How do women maintain a high level of interest in a man over time?

[jhonny9546]

Actually, I was thinking about it from the opposite perspective:

"How do men behave to keep a woman’s interest high?"
By showing her less interest?

That said, I’ve noticed women lose interest in their men after the man's SMV increased, and also situations where women showed more interest when his SMV decreased.

So, SMV does play a role, but it's not the only factor, and it’s not definitive to keep that "high interest".

 

[SW15]

It doesn't happen often.

In my 15,000+ posts, the idea I have promoted the most on here is that relationships usually have a shelf life of goodness. It's typically around 5 years for a man with a decent frame.

Relationships decay over time. Most longer term couples experience desire loss. Sometimes, what's left over after decay warrants keeping. What's more common is that a mediocre to subpar relationship keeps going.

Women are typically less attracted to their longer term partners for a variety of reasons. Men are often somewhat at fault in this as they tend to exhibit more beta behaviors or more extreme beta behaviors with the passage of time.

 

[jhonny9546]

In my 15,000+ posts

I trust your competence.

Sometimes, what's left over after decay warrants keeping.

Or even better, sometimes the fluctuation in SMV levels plays a significant role.
Let’s take an example: imagine that, by the fifth year of the relationship, the man has let himself go, he’s gained weight and become less attractive. As a result, the woman loses interest and starts looking elsewhere.
But then, the man suddenly begins to take care of himself, improves his appearance, and raises his SMV. At that point, the woman becomes attracted to him again.
In this case, there was a natural decline in attraction, followed by renewed commitment and personal growth.
So the relationship that ends in the fifth year, at this point is "delayed" by this event.


There’s also another perspective.
You mentioned the 5y mark, and that can be true for many typical relationships. However, there are couples who share much more and are bonded by deeper social and structural ties.
For example, couples whose families are closely connected and present, with active grandparents and great-grandparents, whose parents are still together, who work together (own their business), or have the same professional background.
Add to that children, shared life projects, planned vacations, a similar lifestyle, also the social perception of them as a solid, established couple (the name the LTR gets in the mouth of others, like "Oh John and Jane of the third street, etc etc").


As you can see, there are many factors that contribute to the strength of a relationship, far beyond the initial feeling of love that may fade after 5 years. In these situations, people have a lot more at stake, and many more reasons to stay together or to work on the relationship, or just to say "The pros outwork the cons", so they don't make a move.


What do you think about this perspective? I’m really curious to hear your thoughts.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I’ve noticed women lose interest in their men after the man's SMV increased,

A woman loses interest after a man becomes more desirable to other women?

Interesting.

How so?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Actually, I was thinking about it from the opposite perspective:

"How do men behave to keep a woman’s interest high?"
By showing her less interest?

That said, I’ve noticed women lose interest in their men after the man's SMV increased, and also situations where women showed more interest when his SMV decreased.

So, SMV does play a role, but it's not the only factor, and it’s not definitive to keep that "high interest".

I've noticed the exact opposite unless the guy is being a Dbag and actively trying to get with those women.

 

[SW15]

there are many factors that contribute to the strength of a relationship, far beyond the initial feeling of love that may fade after 5 years. In these situations, people have a lot more at stake, and many more reasons to stay together or to work on the relationship, or just to say "The pros outwork the cons", so they don't make a move.

What you described is commonly a scenario why mediocre relationships stay together. While what you describe could apply to better than average relationships, it usually doesn't.

there are couples who share much more and are bonded by deeper social and structural ties.

In the past, religion was one of the main societal ties that bonded relationships. In developed, Westernized countries, practice of religion has been getting less common. As a result, there are more breaking of monogamous bonds through extramarital/extrarelational affairs and more divorce.

Add to that children, shared life projects, planned vacations, a similar lifestyle, also the social perception of them as a solid, established couple

In a typical Western couple, the sharing of children and the sharing of a home often prolong the misery of a mediocre to subpar relationship. Without children, these couples would likely break up sooner.

