How deal with alpha widow?

[oldmanofthesea]

So...now of course I am extremely insecure. My heart was racing all night - I got 2 hours sleep. How can I compete with model/statuesque man with a bigger ****? I work out a lot and eat well, and I am good looking, but I am 51 and can't measure up to his description.

She said the next day that she likes sex with me and doesn't compare me to him, but I can't help but imagine I can never compare to her big **** sex with a model who broke her heart.

BE gave some great advice. I'll throw my own two cents in here too.....

1. You have to see yourself as the catch. Sure, maybe his D and body were better than yours, however, was the sum-total package better? There will ALWAYS be guys out there with bigger D's, better bodies, more money, better looks, whatever.... it's about the sum total of the package but more specifically than that, it is about how the sum total package makes her FEEL. In fact, what she is verbalizing to you as to the reason for her attraction to him might not be the TRUE reason anyway - I don't mean to say that she is lying to you deliberately, just that she knows how she feels first, and then she tries to logically come up with a justification for it second. For example, he could have been incredibly dominant in bed and demonstrated very high value to her with a bit of a lack of interest in her - just enough to string her along; she knew he was way above her league and she felt lucky to be with him. THAT is what turned her on, not the body or the D. But as a woman, what I just described is not going to be what goes through her brain's inner monologue. Instead she is going to be looking at him and thinking it's X or Y that makes her so turned on.
2. Most men and most women will have always had someone in their past that bests who they have now in at least one way. I'm sure you have a girl in your past you fantasize about and think was hotter than she is. It's no different from her.
3. Your focus should be on dominating her in the bedroom in a very confident way, and being very confident and ensuring she knows she is lucky to have you. If you are acting insecure, or even FEELING insecure, you are going to be sending out invisible tentacles to probe her and try to get statements from her that validate your own insecure sense of worth and nothing is going to drive her away more than that - it will be a nail in your coffin. The guy she told you about didn't do that because he knew his place, he knew her place, and she did too.

As others have said, never ask a question if you aren't prepared for the answer, whatever it may be. And I agree with BE that it wasn't great for her to say what she did. I would never tell a girl I'm dating that an ex of mine was skinnier or had a better a$$ or was better in bed or whatever. So you both share blame on this one - you for asking and her for being overly honest.

 

[derby1]

Well Well Well, I said a few days ago in a post, women have ZERO idea how to treat men, with courtesy.

yet ironically they know EXACTLY how they should be treated and not be humiliated.

one of my plates could write a book on every way she should be treated by a partner, yet the very day after she will do everything to the male, that she listed made her uncomfortable.

 

[Barrister]

Well Well Well, I said a few days ago in a post, women have ZERO idea how to treat men, with courtesy.

yet ironically they know EXACTLY how they should be treated and not be humiliated.

one of my plates could write a book on every way she should be treated by a partner, yet the very day after she will do everything to the male, that she listed made her uncomfortable.

When women become bored in any relationship it becomes all about them. OP sounds like he is inching towards that mindset from this woman if she isn't there already. He is a safe, older guy who is worried about pleasing her. That isn't a recipe for making her wet and want to remain fully compliant with what HE wants.

When a relationship is brand new, many women will go out of their way to please the man. It is hard to maintain that for a long period of time - and the window for that behavior shortens exponentially if you begin acting insecure and needy.

 

[Barrister]

BE gave some great advice. I'll throw my own two cents in here too.....

1. You have to see yourself as the catch. Sure, maybe his D and body were better than yours, however, was the sum-total package better? There will ALWAYS be guys out there with bigger D's, better bodies, more money, better looks, whatever.... it's about the sum total of the package but more specifically than that, it is about how the sum total package makes her FEEL.

I think it takes men going through a few failed relationships with women to totally understand this. There is no logic behind a woman's attraction to a man except that she needs to feel emotions. It is why Cluster B women do what they do - the rollercoaster generates these feelings that feed into the relationship and give it excitement. Even men can get addicted to it.

Mentally healthy women don't do the rollercoaster deal, but if the relationship is stale or the man has become needy and boring (aka she no longer gets those strong emotions from the relationship), expect bad behavior to follow regardless. And unfortunately, sometimes it is unavoidable due to life. I am not one of the guys that thinks all relationships are doomed at the onset, but I will say that I think keeping a woman in this state of feelz so that she is happy is very difficult.

 

[derby1]

When women become bored in any relationship it becomes all about them.

