High Score Theory

[Divorced w 3]

The Data

What would a theory be without data to back it up? Here's how I got it into my grubby hands...

I have a username and password for the Facebook account of an ex-girlfriend. I dated her when she was 20 years old, stayed with her for a year and a half, and was her longest relationship. I made the effort to be as much of a Don Juan as possible, giving her emotional fluctuation, orgasms, spontaneity, and whatever else she required as a woman. We have been apart for well over two years.

In case you didn't know, Facebook saves everybody's search queries. To give some substance to my high score theory, I went into her search history and made a list of the men she's searched for, how many times each month she searched for them, gave them points for each search, and also gave bonus points for her continued interest in them. Now this by no means represents a complete picture of her ultimate high score list because this is only 2 years of data out of her 22 years of existence, but it gives us a snapshot of where the guys on her mind are sitting. It's also noteworthy that during the two plus years we've been apart, she hasn't had anything close to a steady boyfriend.


Meet The guys:

I've changed all the names to keep everything nice and anonymous. The following names in her lists are noteworthy:

Desdinova- Yes, this is me. I dated her for 1 1/2 years. We broke up in December 2012 (Merry Christmas!) I immediately removed her from my Facebook after the breakup.

Toby- Appears to be a crush. She regularly goes clubbing with him. They became Facebook friends in November 2014

Darren- Appears to be a crush, friends since November 2014

Malcolm- Not on her friends list

Dustin: Ex-boyfriend (the guy she was dating before me)

Here are lists for four months out of the two years. The data recording begins with the month after her and I broke up. Notice the consistencies and the differences. Each score marks how many times she's searched for his name during that month. I've put the names in alphabetical order for easy comparison.

January 2013

Brad         3
Brent        1
Brian        1
Chris        1
Cliff        1
Desdinova   12
Dustin       1
Harvey       1
Jason        1
Jeff         1
Malcolm      1
Ricky        3
Scott        1
Thomas       2
Toby        10

July 2013

Barry       1
Desdinova   4
Morris      1
Neil        1
Steve       1
Toby        5

January 2014

Darren      1
Desdinova   4
Eric        3
Greg        6
Harvey      1
James       1
Jeff        1
Malcolm    16
Mike        1
Patrick     1
Rocky       1
Tim         1
Toby        4
Tony        1

July 2014

Darren      4
Desdinova   3
Dylan       5
Gary        1
Jimmy       1
Malcolm     1
Ralph       1
Robert      1
Toby        1

To compile a somewhat "fuzzy" version of her high score list, I came up with a scoring system and added the totals for each month. Each guy gets one point every time she searches his name, fifty points for every month she searches his name, and 1000 extra points if she searches for his name at least 8 of the 12 months of the year. The reason why I gave bonus points for longevity is because of the guy's lasting effect on her memory and emotions.

These are the top 10 final results:

Toby        3193
Desdinova   3116
Darren      1727
Malcolm     1477
Dustin       359
Ralph        314
Jeff         307
Harvey       256
Dylan        209
Orson        208

Conclusions about the results:

- Toby is a long-lasting crush. She has never dated him, but she consistently interacts with him at outings. It's possible that I was dumped in hopes that Toby would date her.

- I'm in second place. Not bad considering that this score was derived from two years of no contact. I would probably be in first place had I included the year and a half we were together. I no longer interact with her, and everyone else on this list is having difficulty competing with me. I'm the ex-bf she isn't over yet, and probably never will be.

- Her ex-bf Dustin is sitting in the middle. That says a lot about how he impacted her emotionally.

- The guys at the bottom will likely never reach the top and be knocked off over time by new interests.


** Update **

I created the bulk of this post quite some time ago, and we're almost into three years since her and I broke up. Without collecting extra data, here's some observations after a quick look at her search queries:

- She still religiously searches my name about once per month.
- Toby has since fallen down the list. She rarely searches for him these days.
- She still hasn't had a steady boyfriend since we broke up.

The lack of a new boyfriend somewhat baffles me. She's a very attractive woman. I've been contemplating the possibility that a man can actually destroy a woman's ability to secure a new mate if he sets the qualification bar too high. Like I said earlier in this post, a man's impact on a woman causes her to imagine what her ultimate soulmate would be. As a result, many of today's AFCs aren't going to cut it if a woman has been with a strong, confident, masculine man.


