"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Help me interpret this test

Sir FB

Don Juan
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You should keep things light and sexual......but........


Shes telling you that it will not work.

You are developing feelings for this chick and hoping that what she is telling you about it wont work between you two for more than a romp in bed is not true. However, you must take this chick for her face value in this situation.

You are either going to make the choice to continue down this road, give off the bf vibe and she will drop you on your rear end, or you can start dating other women closer to you and use her for what it really is- an occasional lay.

Beyond that, you are giving up your time of going out and meeting potentially other BETTER women close to you for someone that is telling you it wont work because of distance. How smart does it seem to give up meeting other women and continuing to invest in this one?

If you came to me as your financial advisor and I told you "You probably wont make any money here but I will gladly take your money anytime you want to bring it to me".......would you give me money or run?
This makes a lot of sense. Thanks for taking time to explain.

She's warmed up considerably since the OP. I'm now getting daily texts and phone calls. The way this is beginning to play out looks like it might be 3 weekends a month, her coming here 2 and me going there 1. This is actually a pretty ideal situation for me as I'm in my 50s and don't need to be banging every other day and I get to live my life during the week. If she bails, I turn my swipe apps back on and look for cold approach opportunities again. Of course I might change my mind later, but that's what I'm thinking now.

However, If I were to take your advice and spin more plates can you help me with this?

I've been putting off the bf vibe already and strongly hinting at exclusivity. Is there a way to backpedal on that without being dishonest? I realize it's going to take some overt communication because If I come right out and say I want an occasional lay while looking for a better option, it's not going to come across well. Thanks
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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2Rocky

Master Don Juan
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This makes a lot of sense. Thanks for taking time to explain.


I've been putting off the bf vibe already and strongly hinting at exclusivity. Is there a way to backpedal on that without being dishonest? I realize it's going to take some overt communication because If I come right out and say I want an occasional lay while looking for a better option, it's not going to come across well. Thanks
Get the meetup and lay ASAP
Cut the daily calls. Let most of a day go by then 2 between responses. Then 3...This is really tough. It will get your hamster spinning. You are hanging up from talking to her wondering if she is getting ready to go out to the bars or on a date herself.
When on the phone have a agenda and time constraint. You want to avoid having her feel like every evening from 7:30 -whenever is your time together exclusively. You have to have plans with friends during this time.
Talk about your next meetup not "what did you do today"?
 
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