The Data
What would a theory be without data to back it up? Here's how I got it into my grubby hands...
I have a username and password for the Facebook account of an ex-girlfriend. I dated her when she was 20 years old, stayed with her for a year and a half, and was her longest relationship. I made the effort to be as much of a Don Juan as possible, giving her emotional fluctuation, orgasms, spontaneity, and whatever else she required as a woman. We have been apart for well over two years.
In case you didn't know, Facebook saves everybody's search queries. To give some substance to my high score theory, I went into her search history and made a list of the men she's searched for, how many times each month she searched for them, gave them points for each search, and also gave bonus points for her continued interest in them. Now this by no means represents a complete picture of her ultimate high score list because this is only 2 years of data out of her 22 years of existence, but it gives us a snapshot of where the guys on her mind are sitting. It's also noteworthy that during the two plus years we've been apart, she hasn't had anything close to a steady boyfriend.
Meet The guys:
I've changed all the names to keep everything nice and anonymous. The following names in her lists are noteworthy:
Desdinova- Yes, this is me. I dated her for 1 1/2 years. We broke up in December 2012 (Merry Christmas!) I immediately removed her from my Facebook after the breakup.
Toby- Appears to be a crush. She regularly goes clubbing with him. They became Facebook friends in November 2014
Darren- Appears to be a crush, friends since November 2014
Malcolm- Not on her friends list
Dustin: Ex-boyfriend (the guy she was dating before me)
Here are lists for four months out of the two years. The data recording begins with the month after her and I broke up. Notice the consistencies and the differences. Each score marks how many times she's searched for his name during that month. I've put the names in alphabetical order for easy comparison.
Code:
January 2013
Brad 3
Brent 1
Brian 1
Chris 1
Cliff 1
Desdinova 12
Dustin 1
Harvey 1
Jason 1
Jeff 1
Malcolm 1
Ricky 3
Scott 1
Thomas 2
Toby 10
Code:
July 2013
Barry 1
Desdinova 4
Morris 1
Neil 1
Steve 1
Toby 5
Code:
January 2014
Darren 1
Desdinova 4
Eric 3
Greg 6
Harvey 1
James 1
Jeff 1
Malcolm 16
Mike 1
Patrick 1
Rocky 1
Tim 1
Toby 4
Tony 1
Code:
July 2014
Darren 4
Desdinova 3
Dylan 5
Gary 1
Jimmy 1
Malcolm 1
Ralph 1
Robert 1
Toby 1
To compile a somewhat "fuzzy" version of her high score list, I came up with a scoring system and added the totals for each month. Each guy gets one point every time she searches his name, fifty points for every month she searches his name, and 1000 extra points if she searches for his name at least 8 of the 12 months of the year. The reason why I gave bonus points for longevity is because of the guy's lasting effect on her memory and emotions.
These are the top 10 final results:
Code:
Toby 3193
Desdinova 3116
Darren 1727
Malcolm 1477
Dustin 359
Ralph 314
Jeff 307
Harvey 256
Dylan 209
Orson 208
Conclusions about the results:
- Toby is a long-lasting crush. She has never dated him, but she consistently interacts with him at outings. It's possible that I was dumped in hopes that Toby would date her.
- I'm in second place. Not bad considering that this score was derived from two years of no contact. I would probably be in first place had I included the year and a half we were together. I no longer interact with her, and everyone else on this list is having difficulty competing with me. I'm the ex-bf she isn't over yet, and probably never will be.
- Her ex-bf Dustin is sitting in the middle. That says a lot about how he impacted her emotionally.
- The guys at the bottom will likely never reach the top and be knocked off over time by new interests.
** Update **
I created the bulk of this post quite some time ago, and we're almost into three years since her and I broke up. Without collecting extra data, here's some observations after a quick look at her search queries:
- She still religiously searches my name about once per month.
- Toby has since fallen down the list. She rarely searches for him these days.
- She
still hasn't had a steady boyfriend since we broke up.
The lack of a new boyfriend somewhat baffles me. She's a very attractive woman. I've been contemplating the possibility that a man can actually destroy a woman's ability to secure a new mate if he sets the qualification bar too high. Like I said earlier in this post, a man's impact on a woman causes her to imagine what her ultimate soulmate would be. As a result, many of today's AFCs aren't going to cut it if a woman has been with a strong, confident, masculine man.
Final Summary
For those of you who wonder why the girl you're "in love" with goes back to her a55hole ex-boyfriend, your answer is here. He's at the top of her high score list, and you're at the very bottom. You cannot overtake him by being nicer than him. Being nice won't rack up enough points to bump him off the list.
One of the myths that gets touted around here is that playing the "ignore" game with a new prospect will make her more attracted to you. Judging by how this high score list looks, she already has 4 guys high up on her list, so what's going to make her miss YOU more? You don't have the points, so quit thinking that it's
her loss. The guy at the top of her list IS her loss. You are not.
Making it to the top of a woman's high score list requires a lot of fvcking with her emotions, be it intentional or not. The more you can make her
feel, the higher your score, and the longer she'll be undeniably attracted to you even after you've disappeared from her life. When she fvcks up your relationship, the worst form of revenge you can give her is being at the top of her high score list. Not only that, you're going to cause a bloody trail of broken-hearted unsuccessful men who are killing themselves trying to get into bed with her.
As time goes on and this woman ages, she becomes more jaded and more unhappy with the men who attempt to seduce her. She'll continue to remember the man at the top of her list, and how none of these other men measure up. This is how you win the game. This is how you dominate her mind. Marrying her isn't a win. Buying her a ring isn't a win. Procreating with her isn't a win.
The win is when you've dominated her mind so much that she'll never get over you.
And so, this is why women believe in soulmates.
