How often to keep in contact while on vacation

[RickTheToad]

A bit strange situation on a lady I met a few weeks ago. She went on vacation with her family to New Zealand for the past week or so and will be back next week. She's been texting me every day, and I respond, chat for a bit and go about my day. How often should I reach out if I do not hear from her until she come back? I hadn't heard from her in a couple of days, which is fine, but I do not want to be in a position where she comes back and says, well, I've not heard from you in a week. It seems you just stopped communicating. I've been in this position. I would normally say, very busy and I didn't want to disturb you on your vacation or say it works both ways. Neither worked out in my favor. What's the best way to proceed?

 

[HankHill]

There's no one right answer to this. All depends on your connection and what the conversation has been like thus far. If she's reaching out most of the time that's a good indicator she's interested so every now and again I'd initiate and send a msg. As for how often should you reach out if you don't hear from her? once. I never double text. It's like tennis, you send a text the ball's in her court, if she takes 2 days or 2 weeks you have to wait. If she doesn't respond guess what? she lost interest (which happens), her loss.

 

[RickTheToad]

It's beyond confusing sometimes. I had to jet in our last text because my boss was calling me into the team meeting. I think I texted, gtg, will reach out soon, enjoy the rest of your day. She replied immediately, you too with kisses (still don't know what the kisses face means). I just don't want to look too available or not having any options. I'm chatting with others, but she's the most attractive by far. Just don't want to look too needy or not interested. Trying to find the balancing act line here.

 

[marmel75]

Here is my thought on this. You do what you do. If you arent needy and desperate then your texts won't come across that way and it doesnt matter how often you do it. If you are needy and desperate then it doesn't matter how infrequently you text, it will still come across that way.

Do what you want. Once you start trying to act a certain way so you dont appear one way or the other you've already lost because you care too much about the outcome and how she will react.

 

[HankHill]

I think that was a good healthy text interaction from you and her (kisses face means kisses! she's really interested). Since you said you'll reach out soon, you can reach out the next day 'Hey, just got home from work, off to the gym but wanted to drop a quick note. Hope your day's going well OR hope you're learning fun and interesting things about New Zealand OR I trust you're taking lots of cool pics to show me when you return...'

 

[RickTheToad]

Here is my thought on this. You do what you do. If you arent needy and desperate then your texts won't come across that way and it doesnt matter how often you do it. If you are needy and desperate then it doesn't matter how infrequently you text, it will still come across that way.

Do what you want. Once you start trying to act a certain way so you dont appear one way or the other you've already lost because you care too much about the outcome and how she will react.

Just basically be responding to her texts and then expanding on her trip and such. Haven't been needy, as I find it pretty pointless to chat via text when the lady is half way around the world. By default, I am not a big texter or phone person. When I'm at work or home, I usually leave it on the charger and go about my day. Life doesn't live on a phone screen; at least to me. Though, I may be in the minority on this it seems.

I think that was a good healthy text interaction from you and her (kisses face means kisses! she's really interested). Since you said you'll reach out soon, you can reach out the next day 'Hey, just got home from work, off to the gym but wanted to drop a quick note. Hope your day's going well OR hope you're learning fun and interesting things about New Zealand OR I trust you're taking lots of cool pics to show me when you return...'

Perhaps. She said she was going on a cruise from NZ to Australia for a few days if she can get tickets. I was thinking of reaching out tom. morning and seeing if she got the tickets and then throw that pics thing you mentioned. Good call on that tidbit!

 

[Chi Town]

If she has been texting you everyday then it's ok to send her a little text just to check in with her to see how things are going. Since she has been giving you attention you have to reward her "good" behavior by giving her some of your attention then you go back to letting her text you first again.

If all of sudden you stop hearing from her, don't panic. And don't worry about being too available or whatever, as long as your not calling/texting everyday then your good. You said a couple of days have past right? Ok that's when it's ok to initiate contact, you won't look needy by texting someone after 2 or 3 days have past, It looks bad when your texting everyday non stop. Your fine.

 

[R.U.G.]

OP, no reason why you cannot reach out tomorrow or Sunday. If she's the one reaching out all the time, she's probably wondering your interest in her; amongst other things. Just send a quick message and follow up, then hang back. No need to stress. Believe it or not, the distance is probably helping your cause, not hurting it. You mind, however, is probably working against you. Just go with the flow and ease into things.

 

[marmel75]

OP, no reason why you cannot reach out tomorrow or Sunday. If she's the one reaching out all the time, she's probably wondering your interest in her; amongst other things. Just send a quick message and follow up, then hang back. No need to stress. Believe it or not, the distance is probably helping your cause, not hurting it. You mind, however, is probably working against you. Just go with the flow and ease into things.

Pretty much my thoughts...do what you do. Dont worry about it

 

[RickTheToad]

I did what you said, she seemed a bit a bit distant not really interested in chat. I brought up what Hank said, she said she didn't take many pics, but will take some to show me; and did.

Going to lay low and see if she reaches out when she gets back on Wednesday. I have a few others I'm entertaining, so we'll see. I find myself putting less and less effort into it these days. Oh, the crazy lady is back too. Apparently, I am a cold hearted person who just doesn't care about anyone else's feelings. These crazy ladies make dating not worth crap.

 

[HankHill]

Women run hot/cold all the time, it's just how they are. Don't read too much into it but the fact that she took action by taking pics to show you tells me there's still interest. The best way I've learned to raise that interest is by distancing yourself (not in a jerk way), concentrating on other women...so yeah don't put too much thought/effort into her.

