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Help me interpret this test

Sir FB

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This plate lives 100+ miles away. She was near me on an afternoon OLD date with another dude and stopped by afterward (no she didn't bang him). I convinced her to stay the night and bang, we had a great time together. I believe this is a no-no but we have each talked about our other's dates and recent experiences with dating and sex . We both agreed we are not exclusive and that any LTR possibilities are slim due to the distance. I know I should keep things light and funny, but I don't want to outright decieve and I haven't figured out how to be mysterious and aloof without being deceptive yet.

Anyway she texts me this on the way home.

"If we were closer and had other circumstances, I would date you in a heartbeat. I feel like I can talk to you about anything and I love it. You are amazing and whoever steals your heart is going to be a lucky lady, so keep looking she is out there for you."

She's shown signs of low interest and said similar things in the past. I suppose it's quite possible I won't hear from her again, but I've seen more than once that a woman's actions do not always align with her words.

I texted back " I enjoyed our time together. A lot. It's unfortunate that we live so far away from each other."

I'm not super concerned about losing this plate, My thought is not to reach out at all unless I hear back from her but I'd appreciate any observation or advice about the situation. I'm still only a few months in to this and am learning a lot with each new date.
 

spikeanut

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That doesn't sound like a plate, that sounds like a Fvck buddy scenario. If that is the case, then you are investing too much of your emotions and feelings into her. You shouldn't worry about deceiving her; she appears to be the one calling the shots and dictating the flow of this FB relationship. Her text is her pulling back because you probably inadvertently gave her some relationship vibes...this is typically done by talking too much. Speak less with your other plates..at least about serious stuff. As you said, keep things light and funny.
 

Sir FB

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Update. First. Thanks for the suggestions. Second, I just stayed quiet for the whole week. It was the hardest thing for me to do. I think I’m catching some feels from this lady. I had myself convinced more than once that I needed to send some needy pursuing text, but I stuck to what I’ve been learning. Corey Wayne says women are like cats, they come and go as they please and if you pursue them
they will run off and hide.

Today I got a text and she wants to see me again so my job is to make that happen. Thanks again for the suggestions, you guys saved my ass.
 

Paper Crane

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That is the single most important thing anyone has ever taught me about women who are DTF immediately is you hit it and quit it. These girls are opportunists. Don't reward her bad behavior. SHe came to date someone else and ended up sleeping with you. and you want to continue something with her.. that is just a supreme lack of dignity on your part.

Edit: just realized your age.. Nvm man do what you need to do.. I know at that age it must be a lot harder to meet women
 

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Sir FB

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That is the single most important thing anyone has ever taught me about women who are DTF immediately is you hit it and quit it. These girls are opportunists. Don't reward her bad behavior. SHe came to date someone else and ended up sleeping with you. and you want to continue something with her.. that is just a supreme lack of dignity on your part.

Edit: just realized your age.. Nvm man do what you need to do.. I know at that age it must be a lot harder to meet women
Actually you make a good point regardless of my age. It’s something I’ll stay aware of. 100 miles between us makes a successful LTR almost impossible anyway.

If she is telling the truth I’m the only one she’s banged since we met and we didn’t bang till the third date. She did tell the hiking buddy date she was driving home and that was a lie. Maybe she set the whole thing up with him for a form of ASD and dropping by here. Who knows? The way women use their emotional state as a reference for truth makes it hard for me to tell the difference between normal woman flakiness and outright deception.
 

2Rocky

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100 miles is a good BF-disqualifier. That's 1:45-2:00 hour drive.

It is good though for "weekend getaway" if you like to do that sort of thing. do something monthly with the understanding "When we are together we are together, but we have to live our lives when we are apart". It's like a honeymoon on those weekends.

It is easy to catch feelings though if you are in daily contact with her. I'll admit...It happened to me.

I'd recommend the approach "Hey let's try to meet up monthly for a weekend and make the most of it." and don't abandon any local options in between. She knows you are a catch and she should be glad to get you when she can.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear FB,
If I may be so familiar...She probably does like you,sounds an excellent plate,as suggested a weekend every month or so sounds just right...Despite comments to the contrary,I think you will find as I have,that if you stay fit and Healthy,with every passing year,finding a companion for your Bed, just gets easier and easier!
 

returnofpigman

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This plate lives 100+ miles away. She was near me on an afternoon OLD date with another dude and stopped by afterward (no she didn't bang him). I convinced her to stay the night and bang, we had a great time together. I believe this is a no-no but we have each talked about our other's dates and recent experiences with dating and sex . We both agreed we are not exclusive and that any LTR possibilities are slim due to the distance. I know I should keep things light and funny, but I don't want to outright decieve and I haven't figured out how to be mysterious and aloof without being deceptive yet.

