"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
How do you get rid of a BPD woman?
- Thread starter Knight's Cross
- Start date
- Status
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Knight's Cross
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2007
- Messages
- 471
- Reaction score
- 43
Status report: Told ex BPD goodbye in a text message on 10/28. That was 6 weeks ago. She still text messages and calls weekly asking to see me and telling me that she truly misses me.
She even went as far as sending my parents a Christmas card that said," Happy Holidays, p.s. I hope you don't mind me sending holiday wishes, Knight's Cross is ignoring me these days and its all my fault". My parents met her once and have an understanding of what she's done to my self esteem. They knew right away that it was the ex just trying to manipulate me. Sad really.
On a positive note I'm back on my game. Spinning several plates. Not wasting time on any that aren't high quality. It's amazing how all my friends have noticed a change in me. I'm more relaxed, happier at work and with myself. I credit some of that to the help I've recieved here at SS.
Thanks to all that have contributed to me making my life better~
She even went as far as sending my parents a Christmas card that said," Happy Holidays, p.s. I hope you don't mind me sending holiday wishes, Knight's Cross is ignoring me these days and its all my fault". My parents met her once and have an understanding of what she's done to my self esteem. They knew right away that it was the ex just trying to manipulate me. Sad really.
On a positive note I'm back on my game. Spinning several plates. Not wasting time on any that aren't high quality. It's amazing how all my friends have noticed a change in me. I'm more relaxed, happier at work and with myself. I credit some of that to the help I've recieved here at SS.
Thanks to all that have contributed to me making my life better~
Knight's Cross
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2007
- Messages
- 471
- Reaction score
- 43
Lexie,
First, I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy. Second, she's probably already working on the next victim. Third, it goes against the whole no contact mentality.
I do believe she'll quit bothering me once she firmly has her hooks latched into someone else. For now she's angry that she can't hoover me. She just wants the win of my attention. Well, she is disqualified.
KC
First, I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy. Second, she's probably already working on the next victim. Third, it goes against the whole no contact mentality.
I do believe she'll quit bothering me once she firmly has her hooks latched into someone else. For now she's angry that she can't hoover me. She just wants the win of my attention. Well, she is disqualified.
KC
Wow. Just stumbled into this thread. Holy crap it gave me goosebumps. I've had more than a few BPD women in my life including my most recent ex. aliasguy hit it on the head. That's why you love to mess around with these BPD women but never marry one.aliasguy said:
Create Reality
Master Don Juan
Fvck I must be crazy to tell this story but I need to get it outta me! This was my experience with a self-proclaimed BPD chick.
6 months ago I was lying in bed and I had a dream about a girl I used to know, years ago. At that time I had the feeling I was completely done with even thinking about this girl. But little did I know that the next day I would be on the computer, in a chat room, lonely. Much to my surprise a girl was actually in the room, and she needed attention bad. It was funny too because she had the same name as the girl I was done thinking about. Anyway I messaged her and got her digits, called her. She had a really sexy voice! I checked her MySpace too and she wasn't even that fugly! WOOHOO JACKPOT?
That was Mistake #1. Desire had it's hold on me. I didn't even think the girl might be bad for my health.
So we talk on the phone for awhile and she tells me about these "cuts" she has. She was a cutter. I don't believe everything I'm told. The more I talked with her the following days, the more she "opened up", or rather dumped her life issues on me. After a barrel of bullsh1t (must be taken in small doses!), I thought I might turn this sh1t test into some fun. So I told her I only wanted her to be my fvck buddy. She did not want to be "seen as a toy". I thought this was cute, seeing as we lived over 2500 miles away. In later days she tells me she had a 3-sum with her best friend and some d1ck. I got angry at that, because I still desired her.
That was Mistake #2. Do I just let myself accept the fact she is going to fvck other guys? Fvck I want the poon too! It was most likely a sh1t test and I failed it.