Im experiencing this from the start nowadays, too many simps giving them entitlement

 

[Barrister]

it’s ultimately boring. You begin to feel like a dancing monkey, constantly having to spike feelz. It’s a very conscious thing.

After a while, after I’ve banged her every which way, I begin to lose interest in “keeping her in a state of feelz”. The focus abruptly shifts to my own waning interest.

It can certainly get boring/frustrating -- especially if you are getting nagged every night and the sex has dried up.

It also can have its benefits - but that is a completely different topic.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

My concern is the other day we were talking about who broke our hearts the most.

One other important thing I forgot to mention - A man does not have these kinds of conversations. "Who hurt you the most? Now let me share who hurt me the most....." That conversation belongs exclusively in the ladies room. Never discuss "who hurt you" with a woman or even go into details about exes at all (not hers, and especially not yours) - from who they were to why you broke up to who's decision it was. All that serves to do is lower your value in her eyes and it isn't masculine. If you are doing all the right things, her imagination will paint the best-possible case of your romantic history - one that will turn her on the most - whatever that may be, and the best part is you don't have to guess at what it is and provide it to her because she does that all on her own. Don't F that up by opening your mouth. Never kiss and tell.

At BEST you can say "I was married but it didn't work out. It was a good learning experience though." and "I've been dating here and there as my busy schedule allows." That's it.

 

[BeExcellent]

One other important thing I forgot to mention - A man does not have these kinds of conversations. "Who hurt you the most? Now let me share who hurt me the most....." That conversation belongs exclusively in the ladies room. Never discuss "who hurt you" with a woman or even go into details about exes at all (not hers, and especially not yours) - from who they were to why you broke up to who's decision it was. All that serves to do is lower your value in her eyes and it isn't masculine. If you are doing all the right things, her imagination will paint the best-possible case of your romantic history - one that will turn her on the most - whatever that may be, and the best part is you don't have to guess at what it is and provide it to her because she does that all on her own. Don't F that up by opening your mouth. Never kiss and tell.

At BEST you can say "I was married but it didn't work out. It was a good learning experience though." and "I've been dating here and there as my busy schedule allows." That's it.

Less really is more. Concur 100% with the post above.

 

[Suave88]

Hi. I am 51 and my girlfriend (45) has just moved in with me. Anyone this age knows that the dating market isn't good at all (in most cities) - many fat women, women with kids, women with issues.

My girlfriend is a 9/10 physically, a strong Christian, a counsellor for her job (with two Masters degrees), and interesting - and she has no kids (miscarriages in prior marriage - where he cheated on her). I really feel like I have found a needle in a haystack. I kid you not.

She dated a LOT in the 7 years since her marriage ended (age 38 to 45), and was living in a city of 5 million people so many opportunities. She says she was selective though (Christian background so I kind of believe it) but I count about 5 - 6 in bed from what she told me - who knows.

My concern is the other day we were talking about who broke our hearts the most. She said the first boyfriend AFTER her marriage (10 month relationship). This is despite her husband cheating on her. I said "Why did he break your heart more than your husband?".
She: "I was more physically attracted to him"
Me: "Why"
She: "Oooh, he had a body like a model, like....a statue...those statues you see". Her face lit up and her eyes looked up to the left as she imagined.
She had already told me a week earlier that he gave her her first penis in vagina orgasm, and he has a bigger **** than me. She also implied they slept together first or second date.
He left the town where she was living with two weeks notice so she felt abandoned by him.

So...now of course I am extremely insecure. My heart was racing all night - I got 2 hours sleep. How can I compete with model/statuesque man with a bigger ****? I work out a lot and eat well, and I am good looking, but I am 51 and can't measure up to his description.

She said the next day that she likes sex with me and doesn't compare me to him, but I can't help but imagine I can never compare to her big **** sex with a model who broke her heart.

What to do? I certainly don't want to break up with her, as I say a woman like her at my age is like a needle in a haystack. Any thoughts please?

I don't like it when she talks about her ex......who ever the fck he was or is and how good she believes he is and she felt....
This is a red flag for me, so I stopped readijg and made this comment.

 

[Suave88]

Hi. I am 51 and my girlfriend (45) has just moved in with me. Anyone this age knows that the dating market isn't good at all (in most cities) - many fat women, women with kids, women with issues.