Final Summary

For those of you who wonder why the girl you're "in love" with goes back to her a55hole ex-boyfriend, your answer is here. He's at the top of her high score list, and you're at the very bottom. You cannot overtake him by being nicer than him. Being nice won't rack up enough points to bump him off the list.

One of the myths that gets touted around here is that playing the "ignore" game with a new prospect will make her more attracted to you. Judging by how this high score list looks, she already has 4 guys high up on her list, so what's going to make her miss YOU more? You don't have the points, so quit thinking that it's her loss. The guy at the top of her list IS her loss. You are not.

Making it to the top of a woman's high score list requires a lot of fvcking with her emotions, be it intentional or not. The more you can make her feel, the higher your score, and the longer she'll be undeniably attracted to you even after you've disappeared from her life. When she fvcks up your relationship, the worst form of revenge you can give her is being at the top of her high score list. Not only that, you're going to cause a bloody trail of broken-hearted unsuccessful men who are killing themselves trying to get into bed with her.

As time goes on and this woman ages, she becomes more jaded and more unhappy with the men who attempt to seduce her. She'll continue to remember the man at the top of her list, and how none of these other men measure up. This is how you win the game. This is how you dominate her mind. Marrying her isn't a win. Buying her a ring isn't a win. Procreating with her isn't a win.

The win is when you've dominated her mind so much that she'll never get over you.

And so, this is why women believe in soulmates.

This is solid. Why no hall of fame?

 

[CornbreadFed]

This is just mathmatically explains alpha widow syndrome.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

I arrived home last night. My woman was watching some youtube video on the big TV. The video was two women talking about gossips. I sat to watch the video, I figured it was a good way to "disconect" my brain before going to sleep.

Near the begining of the video, one of the girls mentioned how she was recently diagnosed by a psychologist as "asexual", and "aromantic". That she is not really into anyone. I was like whatever.

Fast forward to the the end of the video: The same girl says that she never really got over her first boyfriend and that she was like 17 y/o at the time.

I started thinking to myself: This girl has clearly been misdiagnosed. She is not asexual, she is just an Alpha-Widow. She put her first boyfriend and the top of her @Desdinova ´s High Score List and no one ever surpassed him.

 

[SW15]

@Desdinova ´s High Score List

I like seeing this thread pop up again. The High Score list idea is an excellent one.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

I like seeing this thread pop up again.

Yeah, I felt it was time for a bump and that video I watched last night was the perfect excuse.

 

[Pandora]

I arrived home last night. My woman was watching some youtube video on the big TV. The video was two women talking about gossips. I sat to watch the video, I figured it was a good way to "disconect" my brain before going to sleep.

Near the begining of the video, one of the girls mentioned how she was recently diagnosed by a psychologist as "asexual", and "aromantic". That she is not really into anyone. I was like whatever.

Fast forward to the the end of the video: The same girl says that she never really got over her first boyfriend and that she was like 17 y/o at the time.

I started thinking to myself: This girl has clearly been misdiagnosed. She is not asexual, she is just an Alpha-Widow. She put her first boyfriend and the top of her @Desdinova ´s High Score List and no one ever surpassed him.

Bingo! Super bingo! That High Score theory explains so much in the modern dating world. The theory is a really big deal.

Most of the pickiness and dysfunction we see in modern dating is because they are still heart broken from that 1 guy.

You start to notice thr theory everyone. Pop culture, love songs, dating apps etc.

 

[jhonny9546]

The same girl says that she never really got over her first boyfriend and that she was like 17 y/o at the time.

"Do you really think two people need to be together for the theory to come true? I don't think so. The same thing happened to a girl I know but she never been together with this guy. Just a crush

 

[jhonny9546]

So, just to expand even further on the great point made by @Desdinova regarding the list:


When she’s going through a rough patch with her current boyfriend and reaches out to you again, or starts showing interest, at that point, you need to realize that you were on the podium, maybe second place, but you’ll never be first. Why? It doesn’t matter how much they argue, or even if they break up. You’ll always be the second choice. (Even if her first choice had died, that’s where he would stay, above you.)

So, also, one thing that the theory doesn’t explain how to gain points? Because rightly, you’re not doing it subjectively, you’re doing a self improvement for yourself, so it’s more objective, and let's say that maybe if you get a cat and for her that’s worth 10 points, but you like dogs, and for many women dogs are worth 10 points but for her, that might actually be -10 points. That’s just an example, of course.

