Her not wanting to admit that it's a date

[Die Hard]

Some women are just emotionally fvcked up and they get anxiety from the fact that they like a guy. You know the type, often cluster B etc. When she likes you, she feels like her emotions are taking her for a ride, she's not in control, fear of abandonment kicks in pre-emptively etc.
But I draw those a lot so I want to make the best of it haha.

One thing they often do, is when you ask her to meet up, she tells you "yeah, but only as friends, okay?" or "yeah, but you shouldn't expect anything, okay?"
Now, before this conversation, she's already given me plenty of clear indicators of interest, heavy flirting, puppy dog eyes, touching me etc. I know she's attracted to me.
She just wants to stay in control and not go too fast blahblah.

So mostly, I just respond with "Sure", then meet up with her and try to escalate. Sometimes that works, but sometimes they will really reject my escalations during the meetup and even call me out on it "I thought I was clear about this being just friendly, you're acting like you want something from me blahblah"

So whenever I get that "don't expect anything/this is friendly" line when I ask her to meet up, I'm always in limbo. I don't wanna waste time on a date that ends with nothing, which makes me tend to give up then and there. But there's also a chance the date will be succesful despite her resistance, and I don't wanna miss out on that, which makes me wanna go ahead with the date anyway.

Getting into a discussion at that very moment often ends badly lol. I've sometimes responded with something like "Ahh, doesn't sound like that meetup will be much fun, forget I asked" and then just withdrew my attention. The latter always gets them frustrated and instead of submitting, they mostly become combative and respond by becoming distant in return. It becomes a power game and when that happens I start disliking her and don't even wanna date her if she was the last woman on earth lol.

I've been thinking about a sarcastic response like: "Oh, perhaps we should only meet after we've drawn up a contract and both agreed on the terms of the contract? Let's do that, okay?"


Anyway, I'm curious if any of you guys recognize the situation. How do you deal with it?

 

[Manure Spherian]

Anyway, I'm curious if any of you guys recognize the situation. How do you deal with it?

By not going on a “just as friends” date.

 

[SW15]

whenever I get that "don't expect anything/this is friendly" line when I ask her to meet up, I'm always in limbo. I don't wanna waste time on a date that ends with nothing, which makes me tend to give up then and there. But there's also a chance the date will be succesful despite her resistance, and I don't wanna miss out on that, which makes me wanna go ahead with the date anyway.

I'm curious if any of you guys recognize the situation. How do you deal with it?

I would not bother to show up to that.

There was a time I went to a fitness class. It was a cycling/spin class. It not a well attended class that day and the few women that attended the class that day weren't that attractive and left before I could approach. Maybe one was worth an approach. That day, I got into a long-ish conversation with the class instructor. She was attractive, high level cute but not super hot. She would have been an impressive get. Most men would be glad to introduce of a woman of her looks level to their friends. She had a basic White woman look.

The initial post-class conversation was somewhere between 5-10 minutes. It was going well so I asked her out on a drinks date. She said she would like to go but was already in a relationship and she'd be fine going as friends. I told her that I don't do that sort of arrangement and she said she understood. I know my value and that sort of arrangement is unfair to me.

You have to handle those situations exactly as I did. Walk away from anything where the woman tries to frame the interaction as "friends".

 

[The Duke]

I've told a few "I don't do friends".

This is basic low interest disguised as "I'm nervous, not sure, I am also interested in someone else, etc".

Always remember a high interest girl will move mountains for you, bend her rules , and she won't do anything stupid to jeopardize her chances.

They are great actors and good at making you think otherwise. Don't fall for it.

Go find other women and the flakey, misleading, game players will need to find another stage to get their attention fix.

 

[zekko]

Anyway, I'm curious if any of you guys recognize the situation. How do you deal with it?

It depends in part what you want out of the interaction. If you actually have feelings for the girl, I agree that is a pretty big red flag, and might indicate some aversion to getting emotionally involved.

On the other hand, here's an example where I was just very physically attracted to the girl and thought she was kind of cool. She wanted to just hang out as friends, and I just went along with it. But I kept pushing things toward where I wanted things to go, and it didn't really take too long to get there. Women often move at a slower pace than men do, and might have to get comfortable with you before moving to the next step. Sometimes they maybe didn't see you in that light before, but might be open to it if you give them time. Now mind you, I hung out with this girl a few times before it yielded results, but I enjoyed her company so it didn't bother me . I know some guys here are like "I either get the first night lay or she's out". So to each their own.

Like when we went out, I went to kiss her, and she said "We're just friends", but I just stayed upbeat and calm and said "a friendly kiss". Now had she refused at that point, it wouldn't have been as good a sign, but honestly I probably would have just gone out with her again and tried the same thing. Wouldn't have kept it up indefinitely though.

Another thing I notice is different people define different terms in different ways - and especially if you add women into the mix. I've had this conversation with girls a lot, and it's amazing how differently they might view "dating", "seeing someone", "going out", or whatever. Some women thing "Going out" is more serious than "dating", while others think "dating" is more serious than "going out". I wouldn't get bogged down into labels, just go for what you want.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Some women are just emotionally fvcked up and they get anxiety from the fact that they like a guy...


Anyway, I'm curious if any of you guys recognize the situation. How do you deal with it?