My girlfriend is a 9/10 physically, a strong Christian, a counsellor for her job (with two Masters degrees), and interesting - and she has no kids (miscarriages in prior marriage - where he cheated on her). I really feel like I have found a needle in a haystack. I kid you not.

She dated a LOT in the 7 years since her marriage ended (age 38 to 45), and was living in a city of 5 million people so many opportunities. She says she was selective though (Christian background so I kind of believe it) but I count about 5 - 6 in bed from what she told me - who knows.

My concern is the other day we were talking about who broke our hearts the most. She said the first boyfriend AFTER her marriage (10 month relationship). This is despite her husband cheating on her. I said "Why did he break your heart more than your husband?".
She: "I was more physically attracted to him"
Me: "Why"
She: "Oooh, he had a body like a model, like....a statue...those statues you see". Her face lit up and her eyes looked up to the left as she imagined.
She had already told me a week earlier that he gave her her first penis in vagina orgasm, and he has a bigger **** than me. She also implied they slept together first or second date.
He left the town where she was living with two weeks notice so she felt abandoned by him.

So...now of course I am extremely insecure. My heart was racing all night - I got 2 hours sleep. How can I compete with model/statuesque man with a bigger ****? I work out a lot and eat well, and I am good looking, but I am 51 and can't measure up to his description.

She said the next day that she likes sex with me and doesn't compare me to him, but I can't help but imagine I can never compare to her big **** sex with a model who broke her heart.

What to do? I certainly don't want to break up with her, as I say a woman like her at my age is like a needle in a haystack. Any thoughts please?

Bang her and ignore her comments about other dude. Do not get personal with this woman. Look what she has already done, she has created insecurities in your mind. Don't listen to her BS anymore.

 

[Suave88]

Hi. I am 51 and my girlfriend (45) has just moved in with me. Anyone this age knows that the dating market isn't good at all (in most cities) - many fat women, women with kids, women with issues.

My girlfriend is a 9/10 physically, a strong Christian, a counsellor for her job (with two Masters degrees), and interesting - and she has no kids (miscarriages in prior marriage - where he cheated on her). I really feel like I have found a needle in a haystack. I kid you not.

She dated a LOT in the 7 years since her marriage ended (age 38 to 45), and was living in a city of 5 million people so many opportunities. She says she was selective though (Christian background so I kind of believe it) but I count about 5 - 6 in bed from what she told me - who knows.

My concern is the other day we were talking about who broke our hearts the most. She said the first boyfriend AFTER her marriage (10 month relationship). This is despite her husband cheating on her. I said "Why did he break your heart more than your husband?".
She: "I was more physically attracted to him"
Me: "Why"
She: "Oooh, he had a body like a model, like....a statue...those statues you see". Her face lit up and her eyes looked up to the left as she imagined.
She had already told me a week earlier that he gave her her first penis in vagina orgasm, and he has a bigger **** than me. She also implied they slept together first or second date.
He left the town where she was living with two weeks notice so she felt abandoned by him.

So...now of course I am extremely insecure. My heart was racing all night - I got 2 hours sleep. How can I compete with model/statuesque man with a bigger ****? I work out a lot and eat well, and I am good looking, but I am 51 and can't measure up to his description.

She said the next day that she likes sex with me and doesn't compare me to him, but I can't help but imagine I can never compare to her big **** sex with a model who broke her heart.

What to do? I certainly don't want to break up with her, as I say a woman like her at my age is like a needle in a haystack. Any thoughts please?

The fact that she still talks about some dude in some relationship tells me that she is a woman to bang, just to bang. This is what she wants and you must do the same. She is a masochist why to talk so well about a dude in a bad relationship????? As I said before, bag her, use her for fun, don't pay attention to her comments dont say anything abouy it. Just bang her and try to make her feel good with you at sex, but dont get personal with her. Ignore all of her comments about her past relationships even if it was flash Gordon who she was banging. I dont like it.

 

[SW15]

As I said before, bag her, use her for fun, don't pay attention to her comments dont say anything abouy it. Just bang her and try to make her feel good with you at sex, but dont get personal with her.

That is difficult to do when you live with a woman.

I find her comments about relative member size pretty disrespectful

OP does not have that rock solid self worth. He is insecure & weirded out. That’s all on him. That insecurity will rot the relationship faster than anything else.

OP has a frame problem. You see that and it is the general consensus. If his frame was stronger, the woman would not be mentioning her ex's big penis.

 

[DonJuanjr]

If his frame was stronger, the woman would not be mentioning her ex's big penis.

