How do I keep the spirit of no contact with a co-worker

[ghcortez]

Last year I did one of the dumbest things I’ve done in my life and dated a co-worker. It lasted about seven weeks. I had no idea what I was doing and acted weak, and she tossed me aside. She was the biggest crush and worst oneitis of my life and I was very butthurt when the rejection came, of which she is well aware thanks to my erratic behavior. I initially made the mistake of accepting a LJBF’ing and beta orbited her for several weeks post-rejection, destroying any remaining resoect she had for me. Where we left off, we were “friends,” although I did finally wise up and cut ties. I’ve had no contact with her for seven months. I know I’ll never hear from her again and have 100% let her go. I left our workplace in July and am now interested in returning. The question is how do I maintain the spirit of no contact in a setting where I’ll run into her regularly and probably have to deal with her at least occasionally (she now works in a different department, so I won’t have to see her nearly as much as I used to). She is very social and I expect her to try to chat me up at some point. She has rejected many men from the office and is chatty and friendly with all of the little douche bags. I have no problem being polite and professional and exchanging pleasantries, but other than that, I want no contact with her. Please advise me on how to handle myself with her.

 

[RickTheToad]

Just walk in and don't give it a second thought. Try to avoid her, but if you run into her, be cordial and professional. But don't do something this foolish again. Mind over matter dude.

 

[lamath]

Not an ez thing.

Got to make it look like you dgaf, easily said than done obv .
Fake it until you make it
Gl

 

[ghcortez]

She knows I GAF. In January I confided in a mutual friend that she hurt me and I can’t work with her again and I’m pretty sure he blabbed it to her.

 

[RickTheToad]

She knows I GAF. In January I confided in a mutual friend that she hurt me and I can’t work with her again and I’m pretty sure he blabbed it to her.

That's wasn't the smartest thing to do. It's best to come to a forum like this instead. We'll not tell. However, if you have these thoughts again, listen to Dr. Evil below.

 

[marmel75]

That's wasn't the smartest thing to do. It's best to come to a forum like this instead. We'll not tell. However, if you have these thoughts again, listen to Dr. Evil below.

Haha...

OP, just pretend your name is Zippy Longstocking...

 

[Poonani Maker]

Last year I did one of the dumbest things I’ve done in my life and dated a co-worker. It lasted about seven weeks. I had no idea what I was doing and acted weak, and she tossed me aside. She was the biggest crush and worst oneitis of my life and I was very butthurt when the rejection came, of which she is well aware thanks to my erratic behavior. I initially made the mistake of accepting a LJBF’ing and beta orbited her for several weeks post-rejection, destroying any remaining resoect she had for me. Where we left off, we were “friends,” although I did finally wise up and cut ties. I’ve had no contact with her for seven months. I know I’ll never hear from her again and have 100% let her go. I left our workplace in July and am now interested in returning. The question is how do I maintain the spirit of no contact in a setting where I’ll run into her regularly and probably have to deal with her at least occasionally (she now works in a different department, so I won’t have to see her nearly as much as I used to). She is very social and I expect her to try to chat me up at some point. She has rejected many men from the office and is chatty and friendly with all of the little douche bags. I have no problem being polite and professional and exchanging pleasantries, but other than that, I want no contact with her. Please advise me on how to handle myself with her.

Have you fvcked her? No. She may have a meaty pvssy. You know nothing until you're up in it. You may be worrying about nothing you'd want in the first place having seen her naked.

 

[ghcortez]

What if she tries to hug me the first time we see each other? Should I oblige, or say “just act normal, like we’ve never met?”

What if she initiates non-work related conversation? Should I just give aloof responses, or say “no hard feelings, but we shouldn’t talk unless it’s work-related?”

 

[sosousage]

She knows I GAF. In January I confided in a mutual friend that she hurt me and I can’t work with her again and I’m pretty sure he blabbed it to her.

hahaha TIP: this happens for 90% of times

 

[051AV]

Boy you fvcked up, getting involved with any woman at work is bad news, human resources dept always takes the woman's side. Your name is already slandered around the work place, she's probably said all kinds of belittling things about you. Think with the big head not the little one you will probably see her and get a raging hard on and things will be all over LOL

 

[Serenity]

What if she tries to hug me the first time we see each other? Should I oblige, or say “just act normal, like we’ve never met?”