 

[Pumax]

When she’s going through a rough patch with her current boyfriend and reaches out to you again, or starts showing interest, at that point, you need to realize that you were on the podium, maybe second place, but you’ll never be first.

I was just talking to @Desdinova about this.
Let’s say the couple is happy, but at some point she emotionally detaches and ends up cheating on her current boyfriend with the guy she has second or third on her list.

Let’s imagine she regrets it and goes back to guy number one, and he forgives her and takes her back. Now, it doesn’t matter how she treated him, how he treated her, or how they treat each other.
According to @Desdinova, he will always remain in first place, because attraction is not a physical thing. So, even with these repeated acts of disrespect, the guy still keeps the number one spot.

That being said, I still can’t understand how this guy manages to stay in first place.
He’s in a very turbulent relationship, stuck in a cycle of continuous trauma bonding. Not only does he keep forgiving her, but at this point I’d say that if he hasn’t left the relationship, it’s because he feels he has no alternatives, He’s allowing himself to be treated that way. (We usually call this “a man without frame.”)


So after all this, how can a woman treat a man like that and still not lose respect for him, keeping him in first place?
Your theory is a very accurate portrait of reality, so it would be really interesting to learn more, not only about how a man gains points on her list (as Johnny pointed out), but also how he loses them.


There should be practical mistakes a man makes that cause her to move him from position one to position two, and seriously consider another guy. I’ve seen so many women change relationships that I even developed my own “rental agreement” theory. But it seems that, as Desdinova says, a woman will keep a man in first place for a bit longer.

So there might be some determinant factors that make you lose positions (when you’re in a relationship with her) and gain positions (when you’re not in a relationship with her).
We should dive deeper, and I'm pretty sure there are experienced man that have their take on this

 

[Pumax]

Women retain their infatuation with men from their early dating years into adulthood. If you need more proof, find yourself a woman who has been divorced once and is on her second marriage and ask her about her first husband. Be prepared to take a seat because she'll be talking non-stop for a couple of hours, telling you what an a55hole he was and all the a55hole things he did. Once she's exhausted the fondest memories (aka jerk stories) of her ex, she'll conclude her story with a lesson and a brief mention of her boring second husband with a statement such as "This time I married the right guy."

One thing to address about: are all women like this?
then


I'm more surprised by this point than the others, because it's true that you'll hear women complaining about their boyfriend, in this case, their ex-husband, but they'll only talk about the negative things he did."and all the a55hole things he did"
In this case, Desdinova thinks the woman is giving "clues" about what she didn't actually hate about him, but rather liked. "fondest memories"
All the things she complained about were actually things that kept their relationship strong?
Are you sure? It definitely seems like she's complaining about him. She hasn't mentioned a single thing she likes about him, but you interpret that as a good sign, that her complaints are actually praise.

 

[Desdinova]

In this case, Desdinova thinks the woman is giving "clues" about what she didn't actually hate about him, but rather liked. "fondest memories"
All the things she complained about were actually things that kept their relationship strong?

It's all emotional fluctuation. She may bytch and complain about him, but if he rocked her emotions like a baby in a tornado, he's made his imprint upon her.

 

[jhonny9546]

This man explain in a video something similar or related to this theory

 

[jhonny9546]

I'm pretty sure there have been women in your life who have shown interest in you at particular moments, so we could say "Intermittently".


Maybe they were single for a while, and then went back to "showing up". You know how women work right?
For them it's being "close" or "showing up", perhaps visiting you in places they know you frequent, it means they've have interest in hanging out. But where does this interest come from?

Obviously when we were all 15 we couldn't understand anything, except for a few exceptions.
Then as we grew up we understood why there had been women in our lives who had this type of interest/behaviour.

According to Desdinova, we were not at the top of her list. Great! We found one of the reasons. Simply put, his "first place" was not available to her and you, you had moved closer to her. At least momentarily.
So she fell back on those who were in her proximity. (They call them orbiters, but it's not a clear term since those are the simps who validate her, but we could call them the men she had in her proximity at that time)


Personally I remember that there were 2 or 3 women who did this when I was 15/16, even up to 20, towards me.
They always showed this sporadic interest when their lives with their partners had difficulties or when they're single.
I then understood that one of these women used me as a "prompt" for her current partner, to make him feel as if she had more opportunities, so that he himself would try harder. And it worked for her: he became her trained little dog.