I got so pissed at what she said I was ready to give it up. But desire had it's claws in me and I kept talking. I told her stuff like she will catch a disease if she fools around, trying to scare her. At this point she set me as her #1 friend on MySpace (lol) but I was heated! I told her I was "dumping her ass" and removed her from my friends list. She calls me after that, crying and her best friend is on the phone saying she is going to cut herself. I thought, "O no, maybe this girl IS crazy!" I had posted my frustration with her 3-sum
antic in another forum. I also had the crazy idea of setting up a PayPal donation fund so people could donate money to help me "see my new girlfriend!" (but they thought it was a scam...). Anyway I told the girl about the PayPal thing and that I already made
30 dollars! The next night we are on the phone and she is drunk and tells me her mommy bought her a new dildo :crackup: so of course she has to try it out. Things couldn't have went smoother. After all that I dug up a chick I used to know on MySpace (who's a real hottie) and I befriended her once again. Then I put her MySpace profile right above the crazy chicks. Ooo I could feel the heat of jealously radiating out of the computer monitor
That was Mistake #3. I pumped my own ego which was about to be debased, hard.
One night we were talking (again) and I called her ugly. This is when the tragedy starts. I needed some drama, I was bored as all fvck. She hangs up on me and won't pick up the phone! For some reason this bothered me. I guess I had become accustomed to her little games but the usual outs weren't working. I actually started to feel physically sick. I told her that... and then she decided to call me back, and even ask me what's wrong!
That was Mistake #4. I became too attached. I had never even met the girl in real life!
So then I was really pissed off. The girl had gotten the best of me (in all fairness I wasn't a hard kill). To get back at her I told her she wasn't worth flying 2500 miles to see when I could fly 1500 miles to see the hotter chick, the one I just added on myspace to make her jealous. At that point she clamped up. I wasn't gonna get her to talk openly with me anymore. Everytime I would message her she would just ... ... ... like a deedeedee. But we were still friends on myspace so I would check out her profile once in awhile. She had gotten a new boyfriend who was definitely in her looks range. And then we were done.
--- FAST FORWARD TO TODAY
I still have questions about what happened with this girl.
Was she really bipolar?
Did I get played or does it seem like everything went wrong?
Thanks for any help guys. I also sent the girl in question a link to this thread so she can read the valuable few first posts.
6 months ago I was lying in bed and I had a dream about a girl I used to know, years ago. At that time I had the feeling I was completely done with even thinking about this girl. But little did I know that the next day I would be on the computer, in a chat room, lonely. Much to my surprise a girl was actually in the room, and she needed attention bad. It was funny too because she had the same name as the girl I was done thinking about. Anyway I messaged her and got her digits, called her. She had a really sexy voice! I checked her MySpace too and she wasn't even that fugly! WOOHOO JACKPOT?
That was Mistake #1. Desire had it's hold on me. I didn't even think the girl might be bad for my health.
So we talk on the phone for awhile and she tells me about these "cuts" she has. She was a cutter. I don't believe everything I'm told. The more I talked with her the following days, the more she "opened up", or rather dumped her life issues on me. After a barrel of bullsh1t (must be taken in small doses!), I thought I might turn this sh1t test into some fun. So I told her I only wanted her to be my fvck buddy. She did not want to be "seen as a toy". I thought this was cute, seeing as we lived over 2500 miles away. In later days she tells me she had a 3-sum with her best friend and some d1ck. I got angry at that, because I still desired her.
That was Mistake #2. Do I just let myself accept the fact she is going to fvck other guys? Fvck I want the poon too! It was most likely a sh1t test and I failed it.
I got so pissed at what she said I was ready to give it up. But desire had it's claws in me and I kept talking. I told her stuff like she will catch a disease if she fools around, trying to scare her. At this point she set me as her #1 friend on MySpace (lol) but I was heated! I told her I was "dumping her ass" and removed her from my friends list. She calls me after that, crying and her best friend is on the phone saying she is going to cut herself. I thought, "O no, maybe this girl IS crazy!" I had posted my frustration with her 3-sum
antic in another forum. I also had the crazy idea of setting up a PayPal donation fund so people could donate money to help me "see my new girlfriend!" (but they thought it was a scam...). Anyway I told the girl about the PayPal thing and that I already made
30 dollars! The next night we are on the phone and she is drunk and tells me her mommy bought her a new dildo :crackup: so of course she has to try it out. Things couldn't have went smoother. After all that I dug up a chick I used to know on MySpace (who's a real hottie) and I befriended her once again. Then I put her MySpace profile right above the crazy chicks. Ooo I could feel the heat of jealously radiating out of the computer monitor That was Mistake #3. I pumped my own ego which was about to be debased, hard.
