How do you escape a girl forcing you to change?

[Lauel]

TLDR:
So, I had been dating a girl for a while now, then I entered into long term with her last year. It's smooth now, and has been kind of perfect in all manner.
In the start, I used to drink a bit(very very less), but then I stopped because she opposed very vehemently. I don't mind that, healthy for me after all.
Through all the hoops and stuffs, I chose her, and did so continuously.

Now it has come to my diet. My family, and her family are vegetarian and so are rest of the people around me (including my friends and hers). But suddenly since a month or two, all hell broke loose, and she started attacking my diet, forcing me to choose between her and non-vegetarian diet.

Long Story: I am particularly weak in muscles and bone. With height of 5'7'' I am nothing special. Joined Gym last year, and now I kind of love myself, from biceps to backs, from clarity of mind, to feeling clear minded and full of energy. My bones are really weak, with beginner level of osteoporosis, and non existent amount of muscles(which I have worked upon, and I look kind of handsome too).
Majority of teenage hood and childhood was spent facing an abusive father, and by the time I reached 18(with covid), I would go months not cutting my nails, getting a haircut, trimming my facial hairs, or eating any meal on right time(with not talking to anyone too, looks like depression? kind of yes).
And then I developed severe weakness, since the vegetarian diet wasn't enough, I wasn't mentally happy or stable enough to enjoy any bit of it.
Things, changed last year and I have been pretty happy with my balanced diet of all kinds of vegetarian and non-vegetarian dishes. Hairs are good, muscles mass is nice, and bones feel good too.

But for her this is kind of unacceptable, for me to eat such diet, and yet meet her or touch her.
Now it has gotten to blaming me that I never choose, that I never give her priorities or even worse I lie, don't stand on my words etc.
So, how do you avoid getting caught in this? I have been telling her that she is much more valuable than any thing, that I must choose between her and my balanced diet.
This has been keeping her at the bay, but since a last few days, now I have an ultimatum on me. Choose, or goodbye.

 

[BPH]

Break up with her.

You f***ed up when you started listening to her ultimatums, because that showed her that she has that power over you. She can weigh in on decisions regarding your health because she's worried - but forcing you to change or lose her is the start of an incredibly toxic relationship.

I'm not suggesting you break up with her, I'm telling you to.

You are only 20 years old, and this is only 1 year into a relationship where she knows she can make you do whatever she wants because you don't want to lose her. That is not sustainable.

 

[Clockwerk50]

My boy @BPH. Do you know how to break up with her? Do you want to?

It does sound like you are her doormat and you are scared of losing her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Nobody can force you to do anything and typically people only do this to those they feel are weak enough to "bully" in that manner.

Sounds like she is dating you because she thinks she can control things.

Either walk away or show her she can't and then she likely will walk away because that isn't the type of guy she wants to be with.

 

[Serenity]

Some things are personal choices that I expect others to respect. I would not allow anyone to demand I change my diet, I don't give a fvck who they are to me, that's just a hard boundary.

I'm not a fan of ultimatums to begin with, but I particularly hate when it's about something as trivial as this.

If your girlfriend was my girlfriend I would respond to that ultimatum by pointing at the door and telling her "there's the door, you're free to leave". Turning the tables and serving the ultimatum right back at her. She can respect your boundaries or fvck off.

One of two things is going to happen, she either shuts the fvck up about it forever or she walks away in which case it's good fvcking riddance. You win either way, even if she leaves, because trust me, a woman who disrespects you like that is not a keeper.

 

[holidayad_]

forcing me to choose between her and non-vegetarian diet.

Jesus Christ...

WTF is that, bro. A bit much, isn't it?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Some things are personal choices that I expect others to respect. I would not allow anyone to demand I change my diet, I don't give a fvck who they are to me, that's just a hard boundary.

I'm not a fan of ultimatums to begin with, but I particularly hate when it's about something as trivial as this.

If your girlfriend was my girlfriend I would respond to that ultimatum by pointing at the door and telling her "there's the door, you're free to leave". Turning the tables and serving the ultimatum right back at her. She can respect your boundaries or fvck off.

One of two things is going to happen, she either shuts the fvck up about it forever or she walks away in which case it's good fvcking riddance. You win either way, even if she leaves, because trust me, a woman who disrespects you like that is not a keeper.

Typically people like that only select men they think will give in to their ultimatums.

Back to my talking about how some types of women look for "victims" or "targets" or "marks" in terms of the men they choose to date...

This is only the beginning. Even if he successfully navigates that, she will become more and more controlling over time...or just leave since he doesn't fit her victim profile.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Now it has come to my diet. My family, and her family are vegetarian and so are rest of the people around me (including my friends and hers). But suddenly since a month or two, all hell broke loose, and she started attacking my diet, forcing me to choose between her and non-vegetarian diet.

Probably not the advice you're looking for but I would tell her go fvck herself. And ridicule her for her dietary choices (which I'm assuming are a product of some misguided leftard animal welfare nonsense).

 

[Kladed]

Don't change. Change the girl.

Lay down some boundaries, you like your current diet/lifestyle. It is also necessary for your health.

If she can't accept that and change then you thank her for the memories made and time spent together, then find someone who can actually adhere to your boundaries and accommodate your lifestyle.

 

[The Duke]

TLDR:
So, I had been dating a girl for a while now, then I entered into long term with her last year. It's smooth now, and has been kind of perfect in all manner.
In the start, I used to drink a bit(very very less), but then I stopped because she opposed very vehemently. I don't mind that, healthy for me after all.
Through all the hoops and stuffs, I chose her, and did so continuously.

