From observing i believe most men let their gf's/wives have orbiters until they get burned enough times to realise it doesn't work and regret it in hindsight.
As a strong leader of any relationship you have to set certain boundaries not to let the dog sh1t all over your house, and be ready to follow them up forcefully. This is partly what makes a girl safe with you, just like a child. Deep down, all women are natural followers and want to be told what to do because they all have some sort of daddy complex.
It's not so much an issue of compliance or control as it is respect. It's an agreement: You provide her with fair, consistent leadership and understanding love, and she in turn is obedient, respectful, and helpful to you.
Why would we give up our freedom and enter something long term only to give a free card to facilitate cheating?
As soon as you hear that you're controlling (with
fair boundaries), it probably means low interest on her part or you're trying to turn a ho into a housewife, which doesn't work and once again highlights the importance of choosing the right girl. A girl that's truly into you will not only oblige, she'll remove any kinds of doubts you may have without you even having to ask. In either case, i think alot of men would benefit from communicating them early in the dating phase by sprinkle it in here and there: "look at this girl over there hanging out with those guys, i could never be in a relationship with a girl like that."
If she cant abide by your rules then the consequence is her not getting a strong man, not you not getting a proper girl. She selected herself out.
I have had some very bad experiences with my exes, but complaining about them reflects poorly on ME not on them, because what does it say about me if I'm attracting these types of women and I am choosing to stay in relationships with them? Now I just say something vague like, "We just weren't right for each other - just not compatible." Women usually hate that non-answer and will be more motivated than ever to keep bringing it up and digging for more information, and while they may seem frustrated/angry that you won't give them all the details, and some may resort to manipulation tactics like telling you they assume you are being vague because you cheated on your ex and she dumped you for it, it's actually far better for you to say nothing than telling them the full story (even if you are squeaky clean in the story). It also links back up to your point number 1 about being pessimistic and negative. I'm not that kind of person so I don't bad-mouth exes.
I think this is where alot of guys shoot themselves in the foot by complaing themselves and pouring their hearts out, which makes them look weak and like complainers, as you said. Not only does it communicate that you'll probably bad mouth her too eventually, it also shows no accountability. I do think an even better response would be to say "she was a great gal but wasn't right for ME". Always portray the chooser frame. It also presents a good opportunity to convey some standards, which only people of higher value will do. When she starts to dig you can calmly explain to her that she wasn't living up to XYZ of your expectations. That'll put some healthy pressure on her.
There's really nothing to be gained from bad mouthing ex's, even if she was a nagging b1tch you always want to put them in a good light.