What if she initiates non-work related conversation? Should I just give aloof responses, or say “no hard feelings, but we shouldn’t talk unless it’s work-related?”

You're overthinking this way too much, you need to chill down.

Here's what you do:

1. Reset, all that happened means nothing.
2. Do not make any reference to your time together.
3. If she brings it up, say you don't care and change subject.
4. Remain calm and unworried at all times.
5. Treat her like you would any other co-worker, nothing special.
6. Don't avoid casual conversation if it occurs, that would be reactive and show you're affected.
7. Don't keep a conversation with her longer or shorter than you would someone else.
8. If she tries to hug like you worry about, just let it happen and don't put any meaning into it, means nothing special.

Basically just be normal. I doubt you are 100% over her, if you were then you wouldn't have any issue with this and wouldn't make this thread. Getting over it means they return to a neutral emotional affect to you, that they're just another human being who's nothing special one way or another. This seems to me to be hard to do for most people, but anyone can do it if they put their mind to it.

I've made a move on and dated women in my social circle, most didn't work out. That's similar in that I can't just go no contact unless I also stay away from our mutual friends. I had to see them afterwards, but I didn't want to be the one to make it weird. So I remained unaffected by those events, reset the interaction and treated them like any other person of no particular romantic or sexual interest. Funny enough if you that you'll often see that the woman is the one who's not completely over it, while you couldn't give less of a fvck about it. Like my previous girlfriend. She broke up, I had by then learned to move on quickly, I just accepted it and within a week I didn't care at all. She on the other hand was still talking about it half a year later, she mentioned to a mutual friend that she thought I wasn't over her. When our friend told me that I just laughed and told our friend that clearly she's not over me for thinking that.

So yeah, act as if there's no problem and nothing out of the ordinary. Don't tell her to do or be in any particular way, that will clearly show you're affected by it. She does what she does, you do what you do.

 

[cola]

Don’t take the job back if she still works there unless you absolutely need it to survive. Nothing good can come of this.
Girls talk, soon as you left almost the entire office found out what happened, she made you sound way worse than you are and coming back to work there will just be weird.

 

[ghcortez]

Boy you fvcked up, getting involved with any woman at work is bad news, human resources dept always takes the woman's side. Your name is already slandered around the work place, she's probably said all kinds of belittling things about you. Think with the big head not the little one you will probably see her and get a raging hard on and things will be all over LOL

She made aggressive advances on me when I was in training under her. I initially rejected her and she did not take no for an answer. I still have the text messages and she knows it.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Last year I did one of the dumbest things I’ve done in my life and dated a co-worker. It lasted about seven weeks. I had no idea what I was doing and acted weak, and she tossed me aside. She was the biggest crush and worst oneitis of my life and I was very butthurt when the rejection came, of which she is well aware thanks to my erratic behavior. I initially made the mistake of accepting a LJBF’ing and beta orbited her for several weeks post-rejection, destroying any remaining resoect she had for me. Where we left off, we were “friends,” although I did finally wise up and cut ties. I’ve had no contact with her for seven months. I know I’ll never hear from her again and have 100% let her go. I left our workplace in July and am now interested in returning. The question is how do I maintain the spirit of no contact in a setting where I’ll run into her regularly and probably have to deal with her at least occasionally (she now works in a different department, so I won’t have to see her nearly as much as I used to). She is very social and I expect her to try to chat me up at some point. She has rejected many men from the office and is chatty and friendly with all of the little douche bags. I have no problem being polite and professional and exchanging pleasantries, but other than that, I want no contact with her. Please advise me on how to handle myself with her.

You dun goofed.

Office when in your workplace you avoid.

Rejection is very much for sport regardless of how high her kills are. Society cheers her off the cliff. Pissing away best yrs as booty call.

Ghost her. When she tries to engage you, pick up your phone "hello?"

Its even funnier if she notices nobody called. The key to a freeze out is, you acknowledge everyone but her. Pay her no mind.

