Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single
She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.
You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.
The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.
How do you react to patronizing people
- Thread starter st_99
- Start date
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
nothing to be gained here from confrontation.
a patronizing action is a passive aggressive action and is thus covert. Used mainly by women and feminized men. If you act overly you will be labeled the bad guy...if this is done by a boss or superior act nice to his/her face while looking for new employment.
and i wonder if there is even any point in calling out a women on this type of behavior or just clown them right back..not sure.
the patronizing action is 2 hairs short of outright contempt....and prolonged contempt from a woman towards a man for most of recorded history would have been met by a severe beating and ostracizing.st_99 said:
If a woman is indeed patronizing you she has no respect for you as a human being let alone a man...she has a vested ego investment in your perceived inferiority at this point....you can clown her surely, but realize that the well has been poisoned and the water is no longer fit to drink.
I think how you respond to this depends a lot on the environment you're in.
I'm a pretty direct person. If I feel someone is doing this to me, I'll nip it in the bud by pulling the person aside and make steely eye contact while looking for resolution/answers for their behavior.
If it occurs in the workplace, you have to be careful with this approach. People that patronize usually live in glass houses which makes them painfully susceptible to those who defend themselves. The downside is, if you're perceived as "defending yourself", subconsciously they know they've won the little passive-aggressive war they've waged against you.
I've found the best way to deal with this in the majority of cases is to confidently laugh and give off the impression the person is joking with you. It makes you look good, and completely offsets the b!tchery coming from the other person to the point where it's unlikely they'll toy with you again.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
speed dawg
Master Don Juan
I've found that a great move in the verbal defense war is the boring response tactic. You can use it in very different circumstances. By being mundane, boring (ie not giving a fvck what they have to say) you can ward off these attacks without attacking back, thus getting sucked into their frame. You go neither up nor down. Your boss says, "Why can't you be more like Frankie over there?"....You: "Well, Lumberg, he's very highly skilled in the foreign languages of Tutankhamen rabble rabble rabble it really doesn't matter etc etct etc"........The attacker loses interest since they failed to rile you up.
Now, you could always try the witty way and give them a one liner, but I'm not really a witty guy so I typically lose that battle.
An attacker and a patronizer are a little bit different, but you can still work it the same way. Their intent is to get a reaction covertly instead of overtly. I'd need an example of what they say to really gauge it, but I would suspect this technique would work in your situation too. Just basically show no emotion, and don't really pay attention to them, while calling them on their bullcrap. So in other words, be boring, but give them an overt response showing that you did in fact recognize their BS and you won't tolerate it. The key is staying calm though.