Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single
She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.
You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.
The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.
Help for the emotional roller-coster
- Thread starter lone star
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Physically and emotionally abusive.Nighthawk said:Was your father distant?
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
Mostly yes.Nighthawk said:When you do have relationships, are you the one that usually ends them?
It seems that you are seeking out men like your father, their unsuitability and unattainability mirroring your father's 'bad love' - and when and if you succeed in getting these men, you reject them, symbolically rejecting your own father and achieving pseudo-power in your emotional relationship with him.
Does that sound reasonable?
Silkandsteel
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2006
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- 52
- Reaction score
- 5
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Exactly. It is almost like a hunt. Once you got your prey, it is all over. I think it is a psychological thrill, a power game.Silkandsteel said:The initial chase feels so intense: "I HAVE to win this woman over" - it's like a mission or something...but the closer you get to victory, the more nagging doubts occur...then, once you get this person to feel for you openly and honestly and the battle is won, you feel hollow, somewhat foolish to have worked so hard, and guilty - the battle itself was what you wanted to win, not the woman...
Silkandsteel
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2006
- Messages
- 52
- Reaction score
- 5
All the best Lone Star
chasing after someone who is taken is typically caused by the fear of intimacy.
may sound strange at first, but its actually not.
in a normal relationship the process typically includes an initial stage of judgement (each one of you judging the other).
if you make it through that then comes the process of trust where each of you begin to open up to each other. this stage if rife with people getting their hearts ripped out. its bad getting rejected in the initial phase when you hardly know each other, but to get rejected AFTER you start to open up is much more painful - becuase your authentic self is getting rejected.
but assuming you make it through this phase, then expectations enter the picture. so you're done judging each other, you now trust each other, now can each of you fit in to the future expectations of the other.
this 'normal' process can be TOUGH! at the same time it has pretty big rewards if you make it through it with someone.
now compare that process to chasing after someone who is already taken.
in this scenario the variables are completely different...
- the judgement phase is nowhere near as palpable, as it typically is centered on sexual attraction. so your personality and overall state of your being aren't really being assessed, nor are you assessing the other persons. you're simply enjoying the state of pure sexual attraction. because of this, this phase hardly has any judgement in it at all, in fact the complete opposite, its pure adoration.
- assuming you actually start seeing the attached person in question. the second phase isn't one of building trust, but rather one of meeting each others needs unconditionally. after all, how can you really trust someone who you know is cheating. this stage becomes purely about unconditionally satisfying each others needs and desires.
- assuming that goes on for a while you'll enter the third stage - the ultimatum. after playing lovers and it feeling pretty good, you'll then want to make it for 'real'. this is usually where everything goes to sh*t as you try to turn this 'fantasy'-based relationship into something real. suddenly all the warts and negative elements of the other person become visible.
now some people stay in stage 2 for years. some move to stage 3 and somehow work it out. most however hit stage 3 and it goes to sh*t.
but to your question of why some women chase unavailable men. basically they fear being hurt by a man who is looking for a committed relationship. they don't want to go through the processes required for that. you can also add to that... because they aren't the one cheating, they instantly hold the moral high ground on the person they are screwing, which further protects them from any emotional vulnerability that occurs during the normal courtship process.
any woman chasing after a man who isn't available is doing so because deep down she wants to 'act' out the play of courtship without really being vulnerable and without having to really commit herself to someone. the same thing holds true for men.
any one who truly wanted a mature, kind and caring relationship wouldn't 1) try to steal someone elses man and 2) wouldn't want a man that cheated on his gf / wife.
anyway, just my 2 cents.
Silkandsteel
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2006
- Messages
- 52
- Reaction score
- 5
P.S. (For the males who wonder how to turn on a woman) I love how he makes me feel when he looks at me. I feel feminine, sexy, attractive. I am even looking better since I met him!
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
give me a sec, gotta jet to see if i pee'd my pants.
'i have an emotionally stable relationship but my sex life sucks so now i want to go screw another man'
pay attention boys, chic logic at work.
if your relationship were 'healthy' your sex life wouldnt suck and you wouldn't be looking to cheat. given that its obviously unhealthy, its likely NOT emotionally stable (emotionally dead perhaps, and thats stable in a way, but not healthy).
man i feel sorry for your husband.
haha.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
You have a depressed husband (and you accept that depression is a physical condition). Your belief is that he has an ILLNESS and there is no suggestion that he is intentionally behaving in a way that has damaged your marriage.
You, in a totally self-centered way, have posted here and talked about your intention to have a sexual affair because you have "roller-coaster" emotions.
If he had diabetes (another physical condition) would you be considering having sex with a stranger because you FEEL some kind of warm attraction to some guy who looks at you in a certain way. I think that YOU need to start acting like a married woman and not some ditsy boy-crazy 14 year old.
Heretolearn
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2005
- Messages
- 575
- Reaction score
- 7
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.