The following works best when you don't act beta nor try to. Marry the office ***** and get rejected in humiliating fashion.

All chicks at the office AREN'T MY TYPE. You want the woman to pursue you to the point of absurdity. As in, she throws the ***** at you. No intergender dynamics.

If it comes up you only date the EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHATEVER SHE IS. If white girl, only Asians or black girls. If blonde only reds. She's not your type.

If you smash, it just happened. Let women backwards rationalise. Let them do as AMS suggests with choosing signals but taje it too far.

She must engage you sexually. Mistake everything she says or does as a secual pass at you. Acknowledge that. Always disqualify her verbally.

Its always, assumption that she's sexually attracted to you & & & & its too bad you're not my type
But thanks lulz

 

[ghcortez]

You're overthinking this way too much, you need to chill down.

Here's what you do:

1. Reset, all that happened means nothing.
2. Do not make any reference to your time together.
3. If she brings it up, say you don't care and change subject.
4. Remain calm and unworried at all times.
5. Treat her like you would any other co-worker, nothing special.
6. Don't avoid casual conversation if it occurs, that would be reactive and show you're affected.
7. Don't keep a conversation with her longer or shorter than you would someone else.
8. If she tries to hug like you worry about, just let it happen and don't put any meaning into it, means nothing special.

Basically just be normal. I doubt you are 100% over her, if you were then you wouldn't have any issue with this and wouldn't make this thread. Getting over it means they return to a neutral emotional affect to you, that they're just another human being who's nothing special one way or another. This seems to me to be hard to do for most people, but anyone can do it if they put their mind to it.

I've made a move on and dated women in my social circle, most didn't work out. That's similar in that I can't just go no contact unless I also stay away from our mutual friends. I had to see them afterwards, but I didn't want to be the one to make it weird. So I remained unaffected by those events, reset the interaction and treated them like any other person of no particular romantic or sexual interest. Funny enough if you that you'll often see that the woman is the one who's not completely over it, while you couldn't give less of a fvck about it. Like my previous girlfriend. She broke up, I had by then learned to move on quickly, I just accepted it and within a week I didn't care at all. She on the other hand was still talking about it half a year later, she mentioned to a mutual friend that she thought I wasn't over her. When our friend told me that I just laughed and told our friend that clearly she's not over me for thinking that.

So yeah, act as if there's no problem and nothing out of the ordinary. Don't tell her to do or be in any particular way, that will clearly show you're affected by it. She does what she does, you do what you do.

This is great, but I am still affected. Who cares if she knows? I’m already out of for life, and she’s a co worker anyway, so the goal isn’t to be attractive to her. It’s about doing my job and being as comfortable as possible.

 

[Serenity]

I’m already out of for life, and she’s a co worker anyway, so the goal isn’t to be attractive to her. It’s about doing my job and being as comfortable as possible.

This is exactly the goal of my advice, not to attract but to normalize and be comfortable with the situation. You say that as if it will attract her, it will probably not and I did not intend it as that.

This is great, but I am still affected. Who cares if she knows?

Her knowing this will not help you normalize the situation and be comfortable at work. It's funny you said in your first post that you had 100% let her go, but now admit you're affected. She should be a nobody to you, just another face, a person you don't think about, who's nothing special and insignificant to your in every way. You just go about your day while she may sometimes exist in your presence, nothing special. If you're affected she will have power over you, she will take advantage of your weakness and you'll probably not notice until it's too late.

So I can not stress it enough, wipe her completely from your mind and act like a normal human being.

 

[ghcortez]

Her knowing this will not help you normalize the situation and be comfortable at work. It's funny you said in your first post that you had 100% let her go, but now admit you're affected.

I’ve 100% given up on getting back with her, but am still deeply hurt and humiliated by what happened.

 

[Serenity]

but am still deeply hurt and humiliated by what happened.

You have to let go of that, you can pretend as hard as you want, but people will notice this, you must get over it for real.

 

[ghcortez]

You have to let go of that, you can pretend as hard as you want, but people will notice this, you must get over it for real.

I want to but it’s not happening..

 

[Serenity]

I want to but it’s not happening..

Then it's better you don't work there.