Having said that, we might want to use Desdinova teachings and go beyond them.
In addition to the High Score Theory, there is much more. For sure.
The point theory is based only on an "emotional" model, which is very relevant, but it is not everything that concerns the woman's interest and world. So again, Desdinova High Score Theory is the emotional model.

For example, I experienced this when I increased my SMV, especially in the Looks area, all these women had started the phase of "showing up", while others were more aggressive (actually texting/following me). This means that I had moved up some positions on their list. But again, that's not all. In fact, timing is another factor, which is crucial.

There were some of these who didn't have a good relationship situation, who threw themselves on me.
Some had asked (expected) marriage but had received no response from their current bf.
Some did not have their needs met from their current bf.
Or any other reason.

So, in addition to working on ourselves (Inner game -> Increase SMV), in addition to the fact we know the HIgh Score Theory (how women emotionally think about men in thier life), in addition to the tiiming factor (our and her life at that time), there must surely also be other relevant factors that we are keeping out of the equation.

For example, I think of a 31 yo single woman who got engaged to the only remaining 30yo single man from the other city; they met through mutual friends. The guy was 3 in looks, but he's truly financially stable, with a solid, close knit family (two brothers with three children each and two solid marriages, both parents still married, and grandparents present).
So, at 31, she looks around and realizes she has to accept him for this, given that this is a time in her life when she wants to have children. Meanwhile I could come along and see that this woman is showing interest, it's interested in me while she is with this other guys... and she's holding back that.

This makes me realize how many other factors we're ignoring when we think too narrowly about this theory. (which is about emotional men from her past, but doesn't take in consideration the power of her actual needs, timing, etc).

I encourage experienced men to share their experiences with us to improve this list, which has already summarized, logically, and visually, things we previously felt but couldn't define.

 

[jhonny9546]

I was thinking about something from Desdinova's list.
If a woman pursues Man A but Man A doesn't engage with her, or at least she can't "secure" him, then she will look for the alternative: Man B. In this case, she will have children and a family with Man B, yet she will always have Man A on her mind. Or, in any case, Man A has always been her Plan A, while Man B is her Plan B.

So, How many women are in marriages/relationships these days, with Man A, their Plan A, that has eluded them?
Also, what are the signs that a woman is in a relationship with a man who is her Plan B, while a woman is in a relationship with her Plan A?

These, are some things to add to the theory that would add, to complete the "big picture."
Hope @Desdinova find this helpful

 

[tesla8520]

Some things I seem to have noticed are whether or not the high-score theory distinguishes between women with BPD or otherwise unhealthy women, or alpha widowed women.

In this case, the theory tells us that "all" women will have a tier list of men. A tier list that changes over time.

Let's say one of these men in number 2 begins a major change, then he gains points both objectively and subjectively.

So if the woman is healthy, how will she react to this event?
Even if she's in a relationship with a man in second or third place, will she start flirting with the man she's always had her eye on, and in first place? Will she start wanting to see him, desiring him?

Or is this just a matter for women who have been "traumatized," who have "traumatic" memories of these men?

We should simply be able to explain why a man has such an incredibly powerful impact on some women, but can we distinguish how these women will react and define whether they are healthy or unhealthy?

Personally, I've acquired some "objective" points on the SMV scale for men, and out of 20 women I knew from my childhood, one reacted in a truly exaggerated way. In fact, this woman, already in a relationship with another man, always engaged to him, with children, and a well-defined social circle, began to "orbit" my passions. I'd find her outside my gym and she'd say hello.
I was walking the dog and always bumping into her "by chance," until I found her outside my house with her car, and there she told me she needed my help because her car wasn't working.

Now, I won't tell you how it ended; I dismissed her because I understood her intentions, and she blocked me (online), but this is just a story that wants to say, how can we understand if a woman who is looking for us after my increased SMV, and who has known us for many years, and therefore we're on her list, really has a healthy interest in us, or is she just a damaged woman with bdp?

There must be signals we must look for that make clear distinctions

ps: just quote for a good video like this

also read the comments, its like most women who keep you on their list, have some issues

 

[tesla8520]

The entire theory told by a psiscologist (from 23:00)