High Score Theory

Desdinova

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Ever notice how women can just write off a guy and treat him like he was only a tiny blip on her radar? Well that's because he was. The more sexually experienced a woman becomes, the more accustomed she is to just throwing guys away. Every new guy she dates seems to earn mediocre to low interest from her. Unless she has a genuine personality disorder, she's going to throw them away and say 5hit like "there's more fish in the sea" and "I deserve better". However, there was a time in her life when she wasn't like this.

The prime time to grab a woman's emotional interest is when she's at the beginning of her dating experience. Putting an age range on this time frame is difficult, but I'm going to say that it occurs mainly before her mid-20s, which is unfortunate because a woman is at her prime maturity somewhere between the ages of 23 and 27. Long before she hits her mid-20s, she's already had her most ultimate dating experiences. She's already met her "soulmate" by then.

Before I go further, allow me to describe the differences between men and women when it comes to attraction. Men are primarily attracted to the women in their immediate vicinity. In other words, a man is going to be attracted to women who are at his workplace, at his hangouts, his friends' sisters, and basically any attractive woman who happens to cross his path in his day to day life. A man will generally not dwell on lovers in his past when he's got other options regularly crossing his path. He gets far too distracted to waste his attention on women who are no longer in his present tense. This is why men do not have "soulmates".

Women however, do not solely focus on men in their current vicinity. Women will dwell on men from their past, and will use them to mentally create their ideal "soulmate". We know that this is impractical because what we imagine is never equal to reality. Because a woman is using these men from her past to create her fantasy mate, the reality is she's already met her "soulmate", has lost him, and is trying desperately to replace him with a man who can conjure up greater emotions than her soulmate did. The problem is, the more a woman dates men, the more cautious she becomes, the more jaded she becomes, and the less likely she will experience those powerful emotions again. The original man who made her feel those strong emotions cannot be overthrown.


Other Interests During Early Dating

Women will begin having spikes of infatuation during their teen years. Those spikes can be caused by boys in their school, actors in movies, and popular musicians. Those early "crushes" never completely go away either. If you need proof, just ask a woman in her 40s about the last Bon Jovi concert she attended. The guy is old, ugly, and can't sing worth a damn anymore, but he continues to grab the attention of the women who were infatuated with him 25 years ago.

Women retain their infatuation with men from their early dating years into adulthood. If you need more proof, find yourself a woman who has been divorced once and is on her second marriage and ask her about her first husband. Be prepared to take a seat because she'll be talking non-stop for a couple of hours, telling you what an a55hole he was and all the a55hole things he did. Once she's exhausted the fondest memories (aka jerk stories) of her ex, she'll conclude her story with a lesson and a brief mention of her boring second husband with a statement such as "This time I married the right guy."


The High Score List

There's so many reasons to compare seducing women to that of a game. Each person makes a move, tries to outplay the other one, etc etc. However, nobody really focuses on the high score list. The high score list is there, and it's extremely relevant.

The high score list contains a woman's highest rated men. These men have scored points by leaving an impression on her emotionally. The man at the top of her list is her actual "soulmate". This is the man who rocked her world, fluctuated her emotions, and kept her highly stimulated. There may be a few other men she dated underneath him, but their scores are a fair bit lower. In the middle of the list, we have the crushes from high school and the celebrities she went gaga over. At the bottom of the list, we have her current interests. These men climb up the list and displace previous interests who will eventually drop off. Here's an example of what a woman's high score list might look like:

Code:
Josh..........2754900
Kevin..........126300
Bon Jovi........99300
George Clooney..96020
Martin..........91010
Brad Pitt.......90600
Steve............8090
Shawn............2010
Derek.............600
Josh is her soulmate. He's the guy who made her emotions jump around like a grasshopper on steroids. The guys at the bottom have no hope in hell at overthrowing him.

