How is being able to walk away an attractive quality?

[soulforge]

It's a bit of a conundrum really. Sometimes I think zero tolerance is the best policy, other times I just think it's better to ignore and/or avoid conflict. Problem is, a lot of women nowadays push their luck and then burst into tears when you have a go back. So, it's a difficult balance.

The other problem is, when they go on an angry tirade with you, and you ignore it, or walk away for a while, and then this continues happening, it often will get much worse.

My ex would just flip and go into an angry rage, sometimes I would just tell her to stop, and let her know that she isn't achieving anything by being like this.

But yeh it didn't get any better. Things only got worse.

 

[soulforge]

You have to know how women argue and understand that it's rarely about what she says, but deeper feelings that signal she doesn't feel safe and secure with you. If she feels at ease she's less likely to pick a fight, although some women come from toxic background where stormy relationships are all she knows.

I understand your point here.

You could be dealing with two types of women.

Girl One. The one who in the early part of the relationship, was sweet, caring, followed your lead etc.. Somewhere in that relationship you let your guard down, let her get away with a little too much & now she is comfortable arguing with you, because she sensed weakness.

Girl Two. Has history of previous toxic relationships, has mental health issues like depression, has a masculine streak to her, comes from a broken household, has not father figure.

These type of girls will be combative no matter what, as they are impulsive and damaged to some degree.

 

[soulforge]

Sure, but there's nothing wrong with that. Like I said, I counsel women with C-PTSD. If you have proper frame control and you yourself are not unstable and/or impulsive in your emotional responses, you should have no trouble leading them.

This is true, but over a long period of time, dealing with BPD is no walk in the park.

Yup when she goes nuts on you, you can hold frame and deal with it, tolerate it.

It might annoy you or even upset you, especially when she is clearly Disrespectful.

Or.. you could dump her, and find a healthier person who you don't have to tame every day.

 

[Westminster]

I understand your point here.

You could be dealing with two types of women.

Girl One. The one who in the early part of the relationship, was sweet, caring, followed your lead etc.. Somewhere in that relationship you let your guard down, let her get away with a little too much & now she is comfortable arguing with you, because she sensed weakness.

Girl Two. Has history of previous toxic relationships, has mental health issues like depression, has a masculine streak to her, comes from a broken household, has not father figure.

These type of girls will be combative no matter what, as they are impulsive and damaged to some degree.

Scenario 2 was my former wife, who was, as it transpired, a truly bad person.

When my marriage ended I got into a relationship with a younger woman and all was great at first, I had the lead. But I lost frame, partly because my ex-wife was giving me such a hard time with the divorce, making horrible accusations and stopping me seeing the kids. Then the new girl sensed weakness and basically turned on me. When I objected she unceremoniously dumped me.

 

[soulforge]

Scenario 2 was my former wife, who was, as it transpired, a truly bad person.

When my marriage ended I got into a relationship with a younger woman and all was great at first, I had the lead. But I lost frame, partly because my ex-wife was giving me such a hard time with the divorce, making horrible accusations and stopping me seeing the kids. Then the new girl sensed weakness and basically turned on me. When I objected she unceremoniously dumped me.

When you say you lost frame what exactly do you mean? Getting angry with her one time isn't completely losing frame.

I don't think there is any long term relationship outhere where man hasn't got into an argument with his girl.

 

[Westminster]

When you say you lost frame what exactly do you mean? Getting angry with her one time isn't completely losing frame.

I don't think there is any long term relationship outhere where man hasn't got into an argument with his girl.

One thing is that I (stupidly) moved into her house, so I was on her turf so to speak.

Then I was getting upset with the constant attacks my wife was making on me via the police, the courts and online harassment. I didn't cope with it well and frankly I think the new girl eventually got sick of it and started looking for a way out. Which she took when I objected to her attitude towards me.

 

[soulforge]

One thing is that I (stupidly) moved into her house, so I was on her turf so to speak.

Then I was getting upset with the constant attacks my wife was making on me via the police, the courts and online harassment. I didn't cope with it well and frankly I think the new girl eventually got sick of it and started looking for a way out. Which she took when I objected to her attitude towards me.

Yeh moving into a girls house, would definitely put you on the back foot in terms of holding power and authority.

So did you tell her that you don't like her combative attitude? Did she argue and tell you to leave.

Yeh sounds like she was looking for a way out.

 

[Westminster]

Yeh moving into a girls house, would definitely put you on the back foot in terms of holding power and authority.

So did you tell her that you don't like her combative attitude? Did she argue and tell you to leave.

Yeh sounds like she was looking for a way out.

Yes, I told her that I didn't like her attitude and she blew up and ordered me out of the house.

Then she wanted us to have a 'friendship' instead but that's not my style, I'm an all or nothing man. So, that was it.

Now, several months on I hear she's very much in love with a new guy. I suspect it was a monkey branch job actually, although I've no proof of that and frankly I haven't got the will to find out anyway. She's moved on and there's no way I'd go back once another guys been involved in any case.

Game over.

 

[soulforge]

Yes, I told her that I didn't like her attitude and she blew up and ordered me out of the house.

Then she wanted us to have a 'friendship' instead but that's not my style, I'm an all or nothing man. So, that was it.

Now, several months on I hear she's very much in love with a new guy. I suspect it was a monkey branch job actually, although I've no proof of that and frankly I haven't got the will to find out anyway. She's moved on and there's no way I'd go back once another guys been involved in any case.

