How do you get someone out of a high inhibition mindset?

[itouchyou]

Good friend of mine (and yes, it really is a friend, not me) has a problem where he only "sticks to the script" so to speak.

We go out every now and then and I notice that he's very serious with everyday people like cashiers, waitresses, customer service reps, etc. He's afraid to crack jokes or be easygoing. If we're ordering food for example, and the waiter/waitress makes small talk, he just doesn't reciprocate with anything substantial. He'll be friendly, but it will be a very "closed" type of friendliness. Just enough to get what he wants.

I've heard him on the phone when he was calling customer service agents a couple times and he was very serious with them as well.

Is this a confidence issue, or is it something deeper where he feels that he isn't worthy enough to be himself around people? I noticed that his wit isn't that great either.

I haven't asked him or pointed this out because I didn't want to come off as insulting.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Acid or shrooms might help. He might need to blast some neural pathways open.

 

[sangheilios]

You are looking way too into something like this. He's probably just not very outgoing or all that talkative, meaning he is lower on the extraversion spectrum. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to people or will prefer keeping conversations brief/limited, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with me lol.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You are looking way too into something like this. He's probably just not very outgoing or all that talkative, meaning he is lower on the extraversion spectrum. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to people or will prefer keeping conversations brief/limited, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with me lol.

Sometimes for you, but it looks like every time for OP's friend.

 

[itouchyou]

Acid or shrooms might help. He might need to blast some neural pathways open.

Eh, he's a straightedge guy, doubt he'd do something like this.

You are looking way too into something like this. He's probably just not very outgoing or all that talkative, meaning he is lower on the extraversion spectrum. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to people or will prefer keeping conversations brief/limited, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with me lol.

He is very talkative to people he knows, but for people he doesn't know, he's not talkative. Something is off.

For example I've seen someone from a group of people talk to him randomly as he was walking by, just saying something friendly to initiate conversation. My friend just gave a nervous laugh and kept on walking.

He just isn't witty and shuts down around new people.

 

[sangheilios]

Sometimes for you, but it looks like every time for OP's friend.

I guarantee this guy he is talking about is just not very outgoing, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with him lol. Who the **** is super talkative with some customer service rep on the phone, I'm calling them to get something done and not to talk about the god damn weather lol.

 

[sangheilios]

Eh, he's a straightedge guy, doubt he'd do something like this.



He is very talkative to people he knows, but for people he doesn't know, it isn't that he's not talkative. Something is off.

For example I've seen someone from a group of people talk to him randomly as he was walking by, just saying something friendly to initiate conversation. My friend just gave a nervous laugh and kept on walking.

He just isn't witty and shuts down around new people.

Who the **** cares, it's probably just a personality trait that he possesses. It's up to this guy if he wants to maybe work on being a bit more social outgoing/friendly. If you are asking this because he is a wingman or some ****, you'd be better off without someone like that because it would cause problems for you.

You also should realize that a lot of people are morons or full blown terrible people, if you consider this why the hell would you want to talk to those you know nothing about lol.

 

[itouchyou]

I guarantee this guy he is talking about is just not very outgoing, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with him lol. Who the **** is super talkative with some customer service rep on the phone, I'm calling them to get something done and not to talk about the god damn weather lol.

He just answers questions directly even when the questions are sometimes clearly not serious. Like someone would ask him something jokingly and he'd answer the question seriously. He knows it's a joke but he just doesn't offer any wit in response.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Listen man. I been around alot of people in life, met a plethora of people growing up in 2 of the biggest cities in the world as an extrovert.

You don't try to change who people are. The only thing you can do is be yourself around them, and you being you confidently may or may not have an influence on them and their behaviors. Especially if everyone else in the group is quite alike and they are the odd one out.

But even in that scenario, being themselves is what makes them unique. If they suddenly changed and started being like everyone else, it might dawn on you that you liked them how they were before.. because it added a nice contrast to the group.

ie: I'm a staunch alpha male, no hiding it-- but I do enjoy having friends who are more beta because it's quite different than the rest of us who are all competitive and macho. same reason i like hanging out with women- its a nice change of pace/contrast.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP since you're friend is so straightlaced you might have to wait until he brings up the subject himself. But I'd suggest anything to get him out of his head and routine - rock concert, something physical involving adrenaline, a good night out hitting the bars, etc. Something where he can push his boundaries and it's an idea he's agreeable with.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Eh, he's a straightedge guy, doubt he'd do something like this.

How is he with alcohol? Does he get more chatty with strangers?

 

[itouchyou]

How is he with alcohol? Does he get more chatty with strangers?

Oh yea. He's an extroverted drinker (isn't everyone?). Not crazy extroverted, but definitely low inhib.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Oh yea. He's an extroverted drinker (isn't everyone?). Not crazy extroverted, but definitely low inhib.

I've read this thread and I get it. Some people just "aren't like that". Some people are introverts. However, doesn't mean those introverts wouldn't want to throw out a natural charming one-liner (not a come on) to the customer service rep... instead of being the usual boring/angry customer....right...no? Maybe get her to put in a little more effort for you...get a fee waved....something comped?

I wonder how many of these people, who just aren't like that, would jump in a heartbeat to have all of James Bond's charm and charisma....if they could.

Alcohol is used as a crutch for many things. Mood, confidence.... I used to have that "issue" big time. I, not always, but eventually had become like two different people. However, I learned to bridge the gap.

Confidence was a big thing. Being comfortable with my self. Not really giving a fvck because I had that confidence.

I'm not sure how he would overcome that. It's difficult to just be able to turn on that charm without that inner confidence....inner game.

Taking the "red pill" can lead someone in all directions so I wouldn't necessarily recommend going that route.

Personally, I'd start a discussion with him about it. Bring it up. Or, wait for him to comment on some of example of "someone" being that guy. And then go from there. Some people think either you have it or you don't. They don't realize that these types of "skills" can be developed.

 

[The Duke]

@itouchyou there could be something in his childhood.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Personally I’m a serious guy and can’t stand the joking types. Being serious IS being myself. Maybe your friend is the same.