Women who are inexperienced at dating are able to have much more vulnerable emotions because they haven't become conditioned to being disappointed with men. Their emotions are more powerful, more original, and have more of an impression on her. Everyone after her may be able to draw up the same emotions, but she's been there before. It's like getting a used car... It's still exciting, but it doesn't have the same smell or feel as a new car.
 

Desdinova

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The Data

What would a theory be without data to back it up? Here's how I got it into my grubby hands...

I have a username and password for the Facebook account of an ex-girlfriend. I dated her when she was 20 years old, stayed with her for a year and a half, and was her longest relationship. I made the effort to be as much of a Don Juan as possible, giving her emotional fluctuation, orgasms, spontaneity, and whatever else she required as a woman. We have been apart for well over two years.

In case you didn't know, Facebook saves everybody's search queries. To give some substance to my high score theory, I went into her search history and made a list of the men she's searched for, how many times each month she searched for them, gave them points for each search, and also gave bonus points for her continued interest in them. Now this by no means represents a complete picture of her ultimate high score list because this is only 2 years of data out of her 22 years of existence, but it gives us a snapshot of where the guys on her mind are sitting. It's also noteworthy that during the two plus years we've been apart, she hasn't had anything close to a steady boyfriend.


Meet The guys:

I've changed all the names to keep everything nice and anonymous. The following names in her lists are noteworthy:

Desdinova- Yes, this is me. I dated her for 1 1/2 years. We broke up in December 2012 (Merry Christmas!) I immediately removed her from my Facebook after the breakup.

Toby- Appears to be a crush. She regularly goes clubbing with him. They became Facebook friends in November 2014

Darren- Appears to be a crush, friends since November 2014

Malcolm- Not on her friends list

Dustin: Ex-boyfriend (the guy she was dating before me)

Here are lists for four months out of the two years. The data recording begins with the month after her and I broke up. Notice the consistencies and the differences. Each score marks how many times she's searched for his name during that month. I've put the names in alphabetical order for easy comparison.


Code:
January 2013

Brad         3
Brent        1
Brian        1
Chris        1
Cliff        1
Desdinova   12
Dustin       1
Harvey       1
Jason        1
Jeff         1
Malcolm      1
Ricky        3
Scott        1
Thomas       2
Toby        10
Code:
July 2013

Barry       1
Desdinova   4
Morris      1
Neil        1
Steve       1
Toby        5
Code:
January 2014

Darren      1
Desdinova   4
Eric        3
Greg        6
Harvey      1
James       1
Jeff        1
Malcolm    16
Mike        1
Patrick     1
Rocky       1
Tim         1
Toby        4
Tony        1
Code:
July 2014

Darren      4
Desdinova   3
Dylan       5
Gary        1
Jimmy       1
Malcolm     1
Ralph       1
Robert      1
Toby        1

To compile a somewhat "fuzzy" version of her high score list, I came up with a scoring system and added the totals for each month. Each guy gets one point every time she searches his name, fifty points for every month she searches his name, and 1000 extra points if she searches for his name at least 8 of the 12 months of the year. The reason why I gave bonus points for longevity is because of the guy's lasting effect on her memory and emotions.

These are the top 10 final results:

Code:
Toby        3193
Desdinova   3116
Darren      1727
Malcolm     1477
Dustin       359
Ralph        314
Jeff         307
Harvey       256
Dylan        209
Orson        208
Conclusions about the results:

- Toby is a long-lasting crush. She has never dated him, but she consistently interacts with him at outings. It's possible that I was dumped in hopes that Toby would date her.

- I'm in second place. Not bad considering that this score was derived from two years of no contact. I would probably be in first place had I included the year and a half we were together. I no longer interact with her, and everyone else on this list is having difficulty competing with me. I'm the ex-bf she isn't over yet, and probably never will be.

- Her ex-bf Dustin is sitting in the middle. That says a lot about how he impacted her emotionally.

- The guys at the bottom will likely never reach the top and be knocked off over time by new interests.


