How do I Flirt Sexually and make my intentions clear without coming on too strong?

[nicksaiz65]

I need some more help with this. I was talking with my Chad friend who has over 100 Laycount. He told me that I’m desexualizing myself and still being a “Nice Guy.” As in I’m not making my intentions known after the first date. And I need to do that to be considered an Alpha Male and a sexual being.

For example, a girl texted him and said “what’s up?” And he replied “If I told you, would you sit on it?” And the girl replied “possibly” with a sly emoji. They are now fvcking 3 times a week.

I just don’t really know how to flirt like this, especially over text. Some pointers would be great. For example, one of the girls I’m talking too has the word booty in her Snapchat handle. I was considering using that to talk about how phat her ass is. And do I explicitly let her know that I want to fvck her before she comes over?

I just don’t know how to do it without coming on too strong, scaring her away and looking creepy. Can y’all teach me how to do this?

 

[sangheilios]

No offense, but if you need to consciously plan on acting a certain way it' probably not going to go very well for you.

People have different personalities, strengths and weaknesses. Learn to be a more confident version of yourself instead of trying to essentially copy another man's behavior. Your friend probably has fleeting and casual relationships with women who are just like him, so what you are seeing works due to the personalities that are at play. A girl who is more relationship oriented would most likely be very put off with a guy who would behave like that early on and not go along with it.

As for showing your interest and confidence on a date, here is something that I've done. Earlier in the summer I took a girl I met at a club mini golfing. Anyway, during the date I'd help her putt the ball by standing behind her, wrapping my arms over her and help her swing the club. This also involved putting my hand on her hip/waist, shoulder, etc. When we'd sit down on the bench to talk I noticed she was stroking the club like you would a **** so I briefly put my hand on her thigh and smiled whislt talking to her. End of the date she jumped into my arms for a hug and kissed me, though that was the last time I saw her.

 

[nicksaiz65]

No offense, but if you need to consciously plan on acting a certain way it' probably not going to go very well for you.

People have different personalities, strengths and weaknesses. Learn to be a more confident version of yourself instead of trying to essentially copy another man's behavior. Your friend probably has fleeting and casual relationships with women who are just like him, so what you are seeing works due to the personalities that are at play. A girl who is more relationship oriented would most likely be very put off with a guy who would behave like that early on and not go along with it.

As for showing your interest and confidence on a date, here is something that I've done. Earlier in the summer I took a girl I met at a club mini golfing. Anyway, during the date I'd help her putt the ball by standing behind her, wrapping my arms over her and help her swing the club. This also involved putting my hand on her hip/waist, shoulder, etc. When we'd sit down on the bench to talk I noticed she was stroking the club like you would a **** so I briefly put my hand on her thigh and smiled whislt talking to her. End of the date she jumped into my arms for a hug and kissed me, though that was the last time I saw her.

I feel you. That is an issue I have, I’m always trying to copy other people’s game instead of inventing my own.

 

[sangheilios]

I feel you. That is an issue I have, I’m always trying to copy other people’s game instead of inventing my own.

Assuming you aren't really weird, lacking social skills completely and making horrible approaches, which I doubt, then you are most likely fine.

You are only 21, if you see a girl that you are attracted to introduce yourself and just spend a bit of time getting to know her. If you are feeling her ask for her number and if she likes you she'll go for it. It really isn't that complicated, if a woman is into you she is going to make things relatively easy and wont be looking for excuses to reject you because you didn't say xyz or did this instead of that, etc.

Most of this PUA nonsense where you need to do certain things to peak her interest and all of that is stuff you should ignore. Be a genuine and likable guy, don't be weird, don't be a push over and just be you.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Assuming you aren't really weird, lacking social skills completely and making horrible approaches, which I doubt, then you are most likely fine.

You are only 21, if you see a girl that you are attracted to introduce yourself and just spend a bit of time getting to know her. If you are feeling her ask for her number and if she likes you she'll go for it. It really isn't that complicated, if a woman is into you she is going to make things relatively easy and wont be looking for excuses to reject you because you didn't say xyz or did this instead of that, etc.

