because she said we'd not seen each other in a while, but she warmed up. We had some dinner, sat on the couch, and started to make out. She was a bit resistant again from removing the panties, but a few minutes later she removed them. Then, she said she wasn't ready for sex yet, but she then told me to get a condom on just in case. Sex happened and lasted for about 2 hours with the foreplay and intercourse. I assumed she climaxed because she was shaking uncontrollably and moaning really loud, so I then climaxed. She the got upset that I came without her. Twenty minutes later we did it again, but after about 40 minutes or so, my hips and lower back got soar so I we switched to other positions, but she liked that one the best due to the angle. I just said I wanted to try different positions. We did, but then had to stop because she said her vagina was starting to get sore. We were both exhausted, so she slept over. She left the next morning and texted me that she had a great time. Later on, she texted me again texted we have to get used to sleeping together. Then we can get into deep sleep after sex lol :'p
I assume that was a good sign. Ideas on how to proceed?
I assume that was a good sign. Ideas on how to proceed?
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
marmel75
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2012
- Messages
- 7,175
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- 5,571
See, I know what's up. Let her chase you for a little bit and set up smash sessions with her.
RickTheToad
Moderator
I just think I didn't do well enough to make her climax; which did bother me a bit. Though she did say in a text few minutes ago that she enjoyed the sex and had a great time. I'm usually better. Was going at it a second time, but she got sore. She doesn't like the finger and is okay with oral. She said she prefers the real thing instead. So it kills foreplay down there, though still going to try.
In terms of setting up another time, I was going to reach out on Thursday to see if she wanted to do something this weekend or early next week. I am not sure she will be as bold and forward to ask me out. I was going to do an activity date. I saw a Yelp ad for a halloween escape room for 20 bucks at the Bridgeport mall I believe. I thought that would be a nice thing to do. She drives to me, we go to this activity and then come home and see what happens.