** Update **

I created the bulk of this post quite some time ago, and we're almost into three years since her and I broke up. Without collecting extra data, here's some observations after a quick look at her search queries:

- She still religiously searches my name about once per month.
- Toby has since fallen down the list. She rarely searches for him these days.
- She still hasn't had a steady boyfriend since we broke up.

The lack of a new boyfriend somewhat baffles me. She's a very attractive woman. I've been contemplating the possibility that a man can actually destroy a woman's ability to secure a new mate if he sets the qualification bar too high. Like I said earlier in this post, a man's impact on a woman causes her to imagine what her ultimate soulmate would be. As a result, many of today's AFCs aren't going to cut it if a woman has been with a strong, confident, masculine man.


Final Summary

For those of you who wonder why the girl you're "in love" with goes back to her a55hole ex-boyfriend, your answer is here. He's at the top of her high score list, and you're at the very bottom. You cannot overtake him by being nicer than him. Being nice won't rack up enough points to bump him off the list.

One of the myths that gets touted around here is that playing the "ignore" game with a new prospect will make her more attracted to you. Judging by how this high score list looks, she already has 4 guys high up on her list, so what's going to make her miss YOU more? You don't have the points, so quit thinking that it's her loss. The guy at the top of her list IS her loss. You are not.

Making it to the top of a woman's high score list requires a lot of fvcking with her emotions, be it intentional or not. The more you can make her feel, the higher your score, and the longer she'll be undeniably attracted to you even after you've disappeared from her life. When she fvcks up your relationship, the worst form of revenge you can give her is being at the top of her high score list. Not only that, you're going to cause a bloody trail of broken-hearted unsuccessful men who are killing themselves trying to get into bed with her.

As time goes on and this woman ages, she becomes more jaded and more unhappy with the men who attempt to seduce her. She'll continue to remember the man at the top of her list, and how none of these other men measure up. This is how you win the game. This is how you dominate her mind. Marrying her isn't a win. Buying her a ring isn't a win. Procreating with her isn't a win.

The win is when you've dominated her mind so much that she'll never get over you.

And so, this is why women believe in soulmates.
 

AttackFormation

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You certainly made it to my high score list when I long ago first saw this theory you have :p I've wanted to read a good summary of your thoughts about this. Or well, I already did IIRC, but here we go again!

A condensed version of this is one of the reasons why I have it so clearly in my mind to find a girl I want to have a family with while she is still unspoilt and it is possible for me to be the most powerful emotion and fantasy for her. The only good thing that can come from her being aware of other men (for example their girlfriends' boyfriends) is in the case that they don't measure up to you for her and she feels at peace because she managed to catch the big score of her life. Even if you are a great man, later in life her emotional response will be dampened by wear and tear and jading experience coupled with the appreciating status of her first fantasies. I say appreciating because the points of the men on her high score list are likely to increase rather than decrease with time as she fantasizes about them and the emotions of their memories become stronger and more entrenched in her psyche.
 

Desdinova

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AttackFormation said:
Even if you are a great man, later in life her emotional response will be dampened by wear and tear and jading experience coupled with the appreciating status of her first fantasies. I say appreciating because the points of the men on her high score list are likely to increase rather than decrease with time as she fantasizes about them and the emotions of their memories become stronger and more entrenched in her psyche.
Yes! Thanks for mentioning this, because I forgot to include it :up:
 

IASGame

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Interesting theory, thanks for posting. This lines up a bit with the concept of "Alpha Widow" I read on the Rational Male.

I was going to add what AttackFormation mentioned, basically this theory is a possible mechanism for explaining why Men in general attribute a lower SMP value to Women with a full high-score table and place a premium on Women with several empty slots.