Most of this PUA nonsense where you need to do certain things to peak her interest and all of that is stuff you should ignore. Be a genuine and likable guy, don't be weird, don't be a push over and just be you.

Yeah and being the best version of myself is a lot less of a headache too. I still think there’s a lot of value to be found in PUA and having at least somewhat of a plan though

 

[Dr.Suave]

When not on public, spank them and see how they react.

 

[3agle 3yes]

@nicksaiz65 everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I completely disagree with @sangheilios.

Let's put it this way...I can tell you I'm getting laid like you're friend using a certain approach but you don't know me and how could you know for sure I wasn't lying?

But you actually have a friend who is getting laid using a certain approach, meanwhile another person is giving you advice who has admitted himself that he is struggling.

Whom should you listen to? That's up to you.

Meanwhile, let me weigh in.

I just don’t really know how to flirt like this...For example, one of the girls I’m talking too has the word booty in her Snapchat handle. I was considering using that to talk about how phat her ass is. And do I explicitly let her know that I want to fvck her before she comes over?

Never, ever let a woman know you want to fvck her.

Because then she knows you want something from her and this puts her in courting mode.

If she's in courting mode, she is the judge and you are a contestant. You now have to impress her and win her favor.

This may have worked in 1863, but not today.

You mentioned you don't know how to flirt, but this may be because you don't actually know what flirting is. Here's a couple of definitions:

Flirt

2. to trifle or toy, as with an idea

3. to move with a jerk or jerks; dart about:

This is almost the opposite of making your intentions known.

The flirt, is to communicate that you are interested in her (why else are you talking to her?) but that is not enough. She needs to prove to you that she's not just a pretty face.

How do you communicate to her that she needs to be more than just a pretty face?

A synonym for flirt is tease, you tease her. Remember when we used to make fun of girls we liked when we were kids? Well, adults are basically children with better excuses.

Don't talk about how phat her ass is, there's 100 other idiots on her snapchat doing that. You want to tease her about her strengths. If she has a great ass, find a way to say it isn't special without actually saying it.

You can say, "why do you have booty in your snapchat handle?" pretending to be completely oblivious.

Notice I say tease her about her strengths, not her weaknesses.

I hope this helps.

 

[nicksaiz65]

@nicksaiz65 everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I completely disagree with @sangheilios.

Let's put it this way...I can tell you I'm getting laid like you're friend using a certain approach but you don't know me and how could you know for sure I wasn't lying?

But you actually have a friend who is getting laid using a certain approach, meanwhile another person is giving you advice who has admitted himself that he is struggling.

Whom should you listen to? That's up to you.

Meanwhile, let me weigh in.
Never, ever let a woman know you want to fvck her.

Because then she knows you want something from her and this puts her in courting mode.

If she's in courting mode, she is the judge and you are a contestant. You now have to impress her and win her favor.

This may have worked in 1863, but not today.

You mentioned you don't know how to flirt, but this may be because you don't actually know what flirting is. Here's a couple of definitions:

Flirt

2. to trifle or toy, as with an idea

3. to move with a jerk or jerks; dart about:

This is almost the opposite of making your intentions known.

The flirt, is to communicate that you are interested in her (why else are you talking to her?) but that is not enough. She needs to prove to you that she's not just a pretty face.

How do you communicate to her that she needs to be more than just a pretty face?

A synonym for flirt is tease, you tease her. Remember when we used to make fun of girls we liked when we were kids? Well, adults are basically children with better excuses.

Don't talk about how phat her ass is, there's 100 other idiots on her snapchat doing that. You want to tease her about her strengths. If she has a great ass, find a way to say it isn't special without actually saying it.

You can say, "why do you have booty in your snapchat handle?" pretending to be completely oblivious.

Notice I say tease her about her strengths, not her weaknesses.

I hope this helps.

That’s a really good definition of flirting. That definitely does make a lot of sense. I’ve always agreed with the bantering type of flirting, it suits my personality well. I guess you could put sexual innuendos in there too, and that’d help out a good bit.

“Flirting is the art of playful teasing between two people that like each other; it’s an indirect way to show/build attraction.”

That’s a paraphrased quote from Corey Wayne that I thought would be relevant to this post.

