Here's what your dating app conversations should look like...

[BPH]

Lately, it seems a lot of (mostly) newer guys here really suck at texting or messaging girls, especially on the dating apps.

The suggestion I always give is to keep it short, get the phone number, and move the conversation off the app. And I have a pretty textbook example of that working out, so those of you struggling will have some perspective:

 

[Bingo-Player]

The invite to grab drinks line is good , the rest is just pretty basic

Also I wouldn't be sending winky emoji's or really any emoji's.

 

[BPH]

The invite to grab drinks line is good , the rest is just pretty basic

Also I wouldn't be sending winky emoji's or really any emoji's.

They're fine in moderation. I sprinkle them in so the emotionless words on the screen don't come across too seriously.

 

[sevbucmash]

Bro. That's only works if you have the look. You're a 7, an 8 if you photoshop it! Almost anything you say leads to a date.

 

[BPH]

Bro. That's only works if you have the look. You're a 7, an 8 if you photoshop it! Almost anything you say leads to a date.

I didn't do anything groundbreaking here...

The point is that most guys will have entire conversations on the app until the girl gets bored, well before they get a phone number or plan a date. I had this recent example of how short they can (and should) be, so here it is.

By virtue of matching, we can assume she's attracted to me, just as any guy who matches can assume the same about the girl on the other side of the screen. Yet, with how low the success rate is on dating apps, that means next to nothing.

Attributing this to me looking good misses the purpose.

 

[pipeman84]

By virtue of matching, we can assume she's attracted to me, just as any guy who matches can assume the same about the girl on the other side of the screen.

Assumption is the mother of all fvckups.
I think that's so true for dating apps ... she matched therefore guys assume she's single, she's attracted and she's ready to meet. Yeah right...

 

[Sega Genesis]

Lately, it seems a lot of (mostly) newer guys here really suck at texting or messaging girls, especially on the dating apps.

The suggestion I always give is to keep it short, get the phone number, and move the conversation off the app. And I have a pretty textbook example of that working out, so those of you struggling will have some perspective:

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I think the way you segued to having drinks together was very cool BPH. Can you let us know the outcome? Do you have a date/meet scheduled?

Also what are your thoughts on her having no IG or SM? I am the same and there are a few reasons for this, privacy being a big one.

So curious what your thoughts are about it?

 

[Sega Genesis]

Assumption is the mother of all fvckups.
I think that's so true for dating apps ... she matched therefore guys assume she's single, she's attracted and she's ready to meet. Yeah right...

I agree with this^^. There are some women who need/require a bit of interaction first, a few days at least of chatting/vetting or to check out the "vibe" between you. Not all obviously but certainly some.

There are also people (both women and men) who are on the apps for no reason other than to seek validation, attention, they're bored or any other number of reasons other than to actually meet.

Curious what your experience is with that BPH or others here who regularly use dating apps.

 

[sevbucmash]

According to text game 101 from Todd V each text falls into four categories, "Silence", "**** Test", "Logical & Platonic", "Positive", and occasionally in between two bordering categories, "Silence and **** Test", "**** Test & Logical Platonic", "Logical Platonic & Positive". You make plans when you are getting "Positives". In all other cases you continue conversation. You had 8 "Positive" responses from her from the get go. Of course she's receptive.

Frankly, you can turn that conversation around and blow it by not making plans and continuing yapping, making the girl lose immediate interest.

Another scenario is starting in "logical & platonic" stage and trying to make plans from there. She won't be cooperative.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah the basic flow is exactly how you handle things on dating apps...same cookie cutter approach I used to get 3-4 numbers a day off those when I was working on building pipelines.

Cut to the chaste, get them out in person, no time for BS'ing and being their messaging buddy.

 

[BPH]

I think the way you segued to having drinks together was very cool BPH. Can you let us know the outcome? Do you have a date/meet scheduled?

Also what are your thoughts on her having no IG or SM? I am the same and there are a few reasons for this, privacy being a big one.

So curious what your thoughts are about it?

She wasn't free this weekend with Easter and all, but said she'd be available next week. We don't have anything set in stone, plus she lives about an hour away, so we'll see what happens, but I'm not really holding my breath either.

I ask for the Instagram or Snapchat so I can verify they're real and that they look the way they do on the app. This girl Snapchatted me, so I can confirm she matches up with her profile, but I've also had matches that were using very old pictures when I saw their socials, or were likely scammers/fake because they didn't have social media and my texts went through green, so I use that to double-check.

Cut to the chaste, get them out in person, no time for BS'ing and being their messaging buddy.

Exactly. Thought it would help to give a visual example for the guys who can't wrap their heads around what that might look like.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She wasn't free this weekend with Easter and all, but said she'd be available next week. We don't have anything set in stone, plus she lives about an hour away, so we'll see what happens, but I'm not really holding my breath either.

I ask for the Instagram or Snapchat so I can verify they're real and that they look the way they do on the app. This girl Snapchatted me, so I can confirm she matches up with her profile, but I've also had matches that were using very old pictures when I saw their socials, or were likely scammers/fake because they didn't have social media and my texts went through green, so I use that to double-check.



Exactly. Thought it would help to give a visual example for the guys who can't wrap their heads around what that might look like.

It also helps mentally because you get to the point you have so many new numbers and women in different stages coming in that if you lose one, "oh well", there will be 3-4 more tomorrow...

