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You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

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How do you react to patronizing people

st_99

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girls or guys..

and by patronize i mean:

definition: Treat with an apparent kindness that betrays a feeling of superiority
 

“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”

Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.

Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers.  Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.

I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.

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Burroughs

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dis-engage from the relationship

nothing to be gained here from confrontation.

a patronizing action is a passive aggressive action and is thus covert. Used mainly by women and feminized men. If you act overly you will be labeled the bad guy...if this is done by a boss or superior act nice to his/her face while looking for new employment.
 

st_99

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you bring up a good point, guys that do this sort of thing i guess are being effeminate, never really looked at it that way but makes some sense in that a "man" should be direct with clear intent i suppose.

and i wonder if there is even any point in calling out a women on this type of behavior or just clown them right back..not sure.
 

Burroughs

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st_99 said:
and i wonder if there is even any point in calling out a women on this type of behavior or just clown them right back..not sure.
the patronizing action is 2 hairs short of outright contempt....and prolonged contempt from a woman towards a man for most of recorded history would have been met by a severe beating and ostracizing.

If a woman is indeed patronizing you she has no respect for you as a human being let alone a man...she has a vested ego investment in your perceived inferiority at this point....you can clown her surely, but realize that the well has been poisoned and the water is no longer fit to drink.
 

origin138

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I work with a couple people that behave like this, 2 women and 1 "man".

I think how you respond to this depends a lot on the environment you're in.

I'm a pretty direct person. If I feel someone is doing this to me, I'll nip it in the bud by pulling the person aside and make steely eye contact while looking for resolution/answers for their behavior.

If it occurs in the workplace, you have to be careful with this approach. People that patronize usually live in glass houses which makes them painfully susceptible to those who defend themselves. The downside is, if you're perceived as "defending yourself", subconsciously they know they've won the little passive-aggressive war they've waged against you.

I've found the best way to deal with this in the majority of cases is to confidently laugh and give off the impression the person is joking with you. It makes you look good, and completely offsets the b!tchery coming from the other person to the point where it's unlikely they'll toy with you again.
 

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Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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FairShake

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I don't care about that actually. This is definitely not one of the personality flaws of other people that gets to me. I always figure it could be worse, they could be mean to me.
 

speed dawg

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Ahh, the topic of verbal self defense. Amazing how much we need that in this day and age. So many people that want to verbally attack, you really have to be armed at all times.

I've found that a great move in the verbal defense war is the boring response tactic. You can use it in very different circumstances. By being mundane, boring (ie not giving a fvck what they have to say) you can ward off these attacks without attacking back, thus getting sucked into their frame. You go neither up nor down. Your boss says, "Why can't you be more like Frankie over there?"....You: "Well, Lumberg, he's very highly skilled in the foreign languages of Tutankhamen rabble rabble rabble it really doesn't matter etc etct etc"........The attacker loses interest since they failed to rile you up.

Now, you could always try the witty way and give them a one liner, but I'm not really a witty guy so I typically lose that battle.

An attacker and a patronizer are a little bit different, but you can still work it the same way. Their intent is to get a reaction covertly instead of overtly. I'd need an example of what they say to really gauge it, but I would suspect this technique would work in your situation too. Just basically show no emotion, and don't really pay attention to them, while calling them on their bullcrap. So in other words, be boring, but give them an overt response showing that you did in fact recognize their BS and you won't tolerate it. The key is staying calm though.
 
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