 

[devilkingx2]

Being more sexual is easy when you remember that she'll respond negatively or positively based on interest and not anything you actually say (within reason)

So you can relax more about saying whatever comes to your mind, not too much, but more than you are now

 

[Georgepithyou]

Why are you worried so much

 

[Lookatu]

Just remember never be direct about sex when it comes to girls. Always use sexual innuendos, indirect hints, etc. They are great at picking these subtle cues out and it doesn't have them go into full defensive mode or make them feel slvtty.
Also making ambiguous comments/sexual hints will give you an out if they call you out on it. You can always joke back and tell them to get their minds out of the gutter and flip the script.

 

[2Rocky]

Work in the "That's what she said" when she makes a statement that could be applied to a sexual situation.

"It's so hard." , "I don't know if I can come, " "look at the size of that thing"



Also be aware if SHE is feeding the innuendo opportunities. You can be bolder with those women.





The other thing is to be more physically demonstrative. Breaking that touch barrier is important and it is a big hurdle to get over.

Body cues

Lead with eye contact. Have a silent conversation with her with your eyes. Search 'Triangular gaze'

Talk about how things make her FEEL. This is a deeper connection than small talk and it requires some vulnerability on her part. It also opens up her emotional state. I've met women while I was in a sales role who were really stressed out about what we were going to deliver as a solution. I told her my name, reassured her that we were going to get her everything she needed, and asked her "You look like you could use a hug", and she practically tackled me. It had been about 30 seconds from meeting her...

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Covid complicates things

 

[Kotaix]

Your approach is wrong. You think that acting like you're confident will make you appear to be confident. But it doesn't work that way. It's more that you are confident and therefore your behavior is confident.

You don't need to run thru some script or observe PUA principles or anything like that. You just need to smile at her and look at her with sex in your eyes. It's that simple. If you express yourself honestly around her because you find her attractive then she will react to you.

Also, just because you find a woman attractive, doesn't mean she finds you attractive. You don't have control over that, so don't let it taint your experience of the pickup process

 

[2Rocky]

Does she revel in your attention? Attracted women seem to bask in it and drink up the eye contact and touching. .

 

[samspade]

This is something I struggled with in my early 20s. Some guys are just more forward or have different styles.

I do recommend you play with different styles a little and see what fits you. I don't mean straight up parroting scripts or lines. I mean you can incorporate little things. You will probably speak with thousands of women in your lifetime, and no two encounters will be alike. You have the luxury of taking a little from here and a little from there and seeing what fits into your mold.

A good analogy, since I know you are a musician, is how musical artists often ape from their predecessors. Sometimes it's just a general style, and sometimes they will actually throw in a lick that's like a tribute - like the Beach Boys' opening lick on "Fun, Fun, Fun" (Chuck Berry) or CCR's opening to "Travelin' Band" (The Twist). They stand on their own but also on the shoulders of others.

My point being, no man is an island, we're unique but we're also products of what's influenced us. I've definitely used lines, methods, and ideas from others, but some stuff just isn't congruent with my personality type. And so I've built a body of work based on how I want to be, lol, and I know women love it.

All that said, women know what we want. Your buddy didn't outright SAY he wanted to fukk that girl...he offered a funny but juvenile answer. (My experience is if she takes the bait, DE-sexualize it and tease her for being dirty minded.) Part of it is reading "the room" (guessing how she'll respond) but the bigger part of it is congruence. He probably just goes around making pervy jokes and he's comfortable with that. Do your thing, but don't be afraid to try things and push your own boundaries a little - as long as you can look yourself in the mirror.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I need some more help with this. I was talking with my Chad friend who has over 100 Laycount. He told me that I’m desexualizing myself and still being a “Nice Guy.” As in I’m not making my intentions known after the first date. And I need to do that to be considered an Alpha Male and a sexual being.

For example, a girl texted him and said “what’s up?” And he replied “If I told you, would you sit on it?” And the girl replied “possibly” with a sly emoji. They are now fvcking 3 times a week.

I just don’t really know how to flirt like this, especially over text. Some pointers would be great. For example, one of the girls I’m talking too has the word booty in her Snapchat handle. I was considering using that to talk about how phat her ass is. And do I explicitly let her know that I want to fvck her before she comes over?

