How long are you willing to wait...

[TheNewStyle123]

Question for you guys. How many dates are you willing to give a girl before having sex? I know a lot of factors play into this situation of course.

I have been talking to this girl for about 3 weeks now. She is part of my social circle (my friend's coworker's step-daughter) and we have gone on 4 dates now. For our third date early last week we were at my place where I cooked us some food and she brought over some wine. She is really sweet and genuine and definitely seemed a little nervous when making out with me, especially as the sexual tension started to rise. She said "I don't do that stuff until at least the third date. She joked about how technically our first date was not a true date since it was with my friend and her sister. Tonight, I had her to my place again (technically our 4th date) and we cooked together; she also brought over tequila per my request. When things started to heat up again she said "this is probably a bad time to tell you.. but I'm on my period." She also mentioned later on that even if she wasn't on her period she still is not sure what would have happened because she is just still a little shy about things.

This girl really is sweet, and I am VERY much into her. Cute, great body, not selfish, funny, easy to talk to, etc., but my question is how many more dates/chances would you give a girl in your social circle? I definitely enjoy hanging out with her, but I want more than just making out and company.

 

[Black Widow Void]

You give her as long as she wants or as long as you are willing to wait.

You can probably expect the usual suspects to post about how they "draw the line" with women etc... but if you look at how many times that they've posted (usually in a short period of time) ... ya have to wonder when they had time away from this forum to even get a girl.

If you really want a perspective, my answer woiuld be "it depends." You didn't include your age and so... if she's a virgin, you'll need to use your own discretion (and yours alone). When I was younger, I dated a few that I didn't hit home base with, but still enjoyed their company. If she has some infreuent experience, again, use your discretion. Trust me. It's better than at least half the advice that you'll probably receive.

 

[Epimanes]

There is no "how many dates til sex" ... if you like her and enjoy her company then let it be as it is and dont pressure.... if your goal is to just get laid, maybe she's not for you... theres more to life than just fukin..... have fun along the way too.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

SMASH or next. She can hit me up. There's hotter girls turning 18 everyday.

 

[jimwho]

From what I read, I wouldn't put a time stamp on her. The long game is a guarantee and prolongs the fun times.
Remember, she will annoy you soon enough anyway.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

This girl really is sweet, and I am VERY much into her. Cute, great body, not selfish, funny, easy to talk to, etc.,

those women dont come along often. I know you're anxious and getting frustrated but she sounds worth waiting for. This is a rare instance where i'd put my 4 date rule on hold and give her more time. You'll get there, doesnt sound like shes just stringing you along and she'll appreciate your patience

 

[SW15]

From what I can tell, you are spinning multiple plates right now. Most perceive that as a position of strength.

Regardless of the size of my rotation, I never assigned a timeline to getting laid. Sometimes it sorts itself out. I once had 4 dates with a mediocre prospect and there was no sex despite efforts on my part to have sex. She just evaporated from my life and I didn't care.

those women dont come along often. I know you're anxious and getting frustrated but she sounds worth waiting for. This is a rare instance where i'd put my 4 date rule on hold and give her more time. You'll get there, doesnt sound like shes just stringing you along and she'll appreciate your patience

Also, I would like to point that a social circle generated prospect is more valuable that an app sourced one or even one sourced from stranger approaching in-person. I'd also be more patient on a social circle one because that has more potential for longevity.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

This girl really is sweet, and I am VERY much into her.

Op is going to go red face angry hockey dad swinging a toaster oven when she gets crushed SNL by the other guy.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

True desire cant be negotiated.

For me: If she doesnt desire me enough by the 3rd date -> NEXT!

I think she is just ****-testing you. If you let that slide, she will put you in the friendzone.

What i would do now:
Stop chasing her, show her you have options to spend your time, show her you are not waiting for her mercy, see how she reacts.

If she doesnt respond to this, she is not interested, forget her.
If she takes initiative, good, thats what you want. Make her chase you.
If she confronts you for stopping to "court" her, tell her that you dont negotiate desire. Its there, or it is not.

 

[xuzaki]

I agree with the answer from @ThisIsSparta though suggest one thing differently:

If she confronts you for stopping to "court" her, tell her that you dont negotiate desire. Its there, or it is not.

