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How do I fix? My response to her friend during no contact was taken as a blow off

jnMissouri

Master Don Juan
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Question is how to fix, not looking for comments to move on, etc. Please stay on topic.

So my ex and I had an on/off again relationship. Intense (she is likely BPD and NPD, has all the signs). She usually broke no contact before, but things ended badly this time, worse than others, although some of those were bad too. In this breakup, she is still following some of the same patterns of before, there are 9 signs that indicate she didn't expect this to be a permanent breakup...I'll spare you the details, just trust me. Her behaviors and indicators were super obvious.

So two weeks after the breakup, no contact (she messed up pretty bad, I can see why she is testing the waters...) she tries to get me to reach out to her by trying to get my attention on an app we shared. When I didn't take the bait, her female friend texted me the next day, a woman I had only texted once ever, the day of the breakup, but who knows who I am to her, we've talked in the background when they were on the phone before.

Her friend simply sent a safe text pretending she was accidentally texting my ex, saying Hi, etc. It was so obvious given the timing of it being a day after the app trigger attempts to get me to reach out, that it was not an accident.

On the advice of a friend, I waited a day to respond and said I had a crazy busy weekend and just saw her message, and that I'm not her, she has the wrong number, etc.

That was two weeks after the breakup. It's since been 8 weeks of silence...I asked 7 different women and they all UNANIMOUSLY said my response was a clear blow off, that she felt rejected. Well, that would explain why she stopped trying....

Question is, how do I fix this? Do I keep staying silent, hoping her anxiety get's the best of her and she reaches out? Considering how things ended, she should be the one to reach out, though she is very afraid of rejection, hence her testing the waters.

Or text her friend asking about her, or send my own accidental text? Or just text my ex asking to get my stuff and give her her stuff back (it's two cheap shirts at her place and I have her victoria's secret nightly, that's all, I think she will see right through that).

Point is, I'm looking for a safe way to either get her to establish contact again by giving her hope or reaching out in a safe way that I'm not losing my power. Though thing is, I don't want a relationship with her ever again, she is NUTS. But she is hot AF and phenomenal in bed, and we had agreed to be FWB if we ever got to the point that we would breakup and never speak again. We might be past that point now though.
 

Stuffnu

Senior Don Juan
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Brother, you don’t understand the concept of No Contact.
You delete her, her friends, etc. on all social media apps, phone, and shoot the F‘n messenger pigeon. You do not reply Period!

This is to help you move on - not to manipulate her back into some kind of submission.

You’re trapped in this cycle. Don’t use excuses to maintain a toxic relationship, There’s plenty of hot girls out there that are great in bed. Go find another!!
 
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BillyPilgrim

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Let me suggest the old Butt Dial. Lol

If you send something actually legible, blame it on autocorrect.
 

BuckledWheel

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Point is, I'm looking for a safe way to either get her to establish contact again by giving her hope or reaching out in a safe way that I'm not losing my power.
The whole point is to distance yourself from this chick. You already said you didn’t want contact. Why would you want to? The chances are she will contact you given the pact you made. If she does, play it cool. By getting in touch with her now, you are losing any power you had. I would leave it my friend, she’s playing the long game.
 

LARaiders85

Master Don Juan
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Question is how to fix, not looking for comments to move on, etc. Please stay on topic.

So my ex and I had an on/off again relationship. Intense (she is likely BPD and NPD, has all the signs). She usually broke no contact before, but things ended badly this time, worse than others, although some of those were bad too. In this breakup, she is still following some of the same patterns of before, there are 9 signs that indicate she didn't expect this to be a permanent breakup...I'll spare you the details, just trust me. Her behaviors and indicators were super obvious.

So two weeks after the breakup, no contact (she messed up pretty bad, I can see why she is testing the waters...) she tries to get me to reach out to her by trying to get my attention on an app we shared. When I didn't take the bait, her female friend texted me the next day, a woman I had only texted once ever, the day of the breakup, but who knows who I am to her, we've talked in the background when they were on the phone before.

Her friend simply sent a safe text pretending she was accidentally texting my ex, saying Hi, etc. It was so obvious given the timing of it being a day after the app trigger attempts to get me to reach out, that it was not an accident.

On the advice of a friend, I waited a day to respond and said I had a crazy busy weekend and just saw her message, and that I'm not her, she has the wrong number, etc.

That was two weeks after the breakup. It's since been 8 weeks of silence...I asked 7 different women and they all UNANIMOUSLY said my response was a clear blow off, that she felt rejected. Well, that would explain why she stopped trying....

Question is, how do I fix this? Do I keep staying silent, hoping her anxiety get's the best of her and she reaches out? Considering how things ended, she should be the one to reach out, though she is very afraid of rejection, hence her testing the waters.