Anyway she texts me this on the way home.

"If we were closer and had other circumstances, I would date you in a heartbeat. I feel like I can talk to you about anything and I love it. You are amazing and whoever steals your heart is going to be a lucky lady, so keep looking she is out there for you."

She's shown signs of low interest and said similar things in the past. I suppose it's quite possible I won't hear from her again, but I've seen more than once that a woman's actions do not always align with her words.

I texted back " I enjoyed our time together. A lot. It's unfortunate that we live so far away from each other."

I'm not super concerned about losing this plate, My thought is not to reach out at all unless I hear back from her but I'd appreciate any observation or advice about the situation. I'm still only a few months in to this and am learning a lot with each new date.
Sounds like she was putting up some ASD within her own head. You can mysterious and aloof by contacting her randomly and not often. If you are busy with other things, that’s not being deceptive.
 

Sir FB

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She just left here after a 36 hour date. I can’t spend that much time with someone without getting a little emotionally involved. She’s turned off all her swipe apps but still gets text messages from a couple orbiters.

Being mysterious and aloof at this point goes completely against all my natural instincts, but this behavior has suited me well to the degree with which I have been able to practice it so far, I’ll see if I can continue it.

Maybe I’m not much of a Don Juan and am catching one-itis but I haven’t had the stomach or desire to go out and spin more plates lately. However, I’m the type of guy who often has to learn his lessons from the school of hard knocks. Time will tell how this thing plays out.
 

BackInTheGame78

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She just left here after a 36 hour date. I can’t spend that much time with someone without getting a little emotionally involved. She’s turned off all her swipe apps but still gets text messages from a couple orbiters.

Being mysterious and aloof at this point goes completely against all my natural instincts, but this behavior has suited me well to the degree with which I have been able to practice it so far, I’ll see if I can continue it.

Maybe I’m not much of a Don Juan and am catching one-itis but I haven’t had the stomach or desire to go out and spin more plates lately. However, I’m the type of guy who often has to learn his lessons from the school of hard knocks. Time will tell how this thing plays out.
It is going to end badly if you don't keep women in your rotation.
 

Sir FB

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Usually means one-itis or acting needy
Okay. I’m working a pretty good internal game. I’m eating right, excercising. I own my own business and love my job. I have money in the bank. I have a support group of friends that I see on a regular basis. I have close male friends. I’m back in therapy. I spend time every morning reading spiritual literature and journaling.

I prefer to be in a LTR than be banging several women at the same time. I like this woman and am willing to be exclusive with her for the time being.

I cut and pasted this from a Reddit article. Do you agree with it? Or is it your belief that it is impossible to date one woman at a time without getting Oneitis?


Reddit article said:
WHAT ONEITIS IS

Oneitis is when you find yourself pining over a single woman who is unobtainable. You hold her up as a pinnacle as all you hold beautiful in this world, and refuse to acknowledge, or even actively deny other opportunities that come up. These opportunities can be other women, but they can also be things like Job Offers, Vacations, going out with friends, etc. The rationale behind this is almost always, "I'm just waiting for her to come around", or some variation there of. **** that! She isn't responsible for your happiness! YOU ARE! So get out there and do something about it!

In a nutshell, Oneitis is putting the ***** on the pedestal. There's no two ways about it. It's a complete lack of focus on yourself and your own interests; you put all of your energy into a woman that has no intent to reciprocate. Knock it off.

  • "itis" is a suffix used to denote a pathological issue. The actual, technical details are not important, but keep this in mind: "itis" means something bad.
  • 99% of Oneitis cases are ex-post-facto, meaning that it happens after the fact. You've made a play for a girl, failed, and now you're caught up on her.
  • This is bad because you're focusing your energies on a girl that you cannot obtain. It screws with your inner game, ****s up your priorities, and can even lead to depression in severe cases.
  • Oneitis keeps you from functioning at your peak. You're funneling energy into a black hole. This is energy that you should be putting into meeting other women, pursuing a passion, or just enjoying life.
  • In the rare case that you develop Oneitis while dating a girl, it can cloud your vision. If you're dating a girl that doesn't really match up with you, and you actively turn away or tune out other girls that match up much better with your values, personality, etc, you have Oneitis. if anything comes of your efforts with the current girl, it will crash and burn in a spectacular way, and you'll be kicking yourself for not admitting to yourself that it wasn't a good match and missing out on all those other girls that now have boyfriends.
WHAT ONEITIS IS NOT

  • Oneitis is not simply dating one girl at a time. Some people prefer the simplicity. You don't have to let down anyone else if things work out, You don't have to keep likes and dislikes straight, and you can focus your energy on one person at a time.
  • Oneitis is not wanting or pursuing an LTR.
  • Oneitis is not being in a closed relationship.
  • Oneitis is not having stronger feelings for one girl over another, (unless you're not actively dating her).
 

