How common are women like this and how should they be dealt with?

[sangheilios]

A couple days ago I was at the gym, had a really good lower body workout and was going through my stretching/yoga routine I do before heading out. I'm in the aerobics room, from which I can see out to the rest of the gym, and I noticed that this girl, who I had met at another gym about 2.5 years ago, was there. Upon seeing her it made me reflect upon the experience I had.

Back in the summer of 2018 I had approached her, we spoke for about 10 minutes and I let her go back to her workout. I had run into her a couple days later, she approaches me and then asks me out, so we exchanged numbers. The girl flaked on our date and ghosted me for about a week. Whenever I'd see her at the gym she'd approach me, flirt, etc. She had asked me out a couple more times, more or less repeating the same pattern. It got to the point where I was becoming so annoyed by it that I was considering switching gyms. However, instead of running away from a problem I basically confronted it head on and asked her what her problem was with me. She ended up yelling at me, walked off and finally stopped approaching me. However, a few months later she tried approaching me and I literally had to turn my body and walk away from her and go to the other side of the gym. From here she kept staring at me all the time, I avoided making any direct eye contact or acknowledging her existence but I noticed all of this peripherally, as well as have others I know there mention this to me as well.

I realize this is a more extreme case of attention whoring and that this is a woman that has issues but I wonder how common it is to run into women like this. I've had several other experiences with women that were similar to this one in particular, though I feel this case was further on the spectrum than the others. Also, what is a good way to deal with a woman like this should a man run into one? Is it best to just call it out right then and there and then proceed by totally ignoring?

 

[Bigpapa]

Yeah , this is attention Whorr1ng

in order for you to understand why this happens , you firstly have to understand why she is doing this in the first place

women who do this , they do it because they are super insecure about themselves and feeling wanted makes them feel good on the moment

the only way forward is to be lukewarm towards them , and make them invest in you more and more

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Flip the question as to why this keeps happening to you and figure that out and you will have done something useful.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Flip the question as to why this keeps happening to you and figure that out and you will have done something useful.

+1

If a girl wastes time, flakes or lmr, ***** is dead to me.

Op, rather than reflect on her or any specific girl, source more volume. Fix your process. As previously stated, if patterns are repeated as are the outcomes, the problem is you. Flip the script. Fine tune your process and tweak it till you get a recipe with consistent success.

 

[sangheilios]

Yeah , this is attention Whorr1ng

in order for you to understand why this happens , you firstly have to understand why she is doing this in the first place

women who do this , they do it because they are super insecure about themselves and feeling wanted makes them feel good on the moment

the only way forward is to be lukewarm towards them , and make them invest in you more and more

I know what she is and that women like this are the way they are due to internal issues that they have.

I'm not really interested in bringing someone like this into my life. My concern is how common are these women and if you are in a situation where they are around you in any manner of a regular basis what is the best means of cutting them off without creating further drama.

 

[sangheilios]

Flip the question as to why this keeps happening to you and figure that out and you will have done something useful.

Who said it continuously happens? I've had several experiences with women like this, none of which were all that recent. However, I know of many men who have met women like this or know of specific women who share these same behavior issues.

 

[Bigpapa]

I know what she is and that women like this are the way they are due to internal issues that they have.

I'm not really interested in bringing someone like this into my life. My concern is how common are these women and if you are in a situation where they are around you in any manner of a regular basis what is the best means of cutting them off without creating further drama.

well , all women are insecure lol

i would say that this is quite an extreme case as most women are in the middle when it comes to how insecure they are

the way to cut them it is just to be polite like “ hey “ and then leaving

 

[Georgepithyou]

women who do this , they do it because they are super insecure about themselves and feeling wanted makes them feel good on the moment

Women like this should be avoided, I feel legitimately bad for whatever simp they come across. They are like Energy vampires

 

[bat soup]

A couple days ago I was at the gym, had a really good lower body workout and was going through my stretching/yoga routine I do before heading out. I'm in the aerobics room, from which I can see out to the rest of the gym, and I noticed that this girl, who I had met at another gym about 2.5 years ago, was there. Upon seeing her it made me reflect upon the experience I had.