Or text her friend asking about her, or send my own accidental text? Or just text my ex asking to get my stuff and give her her stuff back (it's two cheap shirts at her place and I have her victoria's secret nightly, that's all, I think she will see right through that).

Point is, I'm looking for a safe way to either get her to establish contact again by giving her hope or reaching out in a safe way that I'm not losing my power. Though thing is, I don't want a relationship with her ever again, she is NUTS. But she is hot AF and phenomenal in bed, and we had agreed to be FWB if we ever got to the point that we would breakup and never speak again. We might be past that point now though.
ctrl-F and replace "ex" with "heroin dealer" and realize you are a junkie seeking the next hit of addiction.
 

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Foe

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So my ex and I had an on/off again relationship. Intense (she is likely BPD and NPD, has all the signs). She usually broke no contact before, but things ended badly this time, worse than others, although some of those were bad too. Though thing is, I don't want a relationship with her ever again, she is NUTS. But she is hot AF and phenomenal in bed, and we had agreed to be FWB if we ever got to the point that we would breakup and never speak again.
Damn dude I could have wrote this post! I am in the exact same situation as you, except Im 4 weeks into no contact and have given up on seeing her again. She pulled the same thing last year (oddly at the exact same time of year), went off and tried to start another relationship and ended up coming back right about this time actually. I always relied on her coming back as the pattern was breakups weekly with her coming back but this time I think its different. The splitting that BPD's are subject to (your the best, your the worst etc) can apparently escalate into a major split where you become the devil incarnate permanently, this is when they move on and you are completely erased from there memory. They enter the adoration stage with a new person and assume there identity and you simply don't exist anymore.

Now we both know that this will only last so long. The new guy isn't going to fix there internal problem and most likely despite the exceptional sex they provide there is a high chance he has better self esteem then you and will tell her to piss off. Then she might think about calling you (this girl did it many times while with me to her ex's so I know from the other side), in between this there is literally nothing you should do other then get on with your life and look for a better alternative.

Ive started a few plates and I can tell you they do nothing for me, its like purity of the drug that I was on was so intense everything else is weak and pointless. I think I just need more time to come back to earth and start enjoying whats available. I miss it though despite the absolute insanity of the relationship, I can understand why you want back in.
 

Pan87

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Question is how to fix, not looking for comments to move on, etc. Please stay on topic.

So my ex and I had an on/off again relationship. Intense (she is likely BPD and NPD, has all the signs). She usually broke no contact before, but things ended badly this time, worse than others, although some of those were bad too. In this breakup, she is still following some of the same patterns of before, there are 9 signs that indicate she didn't expect this to be a permanent breakup...I'll spare you the details, just trust me. Her behaviors and indicators were super obvious.

So two weeks after the breakup, no contact (she messed up pretty bad, I can see why she is testing the waters...) she tries to get me to reach out to her by trying to get my attention on an app we shared. When I didn't take the bait, her female friend texted me the next day, a woman I had only texted once ever, the day of the breakup, but who knows who I am to her, we've talked in the background when they were on the phone before.

Her friend simply sent a safe text pretending she was accidentally texting my ex, saying Hi, etc. It was so obvious given the timing of it being a day after the app trigger attempts to get me to reach out, that it was not an accident.

On the advice of a friend, I waited a day to respond and said I had a crazy busy weekend and just saw her message, and that I'm not her, she has the wrong number, etc.

That was two weeks after the breakup. It's since been 8 weeks of silence...I asked 7 different women and they all UNANIMOUSLY said my response was a clear blow off, that she felt rejected. Well, that would explain why she stopped trying....

Question is, how do I fix this? Do I keep staying silent, hoping her anxiety get's the best of her and she reaches out? Considering how things ended, she should be the one to reach out, though she is very afraid of rejection, hence her testing the waters.

Or text her friend asking about her, or send my own accidental text? Or just text my ex asking to get my stuff and give her her stuff back (it's two cheap shirts at her place and I have her victoria's secret nightly, that's all, I think she will see right through that).

Point is, I'm looking for a safe way to either get her to establish contact again by giving her hope or reaching out in a safe way that I'm not losing my power. Though thing is, I don't want a relationship with her ever again, she is NUTS. But she is hot AF and phenomenal in bed, and we had agreed to be FWB if we ever got to the point that we would breakup and never speak again. We might be past that point now though.
You are fully-addicted, bro. This never ends well.

I know you want us to support your drug addiction. But that’s unhealthy. You need to focus on stuff that’s important. Not little girls games.

Also, think about how unattractive you are to her. She would know better than anyone how addicted you are. That’s why she tools you around. She doesn’t have BPD. She’s a woman. And she’s running your head in circles like all good women do to addicted men.
 