One night we were talking (again) and I called her ugly. This is when the tragedy starts. I needed some drama, I was bored as all fvck. She hangs up on me and won't pick up the phone! For some reason this bothered me. I guess I had become accustomed to her little games but the usual outs weren't working. I actually started to feel physically sick. I told her that... and then she decided to call me back, and even ask me what's wrong!
That was Mistake #4. I became too attached. I had never even met the girl in real life!
So then I was really pissed off. The girl had gotten the best of me (in all fairness I wasn't a hard kill). To get back at her I told her she wasn't worth flying 2500 miles to see when I could fly 1500 miles to see the hotter chick, the one I just added on myspace to make her jealous. At that point she clamped up. I wasn't gonna get her to talk openly with me anymore. Everytime I would message her she would just ... ... ... like a deedeedee. But we were still friends on myspace so I would check out her profile once in awhile. She had gotten a new boyfriend who was definitely in her looks range. And then we were done.
--- FAST FORWARD TO TODAY
I still have questions about what happened with this girl.
Was she really bipolar?
Did I get played or does it seem like everything went wrong?
Thanks for any help guys. I also sent the girl in question a link to this thread so she can read the valuable few first posts.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
I also sent the girl in question a link to this thread so she can read the valuable few first posts.
wtf? Tell me you are joking about that.
Do I just let myself accept the fact she is going to fvck other guys?
Yes. Everything went wrong because you showed jealousy. My bpd girl usually has a flock of guys hitting on her. I have another gf and could care less.
fwiw, my bpd girl called me tonight, and we ended up making out and all but fvcking against my car on the street. Two days ago, some new guy she met was Mr Wonderful, now she is not answering his calls while she's with me. Every time I am with her, her phone is blowing up with texts and calls from AFC wanna-be boyfriends. And when she doesn't answer, they just keep calling, over and over. I am the only guy who will not go afc over her; I have another gf that she knows about, and bpd girl does not get any attention from me without some physical attention in return. I tell her flat out that I'll be her man, but I have no interest in being her friend. She hates it and loves it at the same time. A different guy is fawning over her every week, but every other guy has gotten boring, except me. She's even smart enough to see what I do to her - withdraw attention if I don't get sex - and it still works anyway. She even texted me tonight about how badly she wanted to have sex in my car. She had a pretty valid reason not to, a sleeping baby inside, but still, I am not answering that text. No sex, no text back.
wtf? Tell me you are joking about that.
Do I just let myself accept the fact she is going to fvck other guys?
Yes. Everything went wrong because you showed jealousy. My bpd girl usually has a flock of guys hitting on her. I have another gf and could care less.
fwiw, my bpd girl called me tonight, and we ended up making out and all but fvcking against my car on the street. Two days ago, some new guy she met was Mr Wonderful, now she is not answering his calls while she's with me. Every time I am with her, her phone is blowing up with texts and calls from AFC wanna-be boyfriends. And when she doesn't answer, they just keep calling, over and over. I am the only guy who will not go afc over her; I have another gf that she knows about, and bpd girl does not get any attention from me without some physical attention in return. I tell her flat out that I'll be her man, but I have no interest in being her friend. She hates it and loves it at the same time. A different guy is fawning over her every week, but every other guy has gotten boring, except me. She's even smart enough to see what I do to her - withdraw attention if I don't get sex - and it still works anyway. She even texted me tonight about how badly she wanted to have sex in my car. She had a pretty valid reason not to, a sleeping baby inside, but still, I am not answering that text. No sex, no text back.