Back in the summer of 2018 I had approached her, we spoke for about 10 minutes and I let her go back to her workout. I had run into her a couple days later, she approaches me and then asks me out, so we exchanged numbers. The girl flaked on our date and ghosted me for about a week. Whenever I'd see her at the gym she'd approach me, flirt, etc. She had asked me out a couple more times, more or less repeating the same pattern. It got to the point where I was becoming so annoyed by it that I was considering switching gyms. However, instead of running away from a problem I basically confronted it head on and asked her what her problem was with me. She ended up yelling at me, walked off and finally stopped approaching me. However, a few months later she tried approaching me and I literally had to turn my body and walk away from her and go to the other side of the gym. From here she kept staring at me all the time, I avoided making any direct eye contact or acknowledging her existence but I noticed all of this peripherally, as well as have others I know there mention this to me as well.

I realize this is a more extreme case of attention whoring and that this is a woman that has issues but I wonder how common it is to run into women like this. I've had several other experiences with women that were similar to this one in particular, though I feel this case was further on the spectrum than the others. Also, what is a good way to deal with a woman like this should a man run into one? Is it best to just call it out right then and there and then proceed by totally ignoring?

There is something wrong with this woman. She's an extreme case for sure. But actually, I think there is something wrong with most attention whoares. They're missing something inside and they try to fill it by using other people.

 

[rjc149]

girl flaked on our date and ghosted me for about a week. Whenever I'd see her at the gym she'd approach me, flirt, etc. She had asked me out a couple more times, more or less repeating the same pattern. It got to the point where I was becoming so annoyed by it that I was considering switching gyms.

Sounds like you let this pattern of behavior continue one too many times. After flaking and ghosting you the first time, this should have been your MO with her in each subsequent invitation of hers. Flaking and ghosting after setting a date is extremely disrespectful and is not something you should ever tolerate or give a second chance for. If a girl does this to me, she gets blown off or ignored from that point on.

I know she approached you, but this is also why the gym is off-limits for game for me. I don’t sh!t where I eat — and I definitely don’t want a girl sh!tting where I eat.

 

[sangheilios]

Women like this should be avoided, I feel legitimately bad for whatever simp they come across. They are like Energy vampires

Exactly, you get some guy that is young, inexperienced, perhaps a bit naive but well intended and of a good nature and running into a woman like this can put him into a nightmare scenario.

There is something wrong with this woman. She's an extreme case for sure. But actually, I think there is something wrong with most attention whoares. They're missing something inside and they try to fill it by using other people.

I feel the same way. After I had stopped talking to this particular woman I found out she lead on tons of men on a regular basis and her whole life literally revolved around how much attention she could garner from men. She bounced from a different guy on an almost monthly basis. At the time when she was around I legitimately felt anger towards her but afterwards it's hard not to feel bad for her. It's almost kind of pathetic if you think about it, that an adult female behaves in such a manner and needs other people in order to have any form of emotional well being.

 

[rjc149]

I found out she lead on tons of men on a regular basis and her whole life literally revolved around how much attention she could garner from men. She bounced from a different guy on an almost monthly basis. At the time when she was around I legitimately felt anger towards her but afterwards it's hard not to feel bad for her. It's almost kind of pathetic if you think about it, that an adult female behaves in such a manner and needs other people in order to have any form of emotional well being.

Likely has daddy issues. Filling the void that daddy left with his emotional neglect.

I used to get all butthurt and outraged at Cluster B women, until I read up on the literature and realized that this is largely a result of emotional trauma inflicted onto them by a caretaker when they were children.

Now, it doesn't mean it's your responsibility to fix it (you never will), and it doesn't absolve them of responsibility to fix themselves (your problems may not be your fault but are always your responsibility to fix). But, looking at them through a more empathetic lens takes away their ability to inflict anything onto you personally, and generally, having empathy makes you a happier, more fulfilled person.

 

[sangheilios]

Sounds like you let this pattern of behavior continue one too many times. After flaking and ghosting you the first time, this should have been your MO with her in each subsequent invitation of hers. Flaking and ghosting after setting a date is extremely disrespectful and is not something you should ever tolerate or give a second chance for. If a girl does this to me, she gets blown off or ignored from that point on.

I know she approached you, but this is also why the gym is off-limits for game for me. I don’t sh!t where I eat — and I definitely don’t want a girl sh!tting where I eat.

I agree, I shouldn't had let it continue on as long as I did. This was the first time I had ever met a woman like this and I honestly didn't know how to deal with it. This is why having experiences, even negative ones, and being able to learn from them, so that you don't go through the same thing again, is so important. This is one of the reasons why I like this forum, is because you can post stories like this and get some feedback

I actually had a conversation about this woman with a friend of mine who I met at the gym, he is 70. He told me he was in relationships with 2 women that he met at the gym. When I told him about this woman he said that she was off but that I'd know what to look out for and be able to cut it off right then and there. It's possible to meet women at the gym but you need to be on your game and very honest with yourself.