RickPound

Don Juan
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Feb 17, 2021
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What @Foe said OP.. once you realize her chaos has nothing to do with you, you can find your center again by doing nothing and not reacting. Your pain and your pleasure that you associate with her is mostly chemical, like @LARaiders85 said, you don’t believe it can get any better or any worse when the drug is in your veins - but you have to detox.

I just went through this over the last 2 years. Try as hard as you can to resist, you’ll find your self worth again, then you’ll start to laugh at your former self and be turned off by her, and new girls will start to feel good and you’ll realize what interacting with a non-damaged woman is like.

Edit: For fixing, it’s basically the same answer - do nothing. Every time she has come back or reached out before, it had nothing to do with you, only her needs/emotions in the moment. You might be able to keep squeezing some s*X out of her as long as she still see you as a source of validation when somebody else rejects her or she’s alone. But again, it has nothing to do with you so you might as well start focusing on other parts of your life.
 
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BackInTheGame78

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Question is how to fix, not looking for comments to move on, etc. Please stay on topic.

So my ex and I had an on/off again relationship. Intense (she is likely BPD and NPD, has all the signs). She usually broke no contact before, but things ended badly this time, worse than others, although some of those were bad too. In this breakup, she is still following some of the same patterns of before, there are 9 signs that indicate she didn't expect this to be a permanent breakup...I'll spare you the details, just trust me. Her behaviors and indicators were super obvious.

So two weeks after the breakup, no contact (she messed up pretty bad, I can see why she is testing the waters...) she tries to get me to reach out to her by trying to get my attention on an app we shared. When I didn't take the bait, her female friend texted me the next day, a woman I had only texted once ever, the day of the breakup, but who knows who I am to her, we've talked in the background when they were on the phone before.

Her friend simply sent a safe text pretending she was accidentally texting my ex, saying Hi, etc. It was so obvious given the timing of it being a day after the app trigger attempts to get me to reach out, that it was not an accident.

On the advice of a friend, I waited a day to respond and said I had a crazy busy weekend and just saw her message, and that I'm not her, she has the wrong number, etc.

That was two weeks after the breakup. It's since been 8 weeks of silence...I asked 7 different women and they all UNANIMOUSLY said my response was a clear blow off, that she felt rejected. Well, that would explain why she stopped trying....

Question is, how do I fix this? Do I keep staying silent, hoping her anxiety get's the best of her and she reaches out? Considering how things ended, she should be the one to reach out, though she is very afraid of rejection, hence her testing the waters.

Or text her friend asking about her, or send my own accidental text? Or just text my ex asking to get my stuff and give her her stuff back (it's two cheap shirts at her place and I have her victoria's secret nightly, that's all, I think she will see right through that).

Point is, I'm looking for a safe way to either get her to establish contact again by giving her hope or reaching out in a safe way that I'm not losing my power. Though thing is, I don't want a relationship with her ever again, she is NUTS. But she is hot AF and phenomenal in bed, and we had agreed to be FWB if we ever got to the point that we would breakup and never speak again. We might be past that point now though.
Why the fvck do want to fix a very clear toxic relationship that is sucking the life out you whether you know it or not?

Relationships where you constantly break up and get back together are NOT relationships, they are toxic cesspools that draw you back in and leave you worse off than you were before every time.

Don't try to fix it...run away and don't look back. Then figure out what it is about you that makes you enjoy toxicity in your life.
 
Last edited:

SW15

Master Don Juan
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Do not fix. No contact. Move on.

Ex-girlfriends are to be treated the exact same way as "one date, no sex, no second date" women are women who flake prior to the first date.
 

bat soup

Master Don Juan
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Question is how to fix, not looking for comments to move on, etc. Please stay on topic.

So my ex and I had an on/off again relationship. Intense (she is likely BPD and NPD, has all the signs). She usually broke no contact before, but things ended badly this time, worse than others, although some of those were bad too. In this breakup, she is still following some of the same patterns of before, there are 9 signs that indicate she didn't expect this to be a permanent breakup...I'll spare you the details, just trust me. Her behaviors and indicators were super obvious.

So two weeks after the breakup, no contact (she messed up pretty bad, I can see why she is testing the waters...) she tries to get me to reach out to her by trying to get my attention on an app we shared. When I didn't take the bait, her female friend texted me the next day, a woman I had only texted once ever, the day of the breakup, but who knows who I am to her, we've talked in the background when they were on the phone before.

Her friend simply sent a safe text pretending she was accidentally texting my ex, saying Hi, etc. It was so obvious given the timing of it being a day after the app trigger attempts to get me to reach out, that it was not an accident.

