How do you know if you just miss your ex or that you want her back?

[bizzym]

I miss my ex. This is my first time breaking up with someone. So how do you know if you want them back or you just miss them?

 

[skinnyguy]

Trust me, that feeling goes away with time. When you're missing them, you're only thinking about the good times. There were likely some bad times that led to the breakup. When we start to miss the physical/emotional connection we had with someone, we start to become vulnerable and needy. Rather than doing that, you should put yourself in a position to get much hotter women so that if one of them gets dropped you don't feel like you've lost the only thing that makes you happy. On SS, we say that no woman is special - and we mean it.

 

[corrector]

Look at the logical reason for the break-up. If there is a logical foundation and it's her fault for the break-up (either she initiated that, or behaved so badly with you or you found out something about her that you felt you had no choice but to do that), and it appears she has happily moved-on, then you just miss her. If you broke-up with her and she's still in the picture and don't have a logical reason and think you may have made a mistake, and it wasn't a bad break-up and she wants you back, then in such a case it's valid to want her back.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Trust me, that feeling goes away with time. When you're missing them, you're only thinking about the good times. There were likely some bad times that led to the breakup. When we start to miss the physical/emotional connection we had with someone, we start to become vulnerable and needy. Rather than doing that, you should put yourself in a position to get much hotter women so that if one of them gets dropped you don't feel like you've lost the only thing that makes you happy. On SS, we say that no woman is special - and we mean it.

Sometimes. But sometimes people make decisions based on the moment without really thinking them through.

Sometimes the grass isn't greener on the other side and it takes a while to realize it.

 

[bizzym]

Look at the logical reason for the break-up. If there is a logical foundation and it's her fault for the break-up (either she initiated that, or behaved so badly with you or you found out something about her that you felt you had no choice but to do that), and it appears she has happily moved-on, then you just miss her. If you broke-up with her and she's still in the picture and don't have a logical reason and think you may have made a mistake, and it wasn't a bad break-up and she wants you back, then in such a case it's valid to want her back.

We broke up because of arguing. We weren’t arguing over fundamental differences, just stupid things because we weren’t communicating properly. I was saving up for a ring actually.

I broke up with her in the heat of an argument. I contacted her a few weeks later and I sent her a funny video of a character she loves. She responded positively and wished me well. She just contacted me today and asked for me to wish my mom happy Mother’s Day.

 

[bizzym]

Sometimes. But sometimes people make decisions based on the moment without really thinking them through.

Sometimes the grass isn't greener on the other side and it takes a while to realize it.

Yea, the breakup was reactionary.
I broke up with her in the heat of an argument. I contacted her a few weeks later and I sent her a funny video of a character she loves. She responded positively and said I hoped you’re doing well.

 

[corrector]

We broke up because of arguing. We weren’t arguing over fundamental differences, just stupid things because we weren’t communicating properly. I was saving up for a ring actually.

I broke up with her in the heat of an argument. I contacted her a few weeks later and I sent her a funny video of a character she loves. She responded positively and wished me well. She just contacted me today and asked for me to wish my mom happy Mother’s Day.

I envy you. Looks like I must have all the bad breaks, in the woman's department, on here. It sounds like you want her back and made a mistake. You should communicate with her and be the one initiating things back together with her and work this out with her.

Relationship conflicts are normal since you can't realistically expect to be in a "honeymoon mode" forever and that's normally at the beginning of the relationship. If you get back together then your relationship with her will be stronger. There is a saying, if you release a bird and it comes back to you, then you know its yours. If you release a bird and it never comes back, then it was never yours in the first place. You should continue learning and growing in this relationship because life is not all about having a good-time but about growing, maturing and becoming a better person....and what better way to have a journey together with a nice girl. Don't miss out and get back together with her.

Anyone telling you to move-on with her, or that emotions fade is jealous that they don't have a good LTR.

 

[mikey2012]

I miss my ex. This is my first time breaking up with someone. So how do you know if you want them back or you just miss them?

Come back to this thread in a few years and you will be asking yourself why you even posted it.

 

[LuksSkywalker]

Time and meet other girls. You most likely miss the secs.

Exactly.
Right now you're missing the routine (texting, calling and seeing her) and sex. On top of that you probably think she's the best girl for you...
Well, if she was, you would still be together. Don't look for explanations on why you two broke up and trying to deminish your reasons. No matter how unimportant or small your arguments were, they were still significant for your break up.
Time heals everything, but first thing you have to do is stop reevaluing your break up.
You did it for a reason.
Don't contact her and focus on yourself. Fill your day wirt activities, hang out with friends. Occupy your mind with anything but her. After some time you WILL move on a d find someone better. Believe me, I've been there several times in my life.

The most significant tip I can give to you, before entering next relationship is to
TAKE IT SLOW.
Don't just jump in something new. Take your time getting to know the girl before you become exclusive. And by taking your time, I don't mean a week or two, more like 3,4 months, even 6 if it takes.
And during that time, meet other girls and evaluate your options before settling.
I don't know how old you are, but always take your time before entering new relationship.

 

[MrWood]

advice:
1. continue being you
2. dont reach out
3. see item 2
4. see item 1

note:
She is trying to contact you, but being indirect. This is breadcrumbs, dont respond other than "thanks"
Let her continue to contact you, suggest a meeting. If she continues to breadcrumb or not agree...

5. wash and repeat.

 

[Lumix]

I contacted her a few weeks later

How many weeks? She never reached out before? You were saving up for a ring for what? For her? To propose?

Look, you have 2 possibilities:

1. reach out, apologize
2. cut contact, move on

It's normal to feel hurt after a breakup. That doesn't mean she's a different person now.

If you've really been a dumb a$$hole, then it's OK to reach out and apologize. But think about this first. Was that the first argument you had? Did she initiate that argument? Is she really interested in you? Are you really interested in her? Was the relationship exciting or boring?

Also, ask yourself if you can still see her and have a relationship with her after that?

In both cases you're going to learn something anyway, but n°1 is more risky as you can get hurt a second time, because she may have already moved on and so you are not in a position of power anymore and she can reject you. Even if you apologize, do not act needy, don't apologize to get her back. You don't need her.

If n°1 fail, then move to n°2.

 

[Lookatu]

If BOTH of you made mistakes and acknowledge that and BOTH of you wanna get back together, it could work. But if it's only one sided, it will never work. One will never see the other person in the same light and at the same level again no matter what.