By avoiding women of that ilk/People like that more generally. Same way one

-Avoids those who are ratchet, if his goal is to make it through the week without ending up with a gut full of .38 rounds

-Resists all temptations to set up shop in rural Alabama, UNLESS seeing your IQ drop to -0 sounds like great fun

-Doesn't whip out nunchucks in street fight, where his opponents are wielding with chains, two by fours, and machetes, UNLESS he's eager to spend the next 6 months in a body cast

 

[BadBoy89]

I've told a few "I don't do friends".

I would not bother to show up to that.

The initial post-class conversation was somewhere between 5-10 minutes. It was going well so I asked her out on a drinks date. She said she would like to go but was already in a relationship and she'd be fine going as friends. I told her that I don't do that sort of arrangement and she said she understood. I know my value and that sort of arrangement is unfair to me.

You have to handle those situations exactly as I did. Walk away from anything where the woman tries to frame the interaction as "friends".

Alot of men say:: "treat women as silly and cute, don't listen to what they say, pay attention to their actions."

Why is "we can go as friends" taken so seriously?

 

[The Duke]

Alot of men say:: "treat women as silly and cute, don't listen to what they say, pay attention to their actions."

Why is "we can go as friends" taken so seriously?

i take it seriously because " let's go as friends" doesnt light my fire and make me want to seduce her panties off her hips. It just puts me in the wrong mindset. I know there will be hesitation, flakeyness, hoops to jump thru, etc. I'd rather spend my time on a willing candidate. It's a red flag, not them being silly/cute.

I'm just not friends with women. hearing that is a huge turn off.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Have almost never had that happen

 

[BaronOfHair]

Alot of men say:: "treat women as silly and cute, don't listen to what they say, pay attention to their actions."

Why is "we can go as friends" taken so seriously?

It's never wise to take anything anyone says TOO seriously

 

[zekko]

Why is "we can go as friends" taken so seriously?

Because guys hear the stories about getting stuck in the friendzone, and they get all freaked out about it.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Tell her to slow down and cool her jets, she's thinking too far ahead and you barely know her.

 

[Tilex]

One thing I learned about dating the opposite sex is to match a negative with a negative. If she throws a wrench to foil your plans, you throw the wrench back.

Back in the earlier days of seduction advice (2000-2010), a lot of PUA Guru's online would suggest using your seduction wizardry to turn a negative situation into a positive.
This is actually bullsh!t advice and it never works.
I remember reading a story about a girl wanting to bring her friend on the first date.
The advice that was written suggested the OP could seduce her friend, and then all 3 of them could have a threesome by the end of the night.
This idea is a total fantasy because she brought her friend to guard her.

If a girl is trying to c0ckblock you in any way, shape, or form on the first date, you immediately need to back off.
No element of wizardry will save you. It's that simple!

 

[BaronOfHair]

One thing I learned about dating the opposite sex...

You've dated men as well?


"Back in the earlier days of seduction advice (2000-2010), a lot of PUA Guru's online would suggest using your seduction wizardry to turn a negative situation into a positive.
This is actually bullsh!t advice and it never works.
I remember reading a story about a girl wanting to bring her friend on the first date.
The advice that was written suggested the OP could seduce her friend, and then all 3 of them could have a threesome by the end of the night.
This idea is a total fantasy because she brought her friend to guard her"


That all depends on the way one conceptualizes "turning a negative into a positive", and how we define "negative" and "positive"... A scenario like the one you describe provides a man with a chance to practice assertiveness, by saying "No", making his preferences clear. In THAT sense, we're turning a negative into a positive

 

[ValiantMale]

It's a sign she is
1) Involved with other men sexually She doesn't see you as a man she wants or desires, rather a playtoy that she doesn't want to get attached to her
2) Involved with other men sexually
3) Really not interested in you at all and the signs you saw were just her being overly playful for attention.

 

[Tilex]

That all depends on the way one conceptualizes "turning a negative into a positive", and how we define "negative" and "positive"... A scenario like the one you describe provides a man with a chance to practice assertiveness, by saying "No", making his preferences clear. In THAT sense, we're turning a negative into a positive

Does a man really have a hard time saying no?
There's nothing to gain from that situation.
I see it as throwing the wrench back.
One had an expectation, the other had a different expectation. Both negatives cancel each other out.

 

[Desdinova]

Have almost never had that happen

Same here. I never give her the impression that I'm out to fvck her brains out. When I get her number, I tell her I want to continue the conversation. When I set up a first date, I invite her out for a drink. I always came in under the radar, but keep the progression going.

One thing they often do, is when you ask her to meet up, she tells you "yeah, but only as friends, okay?" or "yeah, but you shouldn't expect anything, okay?"

Either you've already turned her into a friend, or you're giving off too much of an "I wanna fvck your brains out" vibe. You can fix the latter, but not the former.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

"I have no expectations but my c0ck might. He's a bratty bastard."

 

[BaronOfHair]

Does a man really have a hard time saying no?

-Many do, yeah

-Even if he doesn't, it's prudent to exploit every chance to practice assertiveness we encounter

 

[Mike32ct]

Not wanting to call it a date (in the early stages) isn’t necessarily a red flag per se. Sometimes a FWB or potential FWB would rather call it something else.

The red flags were “only as friends” and “shouldn’t expect anything,” especially the first one.

Not everything a woman says needs to be interpreted. Some things can be taken literally.