 

[sangheilios]

Likely has daddy issues. Filling the void that daddy left with his emotional neglect.

I used to get all butthurt and outraged at Cluster B women, until I read up on the literature and realized that this is largely a result of emotional trauma inflicted onto them by a caretaker when they were children.

Now, it doesn't mean it's your responsibility to fix it (you never will), and it doesn't absolve them of responsibility to fix themselves (your problems may not be your fault but are always your responsibility to fix). But, looking at them through a more empathetic lens takes away their ability to inflict anything onto you personally, and generally, having empathy makes you a happier, more fulfilled person.

I do know that her dad died when she was relatively young, plus she grew up relatively poor and was most likely surrounded by other people with dysfunctional backgrounds.

 

[rjc149]

I do know that her dad died when she was relatively young

Yep, right there. She grew up without any positive, validating male caretaker and authority figure, eventually concluding that she doesn't need men in her life and therefore doesn't need to respect them.

Unless she fixes herself, she will always need attention and validation from men, and will only see men as sources of attention and validation to soothe her anxiety and self-doubt-- emotional crutches and nothing more. When one set no longer supports her, she replaces it.

It's not her fault that her dad died, or left, or was abusive, or was absent. It's tragic, because she didn't choose this for herself. But it is what it is, and it's not something you want to deal with.

 

[sangheilios]

Yep, right there. She grew up without any positive, validating male caretaker and authority figure, eventually concluding that she doesn't need men in her life and therefore doesn't need to respect them.

Unless she fixes herself, she will always need attention and validation from men, and will only see men as sources of attention and validation to soothe her anxiety and self-doubt-- emotional crutches and nothing more. When one set no longer supports her, she replaces it.

It's not her fault that her dad died, or left, or was abusive, or was absent. It's tragic, because she didn't choose this for herself. But it is what it is, and it's not something you want to deal with.

Yeah, I know this was in the past but I try to be far more selective with who I bring into my life. One of the issues I developed though after that experience was becoming too critical and hyper vigilant towards potential red flags. I feel like it's good to be a bit cautious in regards to who you become more personal with but not to the point where you are blocking people entirely from coming into your life.

 

[rjc149]

Yeah, I know this was in the past but I try to be far more selective with who I bring into my life. One of the issues I developed though after that experience was becoming too critical and hyper vigilant towards potential red flags. I feel like it's good to be a bit cautious in regards to who you become more personal with but not to the point where you are blocking people entirely from coming into your life.

The key is to have probationary periods with women before you begin investing into them emotionally. Hire slowly, fire quickly.

This is hard to do when she's hot, she's lovebombing you, and/or you've had a dry spell. I get it.

It's not as hard when you have a pipeline of new women. That's really the key here, is to have genuine abundance -- not just a mindset. Having the mindset is easier than having the pipeline. Especially with a pandemic lockdown.

Anxiously-attached, needy women are generally a pain in the a$$ but can, and do, make good partners if you know how to be a good partner to them. However, being a good partner to a needy woman is often more trouble than it's worth -- as needy women will eventually choose their unmet emotional needs over fidelity to a relationship. Whether you get involved is a decision call you make, as per your lifestyle, and your personal boundaries. Just know the stakes going in.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Not many people understand this, but one of the key factors in managing mental illness is physical exercise, if you see somebody at the gym all the time, you have to be able to spot the difference... There is a Prescribed gym time, then a Motivated gym time, you want the latter.

 

[SW15]

take her to your car and bang post workout. Don't overthink it.

Makes sense. Being 6'4" and muscular enables @sangheilios to run this game style should he so choose. That's classic dbag behavior which gets rewarded.

It'd be more difficult for a sub 6'0" guy to pull that off.

 

[Pandora]

Likely has daddy issues. Filling the void that daddy left with his emotional neglect.

I used to get all butthurt and outraged at Cluster B women, until I read up on the literature and realized that this is largely a result of emotional trauma inflicted onto them by a caretaker when they were children.

Now, it doesn't mean it's your responsibility to fix it (you never will), and it doesn't absolve them of responsibility to fix themselves (your problems may not be your fault but are always your responsibility to fix). But, looking at them through a more empathetic lens takes away their ability to inflict anything onto you personally, and generally, having empathy makes you a happier, more fulfilled person.

great post bro. This goes for narcissist and cluster B. They are exhibiting defense mechanisms for childhood trauma. Great point about not taking it personally.