I just don’t know how to do it without coming on too strong, scaring her away and looking creepy. Can y’all teach me how to do this?

Here is an example from last night actually...I was banging a plate, woman texted me around 6:30 and I didn't respond til almost 9...this is an example of creating false barriers that she will try to break down...

Her: Nice evening for being curled up on the couch

Me: It would be...did I tell you I have won awards for my snuggling skills?

Her: Gloria
Sorry, I was texting my girl friend at the same time your text came in, lol
Wouldn't know, lol
Could come snuggle now


Me: I was like how did you hear that from Gloria?? You know her?
Hmm...very tempting. If it was like 6ish instead of 9ish I might take you up on that haha.
But there will be plenty of good snuggling days coming up...

Her: You text to late for snuggles,lol

Me: Yeah I know...we would have probably both ended up falling asleep and wake up at like 2 am

Her: Sounds great to me

Me: Yeah...but then you'd feel bad it was so late and probably offer to let me stay and then I'd try to sleep on the couch but then it might not be comfortable and then you'd say to come lay in your bed but I sleep naked and then it would be a problem...

Her: Highly doubt that. I sleep naked also
But my couch is so comfy

Me: Sleeping naked is the best...I have these super soft bamboo sheets that just feel amazing on your skin...
Oh awesome...then if I ever fall asleep with you on the couch til 2am snuggling I don't have to worry about the couch not being comfy enough to sleep on

Her: I do agree, I hate sleeping with clothes.
But the couch is so restricting, I have a bed that's so great!!

Me: I agree...but the problem is I wouldn't let either one of us sleep if I was in the bed and we were both naked...we would be up all night and then too tired to go to work the next morning...
It would be so bad!

Her: Don't see a problem with that‍
We need to stop, I'm here all alone, lol

Me: OK OK...I will stop.
I don't want you to start feeling that warm, tingly sensation spreading all throughout your body... when you start getting excited and you start feeling little pins and needles running up and down your body, start noticing your heart beating a little faster and your breathing becoming shallower...and then your mind starts imagining all the things that might happen and you try and lay down but you can't fall asleep...
That would be so terrible if that happened right now. So I will stop.

Her: Ugh, ass, lol
So evil

Me: Hahaha...I am so bad. OK...I need to get some sleep. Have an early day tomorrow.
I hope you have a good rest of your night and have some....umm...pleasant dreams

Her: Night!! I probably will

 

[BackInTheGame78]

And another from this morning...certain phrases you can use like "soaking wet" or "long and hard" or "explosion" or "coming over and over again(to the same conclusion)" will automatically make a woman's mind start thinking sexually about you...she can't help it. Plant the seed and let her mind water it...

If a woman ever asks how your day is somehow make sure you use the phrase "long and hard" in there...

Her: As soon as I know you will, hows your morning so far?

Me: Morning! Just got done with my workout...I am soaking wet...
Just joined a boring Webex for about 20 minutes and am hoping to actually get some work done today.

Her: Jeezus the image I'm getting I'm sorry I have no idea what you said after that

Me: Hmm...sounds like I am not the only one soaking wet...

Her:

 

[bat soup]

I need some more help with this. I was talking with my Chad friend who has over 100 Laycount. He told me that I’m desexualizing myself and still being a “Nice Guy.” As in I’m not making my intentions known after the first date. And I need to do that to be considered an Alpha Male and a sexual being.

For example, a girl texted him and said “what’s up?” And he replied “If I told you, would you sit on it?” And the girl replied “possibly” with a sly emoji. They are now fvcking 3 times a week.

I just don’t really know how to flirt like this, especially over text. Some pointers would be great. For example, one of the girls I’m talking too has the word booty in her Snapchat handle. I was considering using that to talk about how phat her ass is. And do I explicitly let her know that I want to fvck her before she comes over?

I just don’t know how to do it without coming on too strong, scaring her away and looking creepy. Can y’all teach me how to do this?

The basic principle is to always be pushing the boundaries slightly. Not too much, but always a little. Don't be scared of rejection - instead, seek it out, because that's how you find out where the boundaries actually are.

 

[Willie Naylor]