Create Reality
Master Don Juan
Yeah I showed her. There's a lot of good info in this thread she can learn from.Bible_Belt said:
I agree that I was jealous and didn't have a reason to be. I was alone. I was an easy kill.
drmeathead
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2004
- Messages
- 490
- Reaction score
- 6
- Age
- 47
stay away from bpd girls. for ****s sake you may thing you have a handle on it but you dont. you never ever can tell when they are going to disassociate ie go off the deep end, during a rage. just stay away. these people have a chemical imbalance in the brain. this, not logic nor emotion, drive them. this imbalance alters their perception of reality. if you can get away stay away. if you cant get away you need to asap.
look i have been there. you think leaving is gonna rip your guts out and it does but it gets better, amazingly better. you may think you are betraying them. you arent, in fact **** them for putting you in a mental twister hold that makes you think you are betraying someone who hits you, breates you, and cheats on you. GET AWAY...or be miserable and heartbroken. it is your call.
look i have been there. you think leaving is gonna rip your guts out and it does but it gets better, amazingly better. you may think you are betraying them. you arent, in fact **** them for putting you in a mental twister hold that makes you think you are betraying someone who hits you, breates you, and cheats on you. GET AWAY...or be miserable and heartbroken. it is your call.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
THis was my experience also from wasting 2006 on a BPD woman.drmeathead said:
Make no mistake -your ultimate choices with BPD women are just two like the good Doc says, " GET AWAY or be miserable and (very) heartbroken"
It is impossible to have a functional relationship with a mental disease. You get that ?
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
but the sex....the sex is so good...my bpd girl is asleep in my bed right now.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
YEs that is true ,BUT you need to be willing to accept the inevitable brain damage that she will cause you..Bible_Belt said:
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
Maybe. Her past is a string of broken men, and I had to shut of her phone tonight after she passed out because the AFCs were calling. But it's not like I expect her to be sane; I just enjoy the craziness, known her about ten years now, and have learned this disorder well - never a dull day. At least she's not boring
drmeathead
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2004
- Messages
- 490
- Reaction score
- 6
- Age
- 47
Bible Belt,
as my dad told me when i was with my exgfbpd...hey some people like motor oil on their vanilla ice cream.
as my dad told me when i was with my exgfbpd...hey some people like motor oil on their vanilla ice cream.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Welcome to this board - your experience with a disturbed woman is something that a lot of us share here.gadd1966 said:
Hey, Ain't they all sweet and loveable at the start ?
How long before you started to feel like you were being towed along behind a run away bus ?
jophil28
Master Don Juan
"Go away until I want you back "
" lets have sex tonight - but I just want to be friends tomorrow."
" I want to be in a relationship with you but no committment"
" Men choose me - I do not choose them"
" If I really like a guy I play a cat and mouse game with him"
" Men are not trustworthy but I need a man to protect me "
" I believe in Woman Power but you need to "manage " me "
"My father abused us,cheated and drank, but he loved my mother"
Do these ring any bells for you.?
" lets have sex tonight - but I just want to be friends tomorrow."
" I want to be in a relationship with you but no committment"
" Men choose me - I do not choose them"
" If I really like a guy I play a cat and mouse game with him"
" Men are not trustworthy but I need a man to protect me "
" I believe in Woman Power but you need to "manage " me "
"My father abused us,cheated and drank, but he loved my mother"
Do these ring any bells for you.?
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Dupe post
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
My bpd ex has a new guy. They are bragging on myspace about all of the sex they are having. I was an ex-friend of her ex-husband. The new guy is the best friend of her baby's father, who is begging her to come back to him. bpd girls have a way of getting guys to put hos before bros.
I'd have to give you lots of background on what happened with the BPD I was involved with....lets see if I can get it down to a couple sentences.
7 mon relationship. Went south on me weekend of Easter. Went to see her Sat. before easter, I knew something was up. Broke up with her on Easter, she attempted a suicide hoover the next day. I contacted her therapist and her mother and let them know the situation. BPD went ape and NC on me after she found out I told her therapist. I was big time AFC through the whole thing. I sent her Mom a book on BPD.
Fast forward to a week ago. I got hoovered (sucked back in). BPD wanted me to finish a tv stand I was making for her. I knew this was BS and played along. Yesterday....I get this lovely nasty-gram:
"Well, I just found out you called my mom and sent her books???
I never cared about you enough to have been that upset about us breaking up. I was dating a guy named Tom from nearby town. That is who I broke up with on Easter morning. He spent the night Saturday which is why I wanted you gone. And if you noticed when you came over to grab your stuff on Easter Sunday, there were beer bottles on the counter.
I never wanted to tell you this because I thought it wasn't necessary to hurt you. But, now, that I find out what you did... I hope it stings.
And by the way, Dr. MTNKNG, lay off the computer. You have no right nor degree in determining whether or not to determine if someone is bi-polar. Honestly, you have issues and you need to see someone.
I hope that at some point in your life retribution pays a visit. Perhaps it will be in the shape of eternal lonliness or perhaps it has already returned the favor by making you childless.
Screw the tv stand. NEWVICTIM will make one. Would you like to call him too?"
Evidently her mother fessed up about contact and the book; didnt read the book and won't help. Nice. This is the mindfvck crap you'll need to deal with. She has a new victim that she probably picked up a few days after she attempted suicide. There is nothing healthy about dealing with these things. And you can catch some of their BS. Don't be afraid of counseling or therapy - this is strong stuff.
Fortunately, lots of the stuff I've been learning here has helped. Im not a DJ....but Im not a AFC anymore. This monster has pried me out of my stupidty.
regards
7 mon relationship. Went south on me weekend of Easter. Went to see her Sat. before easter, I knew something was up. Broke up with her on Easter, she attempted a suicide hoover the next day. I contacted her therapist and her mother and let them know the situation. BPD went ape and NC on me after she found out I told her therapist. I was big time AFC through the whole thing. I sent her Mom a book on BPD.
Fast forward to a week ago. I got hoovered (sucked back in). BPD wanted me to finish a tv stand I was making for her. I knew this was BS and played along. Yesterday....I get this lovely nasty-gram:
"Well, I just found out you called my mom and sent her books???
I never cared about you enough to have been that upset about us breaking up. I was dating a guy named Tom from nearby town. That is who I broke up with on Easter morning. He spent the night Saturday which is why I wanted you gone. And if you noticed when you came over to grab your stuff on Easter Sunday, there were beer bottles on the counter.
I never wanted to tell you this because I thought it wasn't necessary to hurt you. But, now, that I find out what you did... I hope it stings.
And by the way, Dr. MTNKNG, lay off the computer. You have no right nor degree in determining whether or not to determine if someone is bi-polar. Honestly, you have issues and you need to see someone.
I hope that at some point in your life retribution pays a visit. Perhaps it will be in the shape of eternal lonliness or perhaps it has already returned the favor by making you childless.
Screw the tv stand. NEWVICTIM will make one. Would you like to call him too?"
Evidently her mother fessed up about contact and the book; didnt read the book and won't help. Nice. This is the mindfvck crap you'll need to deal with. She has a new victim that she probably picked up a few days after she attempted suicide. There is nothing healthy about dealing with these things. And you can catch some of their BS. Don't be afraid of counseling or therapy - this is strong stuff.
Fortunately, lots of the stuff I've been learning here has helped. Im not a DJ....but Im not a AFC anymore. This monster has pried me out of my stupidty.
regards
Knight's Cross
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2007
- Messages
- 471
- Reaction score
- 43
MtnKng,
Glad to see that you have "opened your eyes". Some of us needed to experience this wretched behavior to truly advance as men. Giving her mom books, and talking to her therapist...Dude that's got Cap'n Save a Ho written all over it. Read your own words....she is going to a therapist.. Usually (and I won't make a blanket statement) therapy is never a good start. Sure sometimes people need it, but in a normal adjusted healthy woman it's not a good place. Either way whatever someone is going to therapy for is PRIVATE, you don't talk to the therapist unless invited.
Now the trick for you is not to EVER backslide. It's been a couple months since I used legal action to get rid of the BPD in my life. Wasn't easy, but it was well worth it. Someone smarter than me said,"Don't spend time on those that wouldn't spend their time on you".
Living the Dream~
KC
Glad to see that you have "opened your eyes". Some of us needed to experience this wretched behavior to truly advance as men. Giving her mom books, and talking to her therapist...Dude that's got Cap'n Save a Ho written all over it. Read your own words....she is going to a therapist.. Usually (and I won't make a blanket statement) therapy is never a good start. Sure sometimes people need it, but in a normal adjusted healthy woman it's not a good place. Either way whatever someone is going to therapy for is PRIVATE, you don't talk to the therapist unless invited.
Now the trick for you is not to EVER backslide. It's been a couple months since I used legal action to get rid of the BPD in my life. Wasn't easy, but it was well worth it. Someone smarter than me said,"Don't spend time on those that wouldn't spend their time on you".
Living the Dream~
KC
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
- Status