How deal with alpha widow?

[SW15]

The cause of divorce / cheating is low interest level. Women are not “programmed” to cheat socially nor biologically.

The argument can be made that low interest level in romance at that moment could be a symptom of a larger disease. The larger disease could be that women's prefer mating mode from a biological standpoint is shorter term monogamous relationships. The low interest level occurs after the "shelf life of goodness" period has expired. The passage of time and the preference for shorter term monogamy can create the low interest level that causes the cheating/divorce. That's at least how I see it.

 

[Plinco]

If you're OK being her second choice, then stay. If not, leave.

It's about having self-respect.

I think people forget that respect is more important than sex

 

[Dr.Suave]

Most say dont ask these questions. My three cents is that you ask them in the first 3-6 dates, not after giving her exlusivity and being in a relatioship for months or years. I say this becuase your case is not the first, we been seeing a lot of these lately

 

[EyeBRollin]

The argument can be made that low interest level in romance at that moment could be a symptom of a larger disease. The larger disease could be that women's prefer mating mode from a biological standpoint is shorter term monogamous relationships. The low interest level occurs after the "shelf life of goodness" period has expired. The passage of time and the preference for shorter term monogamy can create the low interest level that causes the cheating/divorce. That's at least how I see it.

I believe that is confirmation bias. There is no biological proclivity to shorter term relationships. Women simply move on quicker because they have to be able to mate jump if their man dies in the jungle.

There is also a statistically significant contingent of longer term marriages far beyond that 7 year estimate you are referring to. They are not outliers.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Some say dont ask these questions. My three cents is that you ask them in the first 3-6 dates, not after giving her exlusivity and being in a relatioship for months or years. I say this becuase your case is not the first, we been seeing a lot of these lately

How does it benefit a man to ask those questions?

The answer will either be an outright lie or an uncomfortable truth he doesn’t want to hear.

 

[SW15]

as a woman, her mentioning his c0ck size (bigger) was insensitive and disrespectful, beyond the pale imo.

To think it is one thing, to actually say it is another.

To me, that was the biggest offense, not sure why you wouid even want to stay after her announcing such a thing, no matter how hot she is or difficult the dating market is.

If she says it, there's a greater chance that she is a Size Queen female. Size queens exist. Some want a substantially larger than average sized penis and nothing else satisfies. Penis size matters to some extent.

I never understood what being "alpha widowed" meant until reading this^.

He doesn't have to be her first, but rather her BEST. And he's definitely the best she's ever had and until she meets a man who can surpass him in looks, penis size etc, HE will always be her best, sorry to say.

Being the best is crucial. Especially the one who delivers the best sexual performance.

It's about having self-respect.

If you're OK being her second choice, then stay. If not, leave.

This is a big part of the Iron Rules of Tomassi. This is about Iron Rule #1.

The Iron Rules of Tomassi

One of the most influential books in my life has been The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. It’s a book I wish every man could read, and I…

medium.com

 

[SW15]

I believe that is confirmation bias. There is no biological proclivity to shorter term relationships. Women simply move on quicker because they have to be able to mate jump if their man dies in the jungle.

Is There a Biological Basis for the 7-Year Itch?

www.scientificamerican.com

The blue pill Dr. Helen Fisher has even advocated that there's a scientific basis for serial monogamy.

There is also a statistically significant contingent of longer term marriages far beyond that 7 year estimate you are referring to. They are not outliers.

My belief is that romantic relationships have a "shelf life of goodness" of 5 years. Duration of a relationship beyond the 5 years is irrevelant to me in a large percentage of the cases. It's possible to find couples who have been married for 20 years in a relationship for 23-25 years. Even if they are still together now, it doesn't mean that much. It means that they are together. Many of those 23-25 years have likely been mediocre to subpar in quality. There have likely been many years with minimal sex, especially in the years where their kids are under 13 years old.