I disagree with your assertion that Men don't think they have "soul mates". I think a large percentage do think so, in my interpretation that is what "Oneitis" is about.
Even a Red pill Alpha will have his own high-score table, perhaps the main difference is he won't care so much about his own table with girls that don't qualify for the table if they are ONS / Pump and Dump, but I strongly suspect they will if they consider an LTR.
Even for ONS, it seems to me that as a PUA's Game and successes increases, he keeps striving for Women with higher SMP values.
 

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Desdinova

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IASGame said:
I disagree with your assertion that Men don't think they have "soul mates". I think a large percentage do think so, in my interpretation that is what "Oneitis" is about.
I didn't say that they don't think they have soulmates. Many "blue pill" men believe in the soulmate fallacy. What I meant was that men don't dwell on past lovers the same way women do, and they certainly don't dwell on past lovers when they have so many options running around in their immediate vicinity.

To go a bit deeper into that, let's take a totally different example just to demonstrate how women dwell on things more intensely than men. It is well documented that women have a much more difficult time quitting smoking than men do. There's all kinds of guessing as to why this is the case. Some say that nicotine may react differently with a woman's brain chemistry, but there isn't any solid scientific evidence. The simple and stupid truth is that women develop not only a chemical and physical addiction to the cigarette, but they also develop an emotional connection with it. The cigarette is there for her when she's stressed out, when she wants to relax after a good meal, and to celebrate with her after an evening of good sex. The cigarette is her buddy who not only solves much of her problems, but also celebrates her victories. She has a deep emotional bond with the cigarette.

Likewise, men have an easier time getting over a past lover than women do. Men may get one-itis, but it's very much curable. I'm living proof of this, as are many men on this site. When a woman gets deep-rooted one-itis for her earliest dating encounters, it doesn't leave her. She's terminally struck with it for life.

That's just how women are wired. They remain devoted to their earliest lovers, while men can have their earliest lovers fade from their minds. It's all tied to the emotional core of a woman's brain.
 

IASGame

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I didn't intend to misrepresent what you were saying, thanks for the clarification.

I'm new to this but I'm still think there is something missing from the analysis.

Using the terminology I know from reading Rational Male, I would say One-itis goes applies for both, Alpha widows applies for women.

Maybe the difference is that Men are more vulnerable to the idealized girl they never even managed to get (rather than a past lover) and women are more vulnerable to idealizing a past lover.

Or maybe there aren't even intrinsic differences to psychological mechanisms regarding this particular issue, and it is just easier for Men to get over their previous experiences with new high-value partners due to the dynamics of the sexual market place - whereas Women peak pretty early and therefore are statistically unlikely to have new higher-value partners in the future that could place a top score in the table.
 

ubercat

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Hmm a consequence of this would be u have to give a lot of interaction early on to build your points. Seems time intensive when yr trying to spin plates. Seems like targeting quiet girls with a lower high score might b smarter.
 

SamTheHobit

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I wonder how the guy that took her virginity would fair on this "scoreboard"?
 

Desdinova

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I wonder how the guy that took her virginity would fair on this "scoreboard"?
One thing I've learned over the years is that the guy who takes her virginity isn't necessarily the most significant man she encounters. He could easily be an AFC who has no clue how to rock a woman's emotions. What really matters is how hard you fvck her emotions, not her vagina.
 

sph21

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Desdinova, your amazing theory had answered a puzzling question which I had been struggling to answer for years.

I had been assuming that girls are so desperate to have a new romantic relationship after her last one had sunk. But some girls are unable to get over me even though I did some bad things to her. Of course, I did some good things too to them. On the other hand, when I tried to always be nice, the attraction evaporated easily. This was a big 'why' question before I read your theory.

As you have pin point it out clearly, the answer to why she values a guy lies on how good is he at mastering the emotional roller coaster skill. This is why jerks have a better chance scoring than nice guys. Since DJs or alphas are better than jerks or even nice guys, we are included in her high value list.

Edit: you should add this thread to the DJ Bible
 
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AlmostFamous

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It's an interesting theory which I believe could be quite true.

