"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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How do I become compassionate again?

ethnomethodologist

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Four months ago, I didn't have the desire to rush. I cared about everybody that came my way. The women loved me for that, so did the men, and anybody I spoke to I gave them genuine attention.

These days, I feel as though talking to these people is a waste of time.

Does anybody have any recommendations on how I can get my vibe back, and how I can make people feel good about themselves again?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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ethnomethodologist

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Thanks dynamically, dynamically WHAT may I ask?

I had a major epiphany about compassion a few months ago, the concepts that were born from it were endless. I enetered flow, and the state stayed with me permanently for days on end.

I don't know where it went these days.

Thanks for the link, Vibes topic and your own should be a bunch of help. I just hope I can se in hindsight just what barrier I have put up.
 

insanity

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ethnomethodologist, i've been there too. when i first went on a big adventure by myself to see what i was made of. it's like when i returned, nobody was worth my time. it's like i could not relate to my old friends anymore. when i asked them hows life, it was the same stories. i left a boy and came back a man. i could not relate anymore.

i think your compassion problem lost, lies in the fact that people you talked to either didn't listen to you, be it advice or whatever. sometimes when people come and ask me for help and i give them advice and they don't listen....it sucks. why bother again. soon it makes you feel like that, with almost everyone. or maybe those people that you lost compassion for always came to you with there problems and soon that negative energy transfers from them to you.

maybe it's the weather. sometimes when it's cold or cloudy that just ruins my day.
 

ethnomethodologist

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It's cold and cloudy 6 out of 7 days a week:(
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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aBAzLLnA

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What helped for me to "become compassionate" unintentionally was by studying buddhism and zen. A lot of the teachings in buddhism can be applied in daily life to make things more positive.
 

ethnomethodologist

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aiight azn bawler I think I might, I've wanted to study zen for a long time now. Read so many stories about chinese philosphers, and mediatation is something I think I NEED!

My emotional lines seem so frayed as of late, I need to make them stronger. There are times I sit at work listening to the petty squabbles that I become irate very quick...
 

aBAzLLnA

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As an ethnomethodologist I'm not surprised you said "azn bawler" :), sigh, this account is sort of old and I don't play basketball anymore.

Anyway, "mediatation is something I think I NEED!", it's something everyone needs. I've been meditating for some years now and it just chills the hell out of you. Not only do you end up feeling relaxed, but people will start feeling the vibes. It's interesting, have fun with it.
 

ethnomethodologist

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Thanks, I've gone through the basics tons of times, but not until recently have I ever thought I had the need for it.
 
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