Let’s take an example: imagine that, by the fifth year of the relationship, the man has let himself go, he’s gained weight and become less attractive. As a result, the woman loses interest and starts looking elsewhere.
But then, the man suddenly begins to take care of himself, improves his appearance, and raises his SMV. At that point, the woman becomes attracted to him again.
In this case, there was a natural decline in attraction, followed by renewed commitment and personal growth.

This is idealized and classic blue pill ideology thinking.

If the woman starts looking elsewhere, it is over. She will find something else.

Both men and women often let themselves go in LTRs/marriages. I think this happens in marriages more commonly than the non-marital LTRs.

If a woman puts on weight and the man stays in shape, the man will look elsewhere. He may or may not find something else, depending on his looks tier. If he's good looking but not elite, he might not be able to jump to someone else.

The woman will be able to jump to someone else even if she is average tier. Some below average women can move on.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Brutal honest truth: Date within your league and keep giving her fun and emotional tingles by being yourself. Same for women but we already know what we consistently want from them.

 

[BaronOfHair]

"How do men behave to keep a woman’s interest high?"

By engineering her demise early in the union, before things have gotten more rote than memorizing multiplication tables or sawing off the heads of unbelievers in ISIS country, so that her eye never has a chance to wander

 

[Seacoast Living]

When you stop having sex at least once a day, the attraction is gone and it is time to move one.

 

[CornbreadFed]

When you stop having sex at least once a day, the attraction is gone and it is time to move one.

You got jokes

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Jhonnie,
"How do Women maintain a high level of interest in a Man over time"...Rollo used to say,the most valuable thing you can give a Woman is your absence...Don't see too much of your partner,moving in with them,is the kiss of death....Without overdoing things,keep them just a little bit jealous,helps enormously.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Actually, I was thinking about it from the opposite perspective:

"How do men behave to keep a woman’s interest high?"
By showing her less interest?

That said, I’ve noticed women lose interest in their men after the man's SMV increased, and also situations where women showed more interest when his SMV decreased.

So, SMV does play a role, but it's not the only factor, and it’s not definitive to keep that "high interest".

I imagine what you're describing is the result of insecurity, perhaps the man's SMV was on the border of being too high for her to begin with.

 

[RangerMIke]

There is no 'one size fits all' for this question. Every woman is different. The longer you are in a relationship with a woman, the more her interest and priority will change.

But as a general rule, the man has to walk the line between being a push-over and being overbearing. Too much of either and a woman will fall out of love with you. Relationships are a roller coaster ride, highs lows, the man has to remain grounded. Comprise when it makes sense for you, don't get lazy and complacent, understand when your 'soulmate' starts treating you like garbage, you have to see if it is anything you can control... if it isn't dump her... time is too precious, and no amount of money is worth being chained to a nagging shrew who is making you life miserable. It's better to bite the bullet and pay whatever you have to get out of that situation.

So my advice, do not automatically buy into the idea that you MUST do what you can to save a relationship... rather first determine if the relationship is meeting your needs and figure out if you want to keep it.

 

[Clockwerk50]

• You have to continuously put in effort even after you’ve “won” them. Since interest isn’t constant, it has to be continuously sparked.
• You need to stir the pot; create emotional highs and lows to maintain tension and excitement.
• Maintain mystery by staying unpredictable, not revealing everything, and using distance to build desire.
• Fight routine and comfort, which slowly kill attraction; keep things fresh and playful.
• Don’t nag or try to control them, you influence them better through charm instead of complaints.

 

[BeExcellent]

Never become too familiar to your partner, always keep you own personal identity and life (do not lose the man she was initially attracted to even as you grow and change). Invest in one another but always maintain your desirability to others. There needs to be market value in you, even whilst in a relationship up to and including marriage.

Do not pedestalize; do not pander. Stay in shape, be stylish/attractive & do not gain weight.

These things are important for either gender.