To add an example of my own (which I already mentioned in another topic btw):
About four years ago I met this girl who was in an abusive relationship. We talked a lot, they broke up and after a while we started dating for a bit. It never hit off but afterwards she told me I turned her life around. I made impact.

She hasn't been single for longer than two weeks since then but every time we meet there's this enormous sexual tension. I believe it's that emotional link you mentioned that makes her feel that way.
 

JohnChops

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Interesting theory, you can see the trends in the data quite easily. At first, when you guys broke up, she still searched your name and then her search #s for you dwindled down. Then for one month she searched that Malcom guy (probably a ONS/ **** buddy/ some type of quick infatuation). Then it all leveled off at the end, however you were still in her searches.

On a side note- data that trends like this gives me statistical boners.
 
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IASGame

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Desdinova, I like your theory but something had been bothering me about the analogy with high scores, because high scores don't grow with time (which is a relevant part of your theory). After you play and submit the score it is fixed.

In your theory there is an important mechanic of compounding an initial "score", so it makes me resemble some portfolio or pension fund.

An alpha guy, even if he arrives later, makes a strong initial investment and reinforces the portfolio if he is contributing to it for a while, even if he stops contributing the investment grows and compounds so he may get the top "score" or the biggest pot.

Conversely a lesser alpha may have a shot at the top "score" / biggest pot even against a major alpha, as long as he got there many years before and made a very strong impression due to the compound effect.

Her first, even if a beta, unless he really messed up, can have a large score/pot even without a big investment just because he enjoys the most effect from compound.

The more guys that have a "portfolio" with the girl the harder it is for someone to hold a significant percentage of the total fund.
New betas certainly don't stand a chance - they can't make a strong initial investment and even if they reinforce for years they won't be able to fight compounded alpha investments.

What do you think?
 

Desdinova

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If relating this idea to that of financial investments works better for you, then by all means go with it. What's important is understanding how a woman's attraction works and where the men in her life sit in relation to this. Some women are extremely hopeless when it comes to capturing their ultimate attraction, and some will latch onto you like a drug. Her past and present men will ultimately help her decide how well she latches onto you.
 

sph21

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I had just realized how this theory affect deeply of how a girl communicate with us. I believe when a girl is mentioning another guy in the picture, she's still listing him high up and still have a high hope of them to be together. Even though she's complaining about him in front of us, she's valuing him more than us. Thus it's a sure sign of us being friendzoned. There's no point in trying to fix the sinking ship.
 

Desdinova

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I had just realized how this theory affect deeply of how a girl communicate with us. I believe when a girl is mentioning another guy in the picture, she's still listing him high up and still have a high hope of them to be together. Even though she's complaining about him in front of us, she's valuing him more than us. Thus it's a sure sign of us being friendzoned. There's no point in trying to fix the sinking ship.
You've got the first part right, but it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with getting friend-zoned. Women generally have a variety of men in their lives, and they're all over the place on the high score list. They focus on the one who's giving them the most emotional fluctuation at that present moment in time. That doesn't mean the other men are irrelevant, it means they're not causing her emotional fluctuation at that moment.

Getting friend-zoned is the result of giving a woman little or no emotional fluctuation in her past or present. A guy in the "friend zone" isn't even on her high score list.
 

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Finally, someone who realizes that ignoring a new prospect is useless unless she is attracted!

And someone who realizes that marriage is not winning!

The thing is, get to to top of the high score list. Second place is just a sugarcoated term for first loser. As in you're likely to get the boyfriend role.

If she starts mentioning other guys before sex or a relationship, and comparing you to them (or god forbid her ex), ABANDON SHIP!!! As in that's your cue to erase and replace. Ditch the b**ch and move on! You can do better.

Hell, I dated an older woman who was so hung up on her ex, but seemed to like me. She texted me that she didn't see things going further, and I just texted her a pic of me and a new girl. And told her that I can always do better.

I don't get hung up on exes.
 
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