Not that it matters anyways.... She SAYS she got her first PIV orgasm with him.Then mentions his djck. That probably isn't the reason for the orgasm, but rather how she felt about the guy. She probably would've had the orgasm if he was slightly below average in size, if everything else was the same. My former fling talked about how the bf she broke up with before we starting fooling around, was huge. Though she admitted that I was better than him due to not being "vanilla" and boring. Dude was hung like a horse, but only interested in missionary, and was feeble while fvcking her. In contrast to how I was. That's not to say she could have been ego stroking me, but I believe it by the way her female relative treated me and little comments she made.

 

[SW15]

I don’t know what type of women some of y’all are attracting but if these women need to be in a constant state of “feelz” in order to remain interested and attracted to you, there is something wrong with her.

Or....the market of single women is flooded with women like this.

The typical Millennial or Gen Z White women needs to have "all the feelz" to continue.

Men Are Nothing More Than Clowns To The Modern Woman – Roosh Valizadeh

I have a bank of rotating stock questions I ask women that let me know how I should proceed with my game. One of the questions I used to ask was "Do you need a man?" Out of the dozens of times I asked it, not a single girl answered yes. Even in Eastern Europe, a woman needs a man as much as a cat ne

www.rooshv.com

 

[nzrod]

Hi - OP here. Thank you all for the wise and thoughtful replies. All of you were considerate and I thank you all. A couple of clarifications:

1. About a week before the Greek God comments in my original post, we were discussing how best to get her to orgasm. She mentioned her first penis in vagina orgasm (i.e. as opposed to masturbation) was with this guy, and she didnt with her ex husband (who was before him). I said what did he do differently? She said she doesnt know, but he used his hand also, and was bigger (yes I did ask). I also said "Bigger than me?". And she nodded.

2. She brought up the question about "Who broke your heart most?" - asking me the question. I answered, then asked her. I must say these two parts of her response hurt (I am expanding on my original post):

a. The FOUR years with her ex husband (relationship equity) meant LESS to her, than 10 months with a physical stud. What does that tell you about the red pill truth of relationship equity? i.e. it is true. While I have read all of Tomassi's books, the idea that a woman can be more heartbroken after 10 months getting f_d by a stud than from four years with her ex husband who took her to many countries on lovely holidays and gave her a big house to live in tells you how powerful sexual feelings are for a woman - and that being a good provider can not be the main goal in life.

b. The WAY her face looked when she said how his body was like a model's, and like a statues - it was a look of arousal. That hurts as she will always feel that way about him. Then my mind of course added that a week earlier she told me his d**k was bigger. Yes it is in the past, I know.

Your comments about me being insecure - yeah - I said it myself - I agree. I find it hard not to be when she has such memories and prior experience to compare against. But I also agree with you that I need to accept it and let go else it will hurt the relationship. Thank you. I also take on board the advice about learning more about sex. Regarding being dominant in the bedroom - no worries there - I am a beast.

 

[SW15]

I am a Millennial

What I don't think is getting enough attention is that Millennials are starting to get old. The oldest Millennials are starting to turn 40. Yes, 40. Middle age.

There are many Millennials in the older part of the generation who are still acting like it's 2005-2010 based on their emotional state. Many Millennials born between 1982-1987 are still acting like they did in the mating environment like they did in their late teens - mid 20s yet being 35+.

One other important thing I forgot to mention - A man does not have these kinds of conversations. "Who hurt you the most? Now let me share who hurt me the most....." That conversation belongs exclusively in the ladies room. Never discuss "who hurt you" with a woman or even go into details about exes at all (not hers, and especially not yours) - from who they were to why you broke up to who's decision it was. All that serves to do is lower your value in her eyes and it isn't masculine. If you are doing all the right things, her imagination will paint the best-possible case of your romantic history - one that will turn her on the most - whatever that may be, and the best part is you don't have to guess at what it is and provide it to her because she does that all on her own. Don't F that up by opening your mouth. Never kiss and tell.

At BEST you can say "I was married but it didn't work out. It was a good learning experience though." and "I've been dating here and there as my busy schedule allows." That's it.

This is a really good point and accurate. I have never thought to ask a woman about "Who hurt her the most?". She needs to discuss this with her female friends. Almost all women have a surplus of female friends.