On the advice of a friend, I waited a day to respond and said I had a crazy busy weekend and just saw her message, and that I'm not her, she has the wrong number, etc.

That was two weeks after the breakup. It's since been 8 weeks of silence...I asked 7 different women and they all UNANIMOUSLY said my response was a clear blow off, that she felt rejected. Well, that would explain why she stopped trying....

Question is, how do I fix this? Do I keep staying silent, hoping her anxiety get's the best of her and she reaches out? Considering how things ended, she should be the one to reach out, though she is very afraid of rejection, hence her testing the waters.

Or text her friend asking about her, or send my own accidental text? Or just text my ex asking to get my stuff and give her her stuff back (it's two cheap shirts at her place and I have her victoria's secret nightly, that's all, I think she will see right through that).

Point is, I'm looking for a safe way to either get her to establish contact again by giving her hope or reaching out in a safe way that I'm not losing my power. Though thing is, I don't want a relationship with her ever again, she is NUTS. But she is hot AF and phenomenal in bed, and we had agreed to be FWB if we ever got to the point that we would breakup and never speak again. We might be past that point now though.
You should invite her friend over and bang her from behind in front of the mirror whilst "accidentally" screaming out your exes name at the moment of climax.
 

jnMissouri

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Damn dude I could have wrote this post! I am in the exact same situation as you, except Im 4 weeks into no contact and have given up on seeing her again. She pulled the same thing last year (oddly at the exact same time of year), went off and tried to start another relationship and ended up coming back right about this time actually. I always relied on her coming back as the pattern was breakups weekly with her coming back but this time I think its different. The splitting that BPD's are subject to (your the best, your the worst etc) can apparently escalate into a major split where you become the devil incarnate permanently, this is when they move on and you are completely erased from there memory. They enter the adoration stage with a new person and assume there identity and you simply don't exist anymore.

Now we both know that this will only last so long. The new guy isn't going to fix there internal problem and most likely despite the exceptional sex they provide there is a high chance he has better self esteem then you and will tell her to piss off. Then she might think about calling you (this girl did it many times while with me to her ex's so I know from the other side), in between this there is literally nothing you should do other then get on with your life and look for a better alternative.

Ive started a few plates and I can tell you they do nothing for me, its like purity of the drug that I was on was so intense everything else is weak and pointless. I think I just need more time to come back to earth and start enjoying whats available. I miss it though despite the absolute insanity of the relationship, I can understand why you want back in.

I have actually been dating this chic that is more my type and successful AF, plus she comes from a veeeerrry successful family. We entered into a relationship this week (her idea, I was game to do it too though) and I've almost completely stopped caring about my ex. This new girl is way better and more stable and mature. Her parents are VERY wealthy. I mean VERY. I've been to one of their mansions...My ex's parents and family are broke AF. Heck she herself wasn't as successful as she made herself out to be.

On another note, my new gf is where I want to move to anyways so it works out great if I can move in with her. I stay at her place when I go to visit her and my trips are getting longer and longer, I'm practically going to be living there now as it is. In fact I started a thread about how to broach the subject of moving in with her...

Anyways, point is, in the span of 3 months, I dated about a dozen chics, two almost turned into relationships very early on into my breakup but I recognized the signs of narcissism and borderlines early on now so I bailed. Talked to this other chic out of state for a while, met her and we hit it off and now I don't even care if my ex ever contacts me again. It would be nice to see her admit her regret even though her attempts at trying to get me to reach out are already signs of it from what I've read, but I am so busy focusing on my relationship with the new girl and a future with her (nothing lasts forever though right...) that I just don't care about my ex anymore. She'll lose the game in the long run, time is on our side not theirs...

It's really tempting to send a picture of my cuter gf and I at one of her parents waterfront mansions (like 20K sf type of place....) lol. My ex is moving in with her sister because she can't afford to live on her own...
 

BadBoy89

Master Don Juan
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.I'll spare you the details, just trust me. Her behaviors and indicators were super obvious.
I never trust someone who says ”trust me.”

That was two weeks after the breakup. It's since been 8 weeks of silence...I asked 7 different women and they all UNANIMOUSLY said my response was a clear blow off, that she felt rejected. Well, that would explain why she stopped trying....

Question is, how do I fix this?
Sleep with one the 7 different women you reached to.

- I'm looking for a safe way to either get her to establish contact again
- Do I keep staying silent, hoping her anxiety get's the best of her and she reaches out?
- Or text her friend asking about her, or send my own accidental text?
- Or just text my ex asking to get my stuff and give her her stuff back
- she is hot AF and phenomenal in bed
- I don't want a relationship with her ever again
- she is NUTS
You are too.
 

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