 

[Dr.Suave]

How does it benefit a man to ask those questions?

The answer will either be an outright lie or an uncomfortable truth he doesn’t want to hear.

Hey bro. You n I have been down this road before with me not answering your question. Im clearly not gonna change your mind on this or you mine.

However, we have been seeing a lot of cases like OP´s despite most members like you advising against asking those questions or talking about that stuff. Some guys are just going to ask. Better they do it early and not after investing a lot of time and resources.

 

[EyeBRollin]

However, we have been seeing a lot of cases like OP´s despite most members like you advising against asking those questions or talking about that stuff. Some guys are just going to ask. Better they do it early and not after investing a lot of time and resources.

Some people are going to smoke, despite advisement against it. I’m not going encourage them to just do it anyway.

This forum is about game tactics. There is nothing beneficial about asking these questions.

Women ask questions to gain advantage in mating strategy. They are kicking our ass on that front. Men need to play smarter.

 

[SW15]

I get that but why tell your current that knowing he's smaller?

That's just plain cruel no matter how important size is to her.

I agree. It is cruel any way it is sliced. Perhaps she's trying to sabotage the interaction. This might be occurring either consciously or subconsciously.

 

[SW15]

To add, it would be like a man telling me his ex had huge breasts and how much he loved them, knowing my breasts were smaller.

What's the reason for telling me that? What purpose does it serve other than
making me feel badly? Or trying to.

I understand knowledge is power but some things are just better left unsaid.

This is fair to say. I have had girlfriends with big breasts and girlfriends with small breasts. I've never said a word to the girlfriends with smaller breasts about their breast size.

 

[EyeBRollin]

This is fair to say. I have had girlfriends with big breasts and girlfriends with small breasts. I've never said a word to the girlfriends with smaller breasts about their breast size.

These kind of conversations are destructive.

Although I must admit, I have leveraged a fit ex girlfriend to make subsequent girlfriends take their fitness more seriously. At least that topic is something the girls can control.

 

[SoSuave666]

This is fair to say. I have had girlfriends with big breasts and girlfriends with small breasts. I've never said a word to the girlfriends with smaller breasts about their breast size.

Because breasts don’t really have the same impact. A better example might be telling your girl her pvssy is beat up and rancid compared to your tight ex with a pristine smelling, smooth as butter snatch.

I am hard pressed to find a more clear example of someone deliberately trying to break down a male’s ego than telling him her ex was bigger and a better lay with the body of a Greek god. She would t have even been able to finish her sentence before I got up and left. This is a woman who has such little resect For her man that she’s willing to cuck him in an overt and direct manner, not even considering (or caring) there will be repercussions.

 

[2Rocky]

SO she is moved in, so you are committed to a fair degree. You want to make this work. Quit Looking to ***** abour what is out of oyur control and focus on the future,

The only way to deal with this, because we have all been around, is to say "hey I'm not going to obsess over what happened before you knew I even existed. What really matters is the way we treat each other going forward. "

Consider this:

And,
Vaginal cells are replaced every 96 hours - a much faster turnover than other parts of the skin - FWIW


Create your Now together. Don't worry about things out of your control. The most out of your control thing is other people's actions in the past. You are in the process of being better than that guy by the way you make her FEEL, buy the length of your relationship, The way she idealizes YOU.

Create something new don't obsess over the past. That is the only way to make the future you want together.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

Couple of red flags with this one. Clearly, she still has a thing for the ex - that is never a good thing. Second, did she actually volunteer the information that the ex has a bigger d1ck than you? If she did that on her own, I would say to just next her immediately -- that is a respect issue. And I really hope you didn't actually ask her if you were bigger. You also stated that she has dated "a lot" in the previous 7 years. This can have an effect on any woman in a negative way who gets passed around.