Rather that overtly telling her why you've backed off, I'd instead tell her something like "nothing's wrong, I've just been busy" and let her mental hamster spin itself. And if she asks you that question, it's a pretty good sign.

However, reading your original post, it seems you're in a good place with her. She was just on her period, no big deal. I'd expect she's gonna spread her legs next time. If there's a reason that made you think differently, then that's an important piece of info to add to this thread.

 

[Kotaix]

If she's not trying to schedule having sex with you then it's possible she's not that interested in you. Don't make the mistake of projecting your level of desire onto her.

She might want you to make a move and is waiting to see if you'll be persistent and smooth enough to do so. Your level of thirst will determine if you drive her away.

 

[RickTheToad]

Question for you guys. How many dates are you willing to give a girl before having sex? I know a lot of factors play into this situation of course.

I have been talking to this girl for about 3 weeks now. She is part of my social circle (my friend's coworker's step-daughter) and we have gone on 4 dates now. For our third date early last week we were at my place where I cooked us some food and she brought over some wine. She is really sweet and genuine and definitely seemed a little nervous when making out with me, especially as the sexual tension started to rise. She said "I don't do that stuff until at least the third date. She joked about how technically our first date was not a true date since it was with my friend and her sister. Tonight, I had her to my place again (technically our 4th date) and we cooked together; she also brought over tequila per my request. When things started to heat up again she said "this is probably a bad time to tell you.. but I'm on my period." She also mentioned later on that even if she wasn't on her period she still is not sure what would have happened because she is just still a little shy about things.

This girl really is sweet, and I am VERY much into her. Cute, great body, not selfish, funny, easy to talk to, etc., but my question is how many more dates/chances would you give a girl in your social circle? I definitely enjoy hanging out with her, but I want more than just making out and company.

3, maybe 4 dates. Usually I invite her over on the 2nd or 3rd date and we smash. If I do not at least get something by the 3rd, she doesn't see a 4th. Coffee or drink dates with maybe some tapas and a cooking date prior to f ucking. I am not a monkey, and I am not here to entertain her free time; nor should you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are not making her feel comfortable or connected with you enough for sex to happen.

In my experiences this is what occurs when that happens and something just "feels off" to her. She may not be able to place it or understand why but that typically is the root cause.

You can wait as long as you feel comfortable but regardless of the reason why it isn't happening at some point in her mind she will start painting a negative image of you and wondering "Why can't he close the deal?". Women WANT guys that know how to close the deal, or else they feel like you don't know what you are doing or how to get them to that point and their attraction can fall off a cliff. In her mind it doesn't matter WHY it isn't happening, it's your fault.

You are on the clock OP and you are a lot closer to running out of time than you are to the beginning. 2 times over to your place and cooking on date 3 and 4 with no real action is not a good look.

I have done this exact same thing on dates 2 or 3 and have always had sex afterwards. I am trying to think of a time that it didn't happen and I can't ever recall one.

Only on a first date were there times when it didn't happen but even then out of 6 times I had sex with 4 of the women, and I literally never met any of them before that night.

I would highly advise you to work on your comfort and connection skills and/or read up on this as there is something lacking in one of these two areas.

 

[RickTheToad]

You are not making her feel comfortable or connected with you enough for sex to happen.

In my experiences this is what occurs when that happens and something just "feels off" to her. She may not be able to place it or understand why but that typically is the root cause.

You can wait as long as you feel comfortable but regardless of the reason why it isn't happening at some point in her mind she will start painting a negative image of you and wondering "Why can't he close the deal?". Women WANT guys that know how to close the deal, or else they feel like you don't know what you are doing or how to get them to that point and their attraction can fall off a cliff. In her mind it doesn't matter WHY it isn't happening, it's your fault.

You are on the clock OP and you are a lot closer to running out of time than you are to the beginning. 2 times over to your place and cooking on date 3 and 4 with no real action is not a good look.

I have done this exact same thing on dates 2 or 3 and have always had sex afterwards. I am trying to think of a time that it didn't happen and I can't ever recall one.

Only on a first date were there times when it didn't happen but even then out of 6 times I had sex with 4 of the women, and I literally never met any of them before that night.

I would highly advise you to work on your comfort and connection skills and/or read up on this as there is something lacking in one of these two areas.

He blew it. NEXT. Two times not even naked or some head. Prob. gives off the friend vibe. Hard to come back from that. Perhaps waking a way may do something, but at this point, it's dead. Unfortunately, she's dryer than the Sahara desert in her oasis for him. If he continues on, I suspect a LJBF's offer very soon; or casper.

To all others, use this as a lesson. 1st and second dates (technically, 1st is a meet, not a date) you go for drinks only. If you are hungry, share a some appetizers. After that, 3rd date, YOUR place (home filed advantage). If she agrees, then a dude has a pretty good shot of getting something; at least her being naked and some sort of intimacy. Trust when I say, they know the game. She's no coming over to cook and play patty cake. Her interest is high enough to have sex with the dude. Be very easy going and don't say or do something weak or stupid.

 

[Glassguy]

I don't plan on sex happening on every first date. Or second date. Or third.

But if the escalation to sex ISNT progressing, you are entering friends zone and that is when I would eject.

 

[BMX]

Not at all. It's fucc or walk. Welcome to 2021 ladies.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

True desire cant be negotiated.

For me: If she doesnt desire me enough by the 3rd date -> NEXT!

I think she is just ****-testing you. If you let that slide, she will put you in the friendzone.

What i would do now:
Stop chasing her, show her you have options to spend your time, show her you are not waiting for her mercy, see how she reacts.

If she doesnt respond to this, she is not interested, forget her.
If she takes initiative, good, thats what you want. Make her chase you.
If she confronts you for stopping to "court" her, tell her that you dont negotiate desire. Its there, or it is not.

+1

Shout out to all the OGs past and present. DJs that came before. There is a reason why they say 3 outings. you can't negotiate desire. desire is or isn't there.

I chill 3x. Pull or next. think musical chairs. Low libido means #next.

She can hit me up or not. The issue is that, hesitation means somebody else is hitting it. Real talk. Keep in mind when she's talking ltr later on.

 

[bat soup]

Question for you guys. How many dates are you willing to give a girl before having sex? I know a lot of factors play into this situation of course.

I have been talking to this girl for about 3 weeks now. She is part of my social circle (my friend's coworker's step-daughter) and we have gone on 4 dates now. For our third date early last week we were at my place where I cooked us some food and she brought over some wine. She is really sweet and genuine and definitely seemed a little nervous when making out with me, especially as the sexual tension started to rise. She said "I don't do that stuff until at least the third date. She joked about how technically our first date was not a true date since it was with my friend and her sister. Tonight, I had her to my place again (technically our 4th date) and we cooked together; she also brought over tequila per my request. When things started to heat up again she said "this is probably a bad time to tell you.. but I'm on my period." She also mentioned later on that even if she wasn't on her period she still is not sure what would have happened because she is just still a little shy about things.

This girl really is sweet, and I am VERY much into her. Cute, great body, not selfish, funny, easy to talk to, etc., but my question is how many more dates/chances would you give a girl in your social circle? I definitely enjoy hanging out with her, but I want more than just making out and company.

As long as things are moving forward, it's all good. The problem is when things start going in the wrong direction - at that point, you have to ditch them.

 

[rjc149]

She's coming to you, bringing the requested liquor, and making out with you. All good signs of compliance and investment, all good indications of attraction. Women who are riding other d!cks will typically flake at this point. I think she's into you.

Since you're in her social circle, and she doesn't know you that well, and word will get around on this (she's likely getting lit the fuk up for updates by everyone she knows about this), she's going to have her slut defenses way up. I would give her the benefit of the doubt that she's shy and wants to take things slow, and just be patient.

Keep building comfort, rapport, and when things get hot and heavy, take two steps forward, then a step back, two steps forward, a step back etc. Tease and be playful about it. Do not become frustrated or butthurt.

If she still refuses to touch your d!ck on the next date, either with some convenient excuse or just "isn't ready" then you should be soft-nexting her and casting your net out again. Attraction isn't high enough, or she's just hung up about sex -- generally the juice isn't worth the squeeze at that point.

It would also help to know her age.

 

[EyeBRollin]

She has to get inside my house by the third date. My smash ratio is very high once they’re inside. But it’s more about getting her into my kingdom.

I had one chick that it took me eight dates to smash, but dates 5-8 were all her coming directly to my house cooking for me and increased escalation each time. So it’s not one size fits all...