 

[Barrister]

Hi - OP here. Thank you all for the wise and thoughtful replies. All of you were considerate and I thank you all. A couple of clarifications:

1. About a week before the Greek God comments in my original post, we were discussing how best to get her to orgasm. She mentioned her first penis in vagina orgasm (i.e. as opposed to masturbation) was with this guy, and she didnt with her ex husband (who was before him). I said what did he do differently? She said she doesnt know, but he used his hand also, and was bigger (yes I did ask). I also said "Bigger than me?". And she nodded.

2. She brought up the question about "Who broke your heart most?" - asking me the question. I answered, then asked her. I must say these two parts of her response hurt (I am expanding on my original post):

a. The FOUR years with her ex husband (relationship equity) meant LESS to her, than 10 months with a physical stud. What does that tell you about the red pill truth of relationship equity? i.e. it is true. While I have read all of Tomassi's books, the idea that a woman can be more heartbroken after 10 months getting f_d by a stud than from four years with her ex husband who took her to many countries on lovely holidays and gave her a big house to live in tells you how powerful sexual feelings are for a woman - and that being a good provider can not be the main goal in life.

b. The WAY her face looked when she said how his body was like a model's, and like a statues - it was a look of arousal. That hurts as she will always feel that way about him. Then my mind of course added that a week earlier she told me his d**k was bigger. Yes it is in the past, I know.

Your comments about me being insecure - yeah - I said it myself - I agree. I find it hard not to be when she has such memories and prior experience to compare against. But I also agree with you that I need to accept it and let go else it will hurt the relationship. Thank you. I also take on board the advice about learning more about sex. Regarding being dominant in the bedroom - no worries there - I am a beast.

1. I understand that dissecting why she was attracted to one man vis-a-vis another might be tempting when it comes to sex, but even simply asking what this other guy did that was so wonderful for her comes off like you don't know what the hell you are doing in the bedroom. I also won't harp on it but you actually asking if he was bigger than you was pretty cringe and makes you look insecure even if you say nothing else. Clearly, you know this to be true so I won't continue to harp on it. But you have to start seeing yourself as the valuable one between you and her and stop putting yourself in such a supplicating position towards her.

2. Don't really provide a serious answer to these types of questions because all you do is make yourself look weak. Women will automatically think this way when you provide answers to these types of questions. It is better to simply brush them off.

 

[Dr.Suave]

"Dont ask questions you dont want to know the answer" "Avoid this or that topic" "I dont care about a womans sexual past but I dont want to know her exact notch count" Give me a f0cking break.

I just dont get it. Its like you choose to be live your life walking on eggshells or something like that.

If for whatever reason I dont consider her girlfriend material then yes, absolutely, I wont care. But If Im interested in LTR, I WILL ASK HER NOTCH COUNT within the following three dates if it doesnt come up in conversation. EyeBRollin will probably quote me now and ask me "What benefit bla bla bla....?" and either him or someone else will say something like "she could lie". Whatever! If she lies thats on her and if she´s lying you will find out eventually or most of the time you can tell she´s lying one way or another, it doesnt take being a Rocket Scientist.

"But...!" Whatever. I ask her. Im not sure if there´s a purpose or if I can explain it. But I can tell you it works for me because Im very happy, the happiest I´ve ever been.

Finding and pulling a virgin who passes the boner test is very difficult. I would imagine not asking certain stuff, perpetually avoiding this and that topic, potentially dealing with an alpha widow, and not knowing certain stuff but knowing for sure someone else´s d1ck has been inside is hard too. I would like to say "choose your difficulty" except for most men its not a choice, because most men cant find and pull a virgin that passes the boner test. Some men even claim they dont like virgins, well, they are so hard to find that they should be easy enough to avoid.

@Pan87 knows what´s up. I agree with him most of the time when it comes to women´s virginity.

 

[tightgrp]

Hate to be the bearer of bad news..

We aren’t supposed to be “finding” people at 51. In the jungle we would be dead or dying by then. We’re supposed to have the significant other thing figured out long before then. Men decline quickly after 40. Women after 30. That’s the reality…

Gray Divorce

 

[Suave88]

I think people forget that respect is more important than sex

For you, because for me, in the case of a relationship with a woman, I care nothing about respect. I dont listen to her BS, I ignore her comments, I play hypocritical. My goal is to bang her. When she offends and is disrespectful or play games, I distance myself and only return when she wants sex. Also, I have noticed most members use the word disrespect, but this is incorrect. The proper word is annoying.