Truly puts you in that IDGAF mindset which always helps regulate your mental side and not feel like if you lose that one girl you've been messaging for a month but never actually met with but also did nothing to continue talking with other women that you are "starting from ground zero".

 

[Hal9000]

What you're saying is important, of course, but whats even more important is that everything you're saying is leading directly to you setting up a specific time to meet her.

Once a dialogue was started with a new woman and a basic rapport was developed I immediately shifted into trying to nail her down for a date/time we could meet. This was beneficial because it would quickly weed out the flakes and weirdos who just wanted a texting buddy and would keep me from wasting my time.

Like many others on here, early on I'd text a girl for days/weeks on end letting her string me along and make excuses why we couldn't meet and these never eventually ended in a date. I found that if I couldn't get a woman to commit to a meet up within a day, or maybe two tops, then it wasnt likely to ever happen so why keep wasting my time.

You don't want to have discussed your entire life story and spent countless hours telling her all about yourself before youve even met, and if she acts like thats what she expects then you need to move on. As has been discussed on here a million times, women who are in to you aren't going to make getting together difficult to happen, quite the contrary, so I would be very forthcoming about wanting us to get together which puts the ball in their court. If they didn't reciprocate that interest then I had my answer.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

This is a solid approach got chads and guys with very strong in-person date game, but it doesn't do much in terms of screening for high interest pre-meet. Ideally for that you want to build a little more rapport and sexualize the conversation to some degree. For guys with issues having a high percentage of first dates/meets that don't lead anywhere, you will still be facing the same issue. Your date game might get more practice, but you'll still have the same fundamental issue of dealing with mildly interested women, serial dates, hopeless romantics, etc.

If you develop some kind of conversational template that's a little more involved you can still avoid time wasters by pushing for a meet at high points in the conversation once high interest is reasonably established.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I think your opening was decent, but you appeared too aggressive and desperate at the end. I wouldn’t be surprised if she flakes or ghosts you after the first date if she’s not vibing. The blitzkrieg PUA tactics of the past do not work in today’s world.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Attributing this to me looking good misses the purpose.

I'm rooting for you and appreciate your contributions to this site. But that's the biggest objection that I think you need to overcome. Are you good with girls or just attractive so whatever you do works anyway? The answer is a combination of both, I'm sure.

 

[Cheeky_James]

According to text game 101 from Todd V each text falls into four categories, "Silence", "**** Test", "Logical & Platonic", "Positive", and occasionally in between two bordering categories, "Silence and **** Test", "**** Test & Logical Platonic", "Logical Platonic & Positive". You make plans when you are getting "Positives". In all other cases you continue conversation. You had 8 "Positive" responses from her from the get go. Of course she's receptive.

Frankly, you can turn that conversation around and blow it by not making plans and continuing yapping, making the girl lose immediate interest.

Another scenario is starting in "logical & platonic" stage and trying to make plans from there. She won't be cooperative.

jeez. I would NOT be listening to Todd.

He overcomplicates and over-jargons things to a ridiculous degree. (He learned that from his time in RSD, obvs).

how does that description help at all btw? It made my head spin reading…

 

[BPH]

What you're saying is important, of course, but whats even more important is that everything you're saying is leading directly to you setting up a specific time to meet her.

Once a dialogue was started with a new woman and a basic rapport was developed I immediately shifted into trying to nail her down for a date/time we could meet. This was beneficial because it would quickly weed out the flakes and weirdos who just wanted a texting buddy and would keep me from wasting my time.

Like many others on here, early on I'd text a girl for days/weeks on end letting her string me along and make excuses why we couldn't meet and these never eventually ended in a date. I found that if I couldn't get a woman to commit to a meet up within a day, or maybe two tops, then it wasnt likely to ever happen so why keep wasting my time.

You don't want to have discussed your entire life story and spent countless hours telling her all about yourself before youve even met, and if she acts like thats what she expects then you need to move on. As has been discussed on here a million times, women who are in to you aren't going to make getting together difficult to happen, quite the contrary, so I would be very forthcoming about wanting us to get together which puts the ball in their court. If they didn't reciprocate that interest then I had my answer.

That's exactly what I was hoping to communicate here.

Unfortunately, it seems some are missing the point because "oh, he's good-looking, so that's why".

I'm rooting for you and appreciate your contributions to this site. But that's the biggest objection that I think you need to overcome. Are you good with girls or just attractive so whatever you do works anyway? The answer is a combination of both, I'm sure.

Like this one....what do you want me to say?

She swiped right on me on a dating app, so obviously she thinks I'm attractive.

How many matches have turned into dates? How many haven't?

For most guys, this is probably a 75/25 split, or worse. This is just me showing what those conversations should look like, since I see a lot of guys getting into deep conversation and sending paragraph-length responses.

I'm not reinventing the wheel here...I'm just showing you what it looks like.

 

[sevbucmash]

It made my head spin reading…

That's because you have short attention span from tiktok and stuff.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Her saying she has Snapchat and understands if that’s not enough shows that other men ask for her contact information, she offers her social media, and they quickly walk away if she doesn’t give out her number.

This just proves that online dating is so impersonal, and that time is of the essence, making both men and women easily replaceable and quickly forgotten if they stay in this medium.