Lookatu

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I prefer to be in a LTR than be banging several women at the same time. I like this woman and am willing to be exclusive with her for the time being.
Personally I see nothing wrong with this approach as long as you can keep your emotions in check and not self-sabotage yourself.
It a serial vs parallel approach. It allows you to focus on one person and not spread yourself thin, which in itself can also impose certain stresses.

Good Luck and see where it goes...
 

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BackInTheGame78

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Okay. I’m working a pretty good internal game. I’m eating right, excercising. I own my own business and love my job. I have money in the bank. I have a support group of friends that I see on a regular basis. I have close male friends. I’m back in therapy. I spend time every morning reading spiritual literature and journaling.

I prefer to be in a LTR than be banging several women at the same time. I like this woman and am willing to be exclusive with her for the time being.

I cut and pasted this from a Reddit article. Do you agree with it? Or is it your belief that it is impossible to date one woman at a time without getting Oneitis?
I personally always will date other women until I am comfortable engaging in an LTR with a woman. There is a period of time where things have the ability to go south if you are "too interested"
 

Sir FB

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I personally always will date other women until I am comfortable engaging in an LTR with a woman. There is a period of time where things have the ability to go south if you are "too interested"
I hear you. I’m really new at this. As much as I appreciate the experience and advice of other men, in some cases, I’ve got to go with what feels right for me and aligns with my principles. The most valuable lessons I’ve learned have been though mistakes I’ve made and if I’m not screwing up once in a while, I’m not learning anything. However I do appreciate the warning.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I hear you. I’m really new at this. As much as I appreciate the experience and advice of other men, in some cases, I’ve got to go with what feels right for me and aligns with my principles. The most valuable lessons I’ve learned have been though mistakes I’ve made and if I’m not screwing up once in a while, I’m not learning anything. However I do appreciate the warning.
Absolutely you should...the issue might be with me and that I don't handle things properly in those situations without other women.
 

metalwater

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I hear you. I’m really new at this. As much as I appreciate the experience and advice of other men, in some cases, I’ve got to go with what feels right for me and aligns with my principles. The most valuable lessons I’ve learned have been though mistakes I’ve made and if I’m not screwing up once in a while, I’m not learning anything. However I do appreciate the warning.
it's ok to live by codes, own that, and be proud of it. one of the reasons to have extra or more than one woman is to help us manage our vibe and emotions. women will always pull away at some point to either test, manage, or just because their interest level changed for some reason. the list of reasons is long.. The normal reaction of good men, in this case, is to try to get closer and fix the issue with her. This will eventually 100% of the time result in her interest level going lower, 100% of the time. Seeing other women makes it so that we don't care and will just spend time with another if our primary is not welcoming at the moment. you don't have to fck them but you can, it's just to have an emotional cushion so that we don't get needy with our primary. the other way to do it is to really be superman and a complete master of your own emotions. it's hard to do. the other thing is that her interest will stay high if she feels that you have other options but don't take them.
 

Glassguy

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We both agreed we are not exclusive and that any LTR possibilities are slim due to the distance. I know I should keep things light and funny
You should keep things light and sexual......but........

If we were closer and had other circumstances, I would date you in a heartbeat. I feel like I can talk to you about anything and I love it. You are amazing and whoever steals your heart is going to be a lucky lady, so keep looking she is out there for you."
Shes telling you that it will not work.

I texted back " I enjoyed our time together. A lot. It's unfortunate that we live so far away from each other."
Maybe I’m not much of a Don Juan and am catching one-itis
You are developing feelings for this chick and hoping that what she is telling you about it wont work between you two for more than a romp in bed is not true. However, you must take this chick for her face value in this situation.

You are either going to make the choice to continue down this road, give off the bf vibe and she will drop you on your rear end, or you can start dating other women closer to you and use her for what it really is- an occasional lay.

Beyond that, you are giving up your time of going out and meeting potentially other BETTER women close to you for someone that is telling you it wont work because of distance. How smart does it seem to give up meeting other women and continuing to invest in this one?

If you came to me as your financial advisor and I told you "You probably wont make any money here but I will gladly take your money anytime you want to bring it to me".......would you give me money or run?
 
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