 

[Billtx49]

Just remember that vacations contain schedule, time consuming, and diverse events. Don’t worry about it.

 

[RickTheToad]

Women run hot/cold all the time, it's just how they are. Don't read too much into it but the fact that she took action by taking pics to show you tells me there's still interest. The best way I've learned to raise that interest is by distancing yourself (not in a jerk way), concentrating on other women...so yeah don't put too much thought/effort into her.

I know. She shot some pics of where she is and one of herself holding a beverage. Stating that she was non-alcoholic. Not sure why she threw that in, but I said nice pics have a good time with a smiley face. I was going to add it seems you are having a fun time, but via text I can see how that can be misconstrued, so I just gave said that with the smiley face. I don't like texting as it's not the same as talking on the phone or in person. She was begging me to join her on Facebook messenger, so this is all through Facebook messenger; which I do not like. She claimed she couldn't send texts or something. She sent the screenshot, but who knows. I'll hang back; though, I think the week plus of her not spending time with me has worked against me instead of for me. TBH, I've seen others in the meantime, just no connection or attractiveness from me to them.

She sent me this meme the other day about sex. Something where the lady was married four times, but she's still a virgin. The guy in the meme asked how is that so? The first was a psychologist, so he just asked my vagina questions. The second was a gynecologist, so he just played with my vagina, the third was a singer, so he just sang to my vagina. The forth was a stamp collector, so he only wanted to lick it. I guess it was her trying to be sexually funny. I replied back, so I guess you're more like the last one? She seemed to like the response.

Just remember that vacations contain schedule, time consuming, and diverse events. Don’t worry about it.

I know, I just question things when people do things out of sync. When someone contacts you every day and then stops, I feel something is amiss. Usually, I am right. I am probably overthinking things, but who knows. Taking it step by step while keeping my options open.

 

[HankHill]

Ha, that meme was kind of forward of her but that's a good sign for you. Sounds like she's not closed off in that regard unlike a couple of women I've been out with lately. I'm seeing all positives in this so far, don't over analyze, just go with the flow. If I overthink every word, sentence I tend to mess things up...that's why it's good to stay distracted with other women. Having other options is the single most powerful asset a man can have when it comes to dating women. It's common sense but sometimes it needs to be repeated many times.

 

[sazc]

A bit strange situation on a lady I met a few weeks ago. She went on vacation with her family to New Zealand for the past week or so and will be back next week. She's been texting me every day, and I respond, chat for a bit and go about my day. How often should I reach out if I do not hear from her until she come back? I hadn't heard from her in a couple of days, which is fine, but I do not want to be in a position where she comes back and says, well, I've not heard from you in a week. It seems you just stopped communicating. I've been in this position. I would normally say, very busy and I didn't want to disturb you on your vacation or say it works both ways. Neither worked out in my favor. What's the best way to proceed?

There's no right answer.
If she's not going to make things easy on you then she needs to be nexted anyways.
Do you and wait for the one that is responsive to who you really are.

 

[RickTheToad]

She seems back to contacting daily again. I could have jumped the gun. Just using a previous experience in trying to maintain interest over a vacation was very hard and it failed as soon as she came back. Trying for that not to happen again; but always keeping my options open, as I am sure she is too.

 

[RickTheToad]

As I already expected this didn't end well. She came back and I said I'd like to see you again when you're free. She said she would as well, just needs a day or two to recoup. She offered the weekend. I said sure, how's Saturday. She texted, let me get back to in a bit. She did and said she couldn't. She offered to see me Sunday morning for a bit, but I already have plans. She then texted, we'll work something out and I just said okay.

Not reaching out again, so I assume I'll not hear from her again. So, oh well. Another one bites the dust.

 

[HankHill]

It's never over...there's nothing to be gained from closing the door behind you when it comes to women unless they disrespect or cheat on you. Just a simple txt is all you need to send 'I have plans on Sun and you sound busy this weekend too. Why don't you get back to me when your schedule opens up and we'll plan a date then.'

Then move on...if she still has interest she'll reach back out. The cute women have plenty of options and they can't quite decide which to turn down and which to pursue so sometimes walking away (without closing the door on them) alone amplifies their interest and most of the said options crash and burn after a few dates anyway.

 

[RickTheToad]

The door is always open as I said okay. However, not going to run after her begging for her time. The ball is in her court.

 

[Roober]

Just reach out when your ready to schedule a date. "I want to hear about your trip. Drinks at XXX on Friday at 7."

If she says no or doesn't counter, then ghost until she reaches out again. Men should choose women that choose them. If she doesn't choose you, you walk... 8f she does, she will reach out.

As I already expected this didn't end well. She came back and I said I'd like to see you again when you're free. She said she would as well, just needs a day or two to recoup. She offered the weekend. I said sure, how's Saturday. She texted, let me get back to in a bit. She did and said she couldn't. She offered to see me Sunday morning for a bit, but I already have plans. She then texted, we'll work something out and I just said okay.

Not reaching out again, so I assume I'll not hear from her again. So, oh well. Another one bites the dust.

"I'd like to see you again when your free." Please tell me you didn't word it like that. Would a man who knows what he wants say that to a woman? It's a very submissive form of response. Grow a pair and tell her where she is going, when she is going to see you, and what your going to do. Women dont want to think, they just want to have fun.

Also, the fact that she doesn't want to share everything with you right away is a sign of disinterest. People love to talk about themselves, and love telling the people they care about the most.