Now it has come to my diet. My family, and her family are vegetarian and so are rest of the people around me (including my friends and hers). But suddenly since a month or two, all hell broke loose, and she started attacking my diet, forcing me to choose between her and non-vegetarian diet.

Long Story: I am particularly weak in muscles and bone. With height of 5'7'' I am nothing special. Joined Gym last year, and now I kind of love myself, from biceps to backs, from clarity of mind, to feeling clear minded and full of energy. My bones are really weak, with beginner level of osteoporosis, and non existent amount of muscles(which I have worked upon, and I look kind of handsome too).
Majority of teenage hood and childhood was spent facing an abusive father, and by the time I reached 18(with covid), I would go months not cutting my nails, getting a haircut, trimming my facial hairs, or eating any meal on right time(with not talking to anyone too, looks like depression? kind of yes).
And then I developed severe weakness, since the vegetarian diet wasn't enough, I wasn't mentally happy or stable enough to enjoy any bit of it.
Things, changed last year and I have been pretty happy with my balanced diet of all kinds of vegetarian and non-vegetarian dishes. Hairs are good, muscles mass is nice, and bones feel good too.

But for her this is kind of unacceptable, for me to eat such diet, and yet meet her or touch her.
Now it has gotten to blaming me that I never choose, that I never give her priorities or even worse I lie, don't stand on my words etc.
So, how do you avoid getting caught in this? I have been telling her that she is much more valuable than any thing, that I must choose between her and my balanced diet.
This has been keeping her at the bay, but since a last few days, now I have an ultimatum on me. Choose, or goodbye.

Time to hit the road. Tell her to find someone she can control and go fuhk herself with a big cucumber. Get some new friends too, I've never met a vegetarian yet that wasn't a leftarded weirdo.

 

[The Duke]

Don't change. Change the girl.

Lay down some boundaries, you like your current diet/lifestyle. It is also necessary for your health.

If she can't accept that and change then you thank her for the memories made and time spent together, then find someone who can actually adhere to your boundaries and accommodate your lifestyle.

Let me save you sometime. You don't put the cat back in the bag once its out.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Luel,
Feel for you,most of my life I would have vehemently agreed with the "kick her to the kerb"posters,these days I prefer a softer approach,but I still go my own way,call it being"Disingenuous",so you agree with her,but still suit yourself....Your progress will be your greatest ally...Osteoporosis seems a far bigger problem,read up about ways to overcome its inroads into your health...And never argue with a Woman,when they are wrong they are half right LOL.

 

[corrector]

You have my permission to break up with her.

 

[Lauel]

Jesus Christ...

WTF is that, bro. A bit much, isn't it?

Haha, you would think.

 

[Serenity]

Typically people like that only select men they think will give in to their ultimatums.

Back to my talking about how some types of women look for "victims" or "targets" or "marks" in terms of the men they choose to date...

This is only the beginning. Even if he successfully navigates that, she will become more and more controlling over time...or just leave since he doesn't fit her victim profile.

True. My post shouldn't really be read as me thinking there is any hope of improvement in this situation. I'm just thinking it might be easier for OP to do that than to walk away himself. The important part is that she fvcks off out of his life one way or another, for his own good.

I don't really believe she'll stick around if he grows a pair.

 

[BaronOfHair]

My family, and her family are vegetarian and so are rest of the people around me (including my friends and hers)

You're, quite literally, a soy boy then. First mistake

 

[LTG71]

Haha, you would think.
View attachment 13149

I know a lefttard that one time went to a butcher shop with her animal activist friend to harass the customers and store owner. This same leftward shops at the same store and eats meat and fish. When I asked wtf she was doing joining in this rally, she told me she was supporting her activist friend‘s right of free expression. Insert facepalm. These types of people are miserable and have to find some purpose In life. Often it is telling others how they should run their lives. Next they’ll tell what type of car you should drive and what pronouns are acceptable.

Certain people are in your life to teach you something. Once you learn, adjust and move on.

 

[CornbreadFed]

By not dating these types of women in the first place. You saw the red flags earlier on, but instead of properly vetting you boldly claimed you were going to pump and dump which graduated to I am the exception. You have nobody to blame but yourself on this one OP.

 

[RangerMIke]

Any woman that is trying to force you into something you are not, what you have is a woman that doesn't fit your life. Look.... she knows you don't fit her either. She is thinking only of herself, which is fine... the man needs to think of himself as well. Successful relationships are two people meeting their needs and compromising with reciprocity. That's it.

It is really fvcking hard to find this, which is why half marriages end in divorce, and the half that don't end in divorce, you have two people that are just miserable.

It is better to end things as soon as someone starts making demands which pulls you away from who you are and what you like, because this does not get better with time. If you draw that line in the sand, understanding that in a vast majority of situations, if you are a man, she will leave you. Yeah... that sucks... but it is much better that trying to cram a square peg in a round hole.

The biggest fvcking lie in the world is "Happy wife: happy life.".... No, this is not a real option... because she's not REALLY happy, all your effort is just to get her to the point where she is 'satisfied' with her situation... she isn't happy. The more she demands the more unhappy she is... and you the man... have to continue to work and work and work just to keep her around. Then the MAN begins to resent this because the man's needs become nothing more than a futile attempt to keep his partner marginally satisfied.

If you are dating a woman and she comes out and says "I really don't think we have a connection, we just are not compatible." THANK HER! She is doing you a big favor letting you go, she has integrity and doesn't want to string you along. Sadly... most women are not like this, they will try and shape you like clay into something you are not. When this happens, it is up to you as the man to walk away... if she really loves you she will self-correct, but don't count on it in a vast majority of cases she will just hit the dating apps and move on.

 

[Jor-El]

Have a steak,whle celebrating your freedom