My bigger concern for you seems to be that you are very insecure. Clearly, for you to sit around and worry about your d1ck not being as big as this other guy is kind of sad - no offense. You are 51 years old - not 21. Why would something like this ever enter your mind? Like I said, if she voluntarily told you that then I would simply next her - she has no respect for you. If you asked her yourself, then you have security issues and have no respect for yourself. That kind of thing means very little ultimately.

She sounds like a lot of drama reading between the lines. My guess is whatever you have with her is short-lived (under 1 year). She also sounds like, if anything, this dude she is hung up on has "alpha-widowed" her as we call them (as your thread title states). You don't want to be the guy who comes after that happens.

The best advice is probably to delegate her to plate status and add some women into the rotation. But given how into her you seem to be I doubt you do that. You need to set some boundaries if you choose to stay in a exclusive relationship with her - because she has some respect problems from what I can tell.

 

[SW15]

Hi. I am 51 and my girlfriend (45) has just moved in with me. Anyone this age knows that the dating market isn't good at all (in most cities) - many fat women, women with kids, women with issues.

What to do? I certainly don't want to break up with her, as I say a woman like her at my age is like a needle in a haystack. Any thoughts please?

The living arrangement is a huge problem here. @Barrister and @catsmeow made excellent points about her level of disrespect, which is a sign of frame loss. Frame is everything, see Iron Rule of Tomassi #1. There's a reason why @nzrod reacted in the way that he did. It was cruel and disrespectful. Ending the relationship could be justified. Since they are living together, it's essentially impossible to move her to solely plate status instead of girlfriend status.

 

[SW15]

She also doesnt sound like a needle in the haystack, she sounds average.

Childless and fit at 45 is impressive. She's not living the tenets of her religious practice though.

 

[SW15]

average personality and character makes her average regardless. Its dangerously close to binary.

The dating market for middle aged men can be perceived as thin and a lot of men will experience limited demand during middle age.

 

[SW15]

surely we here can agree that its better to be single than to deal with a below average female personality

Yes. The break up logistics are going to be difficult though if he goes that direction. Breaking up with a girlfriend when you live together stinks.

 

[BeExcellent]

Thoughts from the old lady:

Ultimately I see two things here. I find her comments about relative member size pretty disrespectful as well, but if OP asked the question point blank, well facepalm on him.

He asked “Why” the guy broke her heart. That is a question you DO NOT want to know the answer to, and it’s best never to ask. I read this as she answered candidly but didn’t stop to consider how her answer might affect him. But I’ve also known men who truly didn’t care about someone’s past & were secure enough to handle whatever answer. She assumed he would be fine with whatever answer she gave & so was straightforward. So for that reason alone it’s not really fair to crucify her. She answered his question.

As an aside…any decent lawyer will tell you that never, NEVER do you ask a “Why” question of a witness on the stand. The rationale is because you cannot predict the answer. The answer to “Why” questions is often a total wildcard, and may not be what you expect.

Having said all that I will at times ask a “Why” question. But I am very self assured and very secure and I am asking to deepen my understanding of my partner. He’s with me now and his previous relationships didn’t work out, and so why do I care? He’s told me stories about prior lovers (some wilder in bed, some with bigger boobs or better bodies or whatever) and they aren’t together now. In fact one of his exes is a close friend to him, and to me. I seriously don’t care. He’s with me and that is what matters now.

Our OP does not have that rock solid self worth. He is insecure & weirded out. That’s all on him. That insecurity will rot the relationship faster than anything else.

Take home message:

1. Work on your self respect OP
2. Don’t ask questions you might not want the answer to
3. Let it go. She’s not with him but with you.

I mean let’s be real. Guys sometimes are fantasizing about someone else in bed…a wild ex, a porn star fantasy, the cute chick down the street.

OP is driving himself nuts. Look at how she treats you. She is with you.

My only concern really is bigger, honestly. This girl sacrificed her standards for security once. THAT is what you must look out for.

Her eyes should light up around you. Do they?This is the bigger issue to watch & evaluate.