Game over.

Yeh mate when they try and get rid of you like that, it's because they already have another set up in the pipeline.

You have to be able to read the Signs. If you're girl isn't acting accordingly, then it's best to drop her and move on, before things get to the stage where she leaves you and monkey branches.

Most woman do this. I dumped my ex due to her bad behaviour and occasionally disrespectful behaviour. I actually told her to leave my house.

Have been NC 8 weeks, she was 25 years old, in her prime and very hot.

It is what it is.

 

[Westminster]

Yeh mate when they try and get rid of you like that, it's because they already have another set up in the pipeline.

You have to be able to read the Signs. If you're girl isn't acting accordingly, then it's best to drop her and move on, before things get to the stage where she leaves you and monkey branches.

Most woman do this. I dumped my ex due to her bad behaviour and occasionally disrespectful behaviour. I actually told her to leave my house.

Have been NC 8 weeks, she was 25 years old, in her prime and very hot.

It is what it is.

I need to be better at reading the signs but sometimes it's difficult to see the wood for the trees. But I should have been proactive and got out earlier you're right. Always better to be the dumper than to get dumped.

In hindsight, the signs were there. I think anyway. Moving in was a mistake too, no doubt.

 

[soulforge]

Funny, I found it's better to get dumped. I've had two exes I dumped who became stalkers. None of the exes I manipulated into dumping me ever circled back.

What you Dumped them? And how did they become stalkers.

I don't mind if they become stalkers, as I can firmly out them into sex category only.

 

[Westminster]

Funny, I found it's better to get dumped. I've had two exes I dumped who became stalkers. None of the exes I manipulated into dumping me ever circled back.

Maybe if you manipulate the situation that's true inasmuch as you retain control. Generally though, getting dumped can be humiliating, especially if you're not expecting it.

 

[soulforge]

Maybe if you manipulate the situation that's true inasmuch as you retain control. Generally though, getting dumped can be humiliating, especially if you're not expecting it.

Do be honest mate, my exes interest level was still high when I ended it.

She wasn't flaking
She was still giving me sex

Just her bratish attitude was too much for me, it was a roller coaster of combativeness and disrespect.

She had a hard time controling her emotions and anger, which caused the demise of the relationship.

As a dumper, it's still very difficult. As the dumping is a forced Dumping. Still hurts.

Maybe not as much as being dumped though.

 

[Westminster]

Sure, but I could always see it coming a mile off, so I would piss them off enough to dump me and get out of my life.

I don't see how it's humiliating, who would even know how my relationships ended as I was still happy with the other women.

When I got to be older and have a stable, the relationship splits became more amicable. It wasn't about dumping or being dumped but just ending the romance / sex part. I'm still on a friendly basis with most of my ex-lovers. They understand that you cannot tie me down.

Maybe humiliation isn't the right word, perhaps hurtful is more accurate.

Either way, I need to be more forward thinking and perhaps more proactive in relationships. I think I let things go on too long sometimes, but that's a fault of mine. I've done the same with jobs and friendships where I should've got out before they turned sour.

Maybe I need to be more ruthless to put it bluntly.

 

[Westminster]

When you say you lost frame what exactly do you mean? Getting angry with her one time isn't completely losing frame.

I don't think there is any long term relationship outhere where man hasn't got into an argument with his girl.

I suppose I looked to her for support when I was under attack from my former wife - which entailed some really extreme stuff.

Initially, she was supportive but I think she started seeing me as a victim (which I was) and grew tired of the situation.

In hindsight, I should've kept everything to myself but frankly I was in a bit of a state with everything, especially when my ex tried to get me fired at work.

 

[Westminster]

I would say, more decisive, not ruthless per se. You can let them down easy, but you have to be the one to take the decision to end it.

Yes, that's a good way to put it.

 

[soulforge]

Maybe humiliation isn't the right word, perhaps hurtful is more accurate.

Either way, I need to be more forward thinking and perhaps more proactive in relationships. I think I let things go on too long sometimes, but that's a fault of mine. I've done the same with jobs and friendships where I should've got out before they turned sour.

Maybe I need to be more ruthless to put it bluntly.

Honestly man I never ever share a single problem with a girl I am dating.

The game never ends. You might feel good about her supporting you, but internally they develop resentment.

 

[Westminster]

Honestly man I never ever share a single problem with a girl I am dating.

The game never ends. You might feel good about her supporting you, but internally they develop resentment.

You're right. It was a significant mistake - although, in my defence, it was hard not to do so as the circumstances were quite extreme. Your point still stands though, that's sound advice.

We're all a work in progress though I suppose and it's a mistake I won't make again. A lesson has been learned, of that there's no doubt.

Thank you for your wise words though, my friend. Some excellent counsel from you and the AmesterdamAssassin both.

 

[soulforge]

You're right. It was a significant mistake - although, in my defence, it was hard not to do so as the circumstances were quite extreme. Your point still stands though, that's sound advice.

We're all a work in progress though I suppose and it's a mistake I won't make again. A lesson has been learned, of that there's no doubt.

Thank you for your wise words though, my friend. Some excellent counsel from you and the AmesterdamAssassin both.

Yeh mate, we will likely go through a series of mistakes/break ups till we get it right.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Same. I do start over sharing when I want to disengage them. It works every time.

Honestly man I never ever share a single problem with a girl I am dating.

The game never ends. You might